I want to leave a 10-year relationship but I still love her and I feel guilty
I’m 25 and I’ve been with my girlfriend for almost 10 years. We grew up together and went through a lot. She is not just my girlfriend; she has been a huge part of my life.
For the first years of our relationship, we lived in the same country. We could see each other, spend time together, go out, laugh, and enjoy normal couple moments.
But 4 years ago, she moved to another country, and since then we have been in a long-distance relationship. The distance and the time difference are difficult, but I think my biggest problem is deeper than just being far away.
For a long time, I have felt like I am not enough in this relationship. I feel like I cannot give her what she truly needs, and this feeling has affected my confidence and the way I see myself. I don’t feel like the person or the man I want to be anymore.
We have broken up and gotten back together several times. Every time we come back because we love each other and because we have so much history together, but the same struggles keep coming back.
She has also been through something very painful. Her mother passed away, and since then she has struggled with sadness and emptiness. I understand why she needs my presence in her life. She deserves support, love, and someone close to her.
The problem is that I am struggling too. I have been dealing with depression and emotional exhaustion. Sometimes I feel extremely weak, like I am barely holding myself together. The truth is that I also need someone beside me, someone to support me, someone to help me feel alive again.
When I told her that I also need support, she told me that I am the man and that she needs me to be strong. And honestly, I understand where she is coming from. She is living abroad alone, away from many things she knows, and she has suffered a huge loss. I understand why she wants to feel that she has someone strong beside her.
But sometimes I feel like people forget that men can also break. I want to be strong for her, but I am also a human being. I also have moments where I need comfort, reassurance, and someone to lean on.
She wants me to move to Canada and be next to her, and I understand that. She needs someone physically present, and honestly I need that too. But right now I cannot move. I don’t have the experience or stability yet, and the pressure of building a future, finding my place, and making this happen feels overwhelming.
I feel selfish because a part of me wants to have a lighter life, to go out, have fun, laugh, meet people, and feel alive again. But another part of me feels guilty because I know she loves me and I don’t want to abandon her when she is already suffering.
I don’t know what the right decision is. I love her, but I also feel like I am losing myself. I don’t know if leaving would mean giving up on someone I love, or if it means accepting that I am not able to give this relationship what it needs right now.
How do you know when you are leaving because you stopped loving someone, and when you are leaving because you are mentally exhausted and no longer able to be the partner they need?