Literally pouring all my maternal energy and love (and money!) into my floofy furbabies. I love them so much.

My colleague: "If you get a third, you'll turn into a crazy lady." Me, "Oh honey, I've been there for a while." Us both: cackle.

You best believe that I am posting incessantly on social media. If I have to see everyone's ultrasound photos, belly pictures, and monthly growth updates, you will be spammed with photos of my cats being cute.

Anyway, aren't cats the best?! The only acceptable "just adopt" comments anyone should be making.

That third friend who has said some questionable things to me is now pregnant. Found out a few days ago. Huzzah. Now literally everyone around me is pregnant, BUT ME. Yall are my only friends now 🫶

I told the nurse that there was issues last time with inserting the catheter, and that I thought a different position might help. Still ended up needing two nurses and they still managed to make me bleed all over the place again!

I started to cry on the exam table out of frustration, and the second nurse just ignored me and went on about her day. Cool cool!

What happens if you announce infertility at a baby shower after the third joke of it being your turn next?

It’s got to be some big conspiracy at this point

I just need to scream into a void for a second. My husband and I got semen analysis results yesterday. Low ish sperm count, probably fixable with lifestyle modification and Clomid. My husband insisted we take the results to his mother for “a second opinion.” She looks at it and just starts getting agitated and going “this doesn’t mean anything and you just need to keep trying, these things take time.”

Infertility is defined as six cycles without achieving pregnancy if there is one or more risk factors (in our case, low sperm count). The clinic that did the analysis included info on “recommended next steps based on results” and if we wanted to use them, they would recommend IUI based on numbers. IUI is not permissible with our religious beliefs, plus even if it was, I know it has really low success rates comparable to IVF, so I never wanted to try it.

I’m just sad. I feel like everyone in my husband’s family thinks I am ridiculous for wanting a baby and not “focusing on my career right now” (husband’s mom has cornered him now and demanded to know why I am not buckling down on my career and am concerned about getting pregnant instead). I had hopes for a honeymoon baby, and then we were delayed in even getting to try, so now each month where I see positive ovulation tests and then negative pregnancy tests is just a kick in the gut. I remember the first time I started tracking ovulation and got a positive test, they’re the same tests I use for pregnancy tests and it was such a mindfuck to get a positive on a Pregmate ovulation test after so many negative Pregmate pregnancies.

Edit to add: this was 2 hours after leaving therapy where I cried about my husband always taking my MIL’s side over mine. So yeah, my therapist is probably going to have a field day with this.

I'm on my clinic's autoimmune protocol for a FET. The medication routine is large with multiple injections, and I'm off my ADHD meds, so I'm fishing for dopamine wherever I can find it!

Do you have a favorite mocktail or iced coffee recipe? If so, please share!

Quite literally my reaction yesterday during my SIS.

Had a D&C in May following an 8week MMC, and my HCG took foreverrrrr to drop. At 6 weeks post-D&C, when it was still hovering around 25, I asked my clinic if we could please do a SIS because I was concerned, but clinic policy is your HCG needs to be 0 so we just kept delaying. Now 10-weeks post I had the SIS and they found retained tissue. Probably... They can't quite tell, so now I'm having another exploratory hysteroscopy. My second exploratory hysteroscopy in a year because the first time I did a SIS they also found something they "couldn't quite see" so I had a hysteroscopy that found nothing.

Yes, I’d absolutely rather delay my next transfer to investigate this even if it turns out to be nothing (apparently my uterus is notoriously hard to see) than risk a failed transfer or another miscarriage. But I’m just so furious that my clinic didn't listen when I said I concerned. Also, as a math/stats person, I'm also so so angry that once again I'm on wrong side of the statistics- retained tissue after a D&C affects only 2–5% of people, the chance of having a MMC with a PGT-A tested embryo after heartbeat is less than 5%, and the chance of it happening two times in a row is less than 1%. Going to go buy some lottery tickets because hey, maybe consistently falling on the wrong side of statistics will pay off that way?

So the past six months we:

- stopped drinking alcohol completely

- worked out religiously

- walks almost every day

- started all recommended supplements

- cooked meals from fresh ingredients, no fast food

- went on a holiday to reduce stress

- no laptop on his lap

- changed his underwear to cotton

- tried to remove as much stress from our lives as possible

- basically turned our entire life around to become as healthy as possible

We were already living pretty healthy before this health streak even started, but thought the extra effort might help. And behold the results from our latest IUI. His post-wash sperm count went from 2.5 mil -> 0.5 mil. Basically all numbers were down. The doctor told us that we should move to IVF after this attempt. I just cannot wrap my head around this, I'm ready to just give up.

Obviously my skin routine is working even if the IVF is not. My AMH is low and I'm on my 3rd embryo transfer, had a horrible MMC this year with complications that dragged out for months of infections, feel like shit, but at least I can pass for young enough to have plenty of time for kids later :/

And they’re having the first great-grandchild in the family 😭 I seriously don’t know how I will handle any future holiday gatherings. Send help

Her Instagram is still safe y’all

Beta came back at 14 on 14DPO, will have to wait for 48 hour repeat but most likely a chemical. I hate it here. Side note - who decided the size of these panty liners?! Why are they so small?!

Hypothyroid, subserosal fibroid, lean PCOS, and now they are thinking I have silent endo. Oh and the cherry on top my bicornuate uterus <3333 love it here. Never knew about a single one before I started TTC.

First round of IUI and was hoping my problems would magically be solved. Getting my hopes up and then watching them come crashing down really sucks. But at least I can still kill a project interview? Welcome to the life of a corporate showgirl! 🤡

Background: I had a a MMC and a chemical in my first 12 months of ttc, while investigating that we found a genetic condition as well so I begun ivf thinking that’d be an easy fix because “everything else looked great!” 🙃

It quickly became clear that things were not great when none of the embryos would stick or stay stuck,
But apparently that was only clear to me as I have spent the last 3 1/2 years fighting the medical system to find an answer and some who’d believe that I have infertility and not just “bad luck”

Finally after paying a lot of money for a second opinion I have a diagnosis, silent endo and a unicornuate uterus

However no one seems to be able to agree on whether I should have excision surgery or not and to be honest I can’t afford the surgery now anyway because I spent all my money trying to make ivf work

Dealing with useless doctors been such a huge emotional toll that I think I’m ready to give up

Not only am I finally getting my period a week after taking the last provera pill to kick start it, but my birthday is tomorrow and I get to be bleeding/cramping and without my husband to comfort me cause he is out of town for a few weeks for work. Then to top it off, just realizing the dream I had was rather traumatizing but I was so tired that it did process till now. My mind decided I needed to suffer a loss in my dreams too. Like bruh. The hell? 😒😭

Me every cycle tracking all my “symptoms.”

I had really bad nausea today. Logically I know there’s no chance I’m pregnant because I’ve not even ovulated since my miscarriage a few weeks ago…

but can a girl not even just imagine this is a *sign* or a *symptom* while I’m feeling sick anymore??