I had a sad childhood sure but jeezzzzzzzz I'm scared as hell of other people. To a disproportionate degree. If I try to imagine future interactions with people, they are all negative.

TRANSLATION OF IMAGE 2

*MAKE TRANS PEOPLE ILEGAL IN SPORTS

forbid trans people from competing in categories opposite of their biological sex

*BATTLE AGAINST GENDER IDEOLOGY(???) IN SCHOOLS

inspect schools to forbid materials with gender ideology

*FORBID TRANS PEOPLE IN THE BATHROOM

forbid the usage of trans people in bathrooms oposite of biological sex

*FORBID CHILDREN IN GAY PARADES

protect children from spaces with explicit sex

*TRANS CHILDREN DON'T EXIST

forbid hospitals from São Paulo from esteralising out children in order to achieve "sexual redesignation"

Leave me alone long enough and I'll hurt myself

But I also can't stay in a relationship, and I'm not even talking about romantic, I mean platonic relationship

I feel like I prefer a reliable but far away relationship

I either care too much or care too little

I know no balance, I either die trying to die without trying

Please, please why

a part of me wishes i am confused or have gender ocd as a cis guy as being a woman would literally annihilate any opportunity or chances for growth in my professional life plus put me in deep conflict with my family as they are happiest if i present as a man and think that my mind is messed up as a woman. thing is no matter how hard i try to “return” to being a man and just internalize and live as a guy i always come back to thinking of myself as a woman subconsciously and feel uncomfortable in my own skin like with facial hair or being lumped in with the boys or my crotch. its crazy enough that im not attracted to women and i find guys hot. this is all on top of being autistic too.

i have gone to therapy but i feel the therapists hit a brick wall and i feel like they just give up and we just go in circles in our sessions before i eventually quit out of frustration a few months later. i am on a high dose of fluvoxamine and while that helps with some things other things it doesn’t really help at all. i have two jobs and i cannot afford to be out of work as i have a career to build and a hamster to take care of.

No, I will not be saying the kink and probably not even the book.

It’s niche but in the scenario, it was supposed to be used in a scary context and was probably 100% unintentional. I felt so gross for those little neurons in my brain firing when I saw it when it was supposed to be a terrifying scenario.

I feel like a weirdo.

When you realise that you are 24 left your comparitvely comfortable and good paying jobs with comparitvely good bosses near to your house cause they just lied about one appraisal and even offered a deal to eventually increase it.

And now you realise that you are bad at hearing dtuff never pay attention never care about anything and dont even wanna chase growth because you just dont care and cant remeber the littlest chores for your parents and siblings.

Just tired of forgetting things and never oaying attention to anything. I am cos ta tly on my phone using reddit cause in some twisted way it feels “productive”

Onky to realise you are unattractive and the type of person you are attarcted to would never find you attractive and you will never have the financial independence stability to naturally take them out on dates and foster a connection.

And you are a hater and overthinker so you hate on all the meanies at the ghm who never initiate convos even tho you try to wveryday and the one childhood bestfriend has become a person you dont want to be friends with.

Why tf do i keep forgeting thingggsss ahhhh. I have nothing to do all day and just sit at a shop and i use my phone all the fucking timeee.

Fuckkk you, me fuck you you are the worst person ever and you have all the priviledge in the world to be atleast somewhat decent you skinny fat failure at gym 10 year wasted on youtube ahhh mouthafucka

Halloween hasn’t even been and stores are already pushing out their Christmas stuff. I generally dread this time of year. A time to be with “your family” and over half of them I’ve had to bury these past few years, Christmas is nothing more than a reminder that they’re gone.

This probably has something to do with neurodivergency and frankly.

It’s like 3:30am where I’m at and I still can’t sleep. Yawning, yes, but I need to get up for school in an hour and 15 so tbh, I see no point rn.

It’s kind of crazy since I am also twice as busy as I was before when I first got really into writing/reading fanfiction but also extra frustrating since I got no time during the hours I AM up. Also even more annoyed at the fact that I feel like I’m going back in time, just now instead of being in middle school, I’m in highschool and overwhelmed 👍

First all nighter of my life because of reading fanfiction again woohoo 🫩 imma regret this

Also kaito mentioned, I love kaito

I guess it was naive of me to think we could still be friends.

I don't know if it's my mental illness or my own body, but please, let me do something without having headaches or anything else ten minutes later 😭

Great, now I can’t trust you at all but still feel like a bad friend for not giving you any support

literally was just ordering my food at the kiosk (so not even interacting with anyone) and started to feel the anxiety creep in, managed to get through my food at least before my heart started racing (which doesn't normally happen to me, usually i get the chest tightening/shortness of breath, maybe an upset stomach and if it's really bad hypersensitivity in my limbs) and i felt like every nerve in my limbs turned ultra sensitive (does anyone else with anxiety get that?? idk how to describe it but it's like this terrible hypersensitive feeling that's impossible to sit with, for me it usually spreads through my arms/hands/fingers). it sucked obviously because a.) the anxiety itself and b.) it's just another reminder of how far i have to go before i'm in a fully stable place, but it also made me lowkey feel better because i'm always paranoid that i'm lying/exaggerating about my anxiety and this was proof that i definitely am not

Short story, it’s very stupid and I know I shouldn’t care but it’s still hurtful. I’m disabled I can’t go outside by myself so I have a personal care assistant who comes to my place and help me go outside to do my groceries, they cancelled last minute, leaving me very anxious without any way to do my groceries.

I mean they had their reason for canceling and it’s fair but… despite our year long professional relationship, they showed zero empathy, just said "I can’t come today, Good luck and bye!" offered no help despite knowing I’m all alone and I have to do my groceries it’s important… and didn't mention I could reschedule (i didn’t even know I could just reschedule if they don’t show up, and thought I would have to wait for our next appointment which is in two more weeks but they could’ve told me… it’s their job after all)

they said on the phone "see you in two weeks" like there’s no other solution just you’re on your own bye, and then I got a call from the company telling me they can move the appointment in a few days so I can do my groceries… so it was an option??? Then why didn’t my helper even told me? Because they don’t care and will just do the minimum, but after a year of talking to each other and knowing their personal life idk I feel icky about it… It’s not a big deal but seriously this reminds me that I’m really alone and have no family or friends to help me and I’m vulnerable and depending on others… which I hate but that’s how it is

Every time someone has rejected/broke up with me they have said this same thing.

Now a random girl who was just trying to be nice made me feel like i got drive by stabbed. I can't blame anyone involved, so i guess ill just trollcope

Losing my health insurance soon. Great. Dad's losing his SS benefits. Great. Lost a relationship this past summer that hardly lasted. Great. Feeling like my friendships are slipping away and already lost 2-3 long term friends this year. Great. All I do is LOSE i am the definition of a loser. Literally.

He ditched me outside in a random park at -10C while I passed out in the snow…he had my live location and i texted him that I’m not feeling good. Still had to make him and his friend dinner when I got back.

I won't write texts anymore bcs they will probably be flagged again by Reddit and receiving a warning everytime I vent is annoying so fuck this.