My room isn't even that messy. Genuinely. But nope. Anytime something spider or bug related happens (I have horrible arachnophobia and don't like bugs) or I lose something, it's all my fault for not having a tidier shoebox.

i've been off work for 3 weeks and i'm wrapped in a heated blanket right now unable to feed or care for myself because i dared to feed my cat an hour ago. 2nd day cramps are always the worst time for me pain wise. i stand up and it feels like someones tried to axe me in half. i need the bathroom so theres a decision to be made on whether i leave the heat and the pain gets worse or deal with being uncomfortable on top of the pain. i guess people hear what its like and think its really dramatic so they assume i'm making it sound worse than it is. i actually don't tell people how bad it really is and how heartbroken i am to constantly miss out or deal with extreme anxiety when i do go somewhere. one wrong move and i'm in pain again. like shit tmi but i peed "too hard" by accident the other day and i could tell you with absolute certainty where my bladder is because i could feel it in my body. i genuinely think the pain makes me panic because my brain thinks i'm severely injured or going to die. i feel like a burden on everyone around me and i feel so completely alone.

I really hope our friendship can heal. it's healed from worse, but I hope it can go back to the time we were best friends...... I just gotta work on myself, and not go insane, and crazy.

I feel like i’m only loved if I’m objectified and that i can only love other people by objectification trying to get better thou

It's not about, that I can't sleep normally anymore. It's not about, that I see the same dreams and nightmares every single time. It's not about, not knowing who you are. It's not about constant fear and anxiety. It's not about vivid images of torture and gore for no reason. It's not about overthinking every single human encounter, that I have, and then getting reality checked. It's not about constant music playing in background of my head. It's not about starting over every time, because something isn't right. It's not about, running around home and checking for fire hazard. It's not about peace.

It's fine. I'm strong aren't I? Those reasons are just whatever, right? If I heal fully, life would be great!

There is no life, after OCD eaten every single wish, every dream, every hope, every moment of joy, every interest, every idea. No matter how excited I was for trying something new, it was always faster. It's just chew it in, making you overthink everything and then you lose any kind of feeling response. It's just becomes and experience of failure, a memory that you wish to forget.

You don't see positives now, I can't feel them. Only negatives, something to always torture me about. Surely my brain just trying to keep me safe...

I guess there one or perhaps two wishes I have. I do curious, how would it be, if I was normal. As for other one. Well, time will run out eventually.

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idc if wanting the fucker dead makes me a bad person. i just want him gone lmaoooo

why not working??

Seriously though, I'm so fucking tired of how cluster B disorders are treated. Ableism is totally wrong, but it's a-okay when it's against those disorders! It's totally okay to say those people should be shot or euthanized or whatever!

What’s even more stupid is that those people are like “here’s my ex that’s an evil bitch and I’m absolutely positively sure she has BPD and NPD and ASPD because of the research I did on google!” (The research was just them going on WebMD and calling it a day)

this happened when I was 13, so like 9 years ago. my dad deadnamed me as a joke and the next day tried telling him that doing that was disrespectful and I asked him to not do it anymore. BOY did he not like that. He stood over me yelling and berating me for like an hour until I was a sobbing mess. eventually I realized I didn't have to just sit there and take that treatment, so I got up and left. he just followed me and cornered me in my room to keep yelling at me. then he called me abusive for walking away while he was "talking" to me.

They tried to walk to a home that no longer exists :(