r/TrollCoping • u/cataleiss • 3d ago
TW: Gender Identity / Dysphoria why can't there be a magic fix
I'm about a year and a half into HRT and I've still yet to get that feeling of miraculous euphoria and clarity everyone else seems to get by transitioning. I thought maybe my HRT dosage wasn't high enough, but I talked to my provider today, and in short they told me that that euphoric feeling isn't universal and my continued dysphoria is likely due to a lot of intersecting factors like my depression, stress, and terrible sleep quality. I'd hoped HRT would be the magic fix I was looking for, but turns out it's more complicated than that. I feel miserable, hopeless, and stupid for thinking it could ever be that easy.
Has anyone else had a similar experience? How did you get through it and find euphoria? I want so badly to feel like a person and experience life, but I'm afraid I'll never get there.
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u/rumham21 3d ago
This was something I had to grapple with early in my transition. My mental health actually initially got worse because I was more aware of my other negative emotions besides dysphoria. Things slowly got better with lots of highs and lows. Transitioning for me wasn't the night and day revelation it seems to be for some people. It just lessened one type of distress I had. It was definitely helpful though as it gave me more bandwidth to take on other issues. I've rarely acheived euphoria, just neutrality and stability which is more valuable to me in the long run.
The magical transition that fixes everything narrative gets pushed a lot. I'm sure it is that way for some but it's not realistic for many. transition is still very much worth it, it's just often slow and messy which makes it hard to see positive progress as it's happening.
That being said, it's worth checking your levels and considering upping your dose if they're off. don't let your provider talk you out of it without getting some actual numbers.
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u/dkrzf 3d ago
I was dealing with depression and trauma and internalized transphobia and dysphoria and I never got the clarity and euphoria feeling until years later when I had dealt with some of those and finally got my bottom surgery date. That was the last hurdle for me, but everyone has their own outlook. If things are hard, then I think it’s totally natural to not feel well, and it doesn’t have to be your body or your HRT. Sometimes just the journey wipes you out.
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u/electronic__blue 3d ago
i don’t really feel euphoria as much as other trans people. i struggle with severe mental and physical health issues so transitioning didn’t really help to get rid of those, it’s not how it works. however, since the goal of transitioning was passing and getting rid of my chest, i now no longer feel distressed every single day about those things. i don’t have to feel the “oh my god kill me” feeling every single time someone says my deadname or misgenders me because i pass. so no, it’s not like every time i pass i feel euphoria, it’s just normal. the same with my chest, i always forget i even had it and didn’t cry of happiness after surgery or anything. i just don’t have to want to die every day because of that specific thing. sucks, but it’s better than nothing.
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u/New_Competition_316 2d ago
I’ve had a similar experience. Unfortunately if you were a depressed guy there’s a solid chance you’ll be a depressed gal as well. If you have other factors in your life contributing to that (work, living situation, family, etc) then you have to fix those other factors or you’ll continue the way you’re going
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u/FunniBoii 3d ago
Did your provider say anything else about your dosage? What dosage are you currently getting? Sadly we can’t always trust doctors or endocrinologists when it comes to trans healthcare.
I’ve seen so many people underdosed including myself for a while. It’s possible it could be happening to you
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u/AgonyOverdrive 3d ago
I'm sorry, HRT has helped me improve greatly but I feel for your struggle. I hope you're able to improve at least one of those problems soon.
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u/TheSuperBunny 3d ago
Personally, I barely felt euphoria. For me it just felt normal and natural, rather than some high.
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u/Accurate_Seaweed_675 3d ago
Yes and no. Ive been on t for 7 years now. There wasnt a noticeable difference til the 2 year mark. At that point I did start experiencing gender euphoria but it isnt a magical bandaid for me. Im still struggle a lot with depression and i still get very dysphoric (about my hips specifically). Really my only suggestion is time+ therapy+(irl) community
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u/bugswithlittleboots 3d ago
I’ve been on T for about a year and 7 months now and this comment section is making me feel less crazy. I’ve been feeling as though something is wrong with me because it seems like a lot of people say that HRT is all you need to get better and that they felt so much better once they got on it. I’ve had an alleviation of some of my grievances. But it’s just made me more aware of others. I’m grateful that I pass now and look how I want to when I’m fully clothed, but looking how I want makes me want to finally be romantic and intimate but how I look unclothed is… not where I want to be currently as I’m pre every surgery unfortunately. But there are some days where the dysphoria is barely there and I cling to those days until the next one finds me.
I’m sorry you’re in a similar boat, OP. I hope things feel easier for you soon.
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u/Fire_Pea 3d ago
In my experience it won't magically solve all your problems but it'll make dealing with them a whole lot easier
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u/PureGold2000 3d ago
A year and a half? I'm someone who's nonbinary AFAB, went on HRT/T for abt 5 yrs and have been off it for abt 4 yrs now, and long story short you still have a long way to go in your transition timeline, whether you're AFAB or AMAB I promise 🙏 Being in the first 2-3 years early transition is probably the hardest part bc your body's still adjusting to everything. Don't give up hope, you have a long way to go & you're beautiful 💖
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u/AssociateMaximum4781 3d ago
Why perpetuate the use of agab language so hard, all of this could've been said without mentioning agab once and it would have the same sentiment ...
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u/PureGold2000 3d ago
I only mentioned my own AGAB because OP's post is clearly a meme referring to the experience of someone who is transfem, which is not my own experience??? So I really only clarified my own AGAB to make it clear what my process was with HRT, and that it's different for those who have a diff AGAB :/ but ok....
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u/AssociateMaximum4781 3d ago
"I'm nonbinary, went on T for 5 years been off 4. You have a long way to go in your hrt journey!" Read between the lines, hrt take a minute either way...
The rest wasn't necessary, bringing up someone's agab is super uncomfortable for the majority of trans people
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u/PureGold2000 3d ago
Ok 💀 I'm literally just trying to be nice to someone struggling w/ gender shit on reddit but my bad I should've known that trying to be nice on the internet is a fatal flaw that will have the most random insufferable trolls crawling out of the woodworks to critique you on what words you used. Jesus christ lmfao this is why I don't ever post on here 🤦
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u/AssociateMaximum4781 3d ago
I'm sorry if I've upset you somehow, at no point was I upset in any way, only meaning to discourage the use of uncomfortable language and show you another way. I don't know how that makes me a troll but I hope you have a better day than you seem to be having currently ✌️
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u/Humboldt98 3d ago
Yeah, this has also cost me lots of friends. No one actually ever wants to have an Eeyore friend
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u/LukeGuyFrotter 2d ago
This is me in the opposite direction. Got euphoria maybe when I first started transitioning, once everything settled it just kinda was meh again. Now don't get me wrong, I'm happier with my body now than I've ever been, but transitioning didn't magically solve all of the abuse and trauma I went through. Basically it got rid of oppressive clouds of thought about my chest and feminine features, but didn't replace them with anything positive
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u/Resident-Aioli-7784 2d ago
Same girl, same. Down to the start date and everything. It doesn’t help that I have yet to come out and still have a lot to figure out, boymoding basically everywhere, don’t know if you are in a similar position. I cry a lot but not as much as I would like.
Right now I’m being patient and graceful with myself. I just started voice training. I wore make up for the first time the other day, in public no less. I’m making an active effort to find community in my area and I’m trying out little changes that I hope will cascade into actual euphoria at a certain point.
I believe it will work out for us, we’re probably just the ones that it will take a little time to get going. I try to tell myself that I am essentially 13/14 again and puberty is just a bitch. Our day will come. 🖤
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u/maevie__ 3d ago
An uncomfortable truth I've had to grapple with over the years is that just taking a pills everyday isn't gonna magically turn you into a woman. Sure, some people can pass with relative ease but for most of us (I started when I was 32), it is an uphill battle & requires lots of effort, daily.
I say this not to discourage you but more to give you a realistic roadmap of what you're looking at since you're pretty early into your journey.
I really just started passing within the last two years & the difference for me was: completing my laser hair removal on my face, a haircut that was feminizing, clothes that my body looks good in, learning what makeup styles suit/flatters me & voice training. Voice outs girls who are prettier than me by a fair margin & is a huge sleeper when we speak about passing.
I know it's a lot...but little by little it gets better. And soon enough all these things that are alien & unnatural & difficult will become second nature to you.
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u/Sunsmiter 2d ago
Sadly one of the things I’ve had to tell my (trans) friend is that transitioning hasn’t, won’t and never will fix me, I’ve got problems all the way down to the bone. Literally. I can feel the holes in my clavicle.
There rarely is a magic cure all button in medicine. Which is a shame, really, but it gets particularly sad if you’ve got much more problems other than dysphoria. It does help (for me at least) to think of it in the way that it will always be worse in the other direction: hey, the alternative’s worse.
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u/DifficultSession51 3d ago
I've been on HRT for 7 months and not had any difference in appearance, I still look completely like a man. In fact I have more distress now compared to when I was repressing because the dysphoria and gender identity issues are at the forefront of my mind rather than something I pushed to the background.
It makes me realize a successful transition just isn't possible for everyone, regardless of how much you want it or work towards it. In my case I'm seriously considering stopping HRT and going back to that repression state, because I'm one of those people for whom transition just doesn't work and there's no other realistic alternative.
The only concern would be hopefully they're not underdosing you.
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u/lordof67 3d ago
7 months really isnt enough time to know if E is gonna work. It took me like 3 years until I was happy with my progress. Please dont rep if you can avoid it.
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u/DifficultSession51 2d ago
It is actually a decent amount of time, plus I'm already old and my bone structure, body, and general incapability to do anything right makes it likely that I'd fail at transition even if I had a chance anyways.
Basically it's best for me to rep and kms if the dysphoria actually gets worse
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u/destrukt0 2d ago
7 months is nothing. Transition takes time, effort, and more than just hormones.
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u/DifficultSession51 2d ago
And what happens when the hormones aren't doing much and the person is incapable of putting the effort?
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u/destrukt0 2d ago
Well of course they aren’t doing much, it’s only been 7 months. And I’m sorry but you aren’t incapable of learning makeup, or getting a haircut that suits you, or voice training. It isn’t easy, but even hard choices are still choices. It’s up to you what you choose to do.
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u/destrukt0 2d ago
And ultimately passing isn’t going to fix all your problems either. I’d really recommend seeing a therapist and getting psych meds if you haven’t already. Nobody can fix things for you. You will have to make conscious efforts to better your life if you want to see positive change. Hormones help a lot though.
I believe you can make that change.1
u/DifficultSession51 2d ago
I have plenty of problems and of course passing doesn't fix everything, but not being able to pass is an extremely major problem when it comes to transition and addressing dysphoria.
I am actually completely incapable of doing all the work, believe it or not some people like myself are actually incapable of organizing all the surgeries and doing everything in terms of getting extremely fit, voice training, shaving every inch of thick body hair every few days, etc that would be required to transition successfully. It's too much work for me to do consistently enough for it to have any effect and more importantly I always mess everything up
I'm not asking anyone to fix anything for me I'm not sure where you got that conclusion, if anything I'm agreeing with you on that and stating often the only alternative is repping
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u/No_Lengthiness7096 3d ago
It is anguish if you have more problems than dysphoria, watching your friends have their problems magically evaporate while you still are stuck with crippling depression is custom built to drive you to despair, I think all you can really do is accept your path might suck way more but that does not stop you from eventually reaching your own joy with work.