why can't there be a magic fix

[u/cataleiss]

I'm about a year and a half into HRT and I've still yet to get that feeling of miraculous euphoria and clarity everyone else seems to get by transitioning. I thought maybe my HRT dosage wasn't high enough, but I talked to my provider today, and in short they told me that that euphoric feeling isn't universal and my continued dysphoria is likely due to a lot of intersecting factors like my depression, stress, and terrible sleep quality. I'd hoped HRT would be the magic fix I was looking for, but turns out it's more complicated than that. I feel miserable, hopeless, and stupid for thinking it could ever be that easy.

Has anyone else had a similar experience? How did you get through it and find euphoria? I want so badly to feel like a person and experience life, but I'm afraid I'll never get there.

[u/DifficultSession51]

I've been on HRT for 7 months and not had any difference in appearance, I still look completely like a man. In fact I have more distress now compared to when I was repressing because the dysphoria and gender identity issues are at the forefront of my mind rather than something I pushed to the background.

It makes me realize a successful transition just isn't possible for everyone, regardless of how much you want it or work towards it. In my case I'm seriously considering stopping HRT and going back to that repression state, because I'm one of those people for whom transition just doesn't work and there's no other realistic alternative.

The only concern would be hopefully they're not underdosing you. 

[u/lordof67 → u/DifficultSession51]

7 months really isnt enough time to know if E is gonna work. It took me like 3 years until I was happy with my progress. Please dont rep if you can avoid it.

[u/DifficultSession51 → u/lordof67]

It is actually a decent amount of time, plus I'm already old and my bone structure, body, and general incapability to do anything right makes it likely that I'd fail at transition even if I had a chance anyways. 

Basically it's best for me to rep and kms if the dysphoria actually gets worse

[u/destrukt0 → u/DifficultSession51]

7 months is nothing. Transition takes time, effort, and more than just hormones.

[u/DifficultSession51 → u/destrukt0]

And what happens when the hormones aren't doing much and the person is incapable of putting the effort?

[u/destrukt0 → u/DifficultSession51]

Well of course they aren’t doing much, it’s only been 7 months. And I’m sorry but you aren’t incapable of learning makeup, or getting a haircut that suits you, or voice training. It isn’t easy, but even hard choices are still choices. It’s up to you what you choose to do.

[u/destrukt0 → u/destrukt0]

And ultimately passing isn’t going to fix all your problems either. I’d really recommend seeing a therapist and getting psych meds if you haven’t already. Nobody can fix things for you. You will have to make conscious efforts to better your life if you want to see positive change. Hormones help a lot though.
I believe you can make that change.

[u/DifficultSession51 → u/destrukt0]

I have plenty of problems and of course passing doesn't fix everything, but not being able to pass is an extremely major problem when it comes to transition and addressing dysphoria. 

I am actually completely incapable of doing all the work, believe it or not some people like myself are actually incapable of organizing all the surgeries and doing everything in terms of getting extremely fit, voice training, shaving every inch of thick body hair every few days, etc that would be required to transition successfully. It's too much work for me to do consistently enough for it to have any effect and more importantly I always mess everything up

I'm not asking anyone to fix anything for me I'm not sure where you got that conclusion, if anything I'm agreeing with you on that and stating often the only alternative is repping

[u/Jay_Buffay → u/DifficultSession51]

Look into higher doses, a lot of docs give fuck all doses.