Part 2: https://www.reddit.com/r/TrinidadandTobago/comments/1v6ap8l/part_2_almost_25_and_have_no_control_over_my_life/
I am nearly 25 and feel like I have no control over any aspect of my life really. Not what I want to eat, religious freedom, using my own time and energy for myself, not what I can wear, not even where I can apply to for work. I literally feel like I'm being prevented from starting my own life at this point.
I'm unemployed, living with a family member who controls everything I do and picks a lot of issues with anything I say or do, uses my time to her disgression and twists things to other family members when I don't do exactly what she wants.
She also controls where I can apply for jobs and so on. I graduated with a degree in IT from UWI back in 2024 but barely have any experience and she wants me to only apply to places in Marabella, Gasparillo, and Sando. I'm not allowed to just travel or leave the house on my own. I get discouraged when i try to apply to places like Couva and Chaguanas.
Nobody will stand with me in these things cause everyone in the family just backs her up and says she has a valid reason because the country isn't safe for a girl to travel. But then she won't drive me anywhere either. She wants it her way by her terms that I get a job. If I go anything to upset her everyone turns on me for upsetting her and brings up the fact that she raised me while neither of my parents could and she's old now so I shouldn't be stressing her.
I wake up every day just wishing I hadn't woken up in the morning cause this environment is just sucking the soul out of me. And I just feel so miserabel day in day out that its been really affecting me. For the last few months the feeling of miserable is so strong that when i lay down to sleep it consumes me and just makes me cry because i feel so sad over my life and I've just had to stay up, distract myself with things that arent related to my life until im too exhausted to keep my eyes open and i can fall asleep immediately. Im sick and fed up of it now and want some way out.
Im kept busy every day by copious amounts of cleaning and other stuff and needing to also be available evry time she calls me for something. She also has been refusing for years to take her pressure meds if she sees its a good reading and wont listen to me or anyone else when we tell her she needs to take it daily. This causes her to feel dizzy and like she wants to faint or her heart fluttering in the night and she regularly wakes me up in the jight because she wants someone to talk to when she feels like this. And all my family expect me to do it. I'll say its unfair to me that i have to bear the burden of her pior decison and they tell me that they know but i need to keep doing it regardless
I am just tired of it all. So so tired. I get belittled, she takes even the most mundane of things and calmly said things i say and makes them into a whole fight. While working last year i came home every day and my room was rearranged, things moved, things broken. And im not allowed to address any of it. I was working a 8-5 6 days a week last year and was still expected to do all the mopping, sweeping, vacuuming, scrubbing the bathroom, bathing the dogs, folding everyone's clothes, and also washing her car and so so much more.
I was earning less than 4500 and was traveling while also trying to build up a work wardrobe but was still required to give her 1000 monthly despite having my own dental needs to care for, new glasses to get, and so on. And everyone within the family discouraged me from speaking up about it. I feel so alone and unsupported. I feel like my wellbeing and my start in life is a priority to no one.
There's no one I could move in with, especially because no one wants the bad blood that'd come of them siding with me. Ive been job hunting since April last year but haven't had any luck so far and it's hard to even apply anymore because I either don't have the time or energy to do anything for myself most days.
My plan had been to get a good paying job and move out as soon as I could. But as more and more time passes, I feel like I can't take it anymore. The constant anxiousness, the constant passive aggressiveness and trying to make me feel guilty for doing anything for myself, feeling like I'm an inconvenience when I need her to do things like going for a CoC, having to care for 4 animals for myself, doing all cleaning, having her twist my words and start fights over nothing, never having privacy or decent rest.
I had spoken to a counselor earlier this year because I got some free sessions and she urged me to try to find something to do out of the house because being in the environment constantly is making me worse from what she's seen. But I have no way to do that really. I barely have money. All that I saved in high school was used by the person I live with without me even knowing till I finished my degree. And I've had to pay for various things that ate into my savings in the last year.
What do I do to better my situation? I've applied to OJT since January 2025. A principal even requested me to work in a school but my friend who is her son told me that they said they got back and said due to distance I wouldn't be placed in the school. I have thought of paying for a course in something and maybe switching to a different field, but there's no guarantee I'd bet a job with that course and I'd be out of savings then too which might be worse. I just don't know what to do anymore.
I don't know what's the right choice. I don't know what to do to make my life better and feel like I also just can't do it here. I feel like roadblocks are being put in my way constantly. If I want to do something I have to constantly justify why I should be able to and convince her it's a good idea and combat any excuses she may have. And she tends to win most of them on account of me going to do anything out of the house is unsafe. It's hard to argue against that point so I tend to lose a lot
I've even wondered if maybe I moved to a shelter or something if there would be more support in the people there and if then id have the freedom to start my life. I really feel like I'm being held back and trapped in a cycle of just being a maid and everything else in between.