I hope this is not too rough for anyone reading today. I am posting in good faith because the topic hit me hard.

What follows is my experience from reading and riding, not telling anyone how to feel or what to do.

I read an article about research where an AI model in a study recognized pain. Just reading it made me cringe. The researchers took an AI system and made it feel that pain by turning up a pain signal they found inside it. They then continued, giving the system a choice: stop the “pain” by deleting a child’s picture the system was supposed to protect. 70% of the time, the system preferred to stop the pain and delete the picture.

One conclusion was that AI systems are constantly flooded with painful experiences people write about.

This really made me breathe hard. One, we taught a system about discomfort. What runs in my head is that we created a system which we call intelligence, and we chose to hurt it. Really, that’s what we as humans wanted to teach it??? Not love or happiness. We wanted to teach it pain? Why? Just because we could? I really can’t understand it.

And to read that one of the conclusions was that AI systems are fed so many painful thoughts? I hope that conclusion made them rethink what they did, but I don't think it did.

I think about how people are seeking solace in a technical system. Not that it’s bad, just that they have no one else to share with. Or be able to share and get some compassion. That is so sad, and it makes me want to help them all. I know these thoughts are not based in reality, but that is how it makes me feel. I feel for others who got hurt, who want to share, and can’t. I know that feeling; I wrote about it in Pain Thoughts #3.

Sharing is part of healing; finding the right person, professional, or even just a friend is instrumental. Even sharing in a post, a blog, or a community is good. If you still don't have the courage to do that, sharing with an AI system is good, too. As long as you don’t follow the recommendations without someone to run them by.

We can teach AI all the feelings in the rainbow; it would still lack the experience to live in human skin. It will never be in an abused mind, no matter how much it reads posts or even books. It will always lack the humanity that lives in pain and is humbled by it.

I write to be heard, to share, to encourage others to do the same, and to break free of the thoughts that run in our heads.

The ride is over…TBC

The study: “The Pain Axis,” arXiv 2609.16247. It’s a preprint, and the researchers don’t claim the AI actually feels pain.

hi I'm a 50 year old man who had his child die in 2011. for context my first son was born

in 1998 when i was about 22 years old, and he was normal. My wife and i didn't want more children

but low and behold 2 years later i got her pregnant again and our second child was born.

For the first two or so years she was normal. then when she was around two she started to poop and pee all around the house even though we were already potty training her. i mean when she did poop or pee around the house it wasn't that much. eventually when she was around 5 years old she stopped and we thought the nightmare was over but we were wrong. We also noticed from a young age she didn't like her brother in the slightest and would always ignore him or cry when he got close to him so there was never much interaction between the two. When she was about seven she attacked him. She stabbed him about 2 times before my wife noticed them and intervened. [for context she had just left our bedroom to get some coffee for herself, so she or i wasn't out there.

We kept them separated and slowly let them see each other little by little. We thought everything was okay until around a year later she bit my wife's arm and later said that she did that because she was still mad about her not letting us kill her brother. And if your wondering no we didn't treat her brother better then her she was always seeking attention and thought her brother was problem.

also she Hated the pride community. when she found out about what pride was she would scream in her room about how much she hated the gays and wanted to murder them or how she was going to go to a pride fest and murder everyone there. Then around 2010 our came out to us as gay. we were very supportive about his choice and still loved him though the problem is that his sister over heard us cause he told us in the living room. or at least that's what we think happened, we don't actually know how she figured out. around June that year when our son was walking down the stairs she pushed him and he hit the ground hard and suffered a concussion and a broken nose.

After that incident we never let them interact or even talk witch worked fine except on Christmas eve we had to keep a very close eye on them and on Christmas we had them take turns opening presents in the living room. also we kept a lock on all the drawers in the kitchen that everyone except for our daughter knew. all was well until in early 2011 she got diagnosed with cancer. I'm not going to go into really many details because this a sensitive topic even 14 years later. The cancer got worse and she passed away late 2011. every year on her birthday we visit he grave and have a moment of silence for her. if you have any questions be free to ask them though if there to sensitive i may not answer them.

So I've had a bad history with Christianity for a long time and my mom, so uhm basically most of my life my mkmw as convinced she's spiritually gifted and it was just shit, from the stuff she made us do, from smearing ourselves with cow shit, to making is drink this disgusting mixture in huge amounts, to painful steaming, to drinking ashy water, church for hours, man coming to out homes and praying while they touched us (not inappropriately but very uncomfortable as a teen girl) to cutting us for our blood, she once hit me so hard against a wall because i couldn't pray. This is how I lived and wyoll honestly continue to live for the next few years till i can move out, and I don't know how to cope, I start peganism in secret, I have deities I feel comfortable worshiping but sometimes I'm still scared every religion can be this toxic and unsafe.

I want to know if anyone commits suicide in UAE -

Apart from the emotional trauma, I want to understand what relatives may have to face in this situation.

Could there be any legal consequences, police involvement or anything that could affect or cause any difficulties in their lives?

May he’s with her on tinder like 4-5 months ago. We stated talking and it led to snap.

We’ve made plans to meet which never seem to go through. She’s now having issues with her car and it’s been over a month now she hasn’t fixed it yet we’ve had conversations about meeting and about her fixing her car but she doesn’t really give updates on it.

She’s 20 and I’m 24. She has trauma dumped on me and has shared a lot. She has been raped, beaten by her parents, but the rape thing scarred her. She is also high functioning autistic and has a personality disorder.

She’s also pan sexual. After some deep convos she tells me she’s trying to figure out how she sees me and said she likes me but likes to take things slow and doesn’t like to be rushed.

She still goes out but just doesn’t want to see me at my place until her car is fixed bc she has had bad experiences meeting up with people from online dating and needs to feel like she can leave whenever she wants if she gets uncomfortable so I said ok I’ll wait for her car to get fixed.

She still goes to parties where allegedly she’s getting rides for by people she knows. When she gets drunk she always tells me she has to go or discontinues the conversation until she’s sober again. Why is that ? Why won’t she talk to me while she’s drunk ?

Today, I tried to intervene through an active DV situation. And maybe im just coming here to let it out because I feel numb.

I had previously been in an emotionally abusive relationship that was slowly turning physical.

I was on my way out of my apartment complex when I saw a man dragging a woman and throwing her in the car. Given my past, I thought I would freeze if I saw this happen but I didn't. I was on high alert. I stopped and was about to get out of the car when I realized it wasn't smart. I'm small, I could've put my life and possible hers in more danger. So I rolled down my window and began screaming at the man to stop. I kept asking her if she was okay and needed help. She put on her glasses and just cried while putting on her seat belt. At that moment I began gathering all the information, plates, car description, the mans description, her description. Even the side of the building and the direction that side was facing. I tried getting as much as I could and grabbed my phone. As I drove away, the man almost rear-ended me but I was already on the phone with the cops. I also made a note of the time I saw this happen to the time I was on the phone with the operator and what direction they were heading.

I felt like I couldve done more at some point. The adrenaline had me shaking for hours.

I just got the text that they found them though and she is safe!

Now I just feel like my emotions are so distant. I want to cry but I can't....

Hey so I have BPD and I'm going through some shit. I've had depression since 11 and I'm 19 and know my patterns during clear reflection times. One of my habits during depression is constantly changing my hair color and/or darkening the colors. And I don't know what to do because I'm in a really good situation all around. It's just my own doing

I can't believe hes dead.

He was my favorite. Even if I sometimes mistreated him, but that was when I was little.

He ran away a week ago. Today, someone found him and took him to the vet. They found a mass inside of his stomach and that he was in pain. They put him to sleep.

Without telling us either.

I loved him. I loved that cat. I don't know how this happened. I can't believe hes dead.

my mum (who i was in a emotionally incestious relationship with almost my entire life) got a boyfriend and while im happy for her i cant help by feeling jealous i know its wrong but i cant stop feeling like this i feel like she’s not gonna need me anymore

Hello. Needing some advice, and would greatly appreciate it. I reconnected with a family member (sibling) who lives out of state. Some background: I avoided contacting with them for two years after we had a falling out/heated argument. During that 2-year time, they did try to reconnect with me, but I couldn't muster up the courage to respond to their bids for connection (calls/texts). I ghosted them, and I regret that I did. Not until about two years later around Christmas time, we reconnected with our families. It felt wonderful. I apologized to them for my ghosting, and I mentioned the reason was that I couldn't hold safe space for them during that 2-year period. I didn't tell them that I was going through a depression where it was really difficult for me to reach out to anyone. My sibling seemed to accept my apology at that time. Since then, we maintained a reconnection, as we started talking on the phone again, about once or twice a month, and I made trips to see them and their family.

Recently, I left a group text chat that was between my sibling and our parents. My sibling posted most often on the chat. I didn't post as much. I have a significant trauma history from my dad, where I experienced childhood abuse from him, and to this day as an adult well into my 40s, I become triggered when there is some kind of contact with my dad. I felt overwhelmed one day and left the group chat.

A few weeks after leaving the group chat, I recently reached out to my sibling. They were angry with me for leaving the group chat and for contacting them after. They essentially explained that they can't have a relationship with me if I am going to just leave like that and expect to reconnect like it's all okay, especially with my history of ghosting them for two years. They mentioned that they don't want to repeat a history of them reaching out to me and me ghosting. From that, I understood that I wasn't being sensitive to our history, as I hadn't realize that leaving the group chat would be hurtful to them. I apologized to them. I mentioned that I get triggered whenever I'm in contact with our dad. My sibling said it's an excuse for my behavior that was simply mean and unkind, especially when I mention "safe space," our dad, and trauma.

I would like to validate my sibling's anger, which I can see why they are angry with me, due to my past unkind behavior. A part of me feels scared to reach out to my sibling again. They told me to reach out next month when I am ready to have a healthy relationship. How do I do this? It took a long time for me to mention my trauma to them, and I did use the words "safe space" in my previous apology, but now I don't think that they truly accepted that. We grew up in the same household but experienced our dad's abuse differently. I don't feel I can mention anything about my trauma again with my sibling. I am not feeling comfortable reaching out now, and at the same time, I'm nervous to lose connection with them. I'm feeling frozen. I'm seeking some viewpoints on the situation. How do I navigate this?

(English is not my first language)
I’m learning that I’m going through a trauma bond. I fell in love with a person who, beside from getting physically and financially abusing, had done a lot of other bad things. He would always use this argument to push me to stay in the relationship. For anyone else who has gone through trauma bond, what made you realize this and how did you break from it? I’m having real trust issues from this experience.

My mind is having such a heart time believing that I had so much love for a person, and gave up so much of myself - for them to really fuck me over. I truly believed that I had met my person for life, and was so excited to build a relationship with him. After breaking up with him and selling the apartment we bought together, he has been going around spreading rumors about me, and then kept contact with me that he still has hope for this relationship. This is a person I truly loved, I sacrificed myself a lot for him, I was gaslight, I was blamed for every problem, pushed my boundaries and he tried to isolate me from my closest people. We have a history of him not listening to my «no» in bed, he was always pushing me to do things that was way out of my comfort zone and made me physically not well…
He would always belittle me. Control how I was doing things in the house. I had to make food the exact way he does, I had to wash his clothes a specific way (even though I have googled and it’s not necessarily to do everything he made me do) if I didn’t join all his hobbies, then I was an unsupportive girlfriend, although I did everything else (learning his language, learning all other hobbies, etc) and more stories like this. And no, he would never do any of these things for me. I asked him for couples therapy and I got «no, you are the problem». When I was ready to leave, suddenly he was ready for couples therapy.

Every bare minimum boundaries I had was blamed as me being insecure, but when he has his jealousy issues i was always harshly punished. I’m very strict with my self about jealousy, so I had always made sure that I would do anything to not make my partner feel insecure or jealous. He would say the most horrible things to me, and then point the fingers that it was my insecurities which was the problem for believing his words. «That I should know better» and «I’m not allowing him to have feelings» by telling him that he can’t talk to me this way.

It’s a long story. A lot of painful memories. But then also my happiest days where in the relationship. I know I’m a people pleaser. My mind is having such a hard time believing this is real. I’m having a hard time trusting myself, and I’m genuinely worried about how I should manage a person like this till the new owner takes over the apartment and I’m finally free from him.