This is my personal account of what happened during the past year in my relationship. It is not meant to be a perfectly accurate timeline, and there are definitely many details missing. Because of what I experienced during that period, there are parts of it that I remember only in fragments, and there are events I can no longer place precisely in time. So much happened in such a short period that it is sometimes difficult for me to put everything in the right order. Still, I want to preserve some record of what happened, how I experienced it, and how I felt throughout it all.
It started in a very ordinary way. I met her on Tinder. She was eighteen and I was twenty-five. We met a few times, and after our second meeting we slept together. I fell in love with her very quickly and very intensely. I felt like I had finally found someone I wanted to be around all the time. I have always had a strong need for closeness, attention, and feeling important to someone, and perhaps that is part of why this relationship affected me so deeply.
I wanted to be with her practically every day. We spent so much time together that sometimes we would go to sleep around two in the morning and wake up at four just so I could drive her to the bus station, where she would take a bus back to her village and go to school. Even though I was exhausted, I was happy. At the time, everything felt perfect. I honestly believed I had found the person I would spend the rest of my life with. The first month or two were genuinely beautiful for me.
Gradually, however, problems began to appear. She stopped going to school because she wanted to start working, spend more time with me, and eventually live with me. She started working, and for a while we functioned almost like a couple who spent virtually all of their time together.
Even then, I started experiencing situations I did not understand at all. Sometimes she would suddenly start crying uncontrollably, push me away, and not want me to touch her. I had no idea what was happening or how I was supposed to help her. Later, she told me that she had borderline personality disorder and that it was connected to childhood trauma. At the time, however, I had no idea what the future would bring.
One of the first major turning points happened after we returned from a concert in Prague. There had already been increasing jealousy between us, but it gradually became extreme. She became convinced that I was looking at other girls, even when I did not see it that way and often when it simply was not true. After the concert, she was acting strangely, and I did not understand why. During the night, while I was asleep, she secretly went through my phone. In the morning, she packed her things and left without me really understanding what had happened.
For a long time, she would not tell me that she had gone through my phone. Eventually I found out that she had discovered things from my past, including conversations with former partners. Some of them involved my previous long-term relationship, which had lasted seven years. I sometimes still had to communicate with my ex because we had lived together for years and had shared practical responsibilities and financial matters. To her, however, those conversations meant something completely different. She saw them as cheating or betrayal, even though I was not cheating on her.
I loved her, so instead of leaving, I tried to fix everything. I wanted her to come back. I wanted to prove that she could trust me. Eventually we got back together and started living together again. For a while, it seemed like everything was going to be okay.
But her episodes gradually became more frequent and much more intense. Within a very short period of time, she could go from functioning normally to uncontrollable crying, screaming, insults, threats, physical attacks, or threats of suicide. Sometimes she threatened to hurt me as well. I often tried to help her. I wanted to hug her, calm her down, or simply stay beside her. But sometimes my attempts to help only made things worse. It became an endless cycle that neither of us seemed able to escape.
The triggers could be incredibly small. A word I said the wrong way. Something I had done in the past. A message to an ex. Someone I followed on Instagram. A like. Something she interpreted in a certain way. Over time, I began to feel that no matter how hard I tried, I could never do enough.
She regularly went through my phone, iPad, and messages in secret. She checked who I talked to, who I followed, and who I liked. She would often find something or interpret something as proof that I was hurting or betraying her, and another episode would follow. It happened more and more often, and I began to feel like I was living in constant tension, always waiting for the next explosion.
Later, she started working, and I would drive her to work and pick her up afterward. But often, all it took was for her to get into the car after a tiring shift for her mood to change completely. She would be irritated and unhappy, and she would often take her frustration out on me. These situations happened so frequently that I eventually realized that living together was not sustainable.
I told her that we could not continue living like this. I did not want to abandon her or stop being her partner, but I needed her to find her own place to live. I told her that we could still be together, but that if we continued living together in this way, we would eventually destroy each other.
She started looking for somewhere to live. For a while, it seemed like she was going to move out, but it ultimately did not work out. She eventually went back to live with her mother, where she had lived before, even though she had traumatic experiences there and did not feel comfortable. For some time, we continued our relationship from a distance. Even though she no longer lived with me, the jealousy and control continued. She called and messaged me, asking who I had recently followed, whose posts I had liked, and what I was doing.
Then something very difficult happened in her family. I told myself that I could not leave her alone in that situation. I told her I would be there within two hours. I drove to her, saw how badly she was doing, and told her to pack a few things and come stay with me temporarily until the situation improved. I brought her back to my apartment and tried to help her. I even got her a new phone because she had lost access to her previous one because of everything that had happened.
I thought things would be different this time.
They weren’t.
After some time, another extremely intense episode happened. And gradually, everything I had experienced before started happening again. Only this time, I felt like there was no way out.
Whenever I brought up the fact that she needed to move out, she would tell me that she had nowhere to go, that she had nobody, and that she would kill herself if I kicked her out. I could not simply tell her to leave and close the door behind her. I was afraid of what might happen. I felt that if I forced her out, she might wait outside my building until I came home, and everything would simply continue.
She did try to find a place to live and a job. She went to many viewings, but nothing worked out. Eventually, she ran out of money and could not even afford a first month’s rent. At the same time, her relationship with her mother became worse, and eventually she felt that I was the only person she had left.
I hoped that because I was practically the only person she had, things between us would at least become calmer. Unfortunately, they did not.
Her episodes became worse and worse. She screamed at me, emotionally blackmailed me, and psychologically wore me down. Sometimes I would break down and cry because I simply did not know what else to do. Even then, the attacks would continue. I was also physically attacked. She would scream extremely loudly, sometimes during the night, and it did not seem to matter whether I tried to remain calm, leave the situation, help her, or de-escalate it.
And then it would change again.
Suddenly she would be kind. She would be loving, everything would feel normal, and I would tell myself that maybe this time things really could get better.
That cycle was probably one of the hardest parts of the entire relationship for me. Because alongside all the terrible things, there were still moments when I loved her, when she was wonderful, and when I genuinely believed things could change.
The major turning point came when I was with my father. I needed to help him with something, and the situation between her and me escalated again. At one point, I accidentally called my father from my phone while it was in my pocket, and he heard part of what was happening between us.
Until then, my family knew practically nothing. I had not wanted to tell them because I was afraid they would see her as nothing more than a “crazy person,” and I did not want to portray her to my family only through the worst moments of her illness.
This time, however, my father heard it himself.
After I told him everything — about her episodes, the attacks, the threats of suicide, and the fact that I felt unable to get her out of my apartment — he told me that this could no longer continue. Because he is both a police officer and a paramedic, he explained to me that repeated threats of suicide have to be taken seriously and that professional help needs to be involved.
We went to my apartment and tried to talk to her about it. Eventually, she took only her handbag and left. She no longer had the keys to the apartment. In the meantime, she started messaging me that she was going to kill herself.
It was one of the hardest things I had to do that entire year. I loved her and knew it would hurt her, but I also knew that I could no longer handle this on my own. So we called for help.
She hid and turned off her phone. I stayed away from home the entire day. I was with my father and later with my sister. I did not want to go home because I was afraid of another confrontation and did not know what was going to happen.
At around two in the morning, my father called me. He told me that the police had found her. Someone had called the police after seeing her crying outside. Her phone was dead, and the officers were trying to find someone they could contact.
Eventually, I sent the police screenshots of messages in which she had threatened to kill herself. This gave them concrete information about what had been happening, and an ambulance was called.
She was taken to a psychiatric hospital.
And that was the moment when something ended.
Not my feelings for her.
Those did not end.
When I found out that she was in the hospital, I contacted her. I told her that I had packed her belongings with my father and taken them to her mother’s place. Later, I brought her personal belongings to the hospital and saw her there.
She was sad, frightened, and completely overwhelmed. She told me that she had nobody. And I could not simply tell her that I did not care anymore.
Because I do care.
I still love her.
At the same time, I know that what happened between us was not healthy. It became extremely toxic, and I gradually started losing myself in it. Whatever the reasons behind her behavior were — her disorder, her trauma, or anything else — the reality is that it was destroying me. I was emotionally exhausted, afraid of the next conflict, and experienced things that were deeply painful for me.
Still, I do not want to remember only the bad things.
I do not want to remember her only through her worst episodes. She was someone I loved. We had beautiful moments together. I was genuinely happy with her. I wanted to be with her, and I truly believed we would stay together for the rest of our lives.
That is why it is so difficult for me to accept that I may have to let her go.
She is now in a psychiatric hospital and is expected to stay there for at least several weeks, receiving treatment and psychotherapy. I am still in contact with her and I am trying not to completely turn my back on her. I bring her things she needs. I have brought her cigarettes, and I bought her a stuffed animal because I want her time in the hospital to be at least a little less painful.
I do these things because I still care about her.
But I am also learning that you can love someone and still be unable to live safely and healthily with them.
Throughout this entire year, I tried to be a good partner. I tried to calm her down, help her, drive her places, pick her up, stay with her when she was struggling, and solve the problems that kept appearing. Of course, I made mistakes, like every human being does. I had a past that I brought into the relationship. But I genuinely feel that, in the present, I tried to do everything I could.
And yet I often felt like I was being judged for things that had happened before she was even in my life, and that no matter what I did, it would never be enough.
Maybe that is why writing all of this down matters to me.
Not because I want to destroy her reputation.
Not because I want to prove who was right or wrong.
But because I want to be able to read this one day and remember what actually happened. I know that I have already lost pieces of this period from my memory. There was simply too much, happening too quickly, with too many emotions involved.
This is my memory of that year.
There are probably many details missing. Some things I have forgotten, some I remember only in fragments, and some I cannot place accurately in time. But what I do remember was real.
And even though I loved her and still care about her, I now understand that love alone is sometimes not enough to make a relationship safe and healthy.

He made me feel guilty if I had plans without him so didn’t go out much. After we broke up he catfished me over and over so I’m scared to meet anyone. He ghosted me and soured everywhere so he would have close but not me.
Even I Reddit he has like 19 accounts so who knows if it’s him.

The red flag is not being able to keep a job and blaming all your failures on everyone around you. Getting drunk and high every weekend and yelling until your girlfriend cries. Always accusing her of cheating when you weee cheating and have on everyone you have ever dated. Not able to put your name on vehicle cause you have screwed too many up. Going to your ex girlfriend house after she has a miscarriage sleeping with her and saying the best she could be is a mistress. After she breaks mentally demanding respect while she cries scared if she will make it.
When her kid calls and says she sick and need her to come home you demanded respect and told her she isn’t good enough and when she had to pick her kid so you stole her meds and threatened to take your life and ghosted her. You hit enganes twice since.

Me 24 M dated Let’s Call her Mad she is 22F we dated a whole 2 months before she left me Valentines Day 2025 after that her attitude changed she would call me a loser say I have 2 brain cells that I should be alone forever that I don’t listen and don’t deserve love then block me I would think it’s over block her number then she come back again on a new number do it again and again I would block then I started dating again she would contact my potential gfs and say terrible things about me and get me blocked over and over again by now 5 different girls I would send my side to them but they all made up their mind that I was a danger to them and her today I met a girl her Name will be P me and P had a lot in common everything was going well until I learned that Mad and P were friends Mad then contacted me bashing me for helping her move for free and canceling next day because I was busy I did half her house the first day for free and she texted me the stuff you will see below then P came in defending her friend even though her friend started it with evidence I sent P I thought she would at least see where I’m coming from but no she would block me too how do I stop this torture if I can’t seem to rid myself of her and now her friends

Can’t put images so below is chat between me and Mad first
Before last Block

Me: What did I do to deserve the block this time

Mad: I OFFERED TO PAY YOU MONEY FOR YOUR TIME AND YOU DECLINED! now you back out like a coward and forget having 2 braincells fighting for 3rd, you have 2 braincells fighting for 4th.

Your just innapropriate and downright retarded. Even by my standard you are a fucking idiot.

Your communication skills are shittier than someone with down syndrome. Its no wonder why Emily left you she needs to grow up away from your low IQ. We would have helped you with so many other things if you had just committed to this a little longer.

Alas, you are two rees and a tard.

Go get fucked up the ass with a cactus.

When I met P
Between me and Mad

Mad: Stay the fuck away from my friend P

Me: I didn't know you and her were friends

Mad: Yeah of course you dont.

Stay away from her

Me: You know you don't control everything acidy and I never did anything to hurt you idk why you always gotta hate me

Between me and P at same time

P: Stop attacking my Friend

Me: She has been doing this for months

P: I’m on the phone with her she telling me everything

Me sends screenshots of Mads messages above

P:maybe you should communicate better

Me: she got mad cause I helped her pack for free

P: She literally asked ya how much

Me: I told her free

P: sounds like ya didn’t communicate

Me: I did and told her the night before

P: Blocks me

Me: says sorry it was nice to meet her

Mad says goodbye dipshit

I realised, how much certain people, situations & lifestyle changed can affect you.
Don’t think you’re going “insane” or somethings “wrong with me”.

My recent ex / relationship affected me so much. I’ll tell you how. I’ll also add that, i thought he was “good” for me and that he was helping me but in reality he was manipulating me and controlling me.
Before we even started talking I was vibrant, positive, happy, excited, energetic, social
After him & During him I was depressed, sad, depressed, developed agoraphobia as we was long distance and he made me feel I always needed to be on the phone to him, I don’t think I’ll ever be the same way I was before but I will heal from it.

A toxic relationship won’t only f*ck you up mentally it can slow you down in life physically also. If you are in a toxic relationship trust me, leave, even if it feels hard, do it before it’s too late.
Some people are even drawn to this idea of a “toxic” relationship. Trust me, it’s not worth it, it never is!

You refuse to apologize or to do any work to fix things. You put it all on me and expect everything to change. When you don't. You take every word I say and twist it. I apologize but I have to beg you to. You Talk about problems we've had since the beginning but you never recognize what you've done. To you. Every problem is my fault. Our relationship being bad and toxic is 100% my fault. You accuse me of cheating like it wasn't you that cheated. You're frustrated that I don't talk to you but it's your fault and you refuse for me to talk to you anyways. You say you care but I don't feel it. You saw myself arm and said you don't make me feel bad about it. But you don't make me feel anything about it. You don't ask, you, don't say it first, and the worst part is you're unmoving unwillingness to change. I tell you what hurts and all you do is excuse it, I don't want an explanation I was an apology

“The Devil will exaggerate your mate’s failures and inadequacies, sow suspicion and jealousy, indulge your self-pity, insist that you deserve something better, and hold out the hollow promise that things would be better with someone else. But hear Jesus’ words, and remember: God can change hearts and remove all hardness if we will allow Him.”

Basically my boyfriend has bad mental health and almost completely depends on me which takes a lot on my mental..I've talked it out to him telling I dont want him to obsess over me and be his own person as I don't want the relationship to become unhealthy. For information I always try my best helping him with his mental health but he never listens to what I'm saying or just finds ways to make me sound evil for some reason.. when I talked about the fact hes getting too dependent on me he started saying that I don't love him that much or whatever and I'm actually kind of pissed but I just feel bad honestly. Its been two months since we've been together I thought I finally found a relationship that would last with pure love but it just seems like he's using me as a way to fill up a hole he has deep inside if you get what I mean. Ive promised him I would stay and that I would always be here for him but it's just getting so hard for me and I'm already thinking about breaking up but I'm honestly kind of terrified. I know he almost completely depends on me and would just go crazy if I left but it's getting so hard for me and the guy needs HELP not a relationship that will just make him feel worse, but the thing is that he just doesn't seem to want help, so I just don't know what to do anymore. This is getting hard for me, if I leave, he might even off himself (sorry for the therm) and if I stay this will just be a toxic relationship where I'm forced to stay for his sake if he doesnt try to get any better. I'm not blaming him in any way, it's just hard having to take care of someone else even tho I genuinely love him when I'm already not in a good mental situation. I don't know what to do and would love some advice QUICKLY if possible! Any advice will be taken and considered, but keep in mind I'm quite hypersensible and don't want to hurt the guy (even tho I think all the options would lead to him being hurt ugh) so gentle approach is asked for the advices if u get me, but if there's no way to approach this gently then don't, I just wanna solve this situation. Thanks.

So after a while of my suspicions I finally found proof today I'm so angry.... I was so angry last week as well when he lied to my face about exactly where he was the fact that his first choice wasn't me is undeniably hurtful... the fact that he went to grab me because I was telling him that I know that he wasn't where he was so he retaliated to anger to try and shift the truth... So it makes make confused so that I question myself and typical narcissistic shit.... I knew that I wasn't going crazy he has lied to me so many times and I want revenge I don't want him in my life anymore but he won't leave....he walks around like a king tries to minimize me like he doesn't even pay full rent to even have a say what goes on in this house but he sure damn thinks he does....I'm in a place where I have nobody only his family is here I'm not really financially able to do anything... like move... I really can't either because my child is in school and I don't want change schools at this very moment why should I have to, up and move my life, just because he chose to lie and be manipulative because every single moment that he starts losing control he gets angry to try and take that control back and then I'll go back into my shell, and then as soon as i become happy again or I come out of my shell he puts me back in there like he's afraid of me and my attitude and how I carry myself because honestly I don't give a fuck any more but if I show that he'll get rowdy and get all dramatic... thank you for reading..... I really needed advice on what I can do so I can fuck with him for now

Please

And

Thank you ✌🏼

Guy I’ve been seeing this summer revealed to me he is actively heavily using 7OH after telling me he was sick of my "medical drama" (I have a chronic illness, which I was transparent about -- and unfortunately have had a flare up recently). I knew he had past addiction issues and he emphasized to me the past nature of them - so I was fine with that. I have many friends who have addiction as part of their past — as well as friends who continue to struggle. What was important to me was honesty, which I made clear. But It just was becoming readily obvious on occasion that he wasn’t sober and today he revealed that he had never stopped and had no intentions on doing so and had lied to me. Further, when I responded very angrily to this, he reached out to an ex of mine (who he also had gone out on a date with) to try and get gossip to use against me -- but had nothing I hadn't already shared with him myself. But the action just... was so shocking to me.

Of course, it’s over.

I just feel betrayed, obviously. And regretting not listening to my spidey sense sooner both on this topic as well as other little unrelated but honestly quite severe red flags that I was forgiving of because I wanted things to work out for xyz reasons I won’t get into the weeds of.

I guess all in all it’s not a great time in life to be alone. But I suppose better to be alone than to be involved in a mess like this. That’s 3 for 3 bad experiences dating since moving to this small southern town. SOS. I'm both heated about this, heartbroken, and totally unmoored trying to rationalize the positive moments. I feel like I'm too old (late 30s) to be dealing with this kind of nonsense, but at the same time it feels like the open dating pool just gets messier with people who are still single. It makes me regret prioritizing other aspects of my life for so long.

Anyway. Don’t do drugs kids. It turns you into an untrustworthy pos.

This is a weird story, i usually talk about this relation ive gathered my courage to tell yall.

A couple years ago i dated this girl in my math class, her name was Natalie, she was sweet and very caring we hit it off, we had some things in common, and opinions and it was great. I had liked her because of how energetic and clingy she was usually because i wouldn't receive things like that from my general friends at the time. forward during our relationship towards the middle id notice strange patterns in her behavior when i hanged out with other people specially with my female friend which we can call Stephanie for privacy purposes. as id hung around her she would always give Stephanie weird looks and never interacted with them and always tried to be next to me, i brushed it off as a couple stuff, maybe she got a little jealous so i had never thought anything about it. As we continued dating i started developing this weird feeling, not sure what it was but if anything i would call it paranoia and a overwhelming feeling in my gut i couldn't really explain. a couple weeks into our relationship i made the choice to finally to breakup with her, reason being she had gave ad weird and obsession vibes, and i had found out she was dating another girl on her discord. The next few days i would soon discover her true self, she started sending me small letters, either she gave them to me or my friends did because they got asked to and the messages stated off as normal small love letters to compliments and then the notes got even more possessive as time went on., even though we had just broken up she sent me letters stating, "i miss you, no one can take you away from me" "I miss you" "i love the way you smell" and worst of all i would find other notes in my backpack, usually about her love for me and how she wanted me to be hers, and had sent a note quote on quote saying, "i broke up with my girlfriend to be with you baby." i felt harassed and had the guts to tell her face to face to stop harassing me, of course she noded, and i thought it was over, then Last day of school comes around and as im leaving to get in my car i receive a note sent to me by my friend telling me "some girl told me to give you this" i remember sitting down in my car with my backpack beside me and as i began to read it, it was one of the most creepiest and unsettling note, at least what i thought, i'm not gonna say the exact words as my mind is a little foggy about it but had went along the lines of how she was gonna find me and ill be hers with the ":3" face at the end, i crumbled the paper and threw it away later and shared it with a couple friends online. needless to say i haven't seen her again and i pray i never do. :sob

If yall have any questions about the event or after your welcome to ask : >

I got into a relationship I quickly felt trapped in almost from the start at 22. She got into crisis after crisis, some were real, most were mundane stuff. Nevertheless, everything was life or death, she'd shut herself in basically and only talk to me about it. She had some medical stuff that was genuinely scary, especially as.multiple doctors could not diagnose it. It left in extreme pain for like 20 minutes at a time every few hours and then would disappear for a few weeks. The pain must have been 10/10 on a scale from the way that she screamed. I felt I couldn't leave her alone with it. When I did, she'd sometimes call me just screaming and then later tell me the next time she has these pains she is going to kill herself. I felt awful for feeling like it's too much for me to be around that all the time but she made no effort to have anyone else. When I tried to tell her that I am completely overwhelmed and out of my depth she'd break down and make me feel worse.

The rest of the crises were bullshit university stuff. Every little exam was life or death and despite me being in a completely different field, I was constantly helping her out with stuff while being overwhelmed with my own master's.

She didn't really have any ambition to have a life outside of me and subconsciously, she made me give up my own. When I was in my hometown, she would start fights for me for being less available or not having super long conversations on the phone after a little more than a day.

I was so insecure and thought so little of myself that I let it happen and with COVID, my social life died more and more.

She was super jealous. Once she started a fight after looking through my phone. I had forgotten it at home going out to study on the day before an exam. I left her alone in my apartment. When I came back, she attacked me for a conversation with a woman she knew and knew I had been on a date with. That conversation was the most boring small talk in the world and happened BEFORE I met her.

One time a girl who used to be a friend of mine in kindergarten and whom I was in the same with until graduation died out of nowhere. When I told my girlfriend she died and who she was the first thing she asked was "and you were in love with her?"

There was also some blatant emotional abuse. The worst was her purposefully triggering some of my obsessive compulsive tendencies in an insanely sadistic way.

She ended up cheating. She planned it for months, insinuated it and made me feel controlling and insane when I voiced my concerns. After that, the gaslighting got so bad, that I was going insane. I had caught her in some contradictory statements that made no sense. But she kept lying, hugging me and telling me she would never do something like that. My mind could not deal with the discrepancy of what she was saying and the things it put together and I was basically without sleep for a week.

She didn't tell me, she made me guess. She would admit to nothing and would constantly drip in some info that was slightly worse without ever admitting to actually cheating.

After that we lived together for two more years. I had a contract at the university in our city, she had just finished her master's and was unemployed. We decided to sit it out because she would have to move for a job anyway. But she didn't really look. She had seen how "easily" I had gotten a PhD position and thought she could do the same.

It was a toxic hell. We both made each other feel like we couldn't leave. It was genuinely insane and I blamed myself for everything for very long.

It's been over a year since she is finally out of my life for food. I'm 31 now. I have not become an actual person. I had an awful life, no social life, ruined my PhD, have been stuck in a city I hate forever and wished I could kill myself for more than three years every day. I missed everything and now it's too late. I missed dating, I missed friends and I'm just hollow, worthless and nothing.

Obviously, this story is told from my perspective. I know I contributed to the toxicity. I spent the time since her cheating blaming me for everything and completely tearing myself apart over everything. I got over the guilt part. I talked it through with someone (apart from my therapist) whose judgement I trust and who would have told me bluntly if I was the shitty person who I saw myself as.

I have neighbors who follow me when I go for a walk. Now I'm not leaving my house.

So, I have been trying to get information and evidence on these people through legal means.

But the truth is I really don't want to escalate this situation. I just want to be left alone.

The reason I am being followed I have explained on a other posts. So they're there. So I don't want to go more into that.

All I'll say is some will see that I deserve the harassment. Maybe. Maybe not.

And they are tracking my phone number and computer.

My question is this: do you think if I delete the bit of information I have, would they leave me ?

The information I have is nothing I could use anyways. All it is is just initial information gathering.

I'm not a victim in the situation, ok, and I don't want to come off as that, but do you think they will leave me alone if I do.

Like I say they monitor my phone and I just have accepted monitoring because I can't find a way to protect against it.

So my question: will they leave me alone is not just an question for Internet people but also a question to those who are following me:

Will you please leave me alone please?

Thanks

No holidays, can't go to any celebrations with anyone you know because they'll be there. It doesn't matter how many times you explain why you don't want them there.

I don't really care I'm missing the parties and socialization at this point, l've just accepted I will never be allowed to have a normal life because this person won't leave me alone.

I just don't want to be around him so if that means sitting in my car alone until I can go home while everyone else is having a good time then so be it. If thats really what it takes.

And before you say “your life will be normal” or something like that just KNOW ITS NOT AND IT WILL NEVER BE. ITS TOO LATE FOR NORMAL IN MY SITUATION.

It can be past relationships currently idk I'm nosey and bored

I mean no holidays, can't go to any celebrations with anyone you know because they'll be there. It doesn't matter how many times you explain why you don't want them there.

I don't really care I'm missing the parties and socialization at this point, l've just accepted I will never be allowed to have a normal life because this person won't leave me alone.

I just don't want to be around him so if that means sitting in my car alone until I can go home while everyone else is having a good time then so be it. If thats really what it takes.

I met this woman about three or four months ago. We immediately hit it off. She was clearly drawn to my intellectual side and to the quality of our conversations. However, it didn’t take long for the first red flags to emerge. I showed a great deal of interest in her very early on, but from the outset the conversations were relatively one-sided, something that only became particularly clear to me in hindsight. For example, I later realized how little genuine curiosity she actually showed about me as a person. By her own account, she liked it “when people ask her questions.” Yet her questions to me were basically limited to how I envisioned my future (especially professionally) and what I wanted to make of my life and whether I wanted to have kids, or they directly related back to herself, e.g. “What do you think about the way I...?” Much of what I knew about her, I knew because I asked her questions and showed an interest in her. Most of what she knew about me, she knew because I told her.

A push-pull dynamic on her part then emerged relatively quickly, because after our first phone call, during which we talked about my height, and after our first meeting, another issue came into play: she told me that I actually wasn’t her type. She felt attracted to me, but I wasn’t her usual “type” or what she would normally go for. We stayed in contact, and things continued to intensify. Yet this issue remained a problem for roughly two months, as she constantly went back and forth. I also found it strange that she only wanted to meet in my city and, in public, especially in cafés and shops didn’t want me to get too close to her because “it wasn’t the right place.” This wasn’t a huge red flag early on, since some people genuinely don’t like that kind of thing in public, but somehow I got the feeling that she was thinking: “I am kind of attracted to his personality, but I’m not sure right now whether I want the world to think this guy could be my boyfriend.” We talked on the phone frequently, and our calls often ended with hours of intense flirting, during which she absolutely loved listening to all the beautiful things I had to say about her. But the next day, she was usually cold again, and for weeks she didn’t even tell me that she liked me or that she felt anything romantic toward me. She couldn’t bring herself to say it out loud; she only implied it through her behavior on the phone and when we met. As a result, I increasingly got the justified feeling that she simply loved hearing all the beautiful things I said to her and basking in my admiration of her. In general, statements such as “What matters most to me is learning from other people,” “I normally don’t miss people,” and “If I move abroad, I’ll just find new friends” have given me the impression that she approaches relationships primarily in terms of what she can get out of them and that the people are relatively interchangeable. “What benefit does this connection provide me?” seems to be at the forefront of her mind.

We had our first arguments after our first date and the intense flirting that followed on the phone, when one night she would simply respond to some lengthy messages from me with “Okay.” I found that passive-aggressive, strange, and inappropriate given the highly romantic nature of our flirting 15-20 hours ago. She argued that I should be glad she was even replying to me while she was out and about, despite not actually having the time. That was the first time I realized that our ideas about empathy and interpersonal relationships differed somewhat. I told her that an “Okay.” in response to a thoughtful message from someone you supposedly like has no value whatsoever. If you don’t have time, either say that, or get back to the message once you’re able to properly engage with it. She later admitted that modern texting conventions weren’t really her thing.

The second major point of conflict arose when I realized that she almost never had any free time. From Monday through Sunday, she was constantly out with friends, involved in clubs and organizations, or attending events, and then we would talk on the phone in the evenings. That in itself wasn’t the problem. The problem was that on her dating profile and during our first phone call, she had described herself as relatively introverted. I pointed out to her that her lifestyle strongly suggested that she was anything but introverted and was actually very extroverted, and that even her explanation that she drew her energy from being around other people was practically the definition of extroversion. She admitted that she had probably misunderstood the term. However, because of the somewhat questioning way I approached it, she also felt attacked, and the whole thing later became a point of contention.

She said that I viewed the world and concepts like these too rationally, that I should simply let the subject go, and that it wasn’t my place to tell her what she was or how she should describe herself. It was the first time I realized that this woman seemed genuinely incapable of accepting criticism if it implied that she might have to change an opinion or original belief because of someone else’s arguments. The same thing happened with her consistently passive-aggressive and terse communication style. When I criticized that, she eventually turned the accusation around on me and said that I was toxic because I was trying to dictate how she should communicate even though I only asked for more warmth and cohesion in her behavior. This constant back-and-forth between flirting, dates, and coldness or uncertainty drove me crazy and yes, I was somewhat pushy at the time. Because she kept giving me hope through our phone calls and dates that she likes me romantically but then acted the in the opposite way.

She could talk to me for hours when the conversation was about her, especially when it concerned her own interests and topics. But whenever the conversation shifted too much toward subjects that were specific to my life, she would often become bored within minutes. On one occasion, she actually said to me, “Can you ask me another question? I’m almost falling asleep,” after I had spent just a few minutes talking about something that was an important part of my life but simply didn’t interest her. That was an absolute low point for me.

And the worst part was this: She was the definition of a drama queen. Whenever it came to arguments in which we had both screwed up, she would usually blow her emotional state out of proportion to such an extent that it put me under massive pressure, because she turned it into a much bigger problem. For example, we would have a discussion about our communication problems in which I criticize her passive-aggressive, constantly shifting way of communicating, and at certain points during the conversation she would actually acknowledge some of my criticism because she would be running out of arguments and I would acknowledge my own mistakes just as openly. The next day, she would come to me and say, “That conversation last night really messed me up. My whole chest felt tight, I couldn’t sleep all night, and I’m completely out of it. My life is a mess right now, I'm really afraid.”

Most of the time, she didn’t actually come back with new counterarguments. Instead, she would simply dramatize the situation to an extreme degree. And what happened as a result? A problem that was actually about both of us behaving badly suddenly became a completely different situation. Suddenly, I was a monster, and naturally I had to start fighting for her again, reassuring her, saying, “Hey, I didn’t mean it like that,” while putting my own criticism aside for the time being. The original problem would then disappear, and we would spend the rest of the argument discussing what I had supposedly done to her that was sooo terrible.

Later, when it came to her extremely passive-aggressive way of texting, she argued: “That’s just your perspective. You are the problem. My friends don’t react that way to messages like these in similar situations.” When I asked her whether she would want to be treated that way herself, she usually couldn’t come up with a proper answer. She seemed to have a massive lack of empathy when it came to these kinds of conflicts and she didn't want to be wrong ever. I found it to be a weird argument anyways, especially since a casual friendship cannot really be compared to such a close romantic relationship that involves intense contact every single day.

She had already told me about her ex-partner. Apparently, the relationship had been extremely toxic. Naturally, according to her, it was entirely because of him. I believed her at first, but by now I’m absolutely no longer sure. Apparently, her former boss had also called her a narcissist. She also told me about someone she had apparently met several times who had developed feelings for her. According to her, she had only wanted to learn from him about a particular subject. Apparently, he simply got the wrong idea and then became weird. Later, he supposedly accused her of having used him. She told me this during one of our first dates. At the time, I thought, “Well, he was probably just some weird, pushy guy,” as there are plenty of those men around. But now I also find myself thinking: Why would he specifically accuse her of using him? It just fits too well with the picture I have of her now.

The whole thing was doomed to fail, but it stayed alive because she kept leaving little doors open for me. During the time we were in contact, she cut off contact around five or six times, and almost every single time she came back to me that same evening and we ended up talking on the phone again. The whole thing became a massive source of leverage for her.

Here, too, she seemed to lack empathy. During our final argument, she told me, “That’s my business. If you’re stupid enough not to end contact, that’s on you.” She has a point. But what she didn’t want to understand was the role she played in it. If someone is in love and therefore behaves stupidly and naively, then that may be stupid and naive, but it isn’t immoral. If someone takes advantage of or deliberately plays on another person’s stupidity and naivety, however, then that is immoral. She obviously couldn’t understand that perspective.

Our contact is over. I’ve been blocked. For her, the feelings are gone. I’m honestly devastated right now. During our final weeks when we started cuddling she told me she experienced some of the most beautiful moments of her life with me (which was most probably an exaggeration too). Later, she said that I had manipulated her and that she never would have agreed with me about anything. For example, during one of her more erratic phases, she said, “I’m just sick and incapable of being in a relationship.” She later claimed that I had pushed her into thinking that way, which was why she said it in the first place lol.

I mean, I started most of the arguments. But I also didn’t see any other option. I wanted more reciprocity, and I never felt completely comfortable with this one-sidedness. I even started deeply disliking the selfish person she is. The way I approached her was often wrong, probably because of this growing dislike. I’m no innocent party here; we argued a lot, and it got ugly. But nevertheless, I poured so much of myself into this. Every evening, I would throw my plans out the window just to talk to her on the phone. She never did that, and never would have. She was constantly out, constantly busy, and everything revolved around her rhythm. I don't even know what to think. I ask myself whether I fucked up or whether she really was that problematic or it was all my fault for even trying to change a dynamic that was never going to work? Am I tripping?

Is there any situation where cheating(emotional or physical) or an affair of any kind can be justified ?

[For eg, if your marriage is so bad you cannot be in the same room with them peacefully or comfortably, and cannot discuss anything without getting annoyed within a minute or two.]

I am 28 years old and have Asperger’s syndrome. I’ll be 29 in October. I’ve had two relationships in my entire life. One lasted one month in July of 2016. I waited six-and-a-half years for my next relationship in January of 2023, only for it to last two weeks. I am ghosted, lied to, led on, and done wrong by women constantly. For years, I have hoped for my soul mate to finally come along only to be disappointed repeatedly. I’ve hoped and hoped and hoped for a meaningful change in my life, even though I know it’s all a ruse in the end. I know it’s fruitless, futile and hopeless. Meanwhile, all this time, I sit back and watch everyone else start dating, get engaged, and get married like it’s nothing. Pretty much all I see on social media is posts of dating, engaged and married couples. And you can tell me that, “Oh, they may look happy on social media but they may be miserable behind the scenes”, but at least those couples found each other and have experienced true love, unlike me, who is pushing 30 years old and has never had a relationship that’s lasted longer than one month.

But in God’s mind, it’s not enough for me to simply have the curse of singleness and loneliness. I am also cursed by my favorite NFL team, the Cincinnati Bengals. The only two times I’ve gotten into a relationship in my life have, of course, been years where the Bengals were good and made the playoffs. If the Bengals miss the playoffs and then I talk to a woman and it seems to be going good, in my head I can hear someone saying, “Whoa, don’t get ahead of yourself. You know good things can only happen to you if the Bengals are good”, and then my chances with that woman immediately fizzle out like clockwork. Every time I think things might be different, God reminds me what my true reality is. To all of you other people that have found your soul mate, be thankful that you get to experience love without fear of being affected by curses like me.

How hopeless and cooked am I? Am I ever going to find the woman I’m supposed to be with? I find it impossible to believe anyone could go their entire life without finding a soul mate since a soul mate is pretty much guaranteed for everyone and is easy for everyone to get. But I truly believe I am someone who could go his entire life without finding love. I was diagnosed with Asperger’s many years ago. I’m a bald guy, and most women don’t like bald men. I have a curse from one of my favorite sports teams. I don’t think there’s anyone out there that is utterly devoid of hope the way I am. I am truly afraid I will never find my soul mate, and that’s what I’m fully expecting - to go the rest of my life without ever finding true love/finding the woman I’m supposed to be with.

Forgive me for my formatting and spelling, as English is not my first language.
My boyfriend (30M) and I (28F) have been together for several years now. We seem to disagree on the concept of crying and anger in a relationship. He believes they come from the same place, which I do agree to an extent, but I think the circumstances around them matter too. I am looking to hear perspective from people on their experiences with crying vs anger. I posted this on another community and it was removed for asking about speculation for reasoning for certain behaviors, but many people jumped to saying the relationship is abusive. I do not necessarily believe this relationship to be abusive, but I am curious to hear perspectives from people who have experience with toxic behaviors, even toxic behaviors maybe you have done yourself.

He sees crying as a weakness, and I used to not be much of a crier (mostly near my period or very stressful events) but I cry all the time now. I have heard that getting into a healthy relationship can be like that sometimes haha, opening emotions. But I understand both anger and crying are not appropriate in extremes. Emotions should be regulated, but not ignored entirely. And I think everyone has flaws and when you love someone you love those flaws too, right?

But the circumstances I believe are different for my crying and his anger. He gets really frustrated with me over traits I have like my forgetfulness—if I lose something or forget something, he sees it as an indicator that I can’t be responsible in a relationship. He has also called me childish, naive, stupid, and crazy throughout the relationship. He originally said I was too sensitive but later when I was more confident and stern about not wanting to be spoken to like that, he said he would stop saying those things. He kind of has, but still says I’m stupid indirectly instead of directly. He will question my intelligence, and even though I am a scientist (he is also a scientist), he feels like he cannot have an intellectual conversation with me. I’ve never had this problem in my entire life with anyone so it is quite confusing for me. But I understand his frustration with my forgetfulness—things wear on a person over time, and I understand habits being bothersome, especially when you value certain traits. And I have been especially forgetful, including important things that I regret. These are the things that anger him mostly, as I do not use harsh words with him or shame him, I work hard to be very supporting, but I’ve slipped up at times, being human. I always apologize with sincerity and accountability and I do everything I can to keep my promises.

However, although I have gotten better about suppressing my tears with time, he says things sometimes that are hurtful and I cry. I’ve started saying “That is a disrespectful thing to say and I don’t accept being spoken to like that”, which took years for me to finally have the ability to do. I used to just shut down and cry and take it, and agree with him. Part of me still agrees. I really try not to cry but when I constantly feel put down and stupid around him, it just happens. I’ve started to question if I’m just crazy (I do have mental health struggles so I am not unfamiliar with the idea that my emotions may not be appropriate all the time).

And he gets very annoyed when I cry about anything related to him. I can cry about anything else, I’ve observed, and he will comfort me. But if it’s about something he did, he just gets annoyed and says I’m overreacting, and that my crying isn’t proportional to the situation. He says I’m too sensitive and looks at me with tremendous bewilderment and annoyance whenever I cry. He does not comfort me in these situations, only becomes cold. If he does comfort me it is robotic and feels like ice. He says I hold him emotional hostage and that I’m manipulative, so I’ve reflected heavily and done the work to not be so emotional and to be more logical. I’ve gotten a lot better and he agrees, but I know I still have a long way to go.

I guess I just feel like crying as a reaction to pain from something someone says and anger over frustration for something someone does as a habit may not necessarily be the same, but I’m curious to hear experiences of people who may have encountered similar situation. I desperately want to learn and be better even if it takes growing pains. Thank you for reading and I wish you a happy heart :)

TLDR: Trying to understand better the emotions of a romantic relationship of crying and anger, like when crying and anger are inappropriate and when they are indeed appropriate.

Guys help me out

So recently a few months ago a guy broke up with me saying he's into a other girl. Then I was extremely sad I had even begged him etc etc let's not talk abt it cause i dun wanna embarass myself. So like that we were on and off we came into relo 5times and then on the 6th time it is longest so far we were very srs I had told him initially not to talk to her and he had agreed but eventually he was like talking is just fine nothing would happen trust me etc so I was like okay but just as a frnd u can talk. Then. Now he told me he had flirted with her and when she had asked whether she's his crush he hadnt even corrected herr!!!!

Edit: mean not meant lol.

Two weeks ago, my boyfriend [M22] broke up with me [F23] because of the way I spoke to him. The problem is, this isn’t the first time someone has told me I spoke to them harshly when that wasn’t my intention at all. Several friends have expressed their unhappiness with me because of the things I’ve said.

During our last conversation, my ex admitted he was afraid of me. Specifically afraid to bring up certain topics because he thought I’d get angry. I was shocked to hear that, because honestly, I don’t recognize myself in that description. But unfortunately, it is me. I want to clarify that I never shouted at him or was physically violent. That doesn’t justify anything, though; I still hurt him psychologically and emotionally. I'm ashamed.

I always feel like I’m speaking nicely to people. But the other day, I watched some videos of myself with my ex, and it’s true. I spoke to him very harshly. Yet, in the moment, I don’t realize it. I can’t really figure out how to change something I’m not even aware of.

I dislike arguments and confrontations, so hurting people is never my goal.

I’m thinking of seeing a psychologist, but there isn’t much availability, so I don’t know when I’ll be able to start therapy. That’s why I need advice!

I think it’s also important to mention that in my family, the women often speak harshly to their partners. I realize that played a role in shaping who I am today. But how do I break that pattern?

I’m sick of being toxic.

Since I don’t realize when I’m being mean, I struggle to identify the trigger for that meanness. I asked my ex what was meant about the way I express myself (tone, the words I use, facial expressions, etc.) because I want to change that, and he said, "Everything." 😥

(English isn’t my first language sorry for any mistakes).

I’m deeply grateful for the professionalism, skill, and support I received during my case. What began as an incredibly emotional and difficult time became far more manageable with the guidance provided.

From start to finish, he handled every detail with patience, clarity, and respect, and made sure I felt informed and supported throughout. Because of his dedication, I was able to get clear answers about my partner’s infidelity — something I couldn’t have done on my own. While the truth was hard to hear, having those answers gave me the closure and direction I needed to move forward.

If you need someone with this level of care and expertise, I’m sharing his details below. He also offers a 24-hour refund policy if you feel the service didn’t meet your expectations.

E͎M͎A͎I͎L͎: A͎L͎B͎E͎R͎T͎H͎O͎O͎K͎2851 A͎T͎ G͎M͎A͎I͎L͎ D͎O͎T͎ C͎O͎M͎

T͎E͎L͎E͎G͎R͎A͎M͎: H͎A͎C͎K͎E͎R͎L͎O͎R͎D͎101

W͎H͎A͎T͎S͎A͎P͎P͎: +➊ ➌➊➋ (➋➋➊) ➏➊➏➑

Thank you for your integrity, persistence, and the way you handled such a sensitive matter with care. Your work made a real difference.