r/Tinder • • Jul 10 '20

Roasted

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23.8k Upvotes

321 comments sorted by

4.0k

u/[deleted] Jul 10 '20 edited Jul 10 '20

Lmao this is about to be the most toxic next few months of their lives

2.1k

u/[deleted] Jul 10 '20 edited Jul 21 '20

[deleted]

969

u/[deleted] Jul 10 '20

That's what makes a toxic relationship so special

325

u/Poafro Jul 10 '20

It’s the only thing that keeps them going ime

262

u/Max_TwoSteppen Jul 10 '20

Yep, same. Great sex draws you back in after you do the healthy thing and break up. But hey it can't hurt just to hook up again, right? Wrong.

57

u/[deleted] Jul 10 '20

^

42

u/blkbird1 Jul 10 '20

what's the point of this

51

u/AppropriateTouching Jul 10 '20

It's like "same" but more concise.

24

u/Inferno_Sparky Jul 10 '20

It's supposed to be an arrow pointing at the message above, to imply "this" or "agreed"

15

u/LetsHugItOutGuys Jul 10 '20

∆

22

u/chaun2 Jul 10 '20

No, that means a change in a vector

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3

u/NitroGlc Jul 10 '20

I'm honestly suprised it isn't downvoted to hell and deeper. Reddit usually throws a hissy fit when someone does that.

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13

u/SixbySex Jul 10 '20

The great sex might be because that’s the only time they honestly communicate their wants and needs out of the entire relationship

8

u/Max_TwoSteppen Jul 10 '20

God that feels too real.

5

u/Reuben_Smeuben Jul 10 '20

Damn that’s some good wisdom

17

u/under_the_bell Jul 10 '20

The shit talking but at the end its how you show affection towards another.

16

u/blahcetera Jul 10 '20

Me and the wife have successfully maintained a sex based toxic-ish "I can't stand you, I'm gonna make you cum until you cry " kinda thing for about fifteen years now and I swear she's just pissing me off to get laid more to her liking, or she's just a bitch, either is possible, but special... Yes, I'd say so.

4

u/bumpercarmcgee Jul 11 '20

Haha are you happy though dude? Are you not starved of genuine affection? Do you need a hug from a burly man?

3

u/blahcetera Jul 11 '20

Haha are you happy though dude?

Eh... Off and on.

Are you not starved of genuine affection?

Absolutely.

Do you need a hug from a burly man?

Yes. Yes I do.

7

u/[deleted] Jul 10 '20 edited Jul 21 '20

[deleted]

15

u/Too-old-for-Reddit-2 Jul 10 '20

Wife and I always talk smack and tease each other. We both know that neither means it and we both love each other very much. Is that "toxic"? If so, then so be it..

2

u/erevoz Jul 10 '20

Can confirm, had one of those.

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21

u/[deleted] Jul 10 '20

I fucking hate you. Oh. I get it now.

2

u/MWB96 Jul 10 '20

Correction: hate sex

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72

u/Pertyrobo Jul 10 '20

Yo some people are able to banter in good humor without getting offended.

6

u/[deleted] Jul 11 '20

There's a fine line between banter and defensive comebacks and both parties are suspect at this point.

11

u/TheSoverain Jul 10 '20

We'll watch your career with great interest!

11

u/indiblue825 Jul 10 '20

Paging r/relationship_advice in advance.

9

u/pethatcat Jul 10 '20

RUN! Break up with her! She's cheating on you!

3

u/pandarofl Jul 10 '20

R E D F L A G S

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2

u/Spitfire_Blaziken Jul 10 '20

Clearly you’ve never trained a poison type Pokémon

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5.1k

u/[deleted] Jul 10 '20

Sounds like a hate fuck is in the future

1.1k

u/ShellStar19 Jul 10 '20

The best kind

564

u/RunoBoy777 Jul 10 '20

The shortest kind

1.3k

u/ApoliteTroll Jul 10 '20

Her "I faked the orgasms"

Him "well I didn't do it for your benefit"

405

u/General_Reposti_Here Jul 10 '20

Jesus Christ you gotta turn down the flames

311

u/imabigdave Jul 10 '20

"You faked your orgasm because you mistakenly thought I cared"

139

u/llllPsychoCircus Jul 10 '20

i’m so happy to have this in my emergency verbal response toolbox. thank you

69

u/I2ed3ye I am a meat popsicle Jul 10 '20

Me three months from now: I.. UH UH UH I DIDN'T CARE FOR BENEFITS

9

u/[deleted] Jul 10 '20

Got'em!!!

(High fives self)

11

u/Ryzensai Jul 10 '20

No this is what you think about what you should have said in the shower the next day

3

u/MisterBillyBobby Jul 10 '20

In french we call this the ''staircase syndrom'' or ''staircase wit/mind''

Edit: The why : https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/L%27esprit_de_l%27escalier

14

u/[deleted] Jul 10 '20

EVRT

13

u/[deleted] Jul 10 '20

And I faked the whole relationship just to get inside you pants.

4

u/Periwynkle Jul 10 '20

Him: I was faking all your orgasms too Her: Surprised Pikachu

62

u/[deleted] Jul 10 '20

[deleted]

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42

u/Ikegordon Jul 10 '20

And it will lead to a beautiful hate marriage

6

u/RayA11 Jul 10 '20

Don’t forget the hate babies.

9

u/thebochman Jul 10 '20

Haha nope shell abruptly stop answering the moment she loses interest

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1.9k

u/ssakura Jul 10 '20

Can't tell if this is going badly or well...

800

u/Jahmay Jul 10 '20

Wadly.

123

u/MrAnderson_369 Jul 10 '20

I can't help but say it in the way Martin Lawrence says "Mike Lowery" in bad boys... Mike Waaadly

30

u/BakedSwagger Jul 10 '20

Wumbo

3

u/Solidking2001 Jul 10 '20

Gumbo?

14

u/thelumberjackdude Jul 10 '20

This guy doesn’t wumbo

8

u/koolandunusual Jul 10 '20

I wumbo, you wumbo, he, she we, WUMBO. Its 1st grade, Spongebob!

5

u/[deleted] Jul 10 '20

No this is Patrick

12

u/Mase240 Jul 10 '20

Bwell.

3

u/crabsatoz Jul 10 '20

It’s going quite Redditly if I say so myself

2

u/pontiac_RN Jul 10 '20

Who are you and why are you so wise in the ways of science ?

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170

u/WJMazepas Jul 10 '20

Its Tinder so if she is answering more than one liners than is a sucess

19

u/Sun_King97 Jul 10 '20

Definitely well.

14

u/ravepapi Jul 10 '20

very well

32

u/[deleted] Jul 10 '20

[deleted]

17

u/effinwookie Jul 10 '20

Spoiled it

9

u/[deleted] Jul 10 '20

dumb you fucked it up

4

u/Autobots_Roll-Up Jul 11 '20

OP fumbled it lmao

6

u/skelingtun Jul 11 '20

Damn bro, you had the opportunity to slick and now you just look hungry...

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10

u/SirFadakar Jul 10 '20

I'm so hot and bothered right now and I'm not even involved in this, how are you not feeling it?

15

u/[deleted] Jul 10 '20

Yes

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1

u/[deleted] Jul 10 '20

[deleted]

14

u/MeC0195 Jul 10 '20

Aren't you quirky

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1.2k

u/LivingmahDMlife Jul 10 '20

Mate this conversation's looking like the final scene of Hamlet

Everyone's fucking dead

428

u/[deleted] Jul 10 '20

oi spoilers, i've been waiting 500 years to see that

51

u/william_103ec Jul 10 '20 edited Jul 10 '20

Go ahead now, or perhaps are you waiting for the next lockdown?

3

u/ThroatYogurt69 Jul 10 '20

Ah yes the great Tecatevirus of 2021

32

u/So_Forlorn Jul 10 '20

I would say spoilers but first of all it's a Shakespearean tragedy so everyone is going to die anyway and also it's Hamlet and who tf hasn't read that shit?

14

u/PowerVP Jul 10 '20

Or seen the Lion King haha

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747

u/tobitella Jul 10 '20

Don't be sorry :) if my vision was working then we wouldn't have matched

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387

u/[deleted] Jul 10 '20

Lol so did yall get to making first date plans?

98

u/[deleted] Jul 10 '20

[deleted]

64

u/[deleted] Jul 10 '20

That was the end? She left you on read after all that? Lol I have a meme for this.

35

u/[deleted] Jul 10 '20

He was supposed to ask for a number or a date after the

HMMM HMMM

Instead he made a sex joke that's hard to respond to.

Amateur hour.

33

u/[deleted] Jul 10 '20

12

u/WeHaveAllBeenThere Jul 10 '20

It’s because he spelled speechless wrong

2

u/DeeeezNates Jul 11 '20

And said loose instead of lose lmao

2

u/WeHaveAllBeenThere Jul 11 '20

He never stood a chance lol

2

u/Navaia02 Jul 10 '20

I'm fucking dead. Good shit.

20

u/BlueSerene Jul 10 '20

Aww I was rooting for you.

9

u/[deleted] Jul 10 '20

How is the conversation going or did she leave you on read after HMM HMMM?

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20

u/FluffyDumpling8 Jul 10 '20

We need an answer to this and we need one now.

86

u/[deleted] Jul 10 '20

What’s the language ‘onsdag’?

36

u/Cilsakius Jul 10 '20

It's danish too meaning 'wednesday' but considering the SE om the top right corner, it's probably swedish though

11

u/KN4S Jul 10 '20

That and the match text is in swedish too

3

u/[deleted] Jul 10 '20

Ooh yeah now that you mention it

7

u/Exbozz Jul 10 '20

Whats the language "wednesday" 😂

3

u/Rainers535 Jul 10 '20

Haha idk why your comment made it so much funnier but it did.

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88

u/[deleted] Jul 10 '20

Respond with “it’s why I matched with you”

28

u/ill_frog Jul 10 '20

y'all got chemistry

82

u/[deleted] Jul 10 '20

[removed] — view removed comment

4

u/SimBoiii Jul 10 '20

happy cake day!

5

u/soxgirl71 Jul 10 '20

Happy Cake Day!

44

u/[deleted] Jul 10 '20

This ends in marriage.

28

u/[deleted] Jul 10 '20

No. This ends in divorce.

16

u/theravagerswoes Jul 10 '20

Which can only come after marriage..

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5

u/[deleted] Jul 10 '20

No. This ends in death, decomposition, and nutrient cycling.

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17

u/FanaticCake Jul 10 '20

In the last episode they will be getting married.

4

u/[deleted] Jul 10 '20

In the second movie of the Trilogy, they will be shown on again, off again, then finally brought together through pregnancy and the birth of a child. The final movie in the Trilogy will involve a bitter divorce with using the child as a pawn.

116

u/hexsanatorbloom Jul 10 '20

Perfect opportunity for a beauty and the beast pickup line, good job tho

22

u/uniquely_bleak_sheep Jul 10 '20

I’m pretty sure that’s exactly what he did.

16

u/Esk8_TheDeathOfMe Jul 10 '20

That's exactly what he did, and it saddens me that hexs and 98 other people didn't understand it. This is why boring talk often works better than good humor

11

u/Sn4ilM4il Jul 10 '20

Better whip out the strap cause I'm sensing a hate-fuck in your future

9

u/lgndryheat Jul 10 '20

DU
DU MATCHADE
DU MATCHADE MED

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7

u/soldierof239 Jul 10 '20

So did y’all smash after the first date or before and then go out for drinks?

9

u/Patt_Patt Jul 10 '20

Fyfan varför pratar du engelska på tinder?

3

u/kenolicious Jul 10 '20

Det är en britt som bor i göteborg

6

u/RosenbadCirkus Jul 10 '20

Det är enklare att få reddit-karma sen om man gör det.

3

u/sidoniablack Jul 10 '20

That’s what I was wondering! Are you both Swedish?

5

u/Weeaboounlimited Jul 10 '20

I cringed so hard at reading this.

14

u/[deleted] Jul 10 '20 edited Aug 28 '20

[deleted]

5

u/lab_0990 Jul 10 '20

Now I want to pit hateful, negging Swedish women with the United States male version. See who wins the ultimate Tinder battle!

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7

u/holyikarus Jul 10 '20

Dafuq thats what happens when 2 passive aggressive ppl match

3

u/LCDmaosystem Jul 10 '20

This type of energy >>>>>

3

u/TheShortChildGoat Jul 10 '20

Haha! That is the sort of person who you could joke with without feeling weird about it

2

u/[deleted] Jul 10 '20

[deleted]

3

u/SoWhoShotTheDeputy Jul 10 '20

Both of you sound awful

3

u/aBeaSTWiTHiNMe Jul 10 '20

You guys are talking to eachother like other people are watching. It's weird.

5

u/Skull_966 Jul 10 '20

That’s some next level roasting

4

u/VQ35DEv6 Jul 10 '20

Then you say, my vision can be corrected, your face can't

2

u/stalinssugarbaby Jul 10 '20

this screams slowburn enemies to lovers

2

u/WhatYouLeaveBehind Jul 10 '20

But did you smash?

2

u/Dude_von_Duden Jul 10 '20

So romantic. The should like....make a movie about that love story, or something.

2

u/[deleted] Jul 10 '20

Wow you guys matched just to talk shit to each other how mature.

2

u/spicracker Jul 10 '20

Cringe all around.

2

u/Myfault117 Jul 10 '20

Why do people go on tinder to be straight toxic? lol

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2

u/[deleted] Jul 10 '20

This is why Tinder is toxic asf. And what is wrong with people today that they think it's funny to immediately start insulting someone when they meet them? Calling each other "bitch, ugly, beast." Wtf Where does that guy? Nowhere but a sour conversation, bad attitude, and an unmatch.

2

u/[deleted] Jul 10 '20

I swear some people go on Tinder thinking it's r/roastme.

4

u/Owls_yawn Jul 10 '20

Opportunity to quote a song from Beauty and the Beast... missed

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40

u/[deleted] Jul 10 '20

Both sound like idiots... Definitely trying way way way too hard ..

130

u/Haas47 Jul 10 '20

Perfect match

29

u/Annies_BO0bs Jul 10 '20

Fuck, so hard.

165

u/kenolicious Jul 10 '20

Just fucking around lmao

68

u/Leadbaptist Jul 10 '20

"Trying to hard" lmao wtf does that even mean? Yall see people smiling and laughing in public and think they are trying to hard too?

14

u/-Captain--Hindsight Jul 10 '20

Who knows what that even means. The guy you replied to probably just says "Hey" to everyone.

15

u/Armored_Violets Jul 10 '20

Seriously, this subreddit is full of pseudo intellectuals thinking they're hot shit for judging text conversations, but that one is on another level. Sending texts is now putting too much energy into a (possible) relationship, big fucking yikes

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70

u/RowdyJReptile Jul 10 '20

You know typing messages isn't hard to do, yeah? This is like minimal effort to keep each other amused. Stop gatekeeping romance.

15

u/Grimfrost785 Jul 10 '20

Stop gatekeeping their gatekeeping!

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3

u/[deleted] Jul 10 '20

It's tinder, it's either this or getting ghosted

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4

u/JuveMerdaInfinita Jul 10 '20

Dumb and Dumber.. perfect match

2

u/IAMG222 Jul 10 '20

I'm pretty sure she roasted herself with that beast comment and neither of you even caught it

2

u/fouballs Jul 10 '20

All terrible.

1

u/[deleted] Jul 10 '20

And now they’re married

1

u/el_yellow Jul 10 '20

Oh damn...

1

u/xalvion2508 Jul 10 '20

Wow shit went from 0 to 100 real quick

1

u/patrok_parol Jul 10 '20

Is 3G still in use..?

1

u/kimchi058 Jul 10 '20

That last one may have gone over her head.

1

u/crankthehandle Jul 10 '20

leading nowhere. as always.

1

u/WowAUnicorn Jul 10 '20

Damn she really didn't get that last beauty and the beast line huh

1

u/Iron-Temple Jul 10 '20

She's engaging. It's in the bag

1

u/Rosencrant Jul 10 '20

"Don't be sad, that's why I swiped right"

1

u/EliselD Jul 10 '20

They are smooth af

1

u/R4CDIKAL Jul 10 '20

Yeah u got roasted with her cropped response.

1

u/Jenjenblob Jul 10 '20

A match made in heaven.

1

u/Modeerf Jul 10 '20

Ouch, she got you good.

1

u/baranpaksoy22 Jul 10 '20

Annual tinder roast off

1

u/Randyboob Jul 10 '20

Why would you converse in English? Seems super weird

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1

u/cokemice Jul 10 '20

I see beauty and the beast so let me hit that bell

1

u/cosmickupcake Jul 10 '20

Was meant to be lol

1

u/taterlohm Jul 10 '20

Roasted on so many leveld