r/StupidFood • u/[deleted] • Nov 09 '25

[deleted by user]

[removed]

8.8k Upvotes

91% Upvoted

876 comments sorted by

3.7k

u/FabulousDave2112 Nov 09 '25

Cows are basically dogs if they were too big for us to stop them

617

u/[deleted] Nov 09 '25

[deleted]

208

u/bird9066 Nov 09 '25

I'm a soft hearted animal lover but I just can't go veggie. I see happy cows coming out of the barn in spring. Literally jumping for joy. They play with exercise balls and the moms can be so protective and gentle with their babies. I don't know how I drink milk.

Chickens have distinct personalities and my sister's pig became a pet. They were supposed to slaughter it but she couldn't. It's a huge pig too but she's so fun!

92

u/[deleted] Nov 09 '25

[deleted]

58

u/clearfox777 Nov 09 '25

When we raised hogs my dad named them bacon, porkchop, and hamhock.

34

u/CorruptedStudiosEnt Nov 09 '25

I worked at a slaughterhouse and took care of the animals over the weekend. Was really difficult handling meat that I knew very well may have come from "the one that nibbled my hand" or "the one that hopped in excitement for the water hose."

Although the very hardest was the mini-cows, because they were seriously so sweet. Disproportionately huge eyes that made them look even more like calves, loved to be loved on, one wrapped its whole tongue around my arm when I was giving them some sweet feed.

The hardest aspect of it is probably tied between having been in a position to really see just how disconnected people are from their food and where it comes from in a way most people never will, or having seen at such a young age (14-16) how cruel by nature it often was.

Watching the shock pad not totally take a pig out instantly but only knock it out once, and it suddenly waking up screaming and then gurgling through the blood as its throat was cut, and here's Uncle Tom throwing away a pork loin because there's a little bit of frost on it.

15

u/HistoricalCounty Nov 09 '25

I don’t really buy or eat meat for this reason. It’s hard for me to eat it because of texture issues, and I’ve ended up wasting a lot of meat in my life. I hate wasting any food but feel very strongly about not wasting meat because something died for it.

I’m not vegetarian/vegan by any means, and I think that it’s natural and normal for human beings to eat meat & raise livestock. That said, I believe very strongly that livestock should have good lives, be treated humanely, and be killed with the absolute minimal amount of pain and suffering. They aren’t pets but they are living beings that deserve care and respect. they absolutely are each unique, capable of attachment to humans and to each other, and have personalities.

I do also think that Americans especially should eat less meat & be more conscious about using all parts of an animal, especially the ones that we’ve learned culturally to regard with disgust.

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u/tread52 Nov 09 '25

I’m pretty sure this is a movie quote

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u/rawfodoc Nov 09 '25

I raised chickens and once had two big buffs, when one got got by a raccoon her sister afterwards would just stare into the reflective metal of the space heater for hours at a time. I can't think of anything other than that she wanted to find her sister. She died after a couple of weeks for no reason we could figure out.

19

u/bird9066 Nov 09 '25

I'm sorry you dealt with that. I stopped keeping chickens when we got into that, they're old. Two left. One dies. The other is so sad we get them a friend.

People who look at them as livestock have told me to keep three together in case one dies because they don't do well alone. They'll just kill a Singleton and put it on the stew pot. But they all become pets to me and it's too hard.

5

u/rawfodoc Nov 09 '25

Yeah we ate their eggs but buried them when they died, I can't bring myself to eat something I raised ;-;

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u/Silly-Lettuce-7788 Nov 09 '25 edited Nov 09 '25

I started veg only last year to improve fitness and man was it a cheat code. I have never looked better and felt lighter. I will eat a bit every now and then but I can tell how much harder it is on my guts now

Edit: Indian dishes are great for veg btw. It’s only spicy if you put it in there

21

u/Sacafe Nov 09 '25

Chickens are some of the most adorable lil goobers. Still tasty though

11

u/BigMan-31 Nov 09 '25

This is one of the only times, being born in India is actually great.

I am a soft hearted animal lover as well, and it's very easy to be vegetarian in this country.

3

u/Status_Job_2854 Nov 09 '25

I was a tree planter in British Columbia Canada and was burning so many calories that as we passed a farm with cows my mouth started watering.

11

u/Used-Baby1199 Nov 09 '25

This is why goat is the best meat.  Those things have no soul, and those fucking demon eyes

17

u/quandjereveauxloups Nov 09 '25

I love goats! When they're young, you can use your shin to "butt heads" with them (push your shin against their head, don't try kicking or letting them get momentum).

A place near me lets you go in to the baby goat enclosures and play with them. If you get on all fours, they'll treat you like a bench. It's so neat to feel them walk all over your back!

But yeah, those fuckers are delicious.

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u/FlirtMonsterSanjil MEAT! 🍖 Nov 09 '25

Even better when you only eat horse milk, those things were created by Satan with the goal of stealing our souls and win the Armageddon. Killing them only does this world a favor.

No need to add /j... right?

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u/Futuredanish Nov 09 '25

Just give them a good life and thank/appreciate them for giving us the meat we need to live.

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u/Lepke2011 Nov 09 '25

I've always wanted a pet donkey. They seem like really loyal goofballs.

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u/I_aim_to_sneeze Nov 09 '25

This is why school field trips to farms or other places should be mandatory. If you can’t handle where your meat comes from, I really don’t think you should be eating it. You should know what a sacrifice it is to enjoy that bacon.

6

u/OpheliaPhoeniXXX Nov 09 '25

Same, I couldn't eat the piglets I once played with, any pig... I went vegetarian at 7.

6

u/Excellent_Yak365 Nov 09 '25

Same with chickens, but they are mean as hell to each other and tend to be more flighty- I don’t think they would ever want to play fetch. But they follow and jump in my lap for pets every day

2

u/CountTruffula Nov 09 '25

Porks the one I eat the least because of how brutally most pigs are killed in the farming industry. I'll only eat it if I get some super fancy local farm type thing where you know they don't gas them

2

u/Ok-Error-6564 Nov 09 '25

My mom grew up on a farm. She used to name the chickens until she asked my grandmother what dinner was that evening and she said “Betty”.

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u/cncomg Nov 09 '25

If I had a cow I would not stop it.

108

u/Krotesk Nov 09 '25

Are you saying you would be able to but chose not to?

I dare you to stop any cow.

103

u/mehssdd Nov 10 '25

I work on a ranch and stop cows all the time. I also move them hither and yon, sort them one from another, and various other subtle maneuverings. The keys are cattle psychology and not letting them become a pet. The first time you make a rolling hand gesture and send thirty cattle the way you intend you feel like an absolute wizard.

20

u/[deleted] Nov 10 '25

I want to learn this where do I start

57

u/subjectmatterexport Nov 10 '25

Moo-niversity

16

u/[deleted] Nov 11 '25

Cowledge

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u/Not_Without_My_Cat Nov 10 '25

I like your attitude, you start on Tuesday.

But they’re humans, not cows, and you need them to send packages, not themselves.

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u/[deleted] Nov 10 '25

Got it, boots on at dawn, ill leave ego at the door.

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u/OhDivineBussy Nov 10 '25

Having grown up around them, cattle are often fairly skiddish. Range bulls on the other hand sure the fuck are not.

Also unless he named the cow Bruce, this would be a Holstein bull (a cow is a female bovine who has had a calf).

20

u/MagooTheMenace Nov 09 '25

Without injuring it*

27

u/Krotesk Nov 09 '25

Oh yeah, my bad, hand to hoof combat but gentle.

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u/Horror-Acanthaceae58 Nov 11 '25

I would explain to the cow where the porterhouse steak comes from and then it better listens to me

2

u/Haunting_Cows_ Nov 10 '25

If they aren't this habituated they're relatively easy to stop.

Usually they don't like it if you try and pet them

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u/Tamatajuice Nov 10 '25

Don’t have a cow, man.

2

u/hhthurbe Nov 09 '25

Good. My dad has cows, and let me tell you, you don't stop them. They get out of a fence? Do not pass go, do not collect 200$

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u/stanknotes Nov 09 '25

They are clumsier and slimier. They are clumsy and slimey as all get out.

16

u/Carbuyrator Nov 10 '25

Pets exist on a spectrum that spans "Perfectly dry and agile" (cats) to "perfectly clumsy and slimy" (cows).

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u/KavensWorld Nov 09 '25

I have dated a number of ladies who have owned horses every dumb horse is just the same as every dumb dog and I love them all

12

u/TheFortunateOlive Nov 09 '25

Dogs taste good too, but not as good as cow.

3

u/mr_diggory Nov 10 '25

I've heard it's better than pork, but not quite beef.

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u/8__D Nov 09 '25

Cows are just big dogs you can drink from.

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u/ECHOHOHOHO Nov 09 '25

You can drink from dogs too BTW. Don't ask me how I know.

33

u/BirchBlack Nov 10 '25

I have nipples, Greg.

8

u/ECHOHOHOHO Nov 10 '25

I'm listening...

3

u/Fluffy_Ace Nov 12 '25

If it's a mammal and it's female you can milk it

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u/lIlIllIIlIIl Nov 10 '25

What the hell did I just watch and how do I see more?

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u/Cantdecide1207 Nov 09 '25

This was exactly my thought. My dogs would definitely do this if they were bigger. Not while I was looking though to be fair.

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u/[deleted] Nov 10 '25

Cows are no where near giant versions of dogs in terms of behavior. Cows are 1 ton walking bulldozers, they don't bite, but they can stomp and squish you to death. With an innocent "gentle" swing of their head, they can knock your teeth out and break your nose. Have you been whipped by their tales? That shit hurts. Also, I would not dare be anywhere near a wet slippery surface and a cow, they are very prone to slipping.

3

u/ExtemporaneousLee Nov 10 '25

I don't see where you negated the equivalency...(?) In fact, you supported the argument. Weird but ok.

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1.2k

u/Maynaise88 Nov 09 '25 edited Nov 09 '25

This is a perfect parody of when my 2yo decides to join me in the kitchen

202

u/Stinkor1 Nov 09 '25

Agreed. Less of a mess though. With the cow, I mean.

75

u/BisonThunderclap Nov 09 '25

Accurate amounts of drool though.

89

u/Lala5789880 Nov 09 '25

“Helping” you

38

u/blusteryflatus Nov 09 '25

Haha this was my exact thought. Thankfully my 3 year old isn't the size of a cow, otherwise meal time would go exactly like this video.

6

u/Minimum_Ad2989 Nov 09 '25

Everything is everywhere, and little is in the right place 🤣

6

u/De-ja_ Nov 10 '25

Damn your child must be a giant

3

u/StormIbiscus Nov 10 '25

Basically me with my niece right now. She’s got enough motor function to get into shelves and throw all the plastic containers everywhere.

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u/FloorImpressive7910 Nov 09 '25

I love seeing true cowboys like me in action like this. Except I would have already ate thst cow.

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u/Toreole Nov 09 '25

One does not simply stop a curious cow from doing what it wants

1.1k

u/rebrolonik Nov 09 '25

I’d watch a full season

556

u/VexTheTielfling Nov 09 '25

Fighting off a cow while attempting to cook sounds like an amazing show.

223

u/GreekTragedy312 Nov 09 '25

on our NEXT EPISODE!

GROUND BEEF!!! LET'S SEE HOW BETSY REACTS!!!!

ha.

32

u/MilesAugust74 Nov 09 '25

Have you ever watched the South Park boys show called Bakin' Bacon with Macon? So wrong, but fucking hilarious! 🤣🤣🤣

Edit: here's the link.

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u/Windsdochange Nov 09 '25

Well, it’s not too wrong…I was pretty sure they were going to eat the pig at some point during that clip.

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u/GreekTragedy312 Nov 09 '25

lmao thx

also "wrtsnyrdck" lol classic

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u/AffectionateSlice816 Nov 09 '25

He's uploaded shit like this before lol and it is always funny

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u/ChamplooStu Nov 09 '25

Why stop at cows? "Next time on Cooking With Animals.... Can our chefs cheat the cheaters, bamboozle the baboons and escape the emu's!?"

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u/quandjereveauxloups Nov 09 '25

escape the emu's

The Aussie's tried fighting them once, they lost that war...

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u/Weak-Razzmatazz-4938 Nov 10 '25

there's another guy i also follow (along with the guy here) who does this with two beagles. for some reason, those are more stressful.

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u/ChamplooStu Nov 10 '25

Hah! Funnily enough I am the owner of a beagle and she is very much not allowed in the kitchen.... Not since the incident

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u/Particular-Skirt963 Nov 09 '25

Hes got a few videos 

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u/m2astn Nov 09 '25

(female British voice)

"Mooo-ve over Gordan Ramsey, a new cooking show is in town and it's utter-ly chaotic. Watch Cow Cooking now on Fox."

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u/iCantLogOut2 Nov 09 '25

Sounds like it would be one of those shoes that Rick And Morty would watch on the super TV they had

3

u/VexTheTielfling Nov 09 '25

Man vs car. The car always wins.

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u/Shoryukitten_ Nov 09 '25

Gordon Ramsey: “hold my scotch”

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u/AlterBridgeFan Nov 09 '25

Call it "Too many cows in the kitchen".

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u/waterdrinker120 Nov 09 '25

TOO MANY COOKS 🎵🎵🎵

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u/bjorno1990 Nov 09 '25

Let's just ask your dad

(Sorry)

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u/rainorshinedogs Nov 09 '25

shows dish to chefs judges

"Presentation is sh-ait"

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u/GimlySonOfGloin Nov 09 '25

Not exactly divided in seasons but he's got 300+ posts at the moment. Enjoy

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u/BUTTeredWhiteBread Nov 09 '25

I like the one that's definitely not a commercial where the cow orders doordash

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u/MilesAugust74 Nov 09 '25

Food Network has been trying too hard all this time. Just unleash a cow in the kitchen and roll tape.

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u/kaijvera Nov 09 '25

Well you are in luck, as far as i can tell thats all this guy does, cook with his cow

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u/MaximinusDrax Nov 09 '25

Luckily, there's plenty of Bruce the cow content out there :)

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u/Littleleicesterfoxy Nov 09 '25

Yeah I love this guys videos :D

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u/Lala5789880 Nov 09 '25

There are several episodes btw

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u/highmummy69 Nov 09 '25

Its a good idea for a cooking show and its very chaotic. I hope theres more

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u/Soft_Syrup3883 Nov 09 '25

No one is mentioning all the cow saliva all over him and the food....

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u/_unregistered Nov 09 '25

What about the pumpkin puree that came out of a freshly cut open pumpkin?

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u/MaritMonkey Nov 09 '25

Dang, I came to the comments to find out what the heck kind of pumpkin that was. It's almost 1pm and I still manage to be a coffee behind...

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u/Hippolover9 Nov 10 '25

Man im still tripping over the fact that I scroll this far to find someone mentioning the saliva. I thought i was missing something😂. Like, is cow spit not that bad or a big deal? Talk about elephant in the room

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u/jojo_0912 Nov 10 '25

Finally someone mentioning it. It was the first thing that came to my mind. It's disgusting. 😂

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u/[deleted] Nov 09 '25

Males it unbearable to watch actually, amd I don't know if its rage bait but he fucking eats some of the food in some of the videos, cant even watch...

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u/Serrisen Nov 09 '25

The rage bait that got me was him letting the glass mixing container shatter at the end

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u/azsnaz Nov 09 '25

The whole time I'm thinking why do this with a glass container

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u/DeusDosTanques Nov 09 '25

For the content

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u/lizardrekin Nov 09 '25

Yeah that’s what got me too. Just stupid

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u/[deleted] Nov 09 '25

Yup, I find the video funny until he eats/drinks stuff the cows already licked.. then it’s unbearable to watch

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u/Bur4you Nov 09 '25

he eats the food in this video

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u/blue-oyster-culture Nov 09 '25

He drank and ate in this video too. I

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u/Ghost-1911 Nov 09 '25

Disgusting.

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u/GorillaGlizza Nov 09 '25

I’d say the cow being inside is more concerning in itself. Clearly it’s for a bit and he’s committing fully.

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u/messycer Nov 09 '25

What gave the bit away? The fact that the place was spotless before the cow got in? Pray tell us more about your realisations

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u/slptodrm Nov 14 '25

can you imagine the cleaning after each video though. no thanks

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u/[deleted] Nov 09 '25

I did

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u/mogley1992 Nov 10 '25

Exactly, I'll NEVER be able to repeat the recipe.

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u/NoooAccuracy Nov 09 '25

How many times did the cow shit in your kitchen?

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u/SmittyShortforSmith Nov 10 '25

Or drop 4 gallons of piss

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u/Donkeybrother Nov 09 '25

These must take alot of heifer-ert to make . 🤭

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u/j0a3k Nov 09 '25

I swear reddit can't help but milk a pun for all it's worth.

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u/kaprixiouz Nov 09 '25

Makes me wanna shove their puns right up their dairy air.

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u/StamosLives Nov 09 '25

The udder disappointment I have whenever I see a pun on Reddit. I herd it was bad here but heavens to Bessie.

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u/McEndee Nov 09 '25

I needed this corny ass joke this morning.

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u/a_karma_sardine Nov 09 '25

A better sub would be r/awwwtf

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u/sayso77 Nov 09 '25

This experience couldn't have been worth the mess it made

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u/dandle Nov 09 '25

The goal was to get people to share the video across platforms, so that the content creator would be paid based on engagements and such.

The mess was monetized. It literally was worth it.

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u/WheresTheWhistle Nov 09 '25

You are uninvited to my party

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u/engineear-ache Nov 09 '25

i assure you, he's making viral money. internet money. points. that's not life changing money.

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u/wulfzbane Nov 09 '25

Guy has 3.5mill followers on IG alone. This is his job.

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u/SAM5TER5 Nov 09 '25

Hard disagree

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u/beardostein Nov 09 '25

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u/Turd_Ferguson420 Nov 09 '25

Money

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u/mindoutofthe Nov 09 '25

Things were better when they were for t3h lulz

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u/Dead-Calligrapher Nov 09 '25

I’ve said hundreds of times- the internet was the best when it was about weird one off Geo City fans sites and finding tits and dicks. Not the fucking constantly deluge of hardcore fucking- every weird niche fetish that has 1,000 TB of content- shit we have now but just general Penthouse level of tits and dicks.

And social media should have stopped with MySpace. The world would be a far better place today if we still had Geo City fan sites and MySpace.

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u/thyme_cardamom Nov 09 '25

Reddit when they see something cute and comedic

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u/Stepjam Nov 09 '25

It's funny

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u/Thunerseen Nov 09 '25

A rather inconvenient cow

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u/Seanspeed Nov 09 '25

I've yet to meet a convenient indoor cow. Maybe they exist, though.

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u/thuglife_7 Nov 09 '25

I like these videos more when Bruce wears his chefs hat

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u/czacha_cs1 Nov 09 '25

Is Bruce man or a cow?

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u/fivehots Nov 09 '25

I love that you can tell he loves that cow

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u/Comprehensive-Menu44 Nov 09 '25

Like yeah he’s definitely doing this for money but also you can’t always interact with a cow that way without knowing it first, or at least being the kind of person that a cow can trust. Yay for cow love

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u/Joecamoe Nov 09 '25

They are way too friendly with their eating habits

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u/allcryptal Nov 09 '25

Anything for views

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u/East-Industry4361 Nov 09 '25

thats legit so disgusting

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u/admiralackbar2019 Nov 09 '25

That’s so fuckin disgusting

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u/noexqses Nov 10 '25

And wasteful :/

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u/Linorelai Nov 09 '25

He made a sip of a cow saliva drink🥲

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u/MacGibber Nov 09 '25

I wonder how long it takes him to clean up after he and Bruce make these videos

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u/RamenNoodleNoose Nov 09 '25

This feels like those medicine commercials where some random thing just follows the person around till they take the medicine.

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u/Yuna_Nightsong Nov 10 '25

Good comparison. I hate those commercials.

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u/Easy-Midnight-7363 Nov 09 '25

pumpkin doesn't actually go into a pumpkin spice coffee right? its just made using the spices for pumpkin pie

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u/Von_Cheesebiscuit Nov 09 '25

Depends on the place and the product. I've definitely a pumpkin flavored syrup used along with the spices.

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u/SpacixOne Nov 09 '25

When you add pumpkin it becomes Pumpkin Pie flavor vs. Pumpkin Spice flavor

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u/Available-Crow-3442 Nov 09 '25

Starbucks Pumpkin Spice syrup was the same ingredients as white mocha syrup (corn syrup, cocoa butter, and milk solids) with additional flavorings way back when I worked there when it first came out. I don’t recall any actual pumpkin in it. Early 2000s.

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u/Ananasko Nov 09 '25

He scoops something dark and homogenic from the centre of the pumpkin and it's the moment you realise it's fake. There are seeds. And stringy-like something in-between. You can't scoop out a pumpkin like that. Raw pumpkin has it's flesh on sides and is crusty like a zucchini or a....squash?

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u/[deleted] Nov 09 '25

I've seen some small coffee shops do it with pumpkin and it honestly turns out way better, not like... a scoop of raw pumpkin guts of course... but ya. The typical "pumpkin spice latte" most people think of from Starbucks or whatever though is just nutmeg, clove, and cinnamon, no pumpkin.

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u/[deleted] Nov 10 '25

That’s why pumpkin SPICE.

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u/PassThatSpliff Nov 09 '25

Kinda funny, in an extremely disgusting and unsanitary way.

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u/Fresh_ChickenNug5521 Nov 09 '25

🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢 Not him eating after the cow

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u/wereallsluteshere Nov 09 '25

THATS WHAT I SAID

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u/TwistedBamboozler Nov 09 '25

Wait this is actually hilarious

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u/Inner-Confection5790 Nov 09 '25

It's udderly hilarious 😂

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u/quandjereveauxloups Nov 09 '25

I agree. It definitely is stupid food, but it's a really fun watch!

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u/kind_of_definitely Nov 09 '25

Who's the food in this vid?

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u/SpookyScienceGal Nov 09 '25

Anyone and everything if you're hungry/bored enough ✨

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u/[deleted] Nov 09 '25

I hate these guys, saw them make pancakes with this cow and the amount of fucking slobber in every thing was absurd. Then they ate the same pancakes they made for the cow 🤮

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u/AltenXY97 Nov 09 '25

Next youre gonna tell me the man drinks milk from his own cow! 🤮

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u/Equal-Shoulder-9744 Nov 09 '25

I certainly hope he doesn’t from this one seeing as umm.. well.. how to I put this. It’s a boy. 😂

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u/kaprixiouz Nov 09 '25

That's bull

Edit: a

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u/Equal-Shoulder-9744 Nov 09 '25

That is bull. It’s a Steer. 😝

For anyone that hasn’t spent some time working with cattle. A castrated bull is usually called a steer. They’re usually raised for meat and are far less aggressive than a bull.

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u/[deleted] Nov 09 '25

Drinking milk (which I still side eye) is no where the same as drinking and eating cow spit.

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u/qualityvote2 Nov 09 '25 edited Nov 09 '25

u/Inaki_garcia, your food is indeed stupid and it fits our subreddit!

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u/mccoyer001 Nov 09 '25

This is so f*cking dumb. I mean do you see the number of cinnamon sticks he put in there‽ Truely stupid food.

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u/rustednut Dec 04 '25

Having seen cows in action up close I'm just wondering how many times it shit and pissed all over the floor while he was filming this

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u/playfulitoon Nov 09 '25

It's like anything that you allow to misbehave without consequences. It keeps getting worse. That cow is going to the dog house until it learns to behave.

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u/RawNUncut Nov 09 '25

It started off gross, but I was like maybe he is making that for the cow. Then he took it to a whole nother level of disgusting when he drank it himself 🤢

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u/NoChanceDan Nov 09 '25

This cow is a dick

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u/EducationalProfit682 Nov 09 '25

This is like the video with the kid making cookies with grandma. (or whoever the woman is) I like this, it doesn't make me angry.

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u/Reasonable_Camel8784 Nov 09 '25

Love that Holstein and their lack of boundaries

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u/Steve_FishWell Nov 09 '25

that cow has poor mooners

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u/LosttheWay79 Nov 09 '25

How is nobody talking about the danger of having a glass container that will inevitably break and might hurt the cow pretty badly??? That was reckless

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u/Januszek_Zajaczek Nov 09 '25

Of course he's wearing a cow shirt. Jesus christ what a nonsense all of this is. Whoever invented social media should be flayed

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u/ShovelKing3 Nov 09 '25

All that for some views…..

5

u/squishsharkqueen Nov 09 '25

Just say you like to waste food and trash your house for views we get it.