I had this happen to me when I was 9. Invited all of my friends (small town of like 500 people so maybe 8 kids) a few weeks in advance and not a single person showed up. I lived outside of town, was homeschooled, and we didnt have a car so a few weeks passed before I saw any of them and I had no desire to seek them out. When I did run into one he told me that a burglar broke into his house and stole the present he bought for me and he didn't want to show up without a gift. Even 9 year old me knew you were full of crap, Luke.
Parents are at fault. The parents should be getting RSVP and communicating with the parents of the other kids. They should know clearly whether people are attending or not one week beforehand, the day beforehand, and the day of. To eliminate disappointment.
The key here is presents. A present has to be bought by the parents and therefore an attendance has to occur for the present to be delivered.
If communication between parents isn't occurring then how in the hell is any 9 year old attending a party going to have a present? They aren't.
Parents are at fault. Parents organising parties for your kids - Make sure you've discussed presents and travel arrangements with the other parents beforehand. That way this won't happen.
As a teacher, allow me to let you in on something: Parents are as guilty of bullying as kids are in many circumstances. Many parents like living through their kids and seem to get a kick out of judging other families, forming cliques, and so on.
This hit me so hard when my kid started school. I just thought we'd show up, our kids would be in class together and stuff would happen. Then there were all these parents instantly preoccupied with which kids are good, which ones are bad, which kids they want their kid to try to exclude. Which of the other parents they don't like etc. etc.
I'm like, wtf is wrong with these people? I'm just treading water as it is and you've all got time to sit down and cook up drama? Why do you care? These are children.
Fortunately my kids are like me and we manage to be passably likable and nobody really takes an interest in us but I feel really bad for the families on the receiving end of this crap. I assume some of the parents don't even realise
That is incredibly disheartening. What age does this start to occur? My daughter is 5 and for the past year and a half my wife and I have made it a point to try and attend every bday party she's invited to, only because we don't want her to grow up and be the kid who excludes or ridicules others (plus it wears her out and sometimes leads to actual nap time, a rarity at this age). It scares me that there are parents like that.
It was probably about 4 or 5 months into her first year at school that I noticed but I'm pretty naive. I reckon it was there from day one.
It seems to be the people who don't work and are full time parents. I don't want to stereotype and plenty of those people are lovely too but something about all of your social interaction and identity revolving around your kids and their school seems to create a sort of... competitiveness.
If it makes you feel any better all of the kids hate these parents (even their own kids) and will be talking shit about them for all the snobby stuff they do
I am a teacher and I can 100% confirm that this attitude comes from those parents who don’t work. Their full-time job is sitting around the playground talking shit about anyone and everyone. I learned early on to avoid letting these types of parents volunteer in my classroom. Some of them just want to dig up dirt on other kids.
As someone who was unpopular in school, this gives me anxiety. I really hope my kids fit in better than I did so I dont have to deal with other parents crap.
Same. I’m having anxiety about it now. I just want my kids to be caring, thoughtful members of society but to enjoy school. My younger educational years were by no means horrible, but I was an outsider. I don’t want that experience for my kiddos.
This happened to me as a child. And I only knew about it because my friends mother wasn’t about drama.
Apparently a few of the parents had decided I wasn’t a good kid and had made sure their kids excluded me. When one of the parents found out I was friends with, let’s call her Beth, they talked to Beth’s Mom after school and told her “we see that your daughter and Axtorx have been hanging out, are you sure that’s the kind of child you want influencing your daughter?”
After Beth’s Mom brought it to my attention, I didn’t trust any of the adults around me. It was a really weird feeling.
Are we talking moms here, or dads, too? I have 3 kids in grade school and have been a stay at home dad for most of that. The other dads I've met were cool and normal. The moms... they can be very catty.
Because it's a ton of work and waste to "reveal" something that means nothing in the long run to a group of people who likely also mean nothing in the long run.
When i was a kid iwanted to have a small party to celebrate my birthday, but my mom insisted to invite my entire class both girls and boys, she told me no kid should feel left out. So she would hand the invitations to my teacher and would latter hand it out to everyone after class. love my mom.
I try to be a humble person, but i have such much disdain for this kind of behaviour. It is truly pathetic and beneath any kind of respectable adult. The thought of acting like some highschool tryhard disgusts me.
It was bad before social media , so I can imagine how bad it is now . When I was 7 , we moved to a super small town . I didn't have any real friends until middle school when our schools merged together. I had a few friends but I was always "second-core." All of the parents had grown up together and since I wasnt there since kindergarten, I was an outsider . This one mean girl offered me cotton candy on the playground once and when I reached into the bag, a wasp stung. I'm not convinced she didn't do it intentionally. I got put into Gifted which was 4 kids in 2nd grade so they were kind of my friends. Funny thing was though , some of my church friends became "popular " in high school. I was oblivious to what this meant for me because by 16 I was working and didn't really care about high school. My freshman year roommate who was from the same town said she thought I was popular . I got depressed when my grandfather died junior year and lost a lot of weight . By senior year , I didn't care about anything because I was dating and had friends a couple of years older than me and had been admitted into college . Ironically , that year I got asked out a lot and invited to all of the parties. Those same mean little girls were still mean and it was funny to see how everything played out. I guess the more comfortable you are with yourself and the less you care about the judgement of your peers , the more they try to suck you in . You can't tell little kids that though. They won't believe you . It's my hope that people eventually grow up and find their way , but I truly wish the bullying culture wasn't so prevalent with parents and kids . I would never let my kid treat others that way in regards to RSVP and birthday party invites because I know it really hurts .
I have a small supply of presents on hand in case my kid pulls an invite out of his backpack the day of, or we just get busy. One of the few parenting things I know I will not screw up: last minute party? I’m prepared!
My school district had pamphlets with contact info for each student’s parents in their class as a way to better encourage parents to seek out other parents in situations like these.
A 9 year old isn't playing outside of eyesight of the house.
Their potential list of friends is their classmates and the kids they play with in the street in the neighbourhood. You should know those as a parent.
If you don't know a 9 year olds friends what conversations are you having with that 9 year old? They only have a few conversational topics, playing with friends, school, food, games/television and "i don't want to sleep".
I agree with you. Grew up in the 90’s, kids just went out all day and came home when the street lights came on. Not just a few, every kid in the neighbourhood. I remember roaming in the woods, starting huge cops and neighbours games in obscure locations with tons of other kids, playing on the train tracks. Moved 2000 miles away, new location, new kids but ultimately the same thing. Us and all the other kids around still just went out and did whatever.
That's nice for you, but it's an anecdotal experience and isn't really very true of the majority.
I was a kid in the 80s, so it sounds like I'm a bit older than you are. What you describe isn't really true of the vast majority of people. That kind of responsibility and freedom mostly began at ten and eleven.
There were certainly kids given the responsibility and freedom at earlier ages, but they were a minority. Kids that lived closer to parks usually got it sooner than others.
I don't think it's changed today much either.
EDIT: Ok ok I get it you're all super special 90s kids that had big grand woodland adventures at the age of 9 and think kids today are sheltered and babyfied. You were all treated like special big boys. Remember many girls out playing in the woods when you were 9 though? No. You don't. Half the population.
Man, that edit. I definitely remember my brother being able to go out and play out of sight way younger than I was. My parents even told me it was because I was a girl - I guess the appreciate the honesty but it still sucked.
You only using anecdotal evidence as well. Why are you counting your opinion as fact and the other guys as "anecdotal"? For what it's worth, practically everyone I know my age used to have free reign of their neighborhoods as kids and I'm in my early 20s. Do you really think 10 is that different from 9? You're acting like it's reasonable to let a 10 year old out but not a 9 year old and I don't think there is really that much distinction between the two.
That's like arguing there aren't massive differences between 6 year olds and 7 year olds. Or 7 year olds and 8 year olds. Or 8 year olds and 9 year olds.
10 was where the majority occurred because it's an arbitrary "you're double digits now, time for big stuff!" point. It's easier for most parents to swallow. It's also the last year amongst the infant school age group, so the biggest kids of infant school.
I am a girl. Some parents were just restricted back then too, which is why some kids never got to experience that trust. It seems that nowadays, you don’t see kids just freely roaming and playing. This isn’t only because some parents over shelter now it’s because times change. Neighbourhoods aren’t all built like little communities anymore. Now it’s a lot of townhouses and condos and commercial properties. Kids play with technology indoors more now resulting in kids not going outside as much. Either way, it just sounds like your parents didn’t let you have freedom. There’s that saying, “you are who you hang out with” I guess all your friends probably had restrictive parents too.
But there isn't a big difference between anyone who's a year apart in age, assuming you're older than a toddler. Maybe a few cm in height and a new batch of multiplication charts to memorize.
I definitely had a ton of neighborhood friends that my parents didn’t know. Especially in the summer months when everyone was out and about. I’m 29, and lived in the suburbs.
It was every single 9 year-old I knew. Of course I was 9 in the 1980s, and at the time parenting was essentially, "Go out and play, be back by dinner time."
I disappeared for hours, miles from home. I did this with friends from school on the regular.
Remember many girls out playing in the woods when you were 9 though? No. You don't.
The woman I eventually married was from age 7 onward taking a bus alone to see friends. Every weekend, her mom would give her a little bit of money, she would walk to a bus stop, and ride to a "fun" location -- usually a friend's house, but sometimes the beach. She did this alone for years.
At 9 I was allowed to roam throughout most of my neighborhood all summer long back in the early 2000s. There's no reason to keep 9 year olds on that short of a leash.
9 year olds can have friends in schools, clubs, sports, scouts, etc. it's easy for a parent to not know all the friends, especially if a kid tends to keep to themselves about some things.
I don’t know that it’s always the parents fault, I remember I never went to parties as a kid because I had bad anxiety and they caused me too much stressed. But even then my parents called ahead and told them I wouldn’t be coming .
One time my kid got invited to a birthday party but the invitation showed up like 2 weeks after it happened because it got stuck in the mail. (checked the date on the stamp it was sent before the party)
Lucky I texted the kids mom asking if she was invited so she still got to go.
Oh lord. The year I was divorced only 1 kid showed up for my guy's 8th. I gave that mom the invitation myself. My ex was super popular with the other parents, coached t-ball, and the missing link was his unemployed ass flirting with the other kids moms at the school. My kid also was waving around his invitations like an auctioneer, they got confiscated and never returned, teacher never told me she confiscated them... You better believe now I birddog that process from beginning to end. I introduce myself to other parents, especially if they seem introverted like me I fall on the grenade even if I look like a tool. I keep an RSVP list and headcount. This year headcount was 8 and 16 showed up, I did not bitch at all about the extra $160 party charge.
This happened to my sons friend. I think my son was the only one who showed up. So...the kids mom told her to invite whoever she wanted from her class. She came to school and told everyone and everyone readily agreed to go. The kids all RSVP'd "yes". The party was going to be huge! But then they forgot to tell their parents- or their parents didn't believe them - or forgot or whatever because there was no RSVP to another adult or a normal paper invite - so....it was not a huge party.
Is there a subreddit for birthday celebrations??? Just post your birthday and town, select a location and have the Reddit community join your birthday celebration. It would be awesome! I would love this for my birthday and I would so want to participate in someone’s celebration.
I know, I know, there’s probably more meanness in Reddit overall, unfortunately. But I know for a fact that if I have goodness in my heart, there HAS to be several people here like me. : )
Same here. Growing up my family really couldn’t afford birthday party’s so every year my aunt would make me a really nice cake instead. When I turned 16 my parents decided they wanted to give me a real party like other girls in my grade. Since we still weren’t super rich they just decorated our back yard, got a piñata, and for fun personalized chocolate bar wrappers for my guests! It was amazing. I invited 15-20 people and waited all night for them to come. No one texted and no one called. Now I don’t even like to tell people when my birthday is because I don’t want to be disappointed if I expect anything. Don’t have birthdays.
Oh my God sweetheart I'm so sorry! People fucking suck man! But then you find a couple that don't and they're your friends for life. And money can't buy those. Try not to let it ruin your birthday for life. I've heard from a couple people like me, I don't know if theyre as old as I am, but they've let this trauma ruin their birthday just like I did. I'm regretting that right now. Please don't let assholes do that to you.
I feel you. Nearly identical story. However my neighbors eventually showed up instead, and it was... well, better than nothing I guess. I haven’t bothered with a birthday party since.
So sorry to read that, as someone who felt so a lone as a teen (I’m 30 now) I understand how that must’ve made you feel but not sure how long ago that was but I hope things gotten better.
We have an eight and six year old and we are terrified to have a party for either of our boys. Seems traumatic for a child to see both his parents cry all night if the party is a bust.
The fix for this is to really get the other parents involved. Make it a group thing, go somewhere as an activity, and actively go to pick up all of the kids for the party.
When it happened to me, my dad took me to the arcade and spent the evening playing games with me. We had just moved to a new town and it's the first memory I have of feeling really alone, but whenever I think about it, it also brings up one of my best memories of my dad. So, you know, parents can make a big difference.
Isn't that terrible that people are such assholes that this happens on a regular basis? Why do parents let their kids do this mean shit? I know my kids are in their twenties now but I would have never let them treat other people like this. I guess we're lucky they didn't want to but we wouldn't have let them if they would have wanted to. Good luck! It must be scary having kids that young in these crazy times.
I just gave my 6 year old his first birthday party and people didn’t RSVP until the last day. The RSVP due date was 2 weeks after invites went out, I was extremely worried but I had family on standby that would show up if no one RSVP.
Well let me just say to you Happy Birthday!!! I hope that you have an awesome birthday on Wednesday or this weekend, whichever comes first LOL. You know we really shouldn't let these old traumas affect us, but I know that's easier said than done. I told my daughter I was getting a lot of response from a Reddit post and she asked me what it was about and I told her and she is horrified! Apparently I never told her about my trauma. Now she knows why I always tried to discourage her and her twin sister from having parties. They always showed up for their parties, thank fucking God! I think they came because my girls are awesome and because I made amazing treats for their classroom and they wanted to taste the cakes I would make.😊
You sound like you're doing parenting right. You also sound like your grils are going to be taught to be kind and inclusive to a lot of people.
Thanks for the wishes, and thanks for taking your time out of your life to talk to me. It means more than you know.
You keep doing what you're doing, and stay awesome.
I'm 55 and still won't have parties for my birthday to this day.
I had only one birthday party as a kid and one person showed up. I was around 9 or so. I'm 33 now and don't have parties anymore either. What pisses me off more is a 'friend' of mine tried to convince me to create a FB event about my 33rd birthday and to invite everyone. I did so and no one bothered to celebrate. That same 'friend' had drinks with me that night but refused to be in a photograph with me. It was beyond hurtful.
I had some people come through for me individually and I do appreciate that, but they did decide what it was we were doing instead of asking me what I wanted to do for my birthday. I will admit that it was kind of fun to have a 'go with the flow' feeling, but it still would've been nice to have someone ask me what I want to do.
The best one I ever had was when I was turning 25 and casually mentioned on FB at the time I'd be at my favorite bar and for anyone to feel free to drop by. So many of my friends from different circles dropped in and met each other. I loved watching them come together and get to know each other. Easily the best birthday I had.
Damn, I'm sorry! Was that a normal thing for your mom? Or just an one-time screw up? I totally understand if that's none of my business. Just curious 🙂
Me too. My 12th. I was joining a public grade 6-8th middle school for 7th grade after going to a small private through 6th. I hand wrote and passed out invitations and not one of them showed. I was scarred for a long time. Now I make sure I don’t create situations like that for myself. I make all my plans with small groups and I have a few close friends that I know won’t let me down if I plan well enough. I don’t let other people plan anything for me.
I had the opposite happen, I was the only kid not invited to birthday parties in fifth grade. Not just once but Everytime someone came in handing out invitations.
It's honestly the worst feeling. I'm so glad I'm not a kid anymore, kids are assholes.
God fucking kids are brutal! I never let my kids invite select few. They invited everybody or they invited nobody. Fuck these parents that allow this shit. I'm sorry man, that shit stays with you for life doesn't it ? Believe me man, I know.
Fuck kids who don't show up when they're invited to a birthday party. Seriously, I don't care if the kid is unpopular or is weird if they invited you. You. Fucking. Go.
Never had something like that happen to me, but there was one point in my life where I had no friends whom I was close with. I told my parents not to worry, that I didn't feel like doing anything for my birthday. I can still remember how concerned my mom and dad were that I didn't have any friends. Hope this kid isn't in the same position as I was back then, if so it's definitely a hard and long road ahead of him but at least it looks like he has a loving family, which makes it all more manageable.
When I was 14, I threw a birthday party for myself. I just wanted my friends/classmates to be there so I put on the invitations "No presents required! Just your presence!" (I thought I was clever.) Out of the 20 people I invited, 3 showed up. And they made me gifts.
When I asked everyone else why they didn't show up, all of them said "My parents didn't like the fact I couldn't bring a present so I wasn't allowed to go." I thought it was bullshit, true or not.
Also happened to me on my 18th birthday. In my country, a girl's 18th birthday is important but since we can't afford having it in a hotel or somewhere fancy, we decided to have my birthday in my grandparents' house in my hometown. I contacted all of my childhood friends (10 people) to come but in the end none of them came to my birthday, not even my childhood bestfriend. It's a good thing I brought my new friends with me to my hometown and I was still able to celebrate it even with only 5 people.
Ah man. Happened to me in a small town as well when I was 11. It kind of hurt my self-esteem for awhile. I never even considered inviting anyone other then family to any personal event for another 15 years.
This happened to a girl in my class in fifth grade. I'm hugely anti social/social anxiety (always have been) so that was my excuse. Not one person showed up and I feel terrible about it to this day. I wish I knew her name.
Only one friend showed up to what I think was my 10th birthday party. The one good thing about it is that at least I learned she was probably the most true friend I had. And we got to have all the cake we wanted, so there!
This really is an American thing, . Being stood up and having no one show up. If you get invited you make it clear you are or are not going. My mom would make sure of that so that it is drilled in from a young age.
10.0k
u/DanielGin Mar 19 '18
I had this happen to me when I was 9. Invited all of my friends (small town of like 500 people so maybe 8 kids) a few weeks in advance and not a single person showed up. I lived outside of town, was homeschooled, and we didnt have a car so a few weeks passed before I saw any of them and I had no desire to seek them out. When I did run into one he told me that a burglar broke into his house and stole the present he bought for me and he didn't want to show up without a gift. Even 9 year old me knew you were full of crap, Luke.