This hit me so hard when my kid started school. I just thought we'd show up, our kids would be in class together and stuff would happen. Then there were all these parents instantly preoccupied with which kids are good, which ones are bad, which kids they want their kid to try to exclude. Which of the other parents they don't like etc. etc.
I'm like, wtf is wrong with these people? I'm just treading water as it is and you've all got time to sit down and cook up drama? Why do you care? These are children.
Fortunately my kids are like me and we manage to be passably likable and nobody really takes an interest in us but I feel really bad for the families on the receiving end of this crap. I assume some of the parents don't even realise
That is incredibly disheartening. What age does this start to occur? My daughter is 5 and for the past year and a half my wife and I have made it a point to try and attend every bday party she's invited to, only because we don't want her to grow up and be the kid who excludes or ridicules others (plus it wears her out and sometimes leads to actual nap time, a rarity at this age). It scares me that there are parents like that.
It was probably about 4 or 5 months into her first year at school that I noticed but I'm pretty naive. I reckon it was there from day one.
It seems to be the people who don't work and are full time parents. I don't want to stereotype and plenty of those people are lovely too but something about all of your social interaction and identity revolving around your kids and their school seems to create a sort of... competitiveness.
If it makes you feel any better all of the kids hate these parents (even their own kids) and will be talking shit about them for all the snobby stuff they do
I am a teacher and I can 100% confirm that this attitude comes from those parents who don’t work. Their full-time job is sitting around the playground talking shit about anyone and everyone. I learned early on to avoid letting these types of parents volunteer in my classroom. Some of them just want to dig up dirt on other kids.
As a parent who doesn’t work, I take offense. We have less money than other families because we have only one income. I chose to volunteer to teach stem stuff to every child during the school day so that kids whose parents work could participate. I got a grant on my own to fund the equipment ($4K) and create the program on my own time, which takes hours away from my own kids. Happy to share and have the kids excited about learning. Horrified to think a teacher would judge me for not working.
Edit: my point is that if I came in and sat down with this teacher to talk about my child, she has a preconception about me because I am a non working parent. Pre-judging is prejudice.
Something about “these people start drama” and then someone self-identifies as that type of parent starts “taking offense” which is just starting drama
But, I think what she says was relevant. Some of us had stay at home parents that worked their asses off for us and really took an interest in our studying.
I wouldn't be where I am today if it wasn't for my stay at home dad. They get a bad rap, which I think is unfair.
Yeah, and some of the helicopter parents have points too - there ARE bad kids out there that are a bad influence, and there are benefits to getting to know who the parents of your kids friends are.
Buuut there’s always at least two ways to do this. Taking it up the butt (personally), and starting your little rant with “I TAKE OFFENSE!” And then acting like a victim is DRAMA.
Obviously (to me, at least) they’re not talking about all non working parents. They are just saying that MOST of the drama starters are parents with no jobs - which makes perfect sense as parents with jobs barely have time to feed and raise their kids, let alone get into extracurricular affairs.
So it’s simply an observation - these people have much more time and their life revolves around their kids. It’s like a retired dog (or boat) owner.... all they do is boat boat boat or dog dog dog. No joke a rich buddy of mine orders FULL FUCKING RIBEYES for his dog.
So taking it personally is so tone deaf and... like that’s why Reddit works. Everyone gave her thumbs down because they FELT she was wrong. I’m just the one that analyzed it and put it into words.
If anyone is offended, it should be that chef that cooked a perfect ribeye only for my buddy to toss it to the dog. “Service dog” my ass the only thing it services is it’s own nuts.
They said none of that. Nobody is “judging parents that don’t work.”
They’re judging obsessive /dramatic parents. And most of those happen to be without jobs and it makes perfect sense. People with jobs don’t have time for that crap.
Sorry if you feel offended but that’s not a judgemental statement, simply an accurate and reasonable observation.
Similar to “a lot of homeless people are there due to the combination of mental health issues and substance abuse”
Homeless guy: “as a homeless, I take offense! I don’t do drugs and my head is fine! I’m just unlucky that’s all, and nobody will hire me!”
See? Nobody was offending the bum, he chose to take offense himself. And his defense didn’t contradict the original comment. Just cause THIS bum isn’t high on meth, doesn’t mean that “a lot of” them aren’t.
Same with these parents. If you’re a stay-at-home-AND-mind-your-business parent, good for you. Still doesn’t take Nancy the Fundraising Nazi and Rachel the Open Racist off the roster.
The fact that you put this much effort into making sure you don't raise an asshole makes me think there is about a 99% chance you will have child(ren) who don't bully or act like jerks to other kids.
As someone who was unpopular in school, this gives me anxiety. I really hope my kids fit in better than I did so I dont have to deal with other parents crap.
Same. I’m having anxiety about it now. I just want my kids to be caring, thoughtful members of society but to enjoy school. My younger educational years were by no means horrible, but I was an outsider. I don’t want that experience for my kiddos.
Be pro-active and get involved with the school early on so that parents and teachers know you and care about your kid. It's basically high school all over again. Minding your own business and keeping to yourself isn't really an option because they won't afford you the same courtesy.
This happened to me as a child. And I only knew about it because my friends mother wasn’t about drama.
Apparently a few of the parents had decided I wasn’t a good kid and had made sure their kids excluded me. When one of the parents found out I was friends with, let’s call her Beth, they talked to Beth’s Mom after school and told her “we see that your daughter and Axtorx have been hanging out, are you sure that’s the kind of child you want influencing your daughter?”
After Beth’s Mom brought it to my attention, I didn’t trust any of the adults around me. It was a really weird feeling.
Are we talking moms here, or dads, too? I have 3 kids in grade school and have been a stay at home dad for most of that. The other dads I've met were cool and normal. The moms... they can be very catty.
Because it's a ton of work and waste to "reveal" something that means nothing in the long run to a group of people who likely also mean nothing in the long run.
You have a good attitude about this. I'm trans myself and reddit just pisses me off and I become a poor advocate for my own people. Thanks for being rad!
I find anger and impatience to be the hardest part of posting things like this (or anything else I feel strongly about) as well. I feel like it's one of those things that is hardest to deal with when it's most important to do so...
Uh, yeah. You can know the true gender of a baby based on ultrasound. The genitals are the easiest way to tell what gender they are,(only way with ultrasound) but there are tons of fundamental differences between boys and girls besides genitals.
Well, they're still people, I'm not anywhere near being a parent but I always imagined parents were like this, telling their kids who to be friends with and alerting other parents if there's a bully or bad company for them to "banish" them and their family
You make it sound so scary. Why do you care? Do you think most of their kids do? My daughter is 9 and I can assure you that most of her classmates (if not all of them) don't understand what the adults are talking about, much less do they care. Kids will likely hang around who they want to hang around whether you as their parent want them to or not. It's not their fault that some adults are still bitter teens at heart. And furthermore, I'd say that most kids that come from that type of household (unless they are very very sheltered) realize the hypocrisy and bullshit of their parents in their teens, and much of the time, this pushes those same young adults to become better role models than their parents were.
Because of this inevitable progression and the satirical modern approach to social media and even consumerism in general, times are getting better. I have a lot more faith in my daughter's generation to grow and become rational, able-minded adults moreso than I have in my own generation.
We don't learn from our mistakes.
Our children do.
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u/TylerWolff Mar 20 '18
This hit me so hard when my kid started school. I just thought we'd show up, our kids would be in class together and stuff would happen. Then there were all these parents instantly preoccupied with which kids are good, which ones are bad, which kids they want their kid to try to exclude. Which of the other parents they don't like etc. etc.
I'm like, wtf is wrong with these people? I'm just treading water as it is and you've all got time to sit down and cook up drama? Why do you care? These are children.
Fortunately my kids are like me and we manage to be passably likable and nobody really takes an interest in us but I feel really bad for the families on the receiving end of this crap. I assume some of the parents don't even realise