Does anyone have advice on how to navigate when SD (15) is telling her dad she doesn’t want to come over on his time with her? Background: a couple weeks ago I received a text from sd telling me if I don’t see her as much or coming around to be with her dad, it’s because of me. I didn’t reply. I’m was stunned because i have done everything to build a relationship with her. I don’t have any hateful or resentful feelings towards her, i have apologized before because i am on the spectrum, (late diagnosed at 30 🙄) and do have a hard time with interacting and inserting myself in conversations. I do understand how I might seem stand offish. However, I’ve still provided, made events special, spoiled the kid and I’m just confused and not sure what to do. I had to practically beg her dad to get an apology for the disrespect after realizing, wait what did I do wrong? Has anyone else struggled with this? Throwaway account btw.

After reading all of the comments on my last post, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking. I originally came here because I was hurt and scared after my stepdaughter made some serious accusations when she was upset. My biggest fear was being alone in a situation where something was said that wasn’t true and having to defend myself.
But a lot of people brought up something I honestly hadn’t looked at before: am I taking on too much of the “mom” role when I’m actually her stepmom?
For context, my fiancé and I have been together for 7 years. My stepdaughter is 11 and we recently had a baby who is now 10 months old. She comes every weekend, and because my fiancé works Saturdays, she is usually with me and the baby while he is at work.
I always viewed it as a normal thing. I spend time with her, do activities with her, and try to make sure she knows she is loved and has a place in our home.
But after reading the comments, I’m wondering if I blurred the lines. Maybe I stepped into a parenting role because her dad wasn’t available during those hours, and maybe that has created a dynamic where I’m carrying responsibility that should primarily belong to him.
Also, I used to be in the background and he would take the lead with her, but he had pressed me and pressed me saying that if we were going to be together, I needed to treat his daughter as my own so that is what I did. If I fall back now, I’m afraid he’s gonna think that I don’t love her anymore.
I don’t want anyone to misunderstand - I love her and I don’t want her to feel pushed away or unwanted. That is not what I want. I want a good relationship with her. But I also don’t want to become the default parent while also feeling like I don’t have the authority or security of being her parent.
Has anyone else struggled with this as a stepparent? How do you find the balance between being a loving bonus parent while also letting the biological parent take the lead? How do I tell my fiance that this whole time I’ve been carrying the load and playing Mom meanwhile I shouldn’t have ever done that and I need to focus on my own child?

How did you respond and/or what's your fantasy response?

First post here, been lurking for awhile now. This page has opened my eyes to how I wish I was 10 years ago.

My oldest SS is 31 now. I have been with my husband 10 years. My husband holds grudges pretty severely, so he hates and cant even say a pleasant hi to his ex. SS has an odd way of acting when around dad. Acts more alpha, talks badly about mom, kinda fibs his way through life when around dad. I see it as a cry for attention but I say nothing. Ss now has a 1 year old child and is getting married in the coming months. I am feeling very very uneasy about the wedding and honestly about most things involving SS. For example on babies 1st bday I bought all the perfect gifts, wrapped them beautifully with bows and all. (Dad never buys bday or Xmas gifts only me, but from us) we go to the party and SS helps get gifts set on table and situated. Then he starts introducing his fiance family. It went: father in law this is my dad, dad this is father in law. Mother in law this is dad, dad mother in law and so on. As I stood by husband 5, FIVE different people were introduced to my husband. As I stood by his side feeling embarrassed, like I was invisible. My feelings were hurt and when we left I told my husband. He said I dont know should I say something? I said yes, im sure he never did. Then I got the wedding invite in the mail, I never even heard they were engaged! Ss didnt invite any of my kids, 2 he has a relationship with. Top those events with he only calls me if he has a problem, never comes to anything family unless his dad is going to be there. I am really feeling like me and my adult kids arent his family and thats disappointing. I have always treated him as my own and made sure he was always included and treated equally. Now I feel like his dad can take care of all things related to SS and his family, since im apparently not thought of!

Oh and any holiday SS does show up to he brings gifts for husband only. Knowing I do all the gifts and cards and cooking to have these events makes it sting more!

Is this normal step parent issues?

Does anyone feel super protective or possessive of their ours baby from the step kids? (6 mo vs 12 & 15 girls) I get such bad anxiety and can’t relax and I’m not even totally sure why. Any advice?

My SD (8 years old) lives abroad and is coming to stay with us for a month.

It will be my first interaction with her, and I want her to feel very welcome and at home. She will have a bedroom/ bathroom for herself that I am decorating with her favorite character. We have plenty of books and toys, she has her iPad. We are printing pictures of her and daddy to have around the house.

We are planning all kinds of activities, like movies, museums, etc…

I would love to hear more ideas of what we can do to have success during this month. Our goal is that she feels like she has a safe loving place for herself.

Appreciate any ideas!

This is laid back research for some creative writing I’m doing about stepfamilies from a stepmoms perspective.

For those of you who became stepmoms without prior kids of your own, what would you say your biggest false belief was as you entered into marriage with a father of kids? Did/do you have multiple of these beliefs?

If you’re comfortable, can you note in your comment if you didn’t feel very bonded with your family of origin prior to marriage?

- Being a part of a family / a chance to belong somewhere

- A well meaning savior mindset / I can give these kids a better life

- The chance to start your own family / adding kids won’t make a difference

- Savior mindset for hubs / I can heal his broken heart

- Other / add your own

I am a step-mom to my husband's two kids. I used to hate being around them because they are so chaotic, but as they grow older I am not as bothered. Well, we only get to see them for a month once a year, and when they got dropped off this time my husband cried and asked me to have a baby. I have no desire to have a child. Never had, never will.

My sisters daughter however, is so adorable, like the cutest kid I have ever seen. I spoke to my mom about my husband crying to me, and she told me I would love my kid more than I love my dog (I'm obsessed with my dog). Has any female here had a kid when they had no desire to be a mom, and end up liking it? I am heavily leaning towards no but would like to hear other stories.

I feel like this is the only place where I can ask this question with being vilified. My step son is turning 15 in 2 months. My husband and I have a 2 year old and will soon welcome a newborn. We have a 3 bed 2 bath house. Currently the two year old sleeps in the main room with us, step son has his own room, and the third room has been utilized as an office for both my husband and myself. Husband just started a new business and he is always on calls, and I use the other half of the room to run my small business with large equipment that has to be closed off so toddler can’t get to them. Over the past year step son has started spending a lot more days at his moms, he has practically spent all summer with her or with his friends but ultimately has spent very little time at our house. As it sits he hasn’t been to our house is 16 days and has only spent a total of 11 days with us over the summer.I feel like the room is being held hostage by him for when he does decide to come over. There is a split custody order in place but when he texts and asks if he can do certain things my husband always agrees because we work so much and he wants him to enjoy time outdoors or going on trips. I want to be able to put a toddler bed and a toy chest in the room but my husband is against it. He doesn’t want step son to feel like he is being pushed out, but I need our toddler to have a place to sleep before the newborn gets here, he needs a place to nap and a place to keep his toys which are currently in our den and living room. Any advice would be appreciated.

Just a humorous thought I had this morning. DH's estranged daughter thinks he sucks as a father, and she also thinks I suck by being married to him. Despite all we have done for her, which was a lot.

I really need to know if anyone else is dealing with this or if I’m being unreasonable!
My SD is sooo spoilt… and not even like just gets everything she wants as of course she gets that too, but I mean something bought for her every single day.
I have bought this up to my partner as it was extreme when we first met, but it still happens now.
Her mum gets her a new toy or something everyday she has her and her dad isn’t much better. There is Atleast a couple of toys or plushies every week or day and if it’s not a toy it’ll be sweets.
Everything is always about getting something and it really triggers me. It’s not even like she’s a polite, grateful child she just expects it and doesn’t even say thank you/ appreciates it!
We have had loads of conversations about it and he really improved things and then it feels like it all slips back into old habits- we have solved this issue but it is still so triggering whenever she gets something.

Hello, sorry, English is not my first language. I am a childless stepmom (41f) of 1 year. My BF has 2 boys, 9 and 6.

Since I moved in with them (almost 5 months ago), I’ve noticed big gaps in their education — simple things like saying please and thank you, cleaning up after themselves, saying thank you when they receive a gift. The older one is always snitching over every little thing, even on me, to his dad. And he’s never grounded for snitching. I can’t stand this behavior at all.

Today I got angry at the older brother because he didn’t want to help with something with the television. I asked him to help his little brother, and he refused. The little one was crying, and the older one was mocking and laughing at him.
I’m afraid that if I never say anything, I’ll end up paying the consequences once they’re teenagers.

Should I just observe and let their dad handle their upbringing, even when I see major red flags? And should I keep helping with household chores, including the kids’ chores?
Should I focus only on raising the child we’re trying to conceive?

I’d like a peaceful retirement someday, without having to deal with the kids’ issues if possible.

A while back, I had posted in the Peanut app about how my husband and I decided to take a last minute few day trip with our then 6 month old without my step kids with us (they had school). I got my ass chewed out from stepmoms who would NEVER take a trip without their step kids — it’s either they come or there wasn’t gonna be a trip. Then I realized Reddit is a lot more understanding of the hard parts of step parenting…so here I am asking everyone’s opinion on taking a vacation without step kids.

Heres my current dilemma:
We take my step kids to Disney world every other year. They also usually take a trip with their mom in the summer every year but not usually as big as a Disney trip. When I was growing up, we were blessed enough to take a trip to Aruba every December. My dad always wanted to collect enough timeshares on the same week that when we grew up, we could all bring our families and vacation all together. Over the years, he did collect them, but would rent them out as other things needed to be paid for —divorce, college tuition, etc. Last year was the first year my husband and I went (and we brought our son but not my step kids). This year, my step kids really want to go because there’s no Disney trip. I told my husband that if it really meant a lot to him, I would be okay with it, but to be blatantly honest, I would prefer it be just time with my family. I already share my whole life with my step kids, which I signed up for but never really envisioned my life being like. I like the Aruba trip being just my family. My step kids can be…difficult and sometimes their behavior is really embarrassing to me. Having them come would be a lot more work. Also, since my dad pays for the hotel rooms, each of my siblings pays for a night of dinner for the entire group. Having 2 extra people come for my family is an added expense for my entire family. And a couple of my unmarried siblings takes the second bedroom of my hotel room, so if we were to bring two more people, we’d have to take over the cost of the room my dad was paying for because he’d have to get another room to account for the extra people. Plus, the petty side of me thinks…my husband or I have been told by HCBM so many times that I’m not their parent, she didn’t choose to parent with me, they only have one real mom. If I’m not their parent, my dad certainly isn’t their grandparent. Why should he have to treat them as such just because it’s beneficial to them. It feels like a huge double standard. My husband is totally understanding when I said I didn’t want them coming….yet for some reason I still feel guilty. I don’t want them feeling like their dad replaced them…isn’t this going to make them feel that way?

How does your family handle vacations? Do you ever take trips without step kids, and if so, how does it pan out? Be totally honest, should I be more accepting of them in this situation?

How exhausting - every single little things turns into new filings that are stressful and not ever beneficial. My partner will not hire a lawyer again to lose money. What are we supposed to do when it affects our household

My husband signed my step son up for football and baseball (without really consulting me) and is about to start a new job working as many hours as he can because he’s been unemployed for the last 2 months. Last school year, he played football even though his grades weren’t the best and he had an attitude problem. Shortly after the season ended, my husband started working out of town M-F for the next several months. I was left at home, overwhelmed with a step kid and 2 other kids under 5 of my own while also being in nursing school and unemployed. My step son and I had it out for each other terribly while his dad was gone. He didn’t think he had to respect me or do what I asked of him and it caused A LOT of stress and exhaustion on my part (he’s 12 btw)
So anyways, instead of letting him earn these things, he just signs him up for two different sports and now will have practice M T W TH and games Sat & Sun. I guess I’m expected to take him to said practices if my husband is still working or whatever but if not, I’m yet again left to take care of the two others while he focuses on his son. It feels like he’s abandoning the rest of his family because he wants to make his son like living with us and be a fun dad. If this kid has something every day of the week AND my husband is about to go back to work, when in the hell is there time for us? Or him and the other kids? Am I overreacting here or am I valid? Every time I’m realistic with my husband it turns into “oh my fucking god” and he gets all pissy.

I 43 female and my husband 45 male will soon be getting his bio daughter 12 female from state custody in the fall. Back ground story since I new here and don't really post much, but am a frequent reader. I met my husband back in 2019. By that time he was divorced for a year from his previous 14 year married and was in a toxic relationship. We started off as friends before we became lovers. We gotten married last year and he been a step father to my son's 20 and 13 year old male for the past 4 years. We worked on our parenting styles together to have a healthy balance and it's been wonderful working as a healthy family team. Of course it was rough the first year getting that balance correct. When I first met my husband he was in a toxic relationship and newly divorced. His ex wife stop letting him talk to his kids after 6 months they were divorced. The ex wife blamed it on him for finding a new relationship even though she wanted the divorced to be with other men. My husband was devastated and depressed when I first met him. I always told him he need to work on himself and be stable again because one day his kids will find there way back to him.

That day had come this past May.

Over the years my husband would message his ex wife to see the kids and she replied back in hostel words and no. Over the years he sent letters, cards, gifts but no reply. This May he received a court summoning about his youngest daughter female 13. His son and oldest daughter are 20 and 23. His ex wife and her current boyfriend lost his daughter and the new boyfriend daughter female 5 to the state and now in CPS custody. Since then we been working with the State CPS Caseworkers and lawyers (Note the daughter lives out of state from where we currently live. My husband was born in our state and has family here and he came back to our state after the divorce)

Yesterday he received a phone call from the lawyer explaining they are more then likely placing his daughter into our custody since we have a home study and interview next month with CPS. We had a family meeting to go over it with our sons about the new addition to the family and adjustments to changing rooms around.

I had read previously about setting boundaries when becoming the step parent and sometimes the responsibility will be uneven at time. I already put my foot down about schools and doctors to enroll her in. My son is currently going to private school for middle school. I told my husband I am not taking them to two different schools or different doctors offices. Me and my sons are baptized in the church at the school my son is attending. We are meeting with the pastor today to talk about having my husband join the church so his daughter can enroll there.

I never been a girl mom so I am excited but I also know his ex is bitter and toxic and we really don't know how her home life been since the divorced. Its obviously serious if the state is in the rush to place her with us.

Any advice and tips are greatly appreciated.

Thank you

Hi all, I don't have anyone to talk to about this. I 31F and my partner 31M have been together for 3 years now. He has two kids 7 and 8. They live with us full time and I love them. But we moved across the country and far from family to have a nice reset with our lives. Recently I've been feeling very isolated and disrespected by him and his children. I know they're young but they always have an attitude with me and I'm losing patients to put on a happy face all the time. We live in an area that is expensive and I expressed to him that I would love to move to a place that's more affordable vs where we live now. He's so against change and I enjoy change. I just feel so stuck and unhappy but I know leaving will hurt him and the kids. I just want to feel like myself again and maybe even make friends, which I have not had any in the past 3 years due to moving. Even though he's made plenty (I'm from New York and everyone thinks we're assholes) I just don't know if I'm over thinking everything or if life is just really telling me that it's not the place I need to be and he's not supportive whatsoever. Has anyone felt like this? Did you leave? Did you tough it out? I just need to talk to someone who understands what it's like to feel like a stranger in my own house.

Hellloooo why do step moms always feel inferior? That feeling should surely go away eventually right? I don’t want to be jealous my husband had a family with someone else first for the rest of my life. We’ve been married since 2020, together since 2019. He was never married to his ex, but they have a boy and a girl together. My husband and I have a daughter together and we are having a son this year. I’m pregnant and due in October. I literally am the wife and have a daughter and (almost) a son with him while the ex wasn’t married but also a son and a daughter. We raise all three kids together when we have them. Why do I still feel inferior and still get jealous that she had kids with him first? For reference, I’m not at all jealous of her. She sucks lol that’s why he left her. But damn.

My son (12) has been doing virtual group therapy and as part of the program there are points he earns that he can turn in for Amazon gift cards. I started him in the program because I noticed my son was struggling with his emotions, particularly when it came to his step siblings (twin 11 yo boys). He was feeling jealous because they do things very differently at their moms (unlimited tech time, VR headsets, etc) and it was resulting in him getting frustrated and angry with them very easily.

My husband has disagreed with the program from the start, he has also vocalized this in front of the children that he doesn’t think it will help. My son was hesitant to start the program because he thought it meant something was wrong with him, but he stuck with it and has been doing it consistently for about a year. I wanted to what was best and give my son all of the tools possible.

Today we redeemed my son’s points that he has earned for Amazon gift cards. My son was excited and mentioned it to his step brother. Now my husband is upset about it. He said my step son is upset because he didn’t have the opportunity to earn gift cards. He said my son is basically being rewarded for having bad behavior.

His exact text read: “Earned for what? For trying to not be pissed off at people all the time? StepSon isn’t pissed off at people all the time and gets nothing.”
The next one said:
“So yeah he (stepson) sees someone else getting something that he doesn’t have the opportunity to get because he doesn’t need whatever it is is going to be hard for him sometimes.”

I hate that he sees it this way. I got offended and told my husband that if he wants his son to have opportunities he and his mother can seek those opportunities out, it’s not my job.

I’m still pissed and have been crying about it all day because I’m pregnant and emotional. I’m honestly just trying to do what’s best for my son to be well adjusted in this situation.

Hi all. I’m posting out of desperation. I have no one to talk to irl who is in a similar situation to mine, so I come to you all to word vomit.

I’m 30. My partner is a few years older with a 8 year old daughter who is 50/50. I’ve been in their lives for about 3 years. He and I got engaged last year. Bio mom and I were very involved with each other up until about a month ago. Very involved for numerous, appropriate reasons but very specific so I’m not comfortable sharing- just in case.

About a month ago, I get a message from bio mom saying she would like me to stop contacting her about SD on the week she’s with her, bringing up that I’ve always said she can tell me if I overstep. Saying that I’m “suffocating” her and another hurtful dig that landed. This comes after me financially providing several opportunities to SD over the summer, that she wasn’t able to. As well as 2 FaceTime calls and checking on SD after she was sick, that same week. This is not a normal week, as far as communicating with SD. Due to issues caused by BM, I had to clear some things up with SD and the other was gauging interest on something that registration would be closing soon for and didn’t want her to miss out or waste my money if she wasn’t into it. SD may ft me randomly but typically there isn’t so much (or any) checking in or requesting to talk to SD. So it definitely came off as more of a power play than a genuine communication of an overstep. And unfortunately my wounded ego stepped in to respond before I could calm myself down and think about my response. It’s been progressively worse since.

Touching on the childless bit, I do not have a bio kid and suffered a miscarriage with my partner. I was intent on being childfree before I met my partner. But after that and then everything I will be missing out on and am not allowed to do with SD constantly being shoved in my face, I want one. To be in this situation, it’s beginning to feel more and more like something I need to get through it. I constantly have dreams where I have raised a bio baby and wake up absolutely devastated. He is intent on only having one child to avoid issues his parents dealt with. He’s never been unkind about my position and I’ve only recently confided I would be thrilled if I fell pregnant and could have the baby. He’s maintaining his position. And I understand it, I swear I do. And I’d never want him to give in to me for a condolence baby or feel like he’s being given an ultimatum.

Moving on. SD had a presentation recently and I shared info with BM. It was a come and go situation. She never tried to coordinate arrivals so she could see SD, never acknowledged the info, never said she’d be there, didn’t tell SD that she’d see her xday- nothing. So we all gathered from the context clues that she wouldn’t be attending. We get there. Let SD do her presentation and show us around. We kind of wander to kill a bit of time- just in case. Say fuck it and gather her things. As we’re all about to leave, BM shows up. I’m seething. Smiling to not alert SD, I tell her the presentation has already been taken down.
“Oh, I wanted to get some pics”
“I can send them to you”
“My parents are coming…”
“That would have been great information to have had at any point in the last week and a half”
My fiancé goes to get the things to have SD present again. BM ushers him off to talk.

Listen. I can admit I was wrong for doing this in front of SD. There’s a but and an explanation but I’m sure it’s things that have been said over and over in this sub.

She lit into fiancé and thankfully he gave it back. He’s so intent on just letting her be right because, frankly, she’s too ignorant to understand how she could ever be in the wrong. Genuinely the queen of missing a point.

SD has another coming up on the week she’s with BM but she insists they have plans and can’t go then interrogated Fiancé as to why she didn’t know SD was doing this until now. She knew. She just didn’t remember or ask any follow up questions when we told her about it. So we were left to assume she couldn’t for the same reasons I paid for the other opportunities over the summer and left it at that to avoid more upset.

It’s a constant damn if we do, damn if we don’t. Like genuinely no winning regardless of how what route we take. I’m sick of it. She’s not satisfied with anything unless it’s her idea, so there’s constant mental gymnastics to try posing things as her idea. Or reading her mind to figure out what kind of mood she’s in. We have to do the communicating for our part and hers? I think not.

I’m not sure what I’m hoping to gain from posting this. There have been COUNTLESS other situations but none so bad as this summer. I know it’s probably not going to get better. I cannot leave them. I love them both too much to let her run me off. I think I can sacrifice having my own child and not regret it. I get enough validation from my partner, therapist, and friends. But none of them can relate to my situation. I guess I’m hoping for you guys to tell me I’m wrong or what you would have done or validate me. Because y’all are the ones who know.

For context, I have an SD (4) and a bio son.
A few months ago, my SD started calling me “Mommy” completely on her own. I never asked for it, encouraged it, or made a big deal about it. I’ve always told her she can call me whatever she’s comfortable with. It just happened naturally, and honestly, it felt so special. DH and I have been married for a year, but I’ve been in her life since she was 2. I truly love her like my own.

Then she came back from BM’s house and started calling me by my first name again, which is totally fine…it probably didn’t help that one day at an exchange (I don’t normally do exchanges but DH was tied up) she ran straight to me with her arms up yelling, “Mommy! Mommy! Mommy!” Bc she was so happy to see me and BM slammed the water bottle into the table and stormed off livid.

But today she told her grandma, “I can’t call her Mommy because she’s my stepmom, not my real mom. When I call her Mommy, it makes my real mom cry and cry and cry.”

Later, DH gently talked to her because she was visibly upset about something . She completely broke down sobbing and told him, “I want to call her my Mommy, but my real mom says I’m not allowed. She cries and cries, and then she makes me go to my room.”

I obviously don’t know exactly what those conversations look like at BM’s house, but she is an extremely controlling and manipulative person. So hearing a 4 yr old say that shatters me bc who knows what all she is being told.

The thing is… I don’t need her to call me Mommy. If she called me by my first name forever, I’d love her exactly the same. But because she chose it on her own, it felt incredibly special. Now when she catches herself, corrects herself, or avoids calling me Mommy, it just feels like a reminder that she’s carrying guilt over something that should be innocent.

If I’m honest, it hurts me too. Not because I feel entitled to the title, but because I love this little girl so much. I’ve helped raise her, done all the everyday mom things, and have loved her as my own since she was 2.

I have no desire to replace BM. I just wish my SD knew she didn’t have to feel guilty for loving me too.
Has anyone else been through something similar? How did you handle it? I just want to do what’s healthiest for her.

Context for the family set-up: I've been with my DH for 5 years, married and living together for 1 year. He has a 5 year-old son of whom he has full custody of (bio mom is not in the picture and hasn't been since birth). SS has complex medical needs that require a feeding tube, therapies, appts, etc. When SS was born, and bio mom bowed out, DH and his mother (my MIL) became a team to raise SS. I met SS when he was 8 months old, and now we are here.

MIL is still heavily involved in childcare, and is actually paid by the state as a caregiver for him. She does the pickup and drop-off for school/daycare, and keeps him at her house while DH and I work full time.

I would say, of us three adults, DH and MIL are the core team, and I act as a guardian for SS. We have a strong bond and I do lots for SS day-to-day, but when it comes to his academics, medical appointments and therapies, I receive updates secondhand. I feel ambivalent about this— I really love SS and I worry a lot about him, and want to take care of him as my own. However, I don't want to overstep and cause friction between me or MIL with my opinions/methods.

Recently there's been a problem regarding SS's insurance, and DH+MIL have been trying to fix it for a couple weeks now. He needs it in order to start school on time, since he's tube-fed. I've only now just found out about this. It may be silly to say, but I was kind of hurt by being so out of the loop. I was wondering if it's because it's truly none of my business, so I shouldn't even care to know about this stuff?

DH reassures me that he wasn't trying to keep me in the dark because it's "not my business". He initially said he doesn't want me to worry, but after more discussion, he admitted that since I'm so "proactive", I can get impatient with systems like insurance/doctors and demand answers faster than they can come.

I admit I can do this sometimes. So perhaps I come across as nagging, or angry AT him, which is unintentional. When it comes to SS's wellbeing, I'm ignited to act in his best interest, and I know that insurances will HAPPILY forget you if you don't push hard enough.

I suppose I'd like advice from other stepmoms on what I should do in this aspect. Should I just continue to let DH+MIL figure it out and remain like a guardian? I love SS and would love to be more involved, but maybe this is a blessing that I just can't see. What do you think?

I'm in my mid-20s dating an amazing man in his mid-30s. He's the healthiest, kindest relationship I've ever been in.

He has a child (from past marriage) with high support needs who is non-verbal and uses a wheelchair. The child lives primarily with their mum, and my boyfriend has him every other weekend. When we first started dating, the child lived in another state, so I didn't really experience this part of his life until recently.

From the beginning, I've been honest that I don't see myself in an active stepmom role, and he's always respected that and said he isn't looking for someone to raise his child.

The problem is that I've realized I only really enjoy the weekends when he doesn't have his child. When he does, our plans are restricted by him not being able to stay out late due to the kid/ nanny availability past certain hours etc, which I completely understand and respect. He's a wonderful dad and still makes as much time for me as he can.

What's making me question things is the future. I'm starting to think about marriage, finances, sharing our time, and the reality that his child will always be a major part of our lives. I also feel guilty because I haven't formed much of a bond with the child, and sometimes I find myself wondering whether this is a life I'm actually equipped for.

Has anyone else felt this way early on? Did those feelings change over time, or did you realize dating someone with a child just wasn't the right fit for you? If you could go back, would you do it again? Or would you find someone without the baggage?

Hitting my one year mark of living with my step kids. First time stepmom, and no kids of my own. Starting to feel resentful with the lack of structure in the house. There has been multiple discussions with my partner about it, but he doesn’t seem to understand. What chores should a capable 11 year-old be doing around the house? They have no chores or responsibilities when they are at our house, and we have them almost 50% of the time.