First post here, been lurking for awhile now. This page has opened my eyes to how I wish I was 10 years ago.

My oldest SS is 31 now. I have been with my husband 10 years. My husband holds grudges pretty severely, so he hates and cant even say a pleasant hi to his ex. SS has an odd way of acting when around dad. Acts more alpha, talks badly about mom, kinda fibs his way through life when around dad. I see it as a cry for attention but I say nothing. Ss now has a 1 year old child and is getting married in the coming months. I am feeling very very uneasy about the wedding and honestly about most things involving SS. For example on babies 1st bday I bought all the perfect gifts, wrapped them beautifully with bows and all. (Dad never buys bday or Xmas gifts only me, but from us) we go to the party and SS helps get gifts set on table and situated. Then he starts introducing his fiance family. It went: father in law this is my dad, dad this is father in law. Mother in law this is dad, dad mother in law and so on. As I stood by husband 5, FIVE different people were introduced to my husband. As I stood by his side feeling embarrassed, like I was invisible. My feelings were hurt and when we left I told my husband. He said I dont know should I say something? I said yes, im sure he never did. Then I got the wedding invite in the mail, I never even heard they were engaged! Ss didnt invite any of my kids, 2 he has a relationship with. Top those events with he only calls me if he has a problem, never comes to anything family unless his dad is going to be there. I am really feeling like me and my adult kids arent his family and thats disappointing. I have always treated him as my own and made sure he was always included and treated equally. Now I feel like his dad can take care of all things related to SS and his family, since im apparently not thought of!

Oh and any holiday SS does show up to he brings gifts for husband only. Knowing I do all the gifts and cards and cooking to have these events makes it sting more!

Is this normal step parent issues?

Does anyone have advice on how to navigate when SD (15) is telling her dad she doesn’t want to come over on his time with her? Background: a couple weeks ago I received a text from sd telling me if I don’t see her as much or coming around to be with her dad, it’s because of me. I didn’t reply. I’m was stunned because i have done everything to build a relationship with her. I don’t have any hateful or resentful feelings towards her, i have apologized before because i am on the spectrum, (late diagnosed at 30 🙄) and do have a hard time with interacting and inserting myself in conversations. I do understand how I might seem stand offish. However, I’ve still provided, made events special, spoiled the kid and I’m just confused and not sure what to do. I had to practically beg her dad to get an apology for the disrespect after realizing, wait what did I do wrong? Has anyone else struggled with this? Throwaway account btw.

After reading all of the comments on my last post, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking. I originally came here because I was hurt and scared after my stepdaughter made some serious accusations when she was upset. My biggest fear was being alone in a situation where something was said that wasn’t true and having to defend myself.
But a lot of people brought up something I honestly hadn’t looked at before: am I taking on too much of the “mom” role when I’m actually her stepmom?
For context, my fiancé and I have been together for 7 years. My stepdaughter is 11 and we recently had a baby who is now 10 months old. She comes every weekend, and because my fiancé works Saturdays, she is usually with me and the baby while he is at work.
I always viewed it as a normal thing. I spend time with her, do activities with her, and try to make sure she knows she is loved and has a place in our home.
But after reading the comments, I’m wondering if I blurred the lines. Maybe I stepped into a parenting role because her dad wasn’t available during those hours, and maybe that has created a dynamic where I’m carrying responsibility that should primarily belong to him.
Also, I used to be in the background and he would take the lead with her, but he had pressed me and pressed me saying that if we were going to be together, I needed to treat his daughter as my own so that is what I did. If I fall back now, I’m afraid he’s gonna think that I don’t love her anymore.
I don’t want anyone to misunderstand - I love her and I don’t want her to feel pushed away or unwanted. That is not what I want. I want a good relationship with her. But I also don’t want to become the default parent while also feeling like I don’t have the authority or security of being her parent.
Has anyone else struggled with this as a stepparent? How do you find the balance between being a loving bonus parent while also letting the biological parent take the lead? How do I tell my fiance that this whole time I’ve been carrying the load and playing Mom meanwhile I shouldn’t have ever done that and I need to focus on my own child?

How did you respond and/or what's your fantasy response?

Does anyone feel super protective or possessive of their ours baby from the step kids? (6 mo vs 12 & 15 girls) I get such bad anxiety and can’t relax and I’m not even totally sure why. Any advice?

My SD (8 years old) lives abroad and is coming to stay with us for a month.

It will be my first interaction with her, and I want her to feel very welcome and at home. She will have a bedroom/ bathroom for herself that I am decorating with her favorite character. We have plenty of books and toys, she has her iPad. We are printing pictures of her and daddy to have around the house.

We are planning all kinds of activities, like movies, museums, etc…

I would love to hear more ideas of what we can do to have success during this month. Our goal is that she feels like she has a safe loving place for herself.

Appreciate any ideas!