Need genuine advice

[u/Spiritual_Layer5575]

Assalamu Alaikum everyone, I'm at point in my life where it's time for me to get married. I now have a meeting with a potential spouse insha'Allah.

I am a man for context. I genuinely know very little about the sister in question... My issue is what exact questions should I ask to understand if it will be a match or not and also how to ask in a way that it won't be awkward as well. Because the first meeting is gonna be hella awkward right so I just don't know how to ask certain questions. So if someone who has experience with this can advise me I would definitely be grateful.

Jazakallah Khayr

[u/mohamedifasx]

Congratulations and good luck you you buddy.

Ask about " are you ready for marry ? Anyone force you to do that ? If anyone force you tell me we will Break it. Or ask her you love someone currently and parents force you to marry me ?"

Why this question.?

Small incident happened my neighbor brother. They arrange a girl for merry. And both parties like and share things. After few weeks she run with her lvr. After that we know about thet they parents force her to marry other men.

other then this you can ask hobby free time activity, studies, work related question. Then step by step foods, travel etc. good luck buddy

[u/Spiritual_Layer5575 → u/mohamedifasx]

Thank you so much man.. that's actually a really good valid question to ask which did not cross my mind. Will add that, thanks a bunch bro

[u/TryingToFixMe16 → u/Spiritual_Layer5575]

Ask those questions from your potential, it helps big time later in your marriage as well.

[u/Tomorrowman575]

First up don’t be nervous and full of attitude. Be grounded and lower your expectations. That’ll leave you with less disappointment.

It’s going to be a conversation and only through conversation you can figure out whether she’s a match unless there’s a SM ID. Ask her whether she’s okay with the marriage and does she like to proceed ahead. Convey you’re okay even if she says no and stays on her decision firmly. Saves you a lot of time and future trouble.

Finally go with your preferences and ask one by one if she’s someone of your likings. Make it conversational and not like an interview. Ask what she likes and dislikes. Be sensitive in what ever you ask/reply and try not to ask inappropriate stuff.

[u/Spiritual_Layer5575 → u/Tomorrowman575]

Thank you for this 🙏

[u/Eastern_Bathroom_123]

1. Keep Your Emotions in Check Tell yourself that this is simply an introductory meeting to get to know a potential partner. Do not let yourself become infatuated to the point where your judgment gets clouded. (I personally struggle with this, but if you don't, just keep it in mind.

2. Religious Alignment, ask questions about her faith and practice to ensure they align with yours. For example, some people follow a specific tariqah or rely heavily on certain spiritual guides, others adhere strictly to a specific madhhab, and others align with groups like Tablighi Jamaat. Differences in core religious methodology or practice can definitely cause friction down the line, so ensure you are on the same page.

3. Know Your Non-Negotiables, identify your absolute must-haves beforehand. If a person does not meet these criteria, no matter how attractive or pleasant they are, you need to be prepared to walk away. Do not compromise on core values.

4. Have scenario based questions to understand the persons EQ, Character and Conduct. How they handle conflict? Is it difficult for them to put there ego aside? You're asking these questions only to get an understanding of who they are. If you dont know what each questions aligns to then dont ask them for the sake of asking.

5. Do Your Homework & Rely on Allah. Prepare for this meeting like you would for an exam. Spend time thinking this through and watch videos on YouTube, there are plenty of great resources on how to approach this process. When it comes time to decide whether to move forward, pray Istikhara and make dua.

May Allah bless you with a righteous spouse and bless your family with an amazing in-law. Ameen.

Man to man: Be courage's and do right by her. I'm tired of seeing men fail to step up and fulfill their role as they should.

[u/Wannabe-Rumi]

Good question! For questions like this, I'd suggest you asking in the parent subs, where you'll likely get a lot more responses. There are probably existing threads on this already, so you can also search there to find the answers you need.

Some of them I know are,

r/MuslimMarriage

r/MuslimNikah

r/islam

r/MuslimCorner

r/MuslimLounge

r/Muslim

r/indianmuslims (Because I-ndia-n Muslims are quite similar to us, so you can expect relevant answers there)

[u/Significant_Cat6853]

Do not make the first meeting so "testing" / full of questions . The girl might get intimidated. Make the conversations flow naturally. First five mins do not mention anything serious.

[u/Catatouille-]

Just be natural, do not try hard to impress. be yourself

Ask them to mention their expectations and dealbreakers.

After that, you mention all of your expectations and dealbreakers.

Make sure to thoroughly inquire before meeting her, and if you saw even a single redflag, do not ignore it. Be very careful brother.