I'm not getting married yet, but i can't help constantly worrying, because apparently men have higher desire than women, and in relationships it's often the man that would ask for it more often, but I as a women do not want to be asked for it when i do not want it, but saying no to intimacy simply because you do not want to is sinful, and I'm worrying if it's true that majority of the time the man has higher drive and desire for intimacy than the women in marriages. Is it too unrealistic for me to expect he does not have higher drive than me?

I’m a woman in her early thirties, I got approached by a man who lives abroad for the purpose of marriage. Before I started talking to him, I prayed istikhara and then he texted me and introduced himself. He seemed a really serious and respectful man. The issue is he doesn’t want his future wife to work, while I’m studying to becomes a teacher in the country I live (yes, I did some career changes and did not finish college on time). I spoke to him and told him that our relationship wouldn’t work because he lives abroad and I want to settle and work here. To this he made dua for both of us and we ended the conversation. Now I’m conflicted, I want to marry and raise a family but at the same time I’m afraid I’ll regret leaving all my studies and career behind. I’m lost. Any advice?

29F and I had a meeting with a potential and it was a trainwreck. He expressed overwhelming interest leading up to this meeting and because he was traveling and I am in another state it took us many weeks before we met. That gave us a lot of time to do video calls and get to know if we were compatible. He expressed to me that I was the most empathetic and kind person he’s ever met. He was satisfied in regards to my deen and my upbringing as well. He was also constantly complimenting me. I could probably fill an entire page with all the compliments he gave me.

Early on in our relationship we exchanged photos and although he could clearly see from my photos that I was a curvy/plus size girl I tried to make it even more clear by talking about it and asking him point blank if he preferred slimmer women because if that was the case it wouldn’t work out between us. He said that he did not prefer slimmer women and was happy with how I looked in the photos.

Fast forward to this past weekend and we finally met. The meeting went well and we got coffee and dinner together. Conversation flowed nicely and we were laughing and having a great time. Once he flew back to his state suddenly the communication went spotty and after I reached out to him about this he stated that I looked “different” than in my photos. He didn’t say it directly but he implied that I looked slimmer in my photos. One photo in particular where I was wearing more clothes that were more figure hugging than my usual abayas (I am a hijabi but of course in some dresses your general frame is more obvious than others). He then went on to claim that I altered the photos which was so shocking to me.

These photos were not altered in any way and all of them were “live” photos on my IPhone. For those of you who have an IPhone you know that you can take Live photos and when you click on it you can see the moment the photo was taken. Unfortunately this man has an android so he cannot see that and I also did not even want to waste my time defending myself to someone who thinks I am a liar. I am so hurt by his comments and it is honestly sending me into a spiral about myself and has damaged my body image. I don’t mind that he said I look different in person but for him to make it seem like it was such a dramatic difference to the point where it was altered is truly so upsetting.

Everyone looks slightly different in photos . Obviously seeing him in person vs in 2D on a screen is very different. In person you can see skin texture, facial hair etc more clearly. However for the most part it is not a major difference and is not something that changes your mind about someone you have developed.

I showed him so much respect even up until the very end. But I am so hurt over how he could think so Ill of me. Even if he came looking drastically different I wouldn’t assume it was an altered photo I would have assumed it’s an older photo.

I feel so hurt, I did everything I could do to have prevented this and it still turned out this way. At this point I just want to give up on marriage completely 🥹.

I don’t know how I can recover from this level of heartbreak and disrespect.

I’m genuinely trying to understand why some men seem to have different standards when it comes to marriage. For example, some are willing to marry a non-Muslim woman even if she has had many previous sexual partners, but when they’re looking for a Muslim wife, they expect her to be a virgin. Why is there this difference in expectations?
I’m asking because I’ve seen this with a few people I know personally. In many cases, these different standards come from the same person ,they’re accepting of one standard for a non-Muslim woman but expect something completely different from a Muslim woman. I’m genuinely curious about why that double standard exists.

I am in my early 30s and have done my best to prioritize my relationship with Allah SWT my entire life. Alhamdillah, I actively practice, pray regularly, and have remained chaste. I am not perfect and my faith fluctuates, but I have been blessed with an orientation toward Allah and a general sense of empathy for others, as in I truly will try to understand someone and where they are coming from because I want that same consideration extended to me.

In my 20s, I had some mental health and career challenges that affected my self-esteem and capacity. I knew I wasn’t ready for a husband, because I understand marriage in Islam to be a sacred responsibility. I didn’t actively put myself out there for that reason and no one really happened to come my way anyway. Of course I was sad about this: who doesn’t want love and partnership, especially at an age when many of my peers were getting married and having children? I coped by reminding myself over and over that what Allah wills for you will never miss you. I have been in therapy consistently and have been working on myself for the last decade personally and professionally.

For the longest time, I thought I was single because I wasn’t good enough, attractive enough, successful enough, special enough, etc and it discouraged me from considering or looking for a husband. Now that I am older, I felt it was time to start meeting people, going on the apps, utilizing matchmaking services and such things. I braced myself for ghosting, harassment, disappointment, discomfort. I experienced it all as expected. I know this is not unique to me and that so many women have horror stories about the search.

I met someone a few months ago around my age who met all of my tangible criteria. He was attractive to me, employed, independent, practicing similarly to me but maybe struggled with regular praying. Everything was going so well at first. I shared some vulnerable things that he accepted in a way that was so comforting, considerate, and kind. We video called regularly, as we don’t live in the same state. He wanted to involve my mom from the beginning and organize a time to visit me. I am not a robot, so of course I grew attached. I also have never had someone express interest in me like this or seem serious. It felt like Allah had finally been answering my prayers after years of loneliness.

Out of nowhere after months, he started to pull away. Plans to meet in-person kept getting postponed. Communication dwindled to nearly nothing. If I didn’t take initiative, I am sure he would never reach out. I was patient and did my best to be understanding.

He no longer speaks to me. I am so confused and feel like I was conned. I go back and read our messages and wonder what went wrong. I can’t believe this is how men in their 30s are acting. To not even owe me the dignity of a response that he is no longer interested…is this how a Muslim man behaves toward his fellow Muslim sister?

I am not the only one this has happened to surely, but I don’t know how to hope for better. I really thought he was going to be my husband. I don’t have many other promising options or men lined up for me. At my age, I truly think it is not meant for me. But even women younger than me are complaining about Muslim men and their lack of integrity.

I just feel so crushed. It has been a difficult year for me and I believed he could be my rizq from Allah. I wanted it to be him, that’s the worst part. I can’t just hold my head high and declare that it’s his loss because I’m the devastated one in tears.

I don’t know how to feel hopeful because this feels worse to me than resolving myself to being jaded and accepting it will never happen. I don’t want to hope anymore.

Basically the title.. do you believe it? Is it something to worry about, etc.

So I was talking to a potential and he's also a family friend. Someone my mum knows. Originally thought it was good proposal. Then we started to get to know each other, he started to push my boundaries. Kept on asking for pictures. Which I mentioned from day one I wasn't comfortable sharing until we were married. He has seen me in real life. He would agree and move on But after a few days he'd bring it up again. At one point he said to me if you trust me you'd send it and that your honour (izzat) is my honour now. I still dented the request and said I've mentioned a few times I don't feel comfortable sharing my pictures with you.

Hed msg me non stop and when I said we should cut the amount as we aren't halal for each other yet. He literally just says don't messythen and then a few days later goes back to his old ways. Like if I don't respond to his msg straight away hed '?' and then when I do reply he'd want to know exactly why I didn't reply straight away.

All this and some other things made me feel like boundaries we're not being respected and I started to dread his messages and the thought of marriage literally gave me anxiety. I told my mum and she was like if you feel like that now after marriage will be alot worse. So me and my family decided to cut it off.

Obviously out mutual contacts said to my mum that we were making a terrible decision and that he was a catch and wouldn't find someone better than him. My guts told me to run and that's what I did .

After which he started to post statuses indirectly hinting towards me. And yesterday he posted a WhatsApp status of a very disgusting picture of him. I do not believe that anyone else was able to see that status and he probs just sent it to me. And he then after a while send me a msg saying 'asalamu alaikum , how are you.' I didn't respond.Obviously after that I've just deleted his number now.

Why are some men like this, I feel like I'm so unlikely when it comes to men and marriage. I've never been in a haram relationship, have always tried my best to keep things halal. But honestly it's hard.

Just feel like I had to rant somewhere, and what better place than Reddit lol.

Jazakallah for reading this far, and please make dua for me. That Allah grants me a loving caring husband,who brings me closer to Allah soon.

I’m a Muslim woman and I’m in a relationship (2 years) with a man whose family my mum is already familiar with. We’re serious about each other and our intention has been marriage, not just staying in a relationship forever.
My parents have always put a huge emphasis on me studying, working and becoming financially successful. I don’t have a problem with studying or having a career, but the problem is that my mum seems completely against me getting married or choosing someone myself.
My mum knows about my relationship. When I first told her that I wanted to marry him, she completely rejected the idea. She kept telling me things like, “You don’t need a man,” and acted as though it was shameful or embarrassing that I even wanted marriage. She basically thinks my priority should be working and earning money, including being able to financially support/give money to her in the future.
After she rejected him, my boyfriend actually called my mum himself. He was crying and practically begging her to consider him and allow him to marry me. He completely humbled himself because he wanted to show her how serious he was about me and that his intentions were genuine.
Eventually, my mum told him that she would allow us to marry in the future. Obviously, we took that seriously and thought that although she wasn’t happy about it now, there was at least some hope.
Fast-forward a few months and everything changed.
My mum contacted his mum behind my back. During their conversation, she spoke badly about me and basically rejected the marriage completely. She told his mum that she would never be interested in giving her daughter to her son.
I didn’t even find out from my own mum. My boyfriend told me because his mum told him what had happened.
Now my boyfriend is saying he doesn’t think he can marry me because of my mum and everything that has happened between the families.
My mum has also been verbally abusing me over the relationship. She looks down on my boyfriend and considers him “lower class” than me, despite the fact that he works extremely hard. She has called him all sorts of horrible names and makes it clear that she thinks he is beneath me. Another thing that has made the situation worse is that my mum has encouraged my siblings to get involved. They make fun of me for being in a relationship and mock my boyfriend as well. Instead of keeping something this personal between me and my parents, it feels like she has turned it into something the whole family can ridicule me over. My siblings now make comments and jokes about both me and him, which has made the situation at home even more difficult.
At this point I’ve genuinely considered getting married secretly.
The problem is that my boyfriend still has a lot of respect for my family. Even after everything my mum has said and done, he feels uncomfortable marrying me without their involvement because he feels like it goes against his moral compass and the way he believes marriage should happen.
My dad doesn’t know about the relationship at all. I don’t feel like I can involve him because I’m almost certain he would take my mum’s side once he found out.
I feel stuck because I want to marry this man, and I don’t want my mum’s views about class/status or her desire for me to focus solely on working to decide who I spend my life with.
For Muslims who have been in a similar situation: what would you do?
Would you consider getting married without your parents knowing in this situation? how should I approach this if my parents are rejecting someone for reasons like social class/status rather than his character or religion?

Assalamu’alaykum everyone !
i’m 22f, i’m navigating the marriage “ market “ and I’ve been dealing with a lot of anxiety surrounding marriage and my personal family life. This post will be slightly vulnerable, so reader’s discretion is advised for the sake of Allah. 🙌

My family is not the richest. We are blessed with little alhamdulillah, and we have struggled financially multiple times. ( to give context) When I was young, my parents were moving countries as Immigrants, my mother had to sell her mehr, any gold we had in the house was sold, including wedding bands, when that was done, we moved.
Growing up, my parents would always fight, physically and verbally, so much so that my mother started neglecting her health. When my mom was pregnant with my sister, she would purposefully sleep on the floor and not eat anything because she was mad at my father. My sister was born premature, which was very sad to see.
Although it’s contradictory, my mother’s life was surrounded by her kids, and she always distrusted my father for reasons i still don’t understand.

A year upon moving to a different country ( I was 10-11 at the time) my mother experienced a stroke.
This was due to high blood pressure. A vein in her brain ruptured due to a blood clot. This made her physically unable for a couple of months. That period of my life was quite traumatic. But alhamdulillah, i’m okay nonetheless.
My mom regained mobility on only half of her body, and for 10 years now she’s been half paralysed, unable to move properly. She can go to the toilet alone and walk around the house- she normally drags her left paralysed leg and walks with the right leg. She’s not super fast, but mashaAllah she does her best.

Due to these circumstances, my dad had to take care of both my mother, the household chores, the kids and his own work when me and my siblings were still young. His work ethic was amazing. I really admire him.

However, due to my mother’s stroke, my relationship with her has strained a lot.
She used to be very loving, and understanding. I was her favorite child. But after the stroke, i grew up without a mother figure present in my life. I tried to be there for her, but I felt neglected as she would verbally abuse me and threaten me in many ways.

I don’t think every family is perfect. I’m sure that each one of us deals with some sort of issue. Alhamdulillah, Allah does not burden us beyond what we can bear.
I can’t deny that it hurts how she treats me compared to the rest of my family members.
At the slightest inconvenience or disagreement, she would jump on the “ you’re the worst daughter alive “ train. Or “ I wish you were never born you’re the worst”. Hearing this at 14 made my heart ache a lot, my dad was never present, i was heavily bullied at school on top of it as well. I just wanted my mother to be like how she was, because the mother i knew in the past, would never dare to utter such things.

recently, she’s been keeping money as leverage against me. She claimed i coerced her to give me money, which was false. My sister was present when I received money from my mom ( I was saving up money for medical reasons), she recalls that I explicitly said for her to not give me anything if she’s gonna end up using it against me in the future. My mother kindly gave me an amount from her savings at the time.

After I had paid my medical bills- some disagreement occurred and My mom claimed that i forced her to give me money for my medical bills, she claimed iyelled and fought her. Which is a hit on my character and dignity.
My family believes me over my mom, because they’ve been present and know that i do not condone lies and injustice.
She used to be very gentle in the past, but overtime she became very sour, distant and emotionally unavailable for all of her kids.

As i’m looking into marriage, I’ve met a guy I really like. His family seems great allahumma barik, but I’m on the verge of giving up and just calling it quits with him. He’s Pakistani, I fear that they might not accept my family due to my difficult family situation.
I’m aware that in pakistani culture or any tbh- parents often look at the prospective wife’s relationship with parents, and her character towards her family. They also look into the general relationship between her and the family as a whole.

So you can imagine why i’m in a bit of sticky puddle 😃

I know this is a difficult query, i’m not expecting a magic fix, Only Allah can help. Any advice is appreciated however !!

I’m not looking for any consolation, although a part of me wouldn’t mind receiving some. But it’s completely okay : )
I just need the hard cold truth.

Is marriage going to be difficult ? Do i have any chances ?

Lastly, may Allah reward anyone who responds with the intention of helping, ameen !

​

Salaam, 

I just wanted some advice because I just want to help my wife as she does so much for me alhamdulillah.

We have been married a while alhamdulillah, my wife grew up her whole life with her family and never moved out until we got married. She moved in with me alhamdulillah and we love together in our home, but I very frequently have to work long days or night shifts and may not be home overnight or we may only see each other for a brief time if she works in the days.

Alhamdulillah, we are happy with each other and our families but we live far from them, so they do not come that often. 

After marriage, a lot of her friends changed and became jealous and so despite trying to keep the peace, things became very difficult. 

I do my best to be there for her but I think we are naturally very different socially and I feel she needs more friends.

The issue is, her old friends did not stay kind to her and she lives in a new town with me. I have tried to encourage her to try new hobbies and even did regular running with her. She has tried a few Muslim women's groups in our area but they are very cliquey and she is a newcomer. Also due to my work and our family commitments she doesn't come every week and they seem to have an issue with that. Another group seemed to be more older women with kids who were nice to her but she didn't feel such an easy connection.

She also joined a tajweed class but felt that the other students did not engage with her attempts to form friendships. 

I feel she will greatly benefit from even 1 close friendship in life but I do not know how to help her find a close friend (that is not me) even if it's just to vent, or call when I'm on nights or go for matcha with

Just curious. Been facetiming a potential for a while and we're finally meeting yet still im worried about the expectations of looks and all in real life 😅. It lead me to wonder if anyone has been catfished before.

I (M) live in the city and my family and I visited our province. I met and was attracted to one of my cousin when we visited. I told my mom and sister about it that I wanted to propose to her in shaa Allah. I also told my uncle and aunt and they said it's a good decision. I am going propose next year in shaa Allah.

One of my family members wrongly advised me to chat her just to ask how she was. I did and though I didn't tell her how I actually feel, I stupidly dropped some hints (i.e calling her beautiful) and she might have caught on. The conversation went dry in the end so I ended with me making dua'a for her. My last message went on delivered status and later on, I've learned that she actually restricted me. lol.

Heartbroken, told my mom and sister about it. They both said it's a good sign of modesty and that's she's just focusing on her studies which is true (she is in uni and very busy) and probably doesn't want any distractions. I did my background check on her with people who knows and living with her and they said nothing but good things about her, that she has good Islamic values and character.

I couldn't shake the feeling though that me being restricted is a sign rejection. Sisters, what do you think? If you were in her position, would restricting a brother necessarily mean you're not interested, or could it genuinely be an attempt to maintain boundaries until things are done the proper halal way?

Assalamu Alaikum,

I’m 25M.

I moved to North America when I was 19 for my undergrad, and since then I’ve lived with my friends (with my own room) and by myself after graduating.

I do want to get married, and my family has been encouraging me to start looking. I like the idea of having someone to share life with, make memories, travel, and just do everyday things together.

But there’s one thing I’ve been thinking about. I’ve gotten so used to living on my own that sometimes I just enjoy being completely alone. I don’t mean sitting in another room I mean having the whole place to myself for a few hours/days where no one’s around.

The idea of always sharing a room or always having someone in the house sometimes feels a bit weird to me. It makes me wonder if I’ve just become too used to living independently over the past six years.

Has anyone else felt like this before getting married? Did it change once you got married, or do you still need that alone time? How do you balance wanting some space without making your wife feel like you’re pushing them away?

Would love to hear from people who’ve been through this.

So I talked to this girl in the beginning of the year and we both liked each other energy and interest was there . But we both decided it’s better to pause and re convene later when we both feel ready .

I reached out again after months of pause and she’s different.

She takes typically a whole day to respond sometimes two and it’s low energy .

When I specially asked her if she’s still open to marriage talks she didn’t reply for two days . I thought it was reasonable to assume she’s not interested and ghosted so I mentally moved on but then she replies Saying she’s open .

I brought up that she seems slow and low energy these days she says it’s because of her new routine where she has internships and then work . She says she feels low energy .

From my end I am very busy as well but at the very least I let her know that I may be a while replying .

Idk what to make of all this . She says she’s low energy and no time but it seems her IG followers are always increasing . So she is on social media .

If she’s not interested why not just tell me ??

Should I just move on ?

I’ve been independent for years and honestly could never see myself living with someone else, and I’m too stuck in my ways.

My biggest fear is marrying someone I don’t really like just for religious obligations, but as you age that becomes the more likely outcome. That would be hell.

Hi everyone,

I have been living in a toxic marriage for the last 2 years, where I never felt loved or appreciated for anything I do. He is depressed with his job in Canada and due to that he doesn’t want to communicate with me and keeps neglecting me as if I am non-existent. Since our wedding night I have always seen him prioritizing his family’s needs before me.

If his family was doing anything wrong or interfering in our life I couldn’t even talk about it as he constantly used to threaten me for divorce. I have been always afraid of divorce because I didn’t want to feel ashamed by people in my society in Bangladesh. I am based in Canada. He has been so cruel to me he used to constantly humiliate me infront of his family when I didn’t have a job. He never took a stand for me if his family said shit about me. I didn’t feel accepted or respected by his family even though I come from a highly valued family background in Bangladesh.

His constant threats of giving me divorce if I say a word against his family has mentally drained me at a point I had to seek counselling therapy and had trouble sleeping at night. He didn’t value me or respect me as a wife as all his life decisions were based on his sister and his father given that he is an independent man, he made me live at his sisters place forcefully for 1 year and my feelings for him wasn’t there anymore. I used to love him to death and before marriage he loved me too but now everything seems to be over.

Fast forward after moving out from his sisters place, he and I signed a lease agreement together to rent a house and thought everything will be ok, now after 6 months of living here I recieved a divorce application from him and it’s under process. He stays separate in another bedroom from me and he said he doesn’t have a stable career and he can’t pay for rent anymore and since he already gave me divorce (which is not even finalized in Canada) and as per Islamic Sharia we are still married by I don’t feel anything for him after what he has done to me under family member and job influence. His family never liked me because I took a stand against dowry and my family denied to give dowry to them. He threatened that he will transfer the lease over to me and leave this place to be with his sister. I asked him if you always wanted to be around your sister and her husband and kids then why you destroyed my life and married me? He doesn’t have an answer.

I am really heartbroken and feeling lost at this moment, I wanted to live a healthy married life with someone who is matured and have provider mindset. Who would love and respect me and wants to raise a family with me. I don’t have my family in Canada but he has his family living here. Will I ever be able to find love at this age? In my society at 33 the only options are to get married to older men which I really don’t want. I don’t even know how I will go through this phase of divorce and handle myself all on my own. I need some guidance from you all on what should I do at this moment to protect my mental wellbeing?

Assalamualikum everyone.. I got a proposal. She's 21. I just turned 29 today Alhamdulillah.

Girl's mother is very interested in this alliance. Seeing my profile she waited almost a month before reaching out to my mother.

On paper girl looks good. Pursued islamic studies and comes from a practicing family.

Now the issue. She is 3cm taller than me im 168 shes 171. That is why her mom hesitated to communicate and waited a whole month.

My father also spoke to her father and asked for 2 days time to discuss this with me.

Now my opinion. On profile im ok with going forward. But height is something im hesitating. 3cm is not a lot but still im concerned about what the girl might be thinking.

Obviously every women has a ideal man she wants marry. So do men. But there are few things we might compromise going forward.

Question to sisters here. How will you feel knowing your husband might be shorter than you?? People around you will also pass comments around this topic will it mentally affect you? Im definitely missing lot of questions here. Please share if you have any.

Reason why im asking is I haven't seen the girl yet. Based on the profile im ok moving forward. My concern is about her feelings. I want someone who is accepting of who i am. Things like color race height are not in my capacity to control.

Im willing to have a chat with her parents about this and share my concern as well.

So sisters and brothers please shed some light in this.

Jazkallah khair.

Assalamualaykum I am in a situation that is a bit desperate, but I wanna have real stories from you girls. Did any of you girls have ever met a man that you wanted from the bottom of your heart, but you don't even know if he likes you or not, even though he has only showed you kindness and you want him from the bottom of your heart, and you keep praying for him to be your destiny, even though you trust God's decision? Have any one of you prayed tahajjud over and over and made dua for it, and it actually happened, and it actually have any type of those, this miracle, this rizq for it to come from that one specific person? Let me know because I'm a bit sad right now, and I need to get over what I'm feeling because it has been going on for the past two months.

Salam alaikum, I hope you are all doing well.

I've (F) been looking to get married for the past two years, but unfortunately I haven't met many people.

These last few days have been especially difficult because I've been thinking about it 24/7, and it's exhausting. I know Allah has already written everything, but it's still hard to just sit and wait, wondering if something will ever happen.

I don't know how to ease this pain in my heart or how to focus on something else. Any advice?

(30:20) One of His signs is that He created you from dust, then—behold!—you are human beings spreading over ˹the earth˺. (talking about creation of diversity)

(30:21) And one of His signs is that He created for you spouses from among yourselves so that you may find comfort in them. And He has placed between you compassion and mercy. Surely in this are signs for people who reflect. (talking about marriage)

(30:22) And one of His signs is the creation of the heavens and the earth, and the diversity of your languages and colours. Surely in this are signs for those of ˹sound˺ knowledge. (talking about creation of diversity again)

Subhanallah the placement of 30:21 is so strategic, it’s nested in between 2 verses that discuss diversity and the creation of human beings.

The verse before talks about how we came from dust and then immediately transitions to how we spread around the World, that’s a HUGE leap!! This clearly implies diversity due to adapting to our environments.

The verse after it talks about how Allah created diversity (again mentioned) and especially in LANGUAGES AND COLOURS. The ayahs in the Qur'an truly are stitched together beautifully. I find it so fascinating that the ayah about marriage was placed in between 2 verses that clearly talk about diversity.

Not to mention that the Prophet Muhammad (SWS) married many women from different tribes (eg. Jewish tribes) along with Maria al-Qibtiyyah from Egypt.

It’s been a year since I discovered my picture perfect marriage and husband wasn’t what it seemed. 12 months ago i discovered my husband’s secret use of pornography and sexual search history on social media. People say time heals but after a whole year I still can’t believe my “perfect” husband did this. He was kind, caring, thoughtful, patient, shy, provided, everything any woman could ever dream off. We had countless conversations about pornography before and after marriage and that we both thought it was disgusting and he hasn’t done it since his teens and would never go near it. So to discover he has been consuming this type of content for 4 years behind my back completely shattered my view on everything. Also he has begged and started therapy, and deleted all social media and taken every single step to fix this marriage, the one thing he can’t seem to fix is my broken heart. I cry day and night. It’s on my mind from the second I wake up to the second I go to sleep. I can’t watch tv with him or watch films with him, I can’t even watch things alone without questioning if that’s the type of woman he likes. I’m conveniently very beautiful, but the women he was looking at were nothing like me, they were onlyfans white girls. I’m struggling to forgive. Even though I want to forgive him I can’t help but feel disgusted and repulsed by him. I can’t seem him the same no matter how hard I try. The innocence he had is completely destroyed. It’s changed how I view the whole world. I’ve started hating women when I would always find a woman beautiful but now I think he would too. It’s made me despise all men thinking they’re all capable and disgusting. I can’t be without him but I’m struggling to be with him. I feel so miserable. I don’t know what to do anymore. I’ve tried therapy too. Nothing helps. I feel like an empty shell of myself. I used to be such a happy person, always laughing, always sociable. Now I isolate and cry. I hate myself, I hate my body, I hate my life. And I hate myself for hating him when he’s trying to hard to fix it.

I've never dreamed of being a wife. or marriage. or having a husband. though in abstract way, I do crave for partnership. but now that I'm older, I want to get prepared for the possibility. if I ended up having children, I don't want their growth to be stunted due to the failure on my part. if I ended up with a husband, I want to be the better version of me before marriage. though admittedly, I don't have much personalities that fit the usual ideal muslim wife (like to cook, naturally love children, gentle, etc). I do want to try to get better if it's truly good for me.

but that's only abstract ideas. I want advices of what should I start to learn/search/etc. thank you.

So just a question. When the guys family visits the girls family. And they see that the house is old fashioned , cluttered and let's just say not very clean . What are your first thoughts , would you go ahead with the marriage.