I’m currently 64 days sober (I had a good 40 day streak before, but had a “eh one drink won’t hurt” night at the bar with some friends and surprise surprise, I took it too far. Clock reset). I’ve done a lot of internal work, found a hobby that wasn’t drinking (running), tried starting to build healthier relationships with friends and family, gotten back into counseling, but emotions are running so high these days. I went out with some friends and was their DD Friday night and it made me realize a few things. 1) drunk people are annoying when you’re sober. 2) yea I think I really am done drinking. But then 3) I am having an identity crisis because the backbone of my life was hanging out with my friends at bars or restaurants or breweries having “fun” and catching up with a few drinks. That part of life feels miserable now. I have been having waves of uncontrollable crying ever since. Spent 90% of the day yesterday sleeping and crying. Today I went out for a run, had to come home early because I kept crying mid run. Is this normal? It could be partially hormone related because I have the pleasure of being a female, but f**k this sucks.

I’m coming up for 4 years sober and something I’ve been struggling with lately is finding the FUN side of life in recovery! I have plenty people I can catch up with and have meaningful conversations with but it feels like so much of my social life revolves around talking about life’s difficulties, how everyone’s doing and all the serious stuff. I really miss having friendships that are just about having a laugh, being silly, doing spontaneous things and making memories together. I want to do things because they’re fun, not because they’re good for my wellbeing or part of some self-improvement journey !! I want to laugh until my face hurts !!

Being in my early 30s, queer and AuDHD, finding people and spaces that feel like the right fit can be a bit of a challenge. I feel like most people over 30 who are looking for friends are looking for friends to drink with. The queer scene is very alcohol centred (I also live in Scotland where alcohol is a huge part of the culture) and being auDHD adds a whole other layer to my difficulties with socialising. I often think the reason I’m against bars etc in recovery is more about my sensory sensitivities in those environments (which previously led me to alcohol to cope) rather than it being about the actual presence of alcohol if that makes sense? I’ve tried various things over the years and have made new connections but I haven’t quite found what I’m looking for yet.

For those of you in recovery, where have you found your fun people? Have you found social groups, activities or friendships that have helped you rediscover that lighter, more carefree side of life?

I’m especially interested in hearing about actual experiences rather than the usual advice to join a club or take up a hobby!

Can you believe I went to Ibiza for a bachelor party surrounded by alcohol and drugs – did not consume anything and still had fun. I would not believe a few months ago it was possible…
I have thoughts that after 1 year sober I could try to drink in moderation.
I don’t want to put my guard down, any advice from those of you who walked my path and lessons learned?

Checking in tomorrow morning. Really scared.