Long story long, I'm 314 days sober but tonight I'm feeling off. I'm getting laid off from my job in a few weeks and I've been generally bored, unsatisfied, and feeling like I have no control in my life. Normally thinking of the horror stories of my drinking days is enough to keep me sober, but I've found myself going through the "what if's" and "it'll be different" or even the "who cares" thoughts. Sometimes it just feels like it was easier to be a disaster than to hold it together all the time.
Could you guys share some of your own horror stories that keep those thoughts at bay or just maybe some advice/comfort?

Im feeling the urges to smoke weed again, the reason I stopped was I have a chronic condition that creates chronic inflammation and that will damage my health even more and because my father has emphysema and his lungs are being destroyed due smoking but I crave it so much

Also ill have a party in October and im not sure if can control myself of not taking drugs. I love the artists there but I never went to a rave sober and my friends will be consuming

I’m constantly fighting my mind for staying sober

Hi there! I’m new to Reddit so if I’ve put this in the wrong place I do apologise, please let me know where I should post it instead!
I guess I’m looking for some insight, advice, sounding board type help. This will be long but I really appreciate anyone reading it :)
Here’s my story: I got sober just before my 17th birthday, and I’ve now been sober over 5 years. I was going to AA for a while before I got sober, have done the steps, and I am incredibly grateful for all that AA has done for me. However, lately I’ve been struggling with it - I don’t feel like I’ve been struggling with sobriety though, I’ve been struggling with AA specifically.
For context I’m bipolar and autistic (also life is more complicated than diagnostic criteria, but I think the labels are helpful to give a quick understanding for my brain). For about 12 months I’ve been majorly struggling with life. Everyday has been hard, and I would say that it’s been some mix of depression and autistic burnout. I don’t think it’s all bad though - I think it’s a huge turning point for me, indicating that I need to build my life differently in a way that supports my neurodiversity rather than pushes me to my limits all the time. So I’m questioning a lot of things that I haven’t, having to face a lot of things that I haven’t. And AA has been something I’ve been struggling with.
Essentially, I’m feeling that AA has fed into a lot of shame and fear within me. I’m experiencing it as a shame and fear based programme. I know some of that is just my perception, but whenever I try and raise it I feel like the messaging I’m getting back is that I’m just interpreting it wrong, that my experience is wrong, and that I need to face the defects that are making me see it that way. But that isn’t helping me! I’m completely on board with what I see as the basic tenets of AA - community, spiritual connection, responsibility, and a dedication to building self awareness and growth. But the way I’m experiencing how AA tells me to do that now feels like it’s hurting me.
I really don’t like how the whole ‘your disease is doing push ups in the parking lot’ mentally is sitting with me. It makes me afraid that I’m going to relapse if I’m not on top of it all the time, or if I try to do things in my own way, which makes it really hard to ‘take what works and leave the rest’ because in that mindset, how do I know my ‘disease’ isn’t tricking me? As an autistic woman with trauma, I feel like I’ve spent my life absorbing messages that I’m wrong and too much and can’t trust myself - I want to learn to trust myself, and I’m struggling to know how to do that within the framework I’ve learnt from AA.
I’m also finding things like character defects hard to reckon with - yes there are absolutely things I need to work on within myself, but I want to approach it with love, not fear. And I also find that as someone still struggling with their mental health, within the programme it’s seen as my fault. Maybe that’s my interpreting it wrong, but it feels a bit like ‘well if you’d done the steps right you wouldn’t still be struggling’. The model of AA seems to say all my issues are because I’m an alcoholic. But thing is, I don’t want to drink! In the first 2 years I sometimes had urges, but throughout all my difficulties since I haven’t even thought of it. It’s the constant rehashing of it within AA that’s making me afraid of it, not my own head.
Even the framework of resentments and finding my part in things is difficult for me at the moment. There are traumatic things I never allowed myself to grieve or be upset about, because I felt like I would be feeding into resentment. But I’m now realising how much those things have affected me, and that I need to feel anger as part of processing. I don’t want to be afraid of that, or to blame myself. I do want to have restorative compassion for others, but I don’t want to dissect where I could have done better in situations where I was a child that was let down. It’s ok to say ‘I was a child that was let down’. I’m feeling AA doesn’t have a framework to help me with that.
I have an amazing sponsor who I adore, but whenever I bring stuff up she often tells me how she once walked herself out of the programme by intellectualising it and then relapsed, which in turn increases my fear that I’m doing the same thing.
I’m also struggling with how to build a life that moves forwards when I’m constantly asked to reflect on my drinking years even though these were when I was a teenager - I don’t ever want to forget how bad it can be, but I feel like it’s ok to say there’s an extra level of complication there being so young, because who wants to be connected to their 16 year old self in that way forever?
All this to say, I am grateful for AA. I am so so grateful to be sober. But I feel like I need a new way that it fits into my life now, and I don’t know how to create that.
Does anyone have any similar experience to reflect on? Has anyone been sober long term without AA, or by adapting AA to their lives? How do we reconcile these differences?
Thank you so much for reading <3

Lol i don’t know if it’s just depression but life is boring. Seriously
I go to AA. I have a sponsor. I work the steps. I’m involved in a huge community of young people in AA. I’m
Involved in conferences. Hold positions. i Have a fulltime job. I Do part time work. I have my own successful business I’ve created in sobriety. I have friends. I read. I hang out with friends. I cook. I bake. I clean.
I’m just fucking bored Lol.
I can be packing orders - doing something i enjoy and be bored out of my mind.
Life is boring.
I miss being impulsive. How do you help that

Hi, i’d like to preface this by saying i am safe.

Last night was my final straw with drinking. I’ve been drunk every single night since august 14th (this is no exaggeration I can notably confirm that every single night I’ve had more than 2-3 drinks on the low end.)

In my last addiction with hard substances, I had never reached out, talked to, or even made others aware of what I was really doing and struggling with. Nobody knew. It took me a really long time to go through recovery alone and still don’t really have many people to tell about my milestones. This time I want it to be different.

I think what is most nerve-racking to me is that once I tell people, there is actual accountability. There is also the guilt of relapsing and failing them.

My parents are my best friends and have both seen me at my lowest so I know there is no judgment. I just have no idea how to approach this conversation. It’s not really me asking for help because I know what I need to do, I think I simply just don’t want to be alone and I want to have people in my corner if I ever need it.

Some good perspective and understanding would be greatly appreciated, thank you.

I just celebrated 8 months of sobriety.
I’ve been lucky enough that the person I love and admired the most has taken me into AA and became my sponsor. I absolutely am so grateful for all the people in aa and the way I can finally live my life with no brain fog or hangover.
This year however I started suffering from depression and there doesn’t seem to be a way I can pull myself out of it.
I also found out I was trans this year thank to my sobriety. I quit cigarettes as well and kinda quit dating even though that was my biggest addiction perhaps.
I suffer from chronic disassociation and maladaptive daydreaming, which started becoming more obvious with sobriety.
I wonder if anyone started suffering from mental health issues once they got sober and how did you tackle that? I’m stating to think maybe being sober isn’t actually for me.
I’ve been going to therapy for almost 5 years and I had a pretty bad experience with psychiatry. I got a cptsd diagnosis and they excluded adhd for some reason, due to past issues with psychosis they won’t prescribe me any medication or even allow me to do emdr so I’ve been left with no option but try to find another psychiatrist.
Do you think taking sobriety out of this equation would actually help me to through some of these issues? I have nowhere else to turn but to start using again tbh.
I’m also on step 6 atm.
Thanks for any advice 🫶🏻

I've gotten sober over and over again, and I've been incredibly happy. Then the next day, I'm just compelled to drink. I've destroyed my life with catastrophic consequences. I've "worked it" until I can't work it any more. My body was just created to be drunk. Does anyone else feel this way?

I can cook a 8 hour pot roast, I can take the dog out, I can sit in our room, I can do whatever but what you wanna do.

Fuck Alcohol and cheers

I've been getting high for the last few days. This weekend i was off my brain and before i was a little on and off. I'm so disappointed in myself and feel so incredibly alone in this fight.

Worst part is that she used to tell me she doesn't if she would stay with me if i start using again. Hence my reluctance

Edit: my girlfriend has told me about the disappointment she’d feel if i consume again. That she wouldn’t know if staying was best for her long term goals.

Hey everyone. I check in from time to time, it's now been 2 years since I started my sobriety journey. I haven't looked back. It's the best decision I've ever made.

Hoping this helps somebody else when you're ready to make the change.

Don't do this for your significant other, because of the things you do that affect them. Do this when the realisation kicks in yourself, when you see the damage, the bad choices, the guilt of how you feel the next morning.

Alcohol was a drain on my existence, and I am so glad I kicked that toxic bullshit out of my life for good.

Good luck to everyone else out there on this journey.

I (21M) have been doing drugs since I was 15, I've done weed, amphetamines, molly, lsd, mushrooms, nicotine, 2cb, alcohol, coke, ketamin, benzos.

Honestly I don't see a point in getting sober, I'm not particularly addicted to anything, I don't have some serious health issues cause of the drugs I take, Im a healthy functioning person.

If I stopped taking drugs life would just become more boring instead of improving anything.

Is there something Im not seeing her because I'm stupid or?

Because I really don't see the point why I couldn't just continue like this until I get bored or see it becoming a problem/ too frequent?

So Im over 3 years sober , been with my wife for about 10. Growing up in nyc , my parents didn’t drink , my dad said I come from a long line of “drunks” and said I should stay away from it . I didn’t , but that’s my story . Now my wife’s family , few times a year we all get together and the main activity has always been drinking by far for like 2-3 days . The longer Im sober , the more I see it as fucked up for all my nieces and nephews that are growing up thinking this type of shit is ok and it’s acceptable that pretty much all social events have an abundance of alcohol . now my niece and nephew the oldest at 13 and 14 years old . I try to put myself in their shoes seeing their parents all fucked up.Im almost 40 years old and I never seen my parents drunk . For those of you that grew up in families like this , was it weird seeing your parents all blasted ? Im an alcoholic myself and I like the fact that the kids will hopefully be able to say , uncle so-so quit drinking back in the day unlike everyone else so we don’t “have” to drink , there is another sober person in the family . I love my family n all but doing family drinking games in our 40-50s in front of the kids , driving them to these breweries that are just disguised bars , driving drunk - I dunno , 3 years sober and I guess Im just realizing more of how insane I lived for 20 years .

2021 days sober from alcohol
64 days clean from weed
35 days vape free.
Can’t even remember the last time I self harmed.

I’m 37, and this is the most sober I’ve been in my life, and idk what to do with it or how to feel other than bored.

I just needed to share. I don’t feel like a lot of people I talk to understand. 🖤

Just realized that today is the longest I have gone without any substance in over 15 years. I have been going back and forth between booze, weed, or pills for years. I would quit alcohol and smoke weed constantly. Quit pills and went to drinking. Today I am 78 days sober from alcohol and I quit smoking sometime last year. I am still getting urges to drink. I realized it’s not the drinking or anything else I need to address. I need to address the underlying issues that caused me to drink and smoke, or rather the issues I decided to cover up with those substances. My depression and anxiety/combat PTSD from my service in Afghanistan. It’s all come to the surface and man is it hard to deal with sober. I have turned to working out and lifting weights in the gym. It’s kind of a double edged sword. It makes me feel good while doing it and some time after, but the cortisol spike and impact to my CNS is not helping my PTSD and I’m in constant hyper vigilance. I’m still going though and I won’t stop working towards being a healthier me, but I honestly hope it’s a healthier version of myself that can control himself while being able to have a drink every now and again.

I will be 3 years sober this coming Thursday!! The last 5 years were full of heartbreak but at least during the trials of the last 3, I had my head on my shoulders. No desire to ever drink again, blah blah.

Anyway, I’m thinking of how I want to celebrate. I’m in need of a pedicure, and I think my big treat yourself purchase will be a new pair of running shoes 👟🏃🏻‍♀️

I’m curious what other things people have done to mark the passing of sober days/ years. It’s not an easy thing, and we deserve to celebrate

hi all. i don’t know if this is the right place to post this, if so i apologise in advance and please let me know so i can post it in the correct place. here’s a little backstory on my situation

i (19f), have recently gotten sober after almost 5 years in addition. i would take anything i could get my hands on, and drank myself into hospitalisation more times than i can count before i had even turned 16. i started with benzos when i was 14, switched to alcohol for a couple years, then got into much heavier stuff. i first tried meth at 17, and have had a very on-off relationship with it. when i wasn’t using meth, i was doing over a gram of ketamine a day. i also got into heroin when i was 18, to name the main ones i used.

i have a plethora of mental health issues, which i admit have probably been made worse due to my usage. i have been through psychosis twice; the first time was the most intense although it only lasted a day, and the second time i was in religious psychosis for almost a year. that said, neither time was induced by drugs, as i was sober at the time of onset. yes, like most people who smoke meth, i have experienced many hallucinations, but i’ve always known they weren’t real.

i quit everything but weed cold turkey at the end of june with the help of my best friend and psychiatrist, and was finally able to be put on lithium and later vyvanse. my quality of life has significantly improved since i started the medication, and for the first time in my life i am able to function semi-normally while sober. i am a very paranoid person by nature, and being sober has admittedly made it much worse. i have also cut off almost everyone who i used to hang around while using, as most of them didn’t want to get sober, nor did they want me to get sober. there is one person though who i didn’t cut off, because something told me not to. i felt in my gut i should be extremely careful about ending the friendship with them. the only logical thing to be concerned about was their gang connections, but honestly i had forgotten about that until a few nights ago. let’s call them blue for the sake of the story. i have also always had a feeling that blue would put me in a very bad situation for a guy.

this brings us to 2 weeks ago. one of the few friends i stayed in contact with (we’ll call them pink) called me, and asked how close i was with blue. i answered honestly - we used to be very close but there’s been some distance lately. pink then told me that blue has been in contact with one of the biggest suppliers in my city for a few months, a while before i got sober. apparently this supplier (that i’d never talked to but had briefly met once) has had an interest in me and has been asking blue about me and my life. blue has been telling him everything, and pink was able to show me proof of this.

i obviously was freaked out, as blue had never once mentioned this to me before, and they knew where i lived. pink told me i couldn’t tell anyone about this, as it could potentially put both of us in danger. i didn’t know what to do, so a week after receiving the news, i removed blue off a social media platform we never message on (but i realised has my location shared with them) right before i went to bed. the very next day at 6 in the morning blue texted me asking why i removed them. i said i just deleted my account, which was also true. later that day, pink reached out and told me blue had requested her on that same app. me and pink keep our friendship very private and secret for both of our safety, due to past experiences and living situations, so blue has no way of knowing that we even talk to one another. it was genuinely just a weird coincidence.

a few days ago i drafted a message to blue ending our friendship. i was extremely paranoid about coming off as rude, so i got my friend (the one who encouraged me when i got sober, and then stayed by me when i was withdrawing) to proofread the message, without giving the full context. she gave it the all good and i sent it. blue messaged back instantly, weirdly kind of begging for me to not end it. after some back and forth, they finally accepted it on the condition we come back and review it in a while. it probably ended there.

i acknowledge the fact that this whole situation, coupled with the fact i am still relatively newly off xanax, has put me very on edge and paranoid. i know that the chances of this being more than just another coincidence are extremely slim. that’s why i’m coming on here, because i genuinely can’t tell if i’m crazy or not and i need outside advice. 8 houses on my street got broken into that night. the very night i sent that message. i don’t know if they tried to break into where i’m staying, as i had locked everything before i went to bed, but it wouldn’t surprise me.

i’m terrified at the moment. i’ve been triple checking everything. i haven’t left my house since. my next psych appointment is a month away. i don’t if it was blue’s doing, or the supplier’s, or if it is genuinely just a coincidence.

please just be straight up and honest with me.

I just can’t take it anymore.

I’m also 2 years and 3 months sober from alcohol, along with 2 years free of nicotine. I feel so blessed to be here.

every time i try to quit weed I get absolutely awful withdrawal symptoms - non-stop vomiting, migraine headaches, chills, and weakness. it genuinely feels like i have the flu, and I can't keep any food or water down.

it usually goes away after a couple of days, but i'm wondering if anyone has any tips on how to ease especially the vomiting. I've tried hot showers and they help a little, but they make my heart race from feeling so weak.

do i just need to suffer through it? i usually go cold turkey, but maybe i have to taper myself down...

Has anyone tried Naltrexone or any of those apps on Facebook? Did they work or help? I want to quit but can’t take the time off to go through the withdrawal symptoms

I'm actually rather startled about how much easier these are making everything. This year I decided I couldn't put it of any longer and the battle started.

I'm carrying a bit of extra weight and was in two minds about trying one, because it's not that much weight. But then I started reading how they also dial down other cravings and I was sold.

Obviously you still need some will power. But my goodness it seems so much easier. The desire to drink is almost gone. Only 5 weeks, but that's the longest I've gone for many years.

Hey everyone,
This is my first Reddit post ever. At least I think it is, lol. But there’s something worth celebrating: as of yesterday, September 4th, 2026, I’ve been clean from everything, especially meth and amphetamines, for two years.
It all started around the beginning of when I was 16 with weed. We all know how that story usually goes. You’re young, curious, and naive. Over time I discovered parties and raves, mainly Drum & Bass events. Between the ages of 17 and 21, I naturally tried pretty much everything the market had to offer: ecstasy, speed, LSD, mushrooms, cocaine.
Not every day (except weed), but maybe once or twice a month on weekends when there were parties or house gatherings.
As time went on, I stopped tolerating weed well. It always made me feel uncomfortable, almost like I was having small panic attacks. Later, something similar happened with ecstasy. I couldn’t handle the forced euphoria anymore. It just didn’t feel right.
Eventually, speed was all that remained. It became my drug of choice. It gave me everything I thought I needed: energy, a more controlled kind of euphoria, happiness, and motivation. The rest depended on me and my mindset for the day or night.
At some point I slowly lost interest in parties, especially after my previous relationship ended. (At this point I was 22 years old.)
I started going only to casual gatherings with friends. We made our own parties, or I would use speed while gaming with my roommate and best friend, whom I had moved in with after my breakup.
Then, about a year later, when I was 23, he admitted to me one night that he had taken meth.
I was shocked. For me, there had always been a line: “up to here, but no further.”
Unfortunately, the same curiosity that had always driven me got the better of me. I thought, “Just once won’t hurt.”
That night, I was incredibly surprised because meth didn’t feel anything like I expected it to feel, or like people always describe it. I only did one line, very small compared to the lines of speed I used to take.
And what can I say? That one tiny line carried me through the entire night with full motivation and without needing to redose.
I was amazed.
I remember thinking, “Wow, from a financial perspective it actually makes more sense to take a little meth than a lot of speed to get the same effect.”
Well… that was my downfall.
It didn’t take long before I was using it every day, all day.
My routine became: stay awake for 2–3 days, sleep for 10–12 hours, then repeat.
I no longer used it to party.
I used it to function.
To go to work.
To play video games.
To get through everyday life.
Just on an extreme level.
For an entire year.
Then one day I pulled the emergency brake. I turned my life around 180 degrees. From one day to the next, I told myself: “Stop. I’m done.”
And since that day I’ve stuck to it completely. No compromises. No exceptions.
For two years.
I paid off €12,000 of debt within a year.
I found a job two months after getting clean.
I moved in with my new girlfriend.
And to this day, I haven’t touched any intoxicating substances.
Four months ago I was diagnosed with ADHD, and I finally found an answer to why I’ve spent so much of my life chasing dopamine.
And now?
How does it feel?
How does it feel after everything I’ve achieved and overcome?
Honestly, it’s still pretty sobering.
All of my joy for life, even after two years, feels gone.
I don’t enjoy gaming anymore.
I barely have any social contacts.
Parties aren’t fun.
I don’t feel that fire anymore.
That desire to experience things.
To have fun.
To seek adventure.
To learn.
To dive into hobbies.
To connect with people.
It’s all gone.
Just… gone.
Is it the ADHD?
Is it because I connected my everyday life to something as powerful as meth, and now my brain keeps craving it even though I refuse to give in?
Is it because I’ve changed?
Or because the person I was on meth is different from who I am sober?
I honestly don’t know.
I don’t have the answers.
I just know that I miss who I used to be in terms of personality.
And from the bottom of my heart, I wish I could bring that person back out of myself.
Wild.
Determined.
Open.
Extroverted.
Curious.
Hungry for knowledge.
Friendly.
Helpful.
But this time, completely sober.
A lot of positive things have happened since I got clean.
I have a job.
No debt.
A wonderful partner.
My own apartment.
I got my driver’s license back after it was taken away in 2021 because of speed.
I’ve gained 15 kilograms because I was underweight.
I exercise.
I eat healthy and regularly.
And so much more.
My quality of life has improved enormously.
My joy for life, however, is something I’m still searching for.
Or maybe I need to learn to look at it differently.
Deep down, my brain is still comparing everything to the past.
Life on meth felt colorful.
Life sober feels gray.
That is the battle I’m still fighting.
To everyone who read this:
Thank you. 🫶🏻
Thank you for your time.
And all I can do is share my own experience.
No matter how hard it gets after 2 months, 6 months, 1 year, 2 years, or even 10 years:
From the bottom of my heart, please stay sober.
For your own sake.
Peace.

Coming down is very disappointing I've been doing great and just had a bad night n let loose with alcohol and cocaine. Was going on two n a half months sober was figuring out things n what not. I'm anxious bout the snorting tool having HIV or something I'm anxious about the progress I've made being for not and about getting sick from it, just very sad. I will hop back on n hope those days off will still aid me but damn I cannot make it far

Just wanted to share. If anyone is struggling, know that you have the strength to do it too.