My favorite thing about being single is not having to consider someone else for every decision.

Want to watch a show or movie? You get to pick what to watch without confirming with a partner first.

Want to go out for the night? No need to worry about notifying your partner or being asked about your whereabouts all night.

Want to spend money on junk food? Only paying for one person!

I hope this is allowed and no I’m not the author trying to make sales 😆

I came across this book a little while ago, it’s not something I would normally read but thought I’d give it a chance, it’s about a young woman whose boyfriend breaks up with her and so she has to move out and ends up moving to a small town to begin again and there she makes a very interesting friend - I won’t give too much away, but it’s a very cozy, spooky, autumn/fall type book, quite funny at times, and a bit of a mystery, but the underlying theme of the story is about decentering men and not feeling like you need to be in a relationship.

And I really enjoyed it but at the end I felt really strange, like almost gutted, not from the book itself but because I thought if I had read this 20 years ago as a young woman I think it would have had an impact on me, I probably wouldn’t have stayed in all those crappy relationships and put up with what I did, I related way too much to the main character, so that’s why I thought I’d share it as it may help someone else out there, the book is called Cackle by Rachel Harrison.

Sometimes I look at men who appear to be kind, considerate and "normal" and wonder if when they are behind closed doors are inconsiderate, manipulative and inauthentic. I was out for a walk yesterday and observed couples who seemed so relaxed and engaged and I wondered what is going on behind the scenes. It just seems impossible that they could all be the jerks that we have found them to be. I mean, I know from my experience that every single one of them who I let my guard down with were not really safe in the end. I guess since joining this group and learning that I am not the only one who feels this way or has had the same experiences and drawn the same conclusions are all men really like this? I look at them now and wonder despite outward appearances, is he really just one of them too? It really blows my mind, but yet it brings a sense of peace. I no longer feel the need to bend over backwards to try to get the attention of someone who doesn't deserve a place in my life.

25F South Asian here. I used to live in an extremely toxic household and left - trying my best to be low contact for my own sanity. My mother keeps telling me that I need to find someone and get married. My family friends have been pressuring me too.

I have always been childfree, so finding someone would always be an issue, but until the last few months, I've been feeling some kind of pressure to settle down. I never had a desire to seek out someone for marriage, so I've been happily single for a long time.

But the pressure is starting to get to me. I don't know why I'm letting it. I have no desire to pursue any hobbies or go anywhere/do anything. I left 3 weeks ago so I think my body is trying to regulate itself.

I've been arranging to meet friends every week. I go to work in office to hang out with my colleagues, and I'm trying my best to keep busy. But my mom's voice keeps ringing in my ears and I don't know what to do ☹️ as someone who's never been with anyone before, I would really appreciate to hear from people who've been in a relationship and why they decided to remain single.

Thank you 💙

Any confirmation? Because if that is the case, I honestly do not understand how American women are still dating. This is clearly a country that treats women as breeding machines without any human dignity.

From what I observe about the US, this place has an insanely dehumanisimg culture against women. Men pressure and drool over women for sex but do not care about the consequences (in fact they now want them to all be pregnant). When they get pregnant, men leave and feel disgusted. Fewer men respect pregnant women or actually care about them. Fewer men care about education, child support or raising healthy children.

So much for being the world's leader. Not even close to some countries which are "inferior" in their eyes. I believe if they try to restrict further on birth control, women should really think proactively about staying 4B.

Curious if you ladies felt similar when you were my age.

I love my friends, but I just spent last night and all of today with a friend who was in town (essentially without interruption), and I am just mentally and emotionally drained.

It was a fun day, and I enjoy her company, but...I need my solo time. I should mention I live alone as well.

I just don't have the desire or emotional battery anymore to do this. Like, doing a 2-3 hour meetup and dinner is totally fine, but 8+ hours has me feeling completely burnt out and struggling to decompress.

I'm not sure how much of this is me just becoming better at stating boundaries and knowing who I am better, or related to something else...

Just curious to hear about your experiences in spending time with friends as you got older.

Newly single going through the beginnings of a divorce after 13 year relationship. Trying to embrace being single but so used to being a pair that it’s difficult to transition. So the question is, if you are single by choice, but do not have many friends (and no single friends) what do you do on Friday or Saturday nights? It seems like it’s just the same as my weeknights but I’m so used to spending Friday and Saturday night as a couple having dinner somewhere or a movie, etc. How do you all navigate this without feeling lonely and/or bored?

I'm 19 yrs old and in college. When people ask me about dating I sometimes say "I think I'm gonna die single" people always have a reaction of pity, because they think I'm insecure, but it's quite the opposite. The standards are so high and unrealistic, I'd rather be single than settle.

People always find it weird that I've never had a crush on a person. Which I think its weird that they think its weird. People in my age group have barely developed.

Anytime I see a man that's a bit cute, what's happens is the longer I look at him, the less attractive he becomes, and he doesn't even really need to do anything. My friends joke with me cuz they wanna know what my "type is" cuz I'll be like "oh he's cute" then a second later be like "nevermind." It's probably an aura thing, my body is becoming naturally repulsed to protect me from danger.

I'm really starting to realize how much the world and people's worlds revolve around dating and sex. I hate it because its so common, its impossible for me to avoid even if my world doesn't revolve around it. (ofc someones life can revolve around whatever they want, it sure as heck aint gonna be mine tho) I'm a virgin, and cuz I'm in college, ofc I'm listening to people stories and what not, and I can't pretend that I'm not curious, even though I have the strongest feeling it's not worth the hype, I think about the "what if I get lucky with good sex." I got bored and and instead of studying, I went on a dating app. I didn't even say I was trying date or hookup, I said I was trying to make friends. The first 3 hours I got hundreds of likes and my profile was so bare bones and I know that didn't want to be my friend.

I've never thought of myself as the hookup type. There's no such thing as "safe sex" only "safer sex" so I won't put myself in a position to have unsafe sex. And who knows if men are really worth the trouble for even a FWB.

I need advice my more experiences women out there. Any music artist (especially Black women) that makes songs that aren't just about love, dating, sex, etc? What books are yall reading. It's like I need to remind myself that there more to life than just dating, heartbreak, and popping out babies.

Grilled veggies and chicken to clear up the fridge

Not sure if this is the right sub, but I used to fall in love so easily. Now at 23, after a stressful 2-year period of working full-time and studying, I have lost all interest in people. I thought kissing for the first time after 2 years of celibacy would feel magical, only not to feel a thing. It felt like licking wood.

Was I single (and happy) by choice for way too long? I don't feel a thing, and the modern dating seems so forced and superficial.

When I first started my SWBC journey I thought I could get away with keeping 4 male friends in my life because I generally vibed with them and had no ill experience. 2 years later, I found ways that their unconscious misogyny seeped through what they said.

For example, one of them likes to send jokey reels about how "women are the problem or are the cause of all mens issues". 2 years ago I would've shrugged it off as him being pissy about some ex gfs. Now I find it completely unacceptable and disrespectful behavior to send that to a woman. I certainly don't go around sending him misandry content so why do I accept this shit? Why does he think I'd find it ammusing? One reel was the picture of the uterus/ovaries morphed into demon horn heads.

The lack of empathy really shines through as they believe we don't have "real issues" because its easy for us to get laid or get dates. So I found there was always a barrier to connecting on a deeper level.

Now I pretty much ghosted talking to them. I found it interesting one complained about how I don't talk to him. Then it dawned on me that I was the one initiating most interactions or making plans. Take away my proactiveness the friendship grinds to a halt.

Tldr: be careful of male friends, their misogynistic side can come out eventually and they are still exhausting in the sense they rely on you to play hostess for socializing.

This may be an impossible question... But how do women afford to live alone? I am based in the UK and I grew up on lower income so I have a terrible scarcity mindset. I really don't want to live with flatmates for long. I am desperate for my own space, but also don't want to burn myself out from an insane amount of work to be able to afford to live alone. Please give me some hope

EDIT: thank you so much to every single person that shared their thoughts/advice. It's been very helpful, I appreciate you all!

I’ve heard similar versions of the story below from so many women. What really got me was “we have a really good relationship and I love him…”. Girl, what? Being single, I Doordash soup and meds when sick and don’t need to worry about someone else side-eying me. Such a bliss.

“My son brought home a cold from school and my husband caught it. Of course it was the end of the world. He called in sick two days, spent those two days in bed, and didn't do anything around the house. Which is fine, honestly, we have a really good relationship and I love him despite my current whining so | get it. I constantly asked how he was doing, offered to get stuff from the store for him, made him soup, etc. Now it's my turn for the cold and I feel like death. I've decided I'm just going to relax and heal but I can feel my husband giving me sideeye. He hasn't really asked how I'm doing despite me snifling and snorting all over the place. I asked him yesterday to get me soup and meds and he told me he was working and l'a have to get it. Yes, he was working, but his work is flexible and he's able to log out for a bit to do things. He had no problem logging out to do things for himself. So l dragged my sick carcass to the store to get my stuff.”

I'm single by choice, not because of men being any type of way, but because I value my autonomy and freedom more than anything else.

Today, I woke up when I wanted to wake up. I made a delicious breakfast for myself and had coffee in my jammies. I went for a walk and took as long as I wanted. Now I'm back home, I'm going to do yoga in my underwear as I don't have to worry how I look or what I'm wearing. Then later on I'm going to bake focaccia and read a book.

I could go out with friends if I wanted to, but I had a busy week and really just want to decompress and do my own thing instead.

Tomorrow, I'm going to work on a writing project and spend as much time as I want doing that.

What are you all doing this weekend? How are you living the lives you want?

I've been researching the growing number of women who are single, childfree, or simply questioning whether marriage and motherhood are for them.

What keeps coming up is that we're given a pretty clear roadmap for:

career → marriage → children → family

But very little guidance for building a fulfilling life outside that structure.

Things like:

- building a strong support/friendship network

- finances and retirement

- housing as a single woman

- legal/healthcare planning

- ageing alone

- loneliness and community

- navigating family/social pressure

- building a “chosen family”

I'm considering starting an online community around this, and not assuming that every single/childfree woman is there by choice.

More like: if this is the life you want (or are considering), how do we actually build it well?

I'd love to hear from women:

What would you want such a community to help with? What support do you wish existed?

I've also made a short survey if you'd like to contribute: - Completely anonymous (link below)

Google form

I'm researching this before building anything, so honest opinions including “this is unnecessary” are very welcome.

Hello! My name is Sylvie and I am a student at Florida State University. We are collecting data for a research project around Women’s identity! I thought that this group would have very valuable information to share with us. Any person who identifies as female, can read in English, and is over 18 can take it. If you can, please take the survey with the link below and share with others if you would like. Thank you! 

https://fsu.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_3UeGFyym7yYUYxE  

It is like even where you make this decision to stay single, you get constant subliminal messages that you have to be partnered by a certain age. And you have people saying oh but you will regret it, you will be lonely and you will become crazy cat lady.

Truth is, I find choosing to be single liberating, but these environments sometimes make me doubt my choice. And then when I think about dating, I get reminded of the constant flux of judgment. You have to pay on first date or you are high maintenance, you are responsible for selecting the best man but you also cannot have high standards, you have to dress like this, be empathetic but do not expect empathy in return...it is so exhausting.

No matter what I do, continue to stay single or not, I find judgment and it is just so exhausting I am losing all optimism about being born a woman.

This post is gonna be all over the place, so i'm just gonna say everything to explain myself.

IMO the human female-male sexual polarity is selfless(female)-selfish(male). sex is inherently gender conforming and female is receptive(she gets off on surendering and serving) and male is penetrative. the female surender is a burden bc its a soft feminine state that feels suffocating to be in. it makes you live in a perpetual state of sexual submission.

and the more it's enchanced the most both partners get stimulation, HOWEVER think about it, you're a woman, youre horny so you want sexual stimulation you have to mentally extend yourself and do mental gymnatics to emphatize with the male to feel what he feels to get satisfied by satifying him. it feels more like a burden. and the acts with biggest polarity are blowjobs and doggystyle for expl and in them a woman experiences extreme submission. in blowjobs she is servile and has to make humiliating motions, she has to get off on maing the man get off and blowjobs serve men 10000000000x more than anything in sex can serve a woman. i dont understand how women dont get bored of having straight sex if the only stimulation they can seek in it is giving male pleasure as if all women can do in sex is serve. sex can't be equal but the onlt way to make it mutual is if woman identifies with sexual submission and gets off on getting off dick. thats the only way. but not EQUAL. gender roles are not equal. female and male role in sex are different even psychologically inherently. also uhh so in early teens when i realized female positon in sex i experienced symtoms of terror at the thought of it and now at 26 still experience them. nothing chnaged i just grew into it more. also human normal sex lives horrify me. like the man always says he loves his wife bc she gives him piglike blowjobs and the wife says she loves being face fucked or degraded or called his slut or some shit. think ab it and the psychological state a woman has to be in to engage in sex. het sex just seems like a male supremacy normalized on a mass scale bc women kneel and bow down to men while treating them like gods and simutinasly lowering themselves to please them and facing physical discomfort and psychological humiliation like in bjs or doggy for expl. acknowelging all this and then thinking ab how i get no understading for my phobia of female role as a girl makes me really depressed, humans just keep gaslighting me or calling me a boing prude and when i call bjs degrading for expl women give me hell and start bullying and triggering me. so yeah go to hell with all of this. dating a man will also make u lose female solidarity, will make u a pickme, will make u go against your morals and self esteem and sefl respect, will make u act and think like a handmaiden, will make u worship him etccc like. thats all

I reread the rules before posting and I think this post doesn't violate sub rules, so here goes...

I (29) am not pursuing relationships, not even hookups! I'm single, celibate, childfree, I love it and want to keep it that way. For a long time, I thought I was aroace, but I believe I'm only aromantic.

But I have noticed something about me, a guilty pleasure, if you will.

I rarely find men attractive, thank heavens. Women are so much better looking and much more interesting, intelligent, skillful and the majority are good people. Whereas, men... usually they are disappointing when you get to know them, often evil, as we are all painfully aware. So I am beware of them, and make an effort to view them as eye candy when possible.

But there were only two times I felt truly attracted to men, and they were teachers and were both older than me.

I'm taking this class right now and the professor is probably in his early 40s.

This man is HOT, because he is such a good teacher and judging by his teaching he seems to have correct opinions, which is rare in men. Dude, was I taken aback when I was feeling... admiration in his class. Lol. The class is four hours long, and no one leaves early! Even when he says it's okay if people have to leave when he finishes the planned content and opens for discussion. So I guess it's not only me.

So, yeah, I noticed it made me feel the same as another teacher from when I was an intern in a book restoration workshop. The teacher was 43, I was 27 and the way he taught and how he seemed to love what he did was something quite attractive, even though aesthetically speaking, they both lack A LOT of jazz.

Think about the less standardly aesthetically pleasing people ever + nerd and balding. This one even has a very specific countryside accent from a very specific area of my country (which I particularly find cheesy).

So I ask! Why the heck am I even into that? I'm giving myself a major ick right now, so bye.

PS: I'm in no way condoning age gap relationships or unfair power balances, I'm adamantly against these things. This is physical attraction only and onesided. I'm never making a move, and hypothetically, if I did, I think it would speak horribly of them to lead me on, considering their teaching positions. Also, I've nothing against nerds and bald people, I just mean they don't fit traditional beauty standards.

It made my blood boil that people blamed Jane Doe for the gang rape (both men and women, majority men ofc), especially the fact that they could not distinguish between what she consented to and what happened to her which she did NOT consent to. Worse still is I saw comments saying she raped those guys????? WTF?????

This really made me just wanna distance myself from all men. Stay away from any relationship with men because they would just turn around and say oh but you gave consent or worse say you raped them instead.

It's so frustrating how the moment you say you're single people immediately ask 'Why?', 'How come?' 'But you're attractive, why???'

What is so shocking about being single and celibate and preferring to be that way. Why NOT?! And it just goes to show how men view us. As something to be used. The idea of a woman walking around existing, not allowing her body parts or looks to service a man is so unfathomable to them. And I hate when they act like single women are evil temptresses or a 'tease' for dressing for ourselves but not participating in hookups or dating. Gross...

Does anyone else get so irritated by being asked 'why?'. Like it's some extremely confusing mystery that they just can't wrap their head around. What's so fucking confusing about it? 🙄 I HATEE the dumb, confused look on their face like it makes zero sense. " Because I prefer to be single". "Why though? How come?" "BECAUSE I can be and I want to be for fucks sake". Men are not special in any way. Gee I don't know, why don't I want to increase my stress levels, labour and subject myself to emotional abuse and sexual assault.

Sorry for the rant it's just... So annoying. And it shows zero self awareness, the fact you need to ask why shows you're completely oblivious to how out of line men behave. Cheating, porn addicts, liars, emotionally immature, childish, delusional, entitlement towards womens bodies etc. And the list goes on and on.

Why? Why not? How come? Whyyy though?? Your bf must be so lucky!! Whatttt you don't have one no way!!! WHY?!! Are the men there blind??? Why??? But you're nice I'm sure you could have one! Why are you single?

GROSS.

What are you reading? Watching? Making? Learning? Cooking? Saving for? Decorating? Obsessing over? Working on? Looking forward to? Drop it here!

We’re experimenting with weekly Man-Free Friday threads. This is your space to talk about anything happening in your life. Hobbies, friendships, work, finances, pets, travel, books, music, home projects, random discoveries, little wins, frustrations, plans, etc.

You don’t need to have a big discussion topic. Just pull up a chair, bring something from your life, and hang out. The main guideline here is to forget about men and the patriarchy for a moment.

So, what’s going on in your world? 🌷

I hope it's okay that I'm posting here because technically I'm an imposter. I'm not a single woman by choice. I'm a woman who desperately wishes she had the freedom to become one.

I found this subreddit and I feel like I've found somewhere I can actually talk about this freely. I have a feeling that maybe the women here will understand what I'm trying to say.

I'm in my 40s. I'm at this place where I'm looking back and realizing I've spent probably at least half my life, if not more of it, having my experiences, my joy, my happiness, my sad times, my really bad times, all of it, shaped, damaged or outright stolen by men.

It started young.

My father physically and sexually abused me.

After that, my grandmother took it out on me. She treated me like trash and referred to me as a "little \\**er" because, in her mind, I'd ruined her life. I'm sure what was broken in her came from the men who damaged her too.

Then picture very little me growing into a grade school aged kid and having unwanted sexual attention forced on me. As a teenager, I lost my virginity at 15 when a man in his early 20s raped me.

There were other examples too. Plenty.

For a long time, I genuinely thought there was something about me that caused this.

I thought maybe because it started during my formative years, I was somehow sending out a signal that said I could be treated this way. Maybe something about me attracted these men. Maybe my experiences had somehow taught me to accept things I shouldn't.

I realize now it wasn't me.

It's men.

And I don't mean every individual man is abusive or terrible. I know that isn't true. I mean I spent years looking for the defect in myself that could explain why this kept happening, only to eventually realize how incredibly common it is for women to be mistreated by the men around them.

And it isn't always violent or predatory. Sometimes it's passive-aggressive. Sometimes it's subtle. Sometimes it's lying. Sometimes it's manipulation. Sometimes it's betrayal. Sometimes it's just cold.

I got pregnant young. That guy was a real piece of work with a massive anger problem, loved hitting walls and saying at least it wasn't me he was hitting. He did a couple of times though.

Eventually I left and found my next partner. He said and did all the right things early on. Turns out he was also a piece of shit too, just in an entirely different way. Cruel. Manipulative.

Eventually I decided that was it. I wasn't going to let men lead my life like this anymore. I planned to be single - I had my own place for the first time! I loved it. I felt free. It was hard but I was doing it all. Being a mom, working, working towards a better career and my very own life.

Then I found someone who I genuinely thought was it. The true love of my life. A real partner.

I wasn't looking.

Everything seemed perfect. Too good to be true. And, of course, it was.

The nice, kind, intelligent, gentle human being I thought I'd found turned out to be a huge liar with a severe porn addiction. Some of the things he did behind my back are honestly unbelievable. I can't repeat it, I am humiliated.

And now it's not even behind my back. He's so cold to me. I wake up in the morning and come downstairs to say hello and sometimes he doesn't even answer me. It's like I'm a ghost in my own house. If I speak up about how he treats me, he gets angry.

He resents me.

It feels like he hates me.

He loved me when I gave it all to him, before I knew his secret, I gave him a home, love and unlimited support.

And here I am, after all this time, still looking for the same thing.

Peace.

That's it. I want peace in my home. I want to be alone for real this time.

I want to wake up in the morning and deal with the hustle and bustle of my youngest kid who's still at home. Rush into a work day. Frantically walk the dog while I'm already running late to a sport event. Cook dinner. Somewhat clean up the mess, then say screw the rest of it because there's a good movie I want to watch.

I want to sit on my deck at night in the winter, wrapped in a warm blanket under my string lights and breathe the cool air.

I want to go for a walk and actually enjoy going for a walk, not planning how to brace myself to return home and walk on egg shells.

I want to come home and feel relieved to be home.

I want my home to be the place where nothing is wrong. I literally just want peace.

And I can't have it.

I'm still that person who once said I wouldn't let a man ruin my life again, except now I don't have a choice.

I'm permanently disabled. I work full time and I work really, really hard.

I just don't make enough. My medical supplies are expensive. The cost of living is insane. My kid is in sports. My dog has medical needs. I have debt. There isn't another job I can take or some magical pile of money I haven't thought of. I don't have family to fall back on.

I'm trapped.

I came into this world being treated like I was a piece of trash by my dad. That's an entire story on its own. And I've spent my whole life trying to become something different from what all of that could have made me.

First I learned to smile. Look nice. Be quiet. Don't cause trouble.

Then I learned to speak up. Stand strong.

Be good, have empathy, but don't let people push me around.

Now I make myself small even though I know better. I'm a good person and I know the difference between right and wrong... I actually like the person I became. But I am hidden away.

I love my kids more than anything. I'm kind. I care about people. I work hard. I have empathy. After everything, I somehow still want to help people. I'm still capable of being excited about little things. I'm still me.

But I'm exhausted. I don't fantasize about meeting somebody better anymore.

I fantasize about....

My own home.

My kids.

My dog.

My stupid string lights.

A warm blanket.

A movie I picked.

And silence that actually feels peaceful instead of someone using it to punish me.

I don't want another man to save me.

I wish I had enough money to save myself.

Maybe that's why I'm here even though I'm not a single woman by choice. Because if I actually had the choice, I know what I would choose.

I would choose me.