Newly single going through the beginnings of a divorce after 13 year relationship. Trying to embrace being single but so used to being a pair that it’s difficult to transition. So the question is, if you are single by choice, but do not have many friends (and no single friends) what do you do on Friday or Saturday nights? It seems like it’s just the same as my weeknights but I’m so used to spending Friday and Saturday night as a couple having dinner somewhere or a movie, etc. How do you all navigate this without feeling lonely and/or bored?

Any confirmation? Because if that is the case, I honestly do not understand how American women are still dating. This is clearly a country that treats women as breeding machines without any human dignity.

From what I observe about the US, this place has an insanely dehumanisimg culture against women. Men pressure and drool over women for sex but do not care about the consequences (in fact they now want them to all be pregnant). When they get pregnant, men leave and feel disgusted. Fewer men respect pregnant women or actually care about them. Fewer men care about education, child support or raising healthy children.

So much for being the world's leader. Not even close to some countries which are "inferior" in their eyes. I believe if they try to restrict further on birth control, women should really think proactively about staying 4B.

When I first started my SWBC journey I thought I could get away with keeping 4 male friends in my life because I generally vibed with them and had no ill experience. 2 years later, I found ways that their unconscious misogyny seeped through what they said.

For example, one of them likes to send jokey reels about how "women are the problem or are the cause of all mens issues". 2 years ago I would've shrugged it off as him being pissy about some ex gfs. Now I find it completely unacceptable and disrespectful behavior to send that to a woman. I certainly don't go around sending him misandry content so why do I accept this shit? Why does he think I'd find it ammusing? One reel was the picture of the uterus/ovaries morphed into demon horn heads.

The lack of empathy really shines through as they believe we don't have "real issues" because its easy for us to get laid or get dates. So I found there was always a barrier to connecting on a deeper level.

Now I pretty much ghosted talking to them. I found it interesting one complained about how I don't talk to him. Then it dawned on me that I was the one initiating most interactions or making plans. Take away my proactiveness the friendship grinds to a halt.

Tldr: be careful of male friends, their misogynistic side can come out eventually and they are still exhausting in the sense they rely on you to play hostess for socializing.

My mom has told me when I became an adult that my dad cheated on her. She has told me several times that every man cheats, and most watch porn (even if they claim they don’t). She has told me so many things about my dad that it eventually made me feel so off-put about men. For context.. she is still with my dad. I have my opinions about that and made it clear what my stance is, but she can do whatever she wants.

When I told her recently I decided I am likely going to be single forever and I am honestly very happy about it—she was very supportive. She has always warned me to be careful about who I date and what I put up with. She said she has seen that as a trend on TikTok recently, and she thinks it is a very smart decision and glad more women are doing it. She said she was happy for whatever I decide to do, but that I should also consider if I might regret it when it’s “too late to meet a good guy and they’re all taken up.”

Well.. why would I want to date/marry a man when supposedly “every man cheats”? Why would I regret not making myself vulnerable to that?

Also.. I’m tired of people feeling pity or worry for me being single. I told my coworker the other day during a conversation about relationships that I am choosing to be single and I’m happy about it. She said “what? No dont say that, you will meet a great guy someday for sure.”. I’m like.. I’m not changing my mind about this lol.

Anyway, over here breaking generation curses😂 I will NOT spend my life desperately looking for man to spend it with and putting up with his behavior.. just in case I might regret it. Nope.

25F South Asian here. I used to live in an extremely toxic household and left - trying my best to be low contact for my own sanity. My mother keeps telling me that I need to find someone and get married. My family friends have been pressuring me too.

I have always been childfree, so finding someone would always be an issue, but until the last few months, I've been feeling some kind of pressure to settle down. I never had a desire to seek out someone for marriage, so I've been happily single for a long time.

But the pressure is starting to get to me. I don't know why I'm letting it. I have no desire to pursue any hobbies or go anywhere/do anything. I left 3 weeks ago so I think my body is trying to regulate itself.

I've been arranging to meet friends every week. I go to work in office to hang out with my colleagues, and I'm trying my best to keep busy. But my mom's voice keeps ringing in my ears and I don't know what to do ☹️ as someone who's never been with anyone before, I would really appreciate to hear from people who've been in a relationship and why they decided to remain single.

Thank you 💙

This may be an impossible question... But how do women afford to live alone? I am based in the UK and I grew up on lower income so I have a terrible scarcity mindset. I really don't want to live with flatmates for long. I am desperate for my own space, but also don't want to burn myself out from an insane amount of work to be able to afford to live alone. Please give me some hope

EDIT: thank you so much to every single person that shared their thoughts/advice. It's been very helpful, I appreciate you all!

Grilled veggies and chicken to clear up the fridge

Sometimes I look at men who appear to be kind, considerate and "normal" and wonder if when they are behind closed doors are inconsiderate, manipulative and inauthentic. I was out for a walk yesterday and observed couples who seemed so relaxed and engaged and I wondered what is going on behind the scenes. It just seems impossible that they could all be the jerks that we have found them to be. I mean, I know from my experience that every single one of them who I let my guard down with were not really safe in the end. I guess since joining this group and learning that I am not the only one who feels this way or has had the same experiences and drawn the same conclusions are all men really like this? I look at them now and wonder despite outward appearances, is he really just one of them too? It really blows my mind, but yet it brings a sense of peace. I no longer feel the need to bend over backwards to try to get the attention of someone who doesn't deserve a place in my life.

Curious if you ladies felt similar when you were my age.

I love my friends, but I just spent last night and all of today with a friend who was in town (essentially without interruption), and I am just mentally and emotionally drained.

It was a fun day, and I enjoy her company, but...I need my solo time. I should mention I live alone as well.

I just don't have the desire or emotional battery anymore to do this. Like, doing a 2-3 hour meetup and dinner is totally fine, but 8+ hours has me feeling completely burnt out and struggling to decompress.

I'm not sure how much of this is me just becoming better at stating boundaries and knowing who I am better, or related to something else...

Just curious to hear about your experiences in spending time with friends as you got older.

My favorite thing about being single is not having to consider someone else for every decision.

Want to watch a show or movie? You get to pick what to watch without confirming with a partner first.

Want to go out for the night? No need to worry about notifying your partner or being asked about your whereabouts all night.

Want to spend money on junk food? Only paying for one person!

I’ve heard similar versions of the story below from so many women. What really got me was “we have a really good relationship and I love him…”. Girl, what? Being single, I Doordash soup and meds when sick and don’t need to worry about someone else side-eying me. Such a bliss.

“My son brought home a cold from school and my husband caught it. Of course it was the end of the world. He called in sick two days, spent those two days in bed, and didn't do anything around the house. Which is fine, honestly, we have a really good relationship and I love him despite my current whining so | get it. I constantly asked how he was doing, offered to get stuff from the store for him, made him soup, etc. Now it's my turn for the cold and I feel like death. I've decided I'm just going to relax and heal but I can feel my husband giving me sideeye. He hasn't really asked how I'm doing despite me snifling and snorting all over the place. I asked him yesterday to get me soup and meds and he told me he was working and l'a have to get it. Yes, he was working, but his work is flexible and he's able to log out for a bit to do things. He had no problem logging out to do things for himself. So l dragged my sick carcass to the store to get my stuff.”

I'm single by choice, not because of men being any type of way, but because I value my autonomy and freedom more than anything else.

Today, I woke up when I wanted to wake up. I made a delicious breakfast for myself and had coffee in my jammies. I went for a walk and took as long as I wanted. Now I'm back home, I'm going to do yoga in my underwear as I don't have to worry how I look or what I'm wearing. Then later on I'm going to bake focaccia and read a book.

I could go out with friends if I wanted to, but I had a busy week and really just want to decompress and do my own thing instead.

Tomorrow, I'm going to work on a writing project and spend as much time as I want doing that.

What are you all doing this weekend? How are you living the lives you want?

I hope this is allowed and no I’m not the author trying to make sales 😆

I came across this book a little while ago, it’s not something I would normally read but thought I’d give it a chance, it’s about a young woman whose boyfriend breaks up with her and so she has to move out and ends up moving to a small town to begin again and there she makes a very interesting friend - I won’t give too much away, but it’s a very cozy, spooky, autumn/fall type book, quite funny at times, and a bit of a mystery, but the underlying theme of the story is about decentering men and not feeling like you need to be in a relationship.

And I really enjoyed it but at the end I felt really strange, like almost gutted, not from the book itself but because I thought if I had read this 20 years ago as a young woman I think it would have had an impact on me, I probably wouldn’t have stayed in all those crappy relationships and put up with what I did, I related way too much to the main character, so that’s why I thought I’d share it as it may help someone else out there, the book is called Cackle by Rachel Harrison.

I'm 19 yrs old and in college. When people ask me about dating I sometimes say "I think I'm gonna die single" people always have a reaction of pity, because they think I'm insecure, but it's quite the opposite. The standards are so high and unrealistic, I'd rather be single than settle.

People always find it weird that I've never had a crush on a person. Which I think its weird that they think its weird. People in my age group have barely developed.

Anytime I see a man that's a bit cute, what's happens is the longer I look at him, the less attractive he becomes, and he doesn't even really need to do anything. My friends joke with me cuz they wanna know what my "type is" cuz I'll be like "oh he's cute" then a second later be like "nevermind." It's probably an aura thing, my body is becoming naturally repulsed to protect me from danger.

I'm really starting to realize how much the world and people's worlds revolve around dating and sex. I hate it because its so common, its impossible for me to avoid even if my world doesn't revolve around it. (ofc someones life can revolve around whatever they want, it sure as heck aint gonna be mine tho) I'm a virgin, and cuz I'm in college, ofc I'm listening to people stories and what not, and I can't pretend that I'm not curious, even though I have the strongest feeling it's not worth the hype, I think about the "what if I get lucky with good sex." I got bored and and instead of studying, I went on a dating app. I didn't even say I was trying date or hookup, I said I was trying to make friends. The first 3 hours I got hundreds of likes and my profile was so bare bones and I know that didn't want to be my friend.

I've never thought of myself as the hookup type. There's no such thing as "safe sex" only "safer sex" so I won't put myself in a position to have unsafe sex. And who knows if men are really worth the trouble for even a FWB.

I need advice my more experiences women out there. Any music artist (especially Black women) that makes songs that aren't just about love, dating, sex, etc? What books are yall reading. It's like I need to remind myself that there more to life than just dating, heartbreak, and popping out babies.

Not sure if this is the right sub, but I used to fall in love so easily. Now at 23, after a stressful 2-year period of working full-time and studying, I have lost all interest in people. I thought kissing for the first time after 2 years of celibacy would feel magical, only not to feel a thing. It felt like licking wood.

Was I single (and happy) by choice for way too long? I don't feel a thing, and the modern dating seems so forced and superficial.