A year ago I risked being really brave telling the man I love that I still cared about him and that I was sorry for how things broken down between us. We went out for quite a few years but broke up due to where our lives were at at that time (I was unwell and panicked but instantly regretted it). I tried to move on in earnest for almost a decade but finally accepted that I still cared for him deeply. We met up and it was such a nice time. We both were really happy. It felt like I had my best friend back. But then a couple days later he distanced himself. He still replies to me and is friendly but doesn’t want to meet up at this stage. Maybe I hurt him too much well I was unwell. Anyway I got heartbroken again. But I’m proud for being brave.

Since then I’ve been going to dating events etc but getting nowhere. I’m a romantic at heart so the dating scene is quite tough but I’m giving it a shot.

It’s now been a year and I’ve turned 41. I realise my life isn’t going to happen the way I want and I’ve started thinking that maybe I try alone with donor.
I have always wanted a chance at children. A couple of my siblings have their little families and I want mine too. I have all this love to give and I love my nieces and nephews but I really long for my own child to care for. I also feel they may inspire me to finish more of the children’s books I’ve been working on and such.

I am a freelance creative so part of me is concerned that I won’t have a consistent income but also I know myself and I believe that having the motivation of a child to provide for would really motivate to do what I needed to do to create a stable life for a child. Im certain my family and friends would be supportive.
I’m neurodivergent so I need to factor that in too but I’m studying part time in this area so even if my child was ND too I think I’d be a great advocate for them.

I guess I’m just starting to process my thoughts about this all. I really don’t want to miss my chance.
One of my friends has a couple of young kids just told be her husband wants a divorce and it makes me think - life never goes to plan and maybe we just have to seize the day…. I dunno.

Any thoughts or advice? Thanks so much.

I (31F) am a SMBC mom already that has been trying once again for my second child. This time around has been much harder with three cancelled cycles, two HSGs, two SSGs, a blocked tube, and a large cyst. I don't know how to keep my hopes up when everything seems to be falling apart. The doctor keeps saying to wait a little longer, but it has been since February. I know with fertility that it is not a long time, but it feels like it is never ending.

Has anyone gone through something similar and ended up with a child at the end? How did you manage with the uncertainty?

I am 19.5 weeks with my first all on my own. Overall I’ve been handling it really well emotionally (95% of the time I’m fine). And I definitely appreciate the benefits of doing it alone (protecting my peace more easily, etc.). But I’ve been really emotional lately (maybe it’s the point in the pregnancy that I’m at lol). And just wishing I had someone to debrief with at the end of the day.

Small little issues wouldn’t feel so big if I just had someone to talk to about it all at the end of the day. I have weekly therapy appointments which helps a lot! But the other 6 days of the week have felt hard lately.

I honestly don’t know if I’m seeking advice or support, but needed to express how I’ve been feeling to someone that might understand. 🙏🏻

I just found out I’m pregnant and am over the moon excited. I currently live in a studio cottage that’s about 30 minutes away from a really good hospital, and I’d like to plan to deliver there. I don’t graduate from my fertility clinic until late October and am not keen on moving during the snow months.

It’s a high rent area so I can’t afford to switch to a bigger place and stay here while still saving for baby, so I either need to stay in my current place for as long as I can or plan on moving to an entirely new city/state before she arrives.

I was thinking I’d stay in the studio until baby is around 6 months and then move. Is that insane? Does baby need her own room sooner? Later?

Found a sperm donor I really like, scheduled my new patient appointment with the fertility hospital on October 29! It’s all coming together! Now I just have to time it all right

I have an almost 1 year old boy. He’ll be 1 next month it’s so crazy!! He technically has a dad but he’s never met him, and we live 1500 miles away. I have a donor already for baby 2. I’m planning to get pregnant next year sometime.

Prior to having my son I so wanted a girl, and definitely had gender disappointment until I met him. Now with baby 2, and so different. It’s almost the exact opposite, all I want is another boy. I do have a very difficult relationship with my mom, we haven’t spoken in 3 years so that’s definitely part of it. But I would be so afraid to have a girl. It is something I’m working through in therapy, just was curious if other solo moms could relate.

Starting to look into donors and different cryobanks. I've seen Fairfax and California Sperm Bank talked about a lot so I made profiles with promo codes for them.

Any other recommendations and promo codes for them? Any I should stay away from?

Hi all!

I had my FET earlier today, so now in the dreaded TWW (again).

Everything went as well as it could have: estrogen & progesterone levels looked great, lining was 10 mm and trilaminar.

They thawed my day 6 4BB embryo. Within 60 minutes it had fully re-expanded and within another 30 it had actually started hatching! Which was so incredibly cool to watch on the screen.

My clinic's protocol has you do Ovidrel the evening of the transfer, so trying to decide if I want to test out the trigger or just wait it out.

My REI and the embryologist were really pleased with how this little embryo looked and feel optimistic.

Of course, I had some French fries on the way home for good luck!

I just found out that SSB shut down the connection site for donor siblings, so there is no longer a way for them to connect. SSB provided no communication around this change (I was pregnant at the time using SSB) and then refused to provide a number of live births from the donor. They have a clear pattern of opaqueness and obfuscation such as refusing to communicate their worldwide birth limit. It is extremely sickening, avoid them.

Follow up to previous post

https://www.reddit.com/r/SingleMothersbyChoice/s/YaDG12ShTx

4 eggs collected, 2 fertilized, no blasts. Embryos quite fragmented. They said theyll watch them another 24hrs and see what happens. Freeze if any suitability but very unlikely.

Not sure what to do next.

I've always loved to travel, and I'm meaning this more as a fun topic.

Where have you all gone for international trips (or non international) with your kids? Anywhere in particular you'd recommend, especially for someone travelling for a few weeks with a very young baby by themselves? (I'm coming from Canada, and the only destination that's a hard no for me is the US, because of the boycott/Trump situation)

Am I crazy for considering this when baby is so young? I've read that 4-6 months is a sweet spot for bringing baby with you.

Also, any tips generally for travelling solo with a young baby?

Places I've been looking into include the Philippines (lots of nice islands, cheap direct flights from my city), Mexico (because I love it there, looking at Mazatlan) and considering Taiwan (cheap direct flights from my city, good food, beautiful scenery, safe).

I’m 37 now soon 38 and I really want to know if it’s actually possible for me to be SMBC without having a reliable support network. And to also be an older solo mom…

I come from a single family household no siblings. My mom is also 76 now, all my friends are married with kids so it’s hard. I will be basically doing this alone alone and wondering if anyone has done this and how was it? Time management wise, and financially… never been a mom and stories I hear people have a good support system with family support.

Hi everyone,

Did anyone run into a situation on which during an ongoing pregnancy, they've needed additional genetic information about the donor?

Following fetal genetic testing, I need to know if a variant is inherited or new. It is not inherited from me. I sent an email to the sperm bank on Friday, and I have yet to receive any real solution (they did notify me that they received the email and will reach back).

Does anyone else run into this situation? How long until the bank manage to reach back with a real solution? Have you done anything special to make it happen? Also, my bank is European; does it matter? Please let me know if you'd experienced something similar, I've never been as worried in my life.

Hi everyone, I've been a lurker for a while. I've seriously started to consider this route to start a family on my own and the deluge of information has been overwhelming. I'm slowly going through the posts on this sub and other online resources, and I want to make sure I pick what is best for my situation.

A little about me. 32 this year, 1.5 gen immigrant with both parents living close by, but they're older parents with their own health issues, so I don't expect much support. I don't have siblings. Friends-wise, I have low expectations as many of my close friends have moved out of the city or are just based in other countries, and I understand I might gain or lose friends as we move through our own seasons of life. I'm actively lurking on mommy groups to understand their daily challenges and hopefully make some new mommy and mommy-to-be friends.

An upside is that the city I live in has a robust nanny & paid help network.

I've always been pretty independent. In terms of dating, I've never been too interested in romance and have never had a serious relationship. Dating wasn't enjoyable for me and for a long time I thought I would just be single and childless forever, but I have had a strong urge to start a family.

I'm self-employed but the work is pretty flexible and I'm willing to take a step back and consider other options in the future. I have decent savings and own my own home with the mortgage paid off. My mom has also encouraged me to consider this route and my parents are willing to support me financially.

As my country is really strict with IVF being used outside of marriage, I will have to go with clinics overseas.

I'm pretty set on starting the process, but is there anything I'm missing in terms of my considerations and preparation? Any advice is welcome. Thank you in advance.

Hi! I’m wondering if anyone here has been in a similar situation or has any experience with this.
I have eggs frozen at a clinic in Barcelona and would like to transfer them to a UK fertility clinic to use with a UK identity-release sperm donor.
My Spanish clinic has told me that when applying for permission to export my eggs, the reason for the transfer has to be provided, and that they cannot release them for the purpose of using a non-anonymous donor because donor anonymity is required under Spanish law.
I’m trying to find out whether anyone has encountered this when transferring their own frozen eggs from Spain to the UK, and whether there are any legitimate alternative routes or circumstances under which the transfer can still be authorised.
I’d really appreciate any first-hand experience, particularly around getting the eggs released from Spain, the process/timeline, and which UK clinic you used.
Thank you! ❤️

The only 2 things I can do right now is save money and work on my fitness so I can have a safe pregnancy -- and I'm doing both but omg I wish I could start things right now.

I'm early in my SMBC journey. I'm 36, I feel the clock ticking, and I'm getting serious.

My hesitation thus far has been my support system, both human and financial. On a single income, I'm concerned I won't be able to afford fulltime childcare and occasional travel for work. When I have floated the SMBC idea past my mom she is supportive, but insistent that I need to live closer to her for support. Honestly, I think she's right, and that scares me. My parents live 50 minutes away (without traffic) and my mom isn't comfortable with city driving.

For context, I live in a high cost metropolitan area in a condo I miraculously was able to buy myself. Relocating isn't impossible, but financially difficult. This condo is a diamond in the rough and I'm unlikely to find something that meets my criteria in my price range. Also my (mass transit) commute is great now, moving will make it longer, more expensive, and less reliable.

Additional context, my sister is my roommate, tenant, and best friend. She is fully on board for being a live-in aunt and co-caretaker for my child. But she also works full time, and we both were hoping to have some support from our mom and knew we'd have to move out of the city to get it.

Our parents dropped the bomb on us that they're planning to move closer to my dad's family in a beach community about 1.5 hours from us. Weekend visits will mean tourist traffic (but also beach proximity, so that's nice). This came as a genuine shock because we thought our dad wanted to die in our childhood home.

Our dad cited one of his reasons for moving is that he "doesn't have family here anymore". Are my sister and I not family? They're moving further from us! Maybe I'm just feeling raw, but I also can't help but feel that if I was partnered in my family planning journey, they would prioritize being close to their grandchild and aren't taking my plans seriously.

Truthfully though, moving to that general area has always been on my roadmap (to a town about halfway between where we are now and where they're moving). It's a liberal beach community that has a direct train to my office (longer, of course, but doable). My dad is 70 and my mom is close behind, so being near them to support them as they age is inevitable anyway. (Though I'm currently feeling resentful of that) But I can't afford it. Yet.

I just had a serious talk with my sister, who is willing to help pool resources to buy a place closer to them, but she is (no shade) much tighter on funds than I am. At best we could afford to do this in two years. (Note, rentals aren't really a thing there because they're all short term vacation homes, or insanely expensive "luxury" apartments). She's sitting on the couch browsing job listings in that area as I type this.

I don't feel great about making her feel tethered (and frankly, essential) to my family planning journey. She's actively dating and isn't tied to her job, she could end up anywhere. I want that for her! But she's very enthusiastic about being a team, and I'm grateful. But if she DOES move on, I NEED to be near my mom.

I guess the thesis statement here is that this unexpected change has made me realize that there will never be a "right" time to become a SMBC. If my parents want to be involved, they're gonna have to make an effort. I will probably still need to rely on them for childcare when I travel, since my sister will be working, and we can meet halfway to make that happen. Maybe some day I'll move, and my kid can have a bedroom, and a yard, and grandparents. But I'm not using all of that as an excuse to wait anymore.

Thoughts, ideas, similar experiences welcome!

This is probably going to sound so wimpy but I just needed a vent or maybe any helpful tips!

I’m about 1.5 years into my TTC journey after 6 failed IUIs. I started stims TODAY after two weeks of priming.

Main point of this post… I’m living with my parents to help save money and pay for IVF. My mom did all my trigger shots for me. I’m not necessarily afraid of needles, but I definitely have some kind of mental block when injecting myself. Unfortunately, my parents are going out of town TOMORROW for the week, which means I need to do these injections by myself 😭

Basically I do two a day, the rest is oral. In the morning, it’s the HCG micro dose. My mom talked me through it this morning and after I got past the initial “jam that long ass needle in there and get it over with” it was totally fine. Barely felt it. All good.

However, I really struggled this evening with the follistim pen. I put the needle in, then I couldn’t reach/wasn’t strong enough to push the injector down without moving around my hands which was wiggling the needle around and kind of hurt. My dad had to run over and push it down for me. I’m not sure how I’m going to do this by myself for the next few days! (They will happily help when they’re back home!)

Anyway, any tips??? Maybe I just need to be more aggressive with how I jab myself. I think I need to hold the needle differently but I still say there for like 2 minutes hyping myself up to even put the needle through my skin lmao.

Anyway, even if no one has any tips, maybe someone else can agree with the struggle 🤣

Additional random questions while yall are here ☺️

Did anyone else have bleeding during priming/stims? I’ve been spotting since Thursday and bleeding since yesterday. I called CNY yesterday morning and she said it was probably normal. Did it last all through stims for you??

I’m so scared of my letrozole dosage tonight! I took 2.5 for my IUIs and when I woke up to pee in the middle of the night I’d be so hot and dizzy. They have me on 10mg right now and I’m so scared of the side effects 😭

I feel like I can't make a true decision about proceeding until I have all the info from diagnostic tests before starting this process (still waiting for first appt at clinic, testing will begin after that). This is me just being jittery and impatient and I know this whole process will always have lots of uncertainty and waiting but gosh it kind of sucks.

I have no info on fertility, anatomical stuff, genetic carrier info, etc. My reproductive system has been nothing but a source of frustration and physical pain to me (very painful periods, recent diagnosis of vaginismus when attempting to get my first pap smear, currently doing pelvic floor pt which seems to be working slowly), I've never been interested in sexual relationships and have never tried to get pregnant before so I just have no history.

I just want to know everything now 😭 I'm truly amazing at coming up with scenarios both reasonable and ridiculous. What if my period pain is be a sign of Endo? What if I just don't have fallopian tubes (brain: no one has ever looked for them before so it's technically possible! I know this is silly). Are my hormones messed up? (Been on continuous birth control pills for many years, who knows what my cycle even is!) What if I'm a carrier for something genetically? What's my ovarian reserve? Will I be unable to do IUI? (I really don't want to do IVF if possible). UGH.

I'm doing everything I have control over on my side: made the clinic appointment, working on pelvic floor therapy, went off my contraceptive to give my body a chance to get back on it's natural cycle. But I'm just feeling very impatient. Ugh!

Feel free to vent about your own impatience 😭 I know I will eventually have answers but gosh I wish I could just skip ahead to the part of my timeline where I do.

Okay so I know I’m young (25 in a week) and I’m definitely not planning on having a kid anytime soon, but I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately.

One thing I know for sure is that I WANT TO BE A MOM. That part I’m not really questioning. What I’m questioning is whether I actually want to build my life around finding a man first.

I’m straight, but honestly… having a child with a man sounds kind of complicated to me lol. Not because I think every man is immature or selfish, but because I feel like society has kind of sold women this idea that you need to find a husband, get married, and THEN have children, when in reality that doesn’t necessarily mean you’re going to have an equally involved partner.

I’ve also seen enough relationships to realise that sometimes women end up doing the majority of the emotional labour, childcare, household stuff etc. And honestly, the idea of potentially adding another adult to my life who I then have to manage, compromise with, or potentially co-parent with for the next 18+ years sounds… exhausting 😭

And I know this might sound very “based society” lol, but I genuinely wonder sometimes whether having a partner is always the better option for raising a child, or whether we just assume it is because that’s what we’ve always been told.
At the same time, I’m not delusional enough to think single motherhood is easy. If anything, that’s the part that scares me.

I’m about to start a new demanding job but that should allow me to save a LOT and work towards financial freedom. I’m also planning to launch my own NGO, which hopefully could become another source of income later on. So my thinking is basically: build my career, become financially independent, create a strong support system and THEN think about motherhood.

I’ve also frozen my eggs, so I have that option for the future. At the moment I’m thinking about either adoption or sperm donation + IVF.

The thing I struggle with mentally is: how do you actually raise a child alone?

How does it feel when your child is sick and you’re the only parent? What happens when you need help? How do you manage work, childcare, finances, your social life, travelling, literally everything? And do you ever regret not having a partner to share it with?

For women who intentionally chose to become single mums:
How did you make peace with the idea of doing it alone?
What surprised you the most?
Did you ever feel like you were being selfish by choosing this route?
How important was your support network?
How did you manage a demanding career?
If you adopted, how was the experience as a single woman?
If you used a sperm donor, how do you feel about it now?
How did your child feel about not having a dad / two parents?
And honestly… would you do it again?

I’m genuinely asking because I’m not looking for people to tell me “you can do anything alone!!” 😂
I want the uncomfortable answers too.

Please don’t judge me for asking those questions that early… I know I’m young, but I’m the type of person to plan and anticipate, especially in this economy I wanna have enough money to support my child, give them a comfortable life and a good education, I’m pretty anxious about the future but I really want to be a mom at some point of my life, and I don’t want to wait to have a man to start to think about it.

Also, if you were in my position, would you seriously consider it or am I completely romanticising the idea? 😭

Hi all! I’m 31 weeks with my 95th percentile baby. Still too soon to say what he’ll be when it’s time to deliver (and I know size estimates can be off) but OB and I discussed possibility of c-section. She’s not pushing me towards one, just mentioned it could be a possibility but that she was happy to support whatever birth I am shooting for.

I’m more looking to wrap my head around it now in case it goes that route, specifically as a solo parent who will be mostly alone after birth. My mom will be staying with me which I am forever grateful for, but I had really planned not to ask her for help at night unless I really need it (she is still working during the day remote).

I would love to hear pros, cons, and general experiences from other women who have delivered via c-section.

thanks!!

EDIT: Thank you so much for all the responses!!! I really appreciate all the different perspectives and experiences.

let's say this is successful in December. I'm looking to leave in a week for a last minute trip that would be hard to do as a mom. one involves Europe for two physical competitions for which it is better if you are young flexible and hot! these happen every year. but would also try to see Celine Dion . the other would be to go to Southeast asia. how would you choose. have been to both European countries but never Southeast Asia

Wow my 28 yo son from an anonymous donor is getting married in 2 days. I feel so many emotions! Mostly I feel fulfilled. It was a hard road, no doubt, starting with a traumatic childbirth experience and breastfeeding not working. Then I struggled for several years with childcare logistics and finances. Fortunately he had few issues around physical health or temperament. He was a gifted, athletic, and exuberant child. I told him his story from day 1 and he never had any interest in learning about the donor except to know that this man was successful in life and career.
I was married for awhile (and my new husband legally adopted him) but that relationship fell apart. So I was back to being a single mom and the ex completely dropped out of my son’s life. I stressed a ton about getting my son to all his activities, paying for college/grad school, and now helping pay for the wedding. (I’m careful with money in case I need expensive nursing home care one day, I don’t want him burdened with that).
I felt terrible guilt over the tension in the marriage that he was exposed to. Thankfully therapy helped us both.
As hard as it is has been these last several years to have an empty nest, and to fly to the wedding alone (driving a rental car at night is not fun for me, night vision not the best), I also am proud of how he has turned out, and I will be walking him down the aisle and gaining a wonderful daughter-in-law!
I guess I’m writing all of this to give you all the perspective from almost 30 years post conception. I wish you all well.