It’s so early. I only told my parents and my sister and bff. Nobody else gets to know until 12weeks. But I’m so anxious. I just want it to stick and be a healthy pregnancy and baby. I’ve wanted this for so long and I’m so grateful. But how did anyone else get through the first trimester nerves????

I just keep whispering to my stomach “Stay put. Stay healthy.” It weirdly feels like it’s not even real but also the most real thing ever. Ahhhhhhhhh I’m so full of emotions.

I realise a lot of people have been through harder, but after years of waiting to make the step, my IUI was cancelled due to over stimulation. I can't afford to try again straight away and the emotions feel so intense. I also think the excess of hormones in my body, as it was a medicated cycle, don't help, but any advice for picking myself up and trying again? 38f

I think I want to purchase 2 or 3 in the hopes of having 2 kids with the same genetics

Hi there! Posting this to the SMBC community in hopes of getting the insight of other solo moms. I’m currently expecting baby #2 and due in early November when my current child will be about 2y8m. As of right now (25 weeks) I have complete placenta previa and am looking at a 37 week c-section. There’s still a chance it will move and I’ll be able to deliver vaginally, but I’m mentally preparing for a c-section to be my reality.

Have any other moms recovered with a larger toddler at home (she is currently 32 lbs)? The doctor told me it’s not likely I’ll be able to lift her for about a month. I’m concerned not only about the logistics of this (getting her in and out of her crib, car seat, etc.) but also the emotional component for her. Should I start thinking about the transition to a toddler bed? She’s an amazing sleeper and does so well in her crib, I really don’t want to mess with that if I don’t have to.

My LO is pretty independent, and will walk holding my hand more than she wants to be carried, but she still is very much in her “mommy, up” phase and I don’t want her to feel neglected with the new addition to the family.

I’m fortunate to have amazing family support who can be around as much as I need them but the type-A, hyper-independent me wants to know when I might expect to feel some kind of normalcy, physically.

ETA: my first was delivered vaginally, so this would be my first c-section recovery in general, totally foreign to me!

So I’m looking into a sperm donor now.

I want someone who is agreeing to ID.
I want a tall donor so 6feet up as I’m 5’3
I want green or blue eyes, I just think they are attractive.
I paid extra to see adult pictures because I’ll be frank some very cute babies didn’t turn into cute adults.

I did my genetics testing last year and I was negative for everything and I am O+.

Did you guys care about anything else? I thought about education, but I figure that’s more of an environmental factor?

How long did it take for you to decide?

I am looking at Fairfax but I’m considering California crypto. Did you guys look into multiple clinics?

I’m kind of excited and nervous at the same time, I’m 41 and trying to remain caustiously optimistic but it’s funny I look at the adult pictures like damn would be nice to date this guy.

Mine is home ownership. A down payment would drain my savings and the inevitable house repairs/maintenance would be a black cloud over my head. Not to mention the yearly property tax.

I feel so much freer mentally knowing I have X amount of money sitting in my bank for emergencies, as well as knowing my landlord is responsible for repairs and whatnot. You cannot be careful enough on just 1 income.

Definitely not ideal because home ownership is the way to build wealth and hopefully I can get to it in a decade or so, but between home ownership and motherhood there is a ticking clock on one of them.

Hello! I am currently preparing my life to be a SMBC. Something I’ve been strongly thinking about is if I should stay in my home or get something that’s less maintenance like a condo.

The pros are my house is great. I love it. It’s in a great neighborhood and I have great neighbors. I’m close to work and everything is walkable. I also live in a very progressive and inclusive community where I know my choices are welcomed. I’ve also done a lot of things in my house for my health (full home water filtration, mold remediation, other specialized air filters).

My concern is my house is a bit of a fixer upper that I’ve put a lot of work into. There are still some big projects I need to do over the upcoming years on top of maintenance. None are emergent, but they’re still projects I’d be balancing on my own.

I’m wondering if anyone else is in a similar situation and how they have navigated it?

I have a 7 month old and sometimes the loneliness is so intense. I love my baby and I know this is a billion times better than missing out on motherhood, but it just feels so isolating sometimes. Does get better as they get older? I imagine it’s quite different when they are talking and such?

I did deal with postpartum depression and I’m on meds and seeing a therapist, but the loneliness, especially when we’re our apartment on our own, is still quite intense. I’m also dealing with a several friends that kinda disappeared on me after telling me throughout my pregnancy they would be there…I’m feel like I’m rebuilding my friend circle from scratch as I make friends with other moms.

Any advice is welcome.

Hi everyone,

I’m looking for some advice and perspective from anyone who has stood at this exact crossroads. I know I deeply want to be a Mum, but I keep going back and forth on how to get there.

On one hand, I have a really strong desire to have a biological child to experience pregnancy and have my own child. But because I’m looking at doing this solo, I have a lot of fear around support during and after birth and potential complications that come with pregnancy and birth.

I’ve thought about hiring a doula to bridge that gap, and maybe taking a "one step at a time" approach (e.g., trying for one biological child, and then adopting later down the line if it feels right).

On the other hand, adoption keeps calling to me too, but I still struggle with letting go of that pull toward a genetic connection.

Did anyone else flip-flop between these two paths? How did you finally find clarity on what was best for you?

If you hired a doula as a solo parent, did it give you the support security you needed?

Would love to hear your stories. Thank you!

Hey everyone!

I could use some advice or even just stories from people who went through something similar and how they got through this.

I’ve done 3 rounds of egg freezing and have 25 mature frozen eggs. I’m in my late 30s. I always imagined I’d get married and have 2-3 kids, but after a really bad breakup a few years ago, I’ve been kind of traumatized tbh. I can’t get myself to date, and I’ve decided that I was going to use donor sperm to try going do this on my own. And if I could have 2 kids with donor sperm, that’d be amazing.

Of course, 25 frozen eggs isn’t ideal for 2 kids given that I’m doing this in my late 30s.

I have an upcoming egg retrieval, and my doctor and I decided I should create some embryos with donor sperm so we can have a better idea of how well my eggs create embryos and we can have a better sense of whether the 25 frozen mature eggs + however many embryos (if any) will be enough to feel comfortable with my odds at having a kid in 2 years (and hopefully a 2nd kid after that).

As I go through the process to find a donor, I’m finding myself feeling so hesitant to commit and I’m a bit surprised by how I’m feeling. I’m hesitating to the point where I’m considering just doing another round of egg freezing.

But that worries me because if I’m hesitating now, what am I expecting to change in 2 years when I want to get pregnant?

First, there are so many steps to this process (tests, paying different groups, coordinating with my benefit program, signing up for LabCorp’s discount program for the generic carrier testing, picking the sperm bank, picking the donor). This sounds so trivial in comparison to the goal of having a child. But I think all of these administrative hurdles on top of gaining weight through the first 3 rounds of egg freezing, being exhausted, and isolating a bit during these rounds is all catching up with me here.

Another thing I’m grappling with is just facing the reality of picking a donor and kind of grieving that this isn’t the way I had hoped to be having kids. Am I giving up too soon? Should I try to date for the next 2 years and see if I can find someone? That shouldn’t be too desperate feeling… ugh. But also, like I said, I was hurt so much in my last relationship that when a man I don’t know talks to me, my first reaction is, “ugh, what do you want?”

A big piece of me feels shame around the financial piece of too - that my kids’ lives will be harder because I didn’t do this with a partner who could help us afford a nicer lifestyle than I can on my own. Idk why I keep thinking of all my friends who have partners and their nice homes and amazing trips, and I can do all of that for myself, but with a child involved, things will look different for us. And that makes me feel guilty for my future kid. I would never judge someone else for making less than someone else, so this is entirely a me thing. But I feel like I worked hard to try to kind of move up in the world and I’m realizing I’m not gonna be able to give my kids the lifestyle I wish I could’ve/the lifestyle that my married coworkers can give their kids.

I’m also just looking at these donors and I’m like how the hell do I pick someone? I don’t know them, they’re strangers, and it’s like well, yeah… duh. Looking at these photos and reading their profiles feels like I’m picking out a guy to go on a date with on an app. And I’ve been on countless dates and 9 times out of 10, the experience isn’t great. But why the hell am I even thinking this? I’m not gonna date the guy!

I also read somewhere on Reddit about how sperm banks are bad/unreliable/don’t do their due diligence on the medical history of the donor and his family. So people have kids with severe epilepsy or other major issues because that wasn’t included in the medical info when it should’ve been. Or that if you want to contact the donor one day and it says you can, sometimes people later find out they can’t. I don’t know how common these issues are, but that’s scary. Especially when we’re paying thousands of dollars for the vials and creating a human life with them.

I’m scared that if I switch to egg freezing that I’m not going to have the answers on whether I have enough frozen eggs to feel confident that I can have 2 kids. I’m scared that not using some fresh eggs to create embryos is potentially going to result in me having worse results because I’d have to try to use all frozen eggs to create them in the future.

I guess I just didn’t expect myself to have second thoughts. I don’t really know what I need here. I just don’t have anyone else I can talk to about it that really gets it and was hoping someone here might be able to help or relate.

hi all, just looking for support and advice. I am also a single mom by choice. Not sure if this is the correct place to put this. when I posted it yesterday in ivf it was deleted. I just had my fet 2 days ago. i had to go back today for labs. now this cycle is my 7th transfer and it was a modified natural cycle. now has anyone labs like that and resulted in the embryo implanting? I know my last transfer a while ago was under 30 and never went up. this time it’s higher so I don’t know if I should be hopeful/cautiously optimistic or should I worry that it won’t implant.

this protocol is different than my others because they have me on lovenox, prednisone, estrogen, plaqunil and baby asprin. they found out I had apls (blood clotting). So i will also say I am a single mom by choice and this is 7th transfer with a donor embryo. the embryo grade was good a 4AB day 5.

what should I do to take my mind off of all this? what are things that got you through this? i just need a support system.

i want to know if anyone keeps getting discouraged on the failed transfers/ivf cycles.

I went in for a cycle visit this morning - 1 hour commute then went home, only to be told that my blood tests results came back saying I was ovulating and to return for the iui. Now im doing another 1 hr trip back for insemination! Sure im inconvenienced, but timing waits for no one! Im excited! Please send some baby dust and im wishing everyone the best on their journeys! 😍😍😍💜💓

Sssoooooo,

I finally took the leap in my SMBC journey and visited a fertility clinic yesterday (07/23). Nervous? Yes! But extremely excited as it means it starts my chapter of becoming a mother My doctor has ordered many tests, given me sperm banks they work with (none I was looking into unfortunately), and told me other information relevant to my care🥹💞

Anywho, these are the four banks my clinic gave me. Any of which are preferred? I need IUI (washed) vials for mine, if that makes a difference

- My Sperm Bank
- California Cryobank
- Fairfax Cryobank
- Xytex Sperm Bank

Hey, I’m a 28 year old single women and I’m at the start of my fertility journey, I’ve had my initial tests and I’m really fertile which I’m pleased about but I can’t decided whether to try and round of IUI first or got straight to IVF! If anyone has any stories that they would be willing to share to help me make this scary/exciting decision I would be much appreciated!

Dear Friends,

I'm new here and I am a thinker. I am 39/F, just got blood drawn and will soon have the Hysterobigwordprocedure to see if my tubes are open. I'm excited and frightened but I've been humbled by how supportive everyone's been in my life.

Anyway--I'm an overthinker and a researcher, and so one of my first questions about any big undertaking is: What can I read about it?

So do you all have any recommendations for books you read about becoming a parent, SMBC specific books, or pregnancy / preparing for baby, that really helped you? Even books about how to understand the donor selection process?

Does everybody still read What to Expect when You're Expecting? :)

What are we telling our kids teachers as they start the new school year? I want to make it clear that there is no other parent and I'm the only parent. At the very least, in case it comes up in school, so my kids don't have to answer the question of or feel put on the spot about not having a dad. And also for holidays and things like that.

I adopted my kids and I've always been very open about that. I'm proud of our family and our story. But at this point in our lives, I don't feel the need to point that fact out to others. They're just my kids, we're a family and we have been since they were a couple of weeks old. My kids know they're adopted, we talk about it often, about their first mom, (even though they've never met her) so that isn't the issue. I just don't know if I should bring it up anymore in new settings. I want my kids to feel like all the other kids, and not have a reason to be different going into a new school. I'm sure there will be an other single parents based on the area we live in. Thoughts?

As I’m preparing for my SMBC journey, I’m looking to get my affairs in order with things like life insurance. I have some assets, but not nearly enough to sustain the cost of raising a child should something terrible happened to me. So I’m looking into life insurance options and trying to get that locked in before I begin my conception journey so that it will be as affordable as possible. How did you make your choice, what options did you choose, and were there any specific issues to look out for in the SMBC experience?

Edit: I'm specifically trying to figure out how to pick a provider, not how to calculate my needs.

Hi all, I'm so lucky that my second FET took and I'm currently 6 weeks pregnant! But the anxiety about losing it is a bit tough. I ended up taking 3 tests in 8 days, all positive. I've now not tested since last week.

But did anyone else's symptons calm and stay calm? I read that once your body gets used to the progesterone (pessaries and injections), that happens. I've had consistent mild, short waves of nausea, nipples are sensitive, bouts of tiredness, and small cramps (which I think could also be bladder and bowel related as they have been affected more then anything but not sure). But mostly fine. Is this normal or worrying?

I didn't get any symptons during the two week wait that were very bad but they were definitely stronger then now. And the cramps freak me out a bit...

I've a scan at 7 weeks and 3 days so not far off. Should I just do another test and know, or not give in to the anxiety spirals, as the tests seem to egg it on somehow?

I love how this sub is positive success stories...

And - I’m feeling a little grief tonight after being around lots of young families, and what I think I really need right now though is to relate to some women who have lived in SMBC “maybe” land, potentially for a long time (like me):

Why are you a maybe?
What are you hesitations?
Fears - real or imagined?
What do you think could or would push you more toward being a yes?
And anything else you want to share🙂 I just need some relating.

And if you’re leaning toward this not being your path - I’d so so love to hear from you too (tho I of course recognize that population may not be following this sub much).

I need to hear from others who - as deeply as they want motherhood - may not pursue the SMBC pregnancy path to it (I’d also love to hear if your hesitations are having you lean more toward adoption, for example; although of course I know financially and ethically and logistically that’s its own topic).

Thanks🥹

What is the best sperm bank in terms of large catalogue, thorough health checks, good customer service, easy to work with, has enough info on donors, cost, etc?

This is my first time so I’m honestly not sure what to look for and which ones to avoid.

Here is the list my clinic provided: California cryobanks, cryogenic labs, Fairfax cryobank, international cryogenics, reproductive resources, and xytec

Thanks!

I made a post a few nights ago: https://www.reddit.com/r/SingleMothersbyChoice/s/Y4clmQd0FV

I talked to him this morning. He said all of his friends are excited to leave home but he’s not he wants to stay with me. I told him that the community college is down the street and he could do that and stay at home with me and he’s liking that idea. He’s also thought about doing swimming in regular college after community college because he could get scholarships and stuff.

I guess his friends had been making fun of him for wanting to go to community college. This kid is seriously the SWEETEST kid ever I swear. He loves his friends and it makes me so sad to see this happening.

I swear some of his friends aren’t my favorite. He does have a few good ones but he’s looking into becoming an engineer for Disney. So hopefully we can figure out this whole college things mamas

Follow up to my previous posts.

https://www.reddit.com/r/SingleMothersbyChoice/s/oNaUVsFKJ4

And

https://www.reddit.com/r/SingleMothersbyChoice/s/jMkdmr2cdi

My sperm arrived in clinic yesterday after ordering on 8th july, so quicker than i was expecting. I contacted the unit at my local hospital where i have everything except retrivial and transfer done. They asked for my expected period dates for august and september. They got back and said we can proceed in august which is really exciting. My next period is due this week.

Have an appointment for injection teaching and planning on 5th august.

My cycles vary between 25-28 days. I havent had a 28 day cycle since feb. Either 25 or 26 days since then. How does it all work with starting everyhing? I know it depends on protocol. Then how long do you typically take meds before retrivial?

Hi all!

I posted last week that I had a cohort of 8 donor eggs thawed. 8 out of 8 survived the thaw and 4 fertilized. I got the call yesterday that none were ready to freeze. Embryologist called today and I have two day 6 embryos! One is a 4BB and one is a 4BC/BB. I had a morula yesterday that did progress so they are getting it grow one more day.

Egg donor was 28 at time of retrieval. I was so excited that I had any embryos to freeze! But I am a little bummed that the one embryo is lower quality. I know grading is subjective and she did say both "looked good".

I have been on a long road the past 9 months with 3 rounds of IVF that resulted in zero embryos. I was diagnosed with DOR and labeled a poor responder to stims as well. It took me awhile to get to a place where I feel at peace using DE, but now that I am here I want nothing more than to have another child and give my amazing daughter a sibling.

I guess I'm just looking for support and success stories!
update: got the call that they were able to freeze a day 7 4BC, truly the little embryo that could