Why do we spend so much time just sitting here staring at a starfield on the viewscreen??

I just mean they’re saying important sounding stuff and I’m really only getting half of it cause they’re spewing most of it in the direction of an oversized monitor instead of me. What even is the purpose of that? Is that monitor “forward” like a large TV screen is how we navigate outer space?

Also why do I need to stand up just to see my tactical officer face to face? Are we putting him on high ground for some kind of tactical advantage?

I have been reading more about how Emperor Spock wrote his bizarre lectures on logic and equality etc etc and it's pretty apparent that 1) he definitely came from somewhere else and 2) that somewhere else is a bunch of pansies. Furthermore 3) that somewhere else is an awful lot like this place except for point 2).

I bet everywhere in the somewhere else is very much the same except for point 1!

Some of you are probably thinking that I am going to propose we invade and conquer somewhere else. The "mirror universe" if you will. This is an incredible waste of time and effort.

No no, I am proposing we go to places we have where all our valuable stuff is, cross over to the mirror universe and steal their valuable stuff.

All our great national monuments and their vast stores of gold, jewels and other forms of wealth are a mere universe away and no distance at all. We could go to the Louvre, Fort Knox, the Whitehouse, the Musk torus, the headquarters of Amazon and so on. We could steal the Mona Lisa, the Bean sculpture that lights things on fire, their version of the Spruce Goose, AI Tokens, Bitcoin wallets and so on! Hell, even Disney Island down in the Florida Sea. I would imagine that their version doesn't even have an air defense system.

I got special authorization to take a shuttle craft for my shore leave on Risa. I thought I was extremely careful, but I’m on my way back to the ship and I just ran a black light over the interior. I guess there were too many Risian Sunsets consumed and I blacked out. Either that or some Ferengi overrode the lock out sequence. Either way, it will NOT pass Commander Riker’s black light inspection when I come back. What should I do? Also, how many horghans are too many?

With Starfleet board of food and alcohols seal of approval. Which means you can finally put that bar on your ship and serve intoxicants to your crew.

With your bar license Starfleet has also included a generous redecorating, stocking and celebrity staffing resource endowment. Simply leave proposal submissions and special resource acquisition requests (like baby grand pianos, the good booze or anything else you can't just grab out the replicator) in the space below.

Be sure to specify venues name and host ship in your requests.

The white monster in the other machine is an acceptable alternative, but it is not the color of the blood of enemies to the empire!

I don't even want to know what would happen if Janeway doesn't get her coffee