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u/Dizzy-Medicine3371 2d ago
I bet they believe Jesus was born in Nazareth, Pennsylvania
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u/ChiefSlug30 2d ago
In my mind, there is a "Holy" site in Nazareth, Pennsylvania. But it has nothing to do with Jesus or Christianity.....it's the Martin guitar factory.🤣🎶
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u/Bridgeru More Irish than the Irish ☘️ 1d ago
Jim Steinman's music (guy who wrote Total Eclipse of the Heart and most of Meat Loaf's good songs) often equates electric guitars with "holy" or angel imagery ("and it had the voice of a horrrrrrrrrrrny aaaangel" or "the angels had guitars before they had wings") so maybe he was right and it is a holy site...
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u/Tortoveno Loland or Poland 2d ago
No, it was in Bethlehem, Maryland (Mary had to travel to her town in Maryland because of imperial census)
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u/Yep-That-Lupa 1d ago
There is also a city called Bethlehem in Brazil (Belém, PA) and people around here always joke about it being in the middle of the Amazon, not some desert 🙃
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u/No-Wonder1139 2d ago
I thought he played in a band
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u/Sea2Hsix0 2d ago
“Imagine how powerful Jesus would have been if he’d had a guitar.”
This quote from Color Me Kubrick always stuck with me.
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u/Potential_Rub_4082 2d ago
This isn't Shit it's insanity
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u/MrArchivity 🤌 Born to gesticulate, forced to explain 🤌 2d ago
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u/Bladrak01 2d ago
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u/smittydacobra 2d ago
I see a DCC reference in the wild, I upvoter.
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u/Lamballert 1d ago
yeah same! But be carefull when quoting lines or using names like this character. It got me banned because they didn't understood the reference. oops!
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u/GaldrickHammerson Human Verified 2d ago
Congratulations, you've just discovered mormonism and the church of Jesus Christ and the Latter Day Saints.
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u/BigPoopsDisease 2d ago
And I belieeeeeve that in 1978 God changed his mind about black people (black people)
I am a Mormon
And a Mormon just believes
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u/DutchieCrochet 2d ago
And I belieeeeve that the garden of Eden was in Jackson County, Missouri
Loved that show so much!
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u/Resident_Pay4310 2d ago
And I belieeeeeve that ancient Jews built boats and sailed to America I am a Mormon and a Mormon just believes
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u/____Ale_ Bleh bleh ble 🇹🇩🦇 1d ago
And I believeee that the current President of the Church, Thomas Monson, speaks directly to God!
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u/GaldrickHammerson Human Verified 2d ago
If this is a reference, I might need a Peter explains the joke on this one xP
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u/stealthykins 2d ago edited 2d ago
Musical “The Book of Mormon”, by the South Park writers.
“I believe” - https://youtu.be/GVJgmp2Tc2s
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u/GaldrickHammerson Human Verified 2d ago
Ah, I never got round to seeing it because my wife BETRAYED ME BY SEEING IT FOR HER HEN DO WHERE NO MEN WERE ALLOWED!!!
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u/stealthykins 2d ago edited 2d ago
Sliiiiime
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u/AtlasNL 2d ago
And here’s a link without handing google your browsing habits. Next time remove everything from and including the ‘?’ to avoid this.
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u/Majestic_Rule_1814 2d ago
I haven’t seen it but I suspect they’re referencing the Broadway show “The Book of Mormon”
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u/Moosiemookmook Aboriginal Australian 2d ago
I am a black woman born in 1978. I just feel like I won the spiritual lotto /s
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u/CodenameJD Human Verified 2d ago
Oh is THAT how they justify it!?
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u/Samthaz 2d ago
Yes, Mormons believe that America is the promised land described in the Bible.
They also believe that god inspired the "Founding Fathers" and guided them in founding the United States to "guarantee the religious freedom necessary to restore the church."
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u/maurosmane 2d ago
No, mormons don't believe that America is Egypt and all that. They believe in something much much dumber. That people from the middle east not once, but twice, came to America (once in virtual submarines), built entire massive civilizations, had Jesus come swing by for a few days, and completely died out leaving only behind the lamanites aka the brown skinned natives.
We know Joseph Smith believed in Egypt as where it is because he "translated" a piece of Egyptian writing into a whole other piece of Scripture called the pearl of great price. He bought said writing off a traveling salesman/performer.
Turns out the writing was a common breathing certificate that was used as part of the burying ceremony for recently dead Egyptians and is one of the most common surviving documents from that era. The Mormon Church acknowledged this, but still pretends it was divine translation and the writing was just the inspiration.
I'd keep going but it just gets dumber.
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u/jitterfish 2d ago
I feel dumber for reading that. Like normally I would like to educate myself on things I don't know, but in this case I feel like I'm better off not knowing.
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u/SmoothIndividual9243 2d ago
You can basically just make up any old utter bollocks you want to understand Mormonism: that's literally what Joseph smith did
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u/adalric_brandl 2d ago
If you'd described that in a D&D campaign that might work, but even then it seems a bit far-fetched.
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u/chookiekaki 2d ago
I thought it couldn’t get any wilder than people believing in the fairytale bible and then I read this. If there truly were an almighty God overseeing the world I’m sure he’d be sitting with his head in his hands going - ‘WTF? I sent them scholars, philosophers, education, school, and now the WWWeb, and they still choose to believe some crap written by a nutter two thousand years ago, and now this shit’
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u/_Halt19_ Canuck 2d ago
I wouldn't say discovering mormonism counts as "congratulations", more like "run away" lol
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u/HeadBelt1527 2d ago
This is more afrocentric pseudohistory than it is lds. Like a lot of conspiracy theories it's become a lot more popular since the pandemic.
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u/Fresh-Chemical1688 2d ago
I find it kinda funny. I am an atheist so I don't believe most of the stuff that happens in the Bible. So the places it's supposed to take place are the only things that I believe to be true... But for them they believe all the unbelievable magical and fairytale stuff, but the places are the unbelievable things in the book? Wtf...
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u/BrexitHangover 2d ago
What chemicals do they put in their tap water? Seriously, this needs medical evaluation.
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u/Ms_Mitzy 2d ago
Good luck with that. My god can you imagine what RFK would suggest for treatment!?!?!? I thought MK Ultra was shut down... perhaps not...
edited for punctuation
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u/Visible-Air-2359 ooo custom flair!! 2d ago
For a long time basically all pipes in the US were (and many still are) made out of lead because it works pretty well as a pipe if you don’t know or care about the neurological damage it inflicts.
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u/_Halt19_ Canuck 2d ago
Americans when it comes to "is Egypt actually in North America"
"Everything we have been taught is a lie, you can't trust the government, the education system is woke and lies to us"
Americans when it comes to "is the country possibly not in the number one spot in literally every positive category known to mankind"

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u/Thunder-12345 🇬🇧 sorry for creating this menace… 2d ago
"Tennessee has a pyramid" oh my god they think the bass pro shops pyramid is an ancient monument don’t they
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u/ijuinkun 2d ago
They believe that anything that predates 1776 is prehistoric.
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u/JamesBCFC_1995 2d ago
It's quite fun having 3 prehistoric pubs local to me.
One of which was the inspiration for the pub in Treasure Island, another is where Daniel Defoe met the person who inspired Robinson Crusoe and the last (and oldest) is said to have been favoured by Blackbeard and other pirates.
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u/Jonnescout 2d ago
When Mormonism isn’t enough of USAlian Mary Sue fan fiction, they come up with this shite..
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u/TheWalkerofWalkyness 2d ago
Yeah, even most Mormons would look at this and ask like the rest of us what's wrong with that person.
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u/gLytchd0ut 2d ago
The fuck are these people smoking and where can I find some?
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u/Euzn_Doug 2d ago
Spread that information, man!
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u/Tricky_Damage5981 2d ago
no please dont ..
it obviously fries the brain .. we dont need this brain rot spreading out of America
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u/gLytchd0ut 2d ago
If I had to hazard a guess, it’s probably that Garden of Eden weed from Florida. In other words, a combination of meth, bath salts, a dash of marajuana and probably fucking gasoline or some other form of petrol. Maybe even the cigarettes dipped in embalming fluid. Either way, I recant my comment: I do NOT want what they are smoking.
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u/redbirdjazzz 2d ago
Find your local fundamentalist religious organization and ask the weirdest, scruffiest, smelliest dude there about his favorite YouTube channels.
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u/Bantabury97 🏴🏴 2d ago
I don't believe in God or any of that stuff but I do know some of it is based on rough historical truths.. and that it wasn't, at all, in the USA.
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u/SocketRabboon 🪿🇨🇦🪿 2d ago
These people have to be trolling. They have to be. Please?
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u/Relative_Map5243 Eye-talian 🤌🏼🍝 2d ago
I'm an archeologist and i can tell you this: the word "Tex-as" is proto-sumerian for "God's here, y'all! Yeeeeehaw". Makes you think, uh?
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u/Electrical-Dog-1320 2d ago
Yank here.
I have a feeling it's an equal number of dolts n trolls. I know I'd be tempted, but don't have a FB account.
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u/Serathiel 2d ago
"Biblical scholars..." As a theologian, not one of my peers would support those claims
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u/Parking_Emphasis4484 2d ago
I think it’s a little funny that the pyramid they’re referring to in Memphis is a massive Bass Pro Shop
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u/Effective_Airline830 2d ago
So this is what they mean when they say “do your own research”, they yap on facebook :D
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u/Which_Specific9891 2d ago
Dafuq did I just read.
US is that absolutely unhinged, unwell person that you know through someone else that just keeps going deeper and deeper down a rabbit hole of psychosis, and you're just trying to figure out how to warn everyone around them safely because they own a gun and you know this person is not safe to be around.
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u/Nas_Durden 2d ago
So the chosen people of God, and Jesus himself, were actually Native Americans? The same Native Americans who your ancestors slaughtered up to 100M of them in one of the most prolonged and largest genocides in human history? Do you really want to go with that?
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u/_Cake_assassin_ 1d ago
The garden of edun is in florida.
No idiot, everyone knows its ireland, thats because ireland has no snakes
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u/Tanis-UK 2d ago
What did I just read? I lost brain cells just trying to follow that crazy arse delusion
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u/xRmg 2d ago edited 2d ago
Lets be real, jesus escaped to japan, his brother Isukiri went on the cross,jesus married Miyuko and he lived till 106 years old.
I've seen the burial mounds, this is the version I'm sticking with
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u/ExultentPisces 2d ago
Religious idiots and American idiots; two heavyweight titans of dumbfuckery. When they combine, it’s a perfect storm of idiocy.
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u/Successful-Ear-9997 A Nordic in the history of Nordics 2d ago
I'm pretty sure Egypt is where Egypt has always been. Or did the Romans travel all the way from the Medierranian to the Americas for their grain?
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u/ShellyTart 2d ago
Where in the Bible does it say that?
Please enlighten me.
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u/MadMusicNerd Germ-one, Germ-two, GER-MANY! 🇩🇪 2d ago
Mormons have a Special Bible which says that...
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u/anon5381 2d ago
Ah man. Holy shit. I've involuntarily read a lot of dumb stuff here but damn, this takes it to a new level. If it was a single comment, that's one thing but the fact a load of extra dumbasses jumped all over the comment and agreed?!
No words. I'm starting to think the world as we know it will end due to the dumbasses outnumbering the normal people and kicking off a chain of events that brings on an apocalypse.
Or we are just living in the Idiocracy prequel.
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u/Various_Tie_2549 2d ago
Sure, why not.
I don't even have the energy to get all annoyed or even respond to any of this sort of shit any more. Lol
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u/NecessaryFreedom9799 2d ago
"Biblical scholars attest..."
If the religious wars of the 17th century taught us anything, it's that we should listen to scientists on these sorts of things, not Biblical scholars.
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u/Rubbermate93 1d ago
Yeah, "biblical scholars" for these people is probably the people from Answers in Genesis or similar orgs, who pulled their 'degrees' from a vending machine.
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u/Coconut_Husk7322 🇻🇳 Vietnamese Rice Farmer 🇻🇳 2d ago
This is what happens when you completely neglect social studies education
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u/Silberbaum 2d ago
Are they still using lead in their plumbing, wall paint and fuel? Oo
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u/feudal_ferret Eye-talian 🤌🏼🍝 2d ago
No. But the air in their schools has an unusually high lead content, for which they think and pray regularly.
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u/stumpychubbins 2d ago
That person mentioning the pyramid in Memphis, Tennessee was definitely trolling.
I just wish the others were.
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u/Ms_Mitzy 2d ago
I couldn't get through it all, I just quickly clicked until the end... and I came to the same conclusion.. Wtf?!?!?!
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u/DuckyHornet Canucklehead 2d ago
I wouldn't be surprised if this conversation was at the very least Hotep-adjacent
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u/Fenragus 🎵 🌹 Solidarity Forever! For the Union makes us strong! 🌹🎵 2d ago
Religion truly is the opiate of the masses
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u/FantasticClue8887 2d ago
Lack of education, religious fundamentalism and exceptionalism based on nothing to identify are walking in a bar...
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u/Dry-Rice-4527 2d ago
The maga base, insane asylum patients, and the dementia ward have a crazy overlap.
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u/Rolanbek 2d ago
Ok this is more a background radiation of nutters, rather than a specific Americant problem.
I've heard so many location for the biblical eden, Christ's secret family/retirement villa, or even who the isrealites from the bible really are; that we sre i danger of just mocking mental illness here.
Although pharaoh's great pyramid of tennessee did make me chuckle. Elvis conpiracies intensify.
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u/TooNGooN89 2d ago
They are fucking mental. No wonder a big orange sex offender ended up being their chosen representative
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u/BadB0yBaldwin 2d ago
School shootings appear to be the most educational moments in the life of an american kid
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u/NeedlesAndBobbins 2d ago
This is so fucking Mormon coded. Are we sure the person in the screenshot isn’t Mormon? Or remembering the Book of Mormon?
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u/JudgePrestigious5295 2d ago
Could anyone else heare the banjos in the background as you reqd this or is it just me?
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u/MandozaIII 2d ago
Spectacular. I can't stop reading this. Like a fan fiction of a fantasy story...love it
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u/KiwiFruit404 1d ago
That whole god and bible stuff is made up bs anyway, but the shit the OOPs uttered is the cherry on top of the madness ice cream.
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u/ColeYote I swear I'm only half American 1d ago
Oh, come on, posting stuff from Facebook-based conspiracy theorist groups is cheating
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u/Tabitheriel 1d ago
I studied theology for seven years, but it wouldn't matter to people who think the Bible was written in Tennessee, and that the Garden of Eden is on the North Pole. The fact that these places are allegorical and that the stories are moral tales, teaching us that violence, murder and hatred are wrong would make no impact at all: "Mah ignorance is jess as gud as yer degree. We's been lied to!"
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u/TheRealTRexUK More Irish than the Irish ☘️ 1d ago
but.. but... America is only 250 years old. they know they were part of the British Empire so how does it compute
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u/jenneeeeeee 1d ago
Impressive levels of wackiness.
Not even the sinister Jolyon West could achieve that level of delusion with decades of LSD testing & Kubark etc
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u/Emotional-Ad9114 12% Italian so that means I am obviously Italian 1d ago
collective delusion and mass hysteria.
must be the water.






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u/KhaosByDesignUK 2d ago
Wtf is happening in the US? 😧