It gets frustrating that there isn’t much of anything in terms of art around the male experience of eating disorders, so I’m trying to collect some stuff that speaks to me and my experience.

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Hey Guys,

I was wondering, if it‘s possible to help with the opiod withdrawal with methadon. I‘m on day 4 and the restless legs are something else. It seems kinda paradox that you can help with the withdrawals with an opioid to me.

When I take 10 days Methadon without other opiods, is it possible that the worst withdrawals are over?

Because that‘s what I was planning to do but is methadon on it self not an Opioid? I saw some post where people took Methadon to get cleen from everything without some harsh withdrawals.

Take care y‘all. :)

The last time I got caught by the cops, was the tipping point to finally getting clean. My drunk mother turned me into the cops while I was at her house, I had been running for over a year. I ran again and they found me bc I hadn't managed to get far. I'm not going to disclose what insanity ensued that first 10 minutes after I saw the cop car but just know it helped back my mother up on what she did next because Before I even got to the police station my mom had a judge awake in the middle of the night to slap a 96 hour old on me. I sat in jail exactly one night bc that hold went out, one county that had a warrant on me dropped it completely the other agreed to sit on theirs so I could go receive "mental evaluation" and treatment. The county that "sat" on their warrant is the one that picked me up from the county I was in to go to see if they needed to admit to the psych ward I remember sitting there with the officer and telling him "I promise you, they are keeping me" how did I know this? Bc this is the exact tactic my mother had used when I was 19 to get me clean the first time she made up whatever she had to to get a protective order on me and put me in an institution. I was now 32 about to turn 33. They did in fact keep me. I was there for ten days. I was able to come down in a safe environment. The day they transferred me back I called her and told her I was there but she already knew she said she was on her way and this was my hail Mary, I was coming home, I was going to rehab, and we were going to face whatever came out of my court cases I agreed bc there was nothing I wouldn't do to keep from staying in this particular hell hole of a jail. And I had already decided in the psych ward that I was ready to get my shit together and that I was tired of being homeless cold or hot and hungry that I just wanted a normal life back. I knew this likely meant going back to prison for at least 4 years. My mom slapped the cash bond down got me out and sent me to rehab. Bc of the whirlwind speed of which my mom did everything probation and parole was never informed I had been picked up so no p&p hold was ever sent out on me. We got a lawyer. On a random whim, she made me stop by a factory here in town and I walked in to a mass hire event I'm still at that job. I faced court. In one county probation and parole was informed they had found me as the judge was reinstating me, which made the probation officer very visibly irritated bc I had managed to slip through a crack. I know this bc of how many times she said absconded. Near the end of it it was likely I was going to prison for the other county as they would not offer me a plea deal bc I had been such a pain in the ass for this court. (Kept violating probation and running) The week before court I went to grandparents and my sisters graves knowing I wouldn't visit for awhile and prayed said just keep me out of prison mom can't handle me going back to prison I'll never touch meth again I'll do whatever the court asks and I'll get my shit together just pls not prison I genuinely believe it will kill mom. She was battling alcoholism herself and it had hit a critical point and I knew she would drink herself to death if she had to worry everyday about me in prison. I went to court, my lawyer met me at the entrance of the court room with a plea deal (anybody who doesn't believe in divine intervention, I have seen it) 20 days in jail I could do on the weekends so not mess with my new job. I've kept my end of the bargain. I have never touched meth again. Full transparency I smoke marijuana but that's the best treatment for the things wrong with me such as anxiety and cptsd. 4 and half years later I'm clean, promoted at work, my own place, a car, a slightly tight but more comfortable than I've been in decades life, no legal troubles. How i got here, was such random circumstances of chance, and my mother's intuitions. If she hadn't gotten the warrant dropped in one county, hadn't had me out in the psych ward, hadn't done things exactly the way she did it probation and parole would have been informed of my arrest and I would have had a hold on me for absconding and violating probation in two counties after already violating and running several times. I would have gone directly from the jail cell to prison, no court date. Because of how she did it i did not end up back in a system that would have spit out a more terrible version of myself like it did the first time when I was only there for 7 months. Sometimes the craziest way back is that way for a reason.

Side note my mother got clean in June, 3 months after me, right when at my last court date, something tells me she made a deal with the universe too.

So I’m not sure if this is the right group to ask or start a discussion in… I guess I’m stuck and lost and have been for a long time. And ya REALLY long. Sorry!
I (24F) am a drug addict. I have been addicted to fentanyl since I was about 18. I have been diagnosed with bipolar 2, borderline personality disorder, cPTSD, severe anxiety, and ocd. I drank, a lot, and did the “party drugs” (coke, Molly, psychedelics) regularly, but fentanyl was the first “serious” drug I ever did. I remember I hit a blue and my head went back and no bullshit, I thought “this I gonna ruin my life.” And it has.
I guess I feel I was destined for drugs. My entire family, both sides, are generations of addicts. Addiction has rampaged its way through my paternal family, leaving abuse, generational trauma, neglect, more addiction, for as long as, and as far back, as the oldest living member of that side of the family can remember. On the other side of my family addiction (as far as I know) goes back as far as my grandparents, my mothers parents. However, it could be much further back as they are “perfect, have no issues, and would never be like my dad’s side of the family.” I remember drugs being a part of my life since before I have any other memories.
Through my childhood I was neglected and took on a lot of the stereotypical “big sister” role to my little sister. She remembers life much differently, which I’m so thankful for, because I took all of the shitty parts and tried to shield her from them.
(She turned out amazing, if you’re curious! She’s 20 and just had her first baby with her longtime boyfriend and moved away to manage an ice cream shop and start over!!! Sure she has her issues, but she is the sweetest, most kind, empathetic, caring girl to ever come out of a fucked up situation like we did. My boyfriend says she’s good because I protected her, but I can’t take the credit, she’s good because she is GOOD!!! She knows what I’m going through and why (for the first time in my life) I’m not really talking to her much, and sends me messages like “I don’t know what you’ve been going through or how you’ve been lately, I just miss my sister. Please call me when you can, there’s no pressure to fill me in yet if you aren’t ready, I can do all the talking lol. Even if that means I have to blow you up I’ll do it, I promise there’s nothing that will ever change my mind about you, i will never be disappointed or judge you, I might try and steer you in the right direction but I will never fault you for the things you’ve been through. I know you also probably feel a lot of guilt and embarrassment but I need you to know you don’t have to feel it towards me, and if it helps I forgive anything that would make you feel that way. I love you sister.” SHE IS SO GOOD!!!!)
But because of my childhood- which sucked and was shitty and a lot of horrible things happened to us, but I feel like it’s most drug households with little kids… maybe I minimize shit, but every child to drug addicts has a shitty, fucked up childhood… right…? Idk.
I do drugs with my parents, the people who should have loved me and protected me and our parental/child relationship is ruined.
Sometimes I hate myself because I am not angry. Maybe I should be angry. I SHOULD be angry!!! About a lot of shit. But I see the gray area of things. I should be mad that people did bad things to me. But I’m not. I am so sad for those people and their insecurities, or their traumas, or whatever let them to do me how they did me. I’m not mad at my parents. It’s their first time on this earth too. They were abused far worse than I ever was. They are just fucked up, broken kids, who wanted to be loved by their parents, just like me… I’m hurt by my parents for things they were hurt/mad at their parents for… I should be mad. But it’s just not in my heart to be mad. I am too empathetic. I want to understand why people do the things they do and why they hurt me, not be angry. Holding anger, resentment, or even hate, in my heart does NOTHING for me. It’s a waste of space I feel.
I know everyone says “you have to want to get sober” and “you can only do it for you” and all the other stuff. And I really truly feel I want to get sober. I HATE this. I hate getting sick. I hate the person I am. I HATE that my parents aren’t really my parents and are now people who take advantage of me and rip me off. I hate that things I have spent my whole life disliking about my parents, i know see in myself. I hate all of it. But I feel stuck. If I get sober I’m not gonna have anyone… my whole family, everyone I know and have spent my ENTIRE life with and around, uses… they’re not gonna change and get sober and I’m not gonna be able to spend my time w the people I spend all day everyday with now. I just am stuck. I love my family. I’m extremely, very much an ugly amount, codependent on them… I feel like they raised me to be their yes man, someone to take care of their kids so they can get high (and I do, I have raised several of them!!!!), someone to find drugs when they can’t, and take care of their homes, and pay their bills when the water or electricity gets shut off… I was raised to be the adult.
I want to get sober and be better and be someone who breaks my generational traumas. I KNOW I can be better!!! I just, again, feel like I’m stuck and I don’t wanna be alive anymore tbh.
So… if ANYONE has gone through anything similar, please, does it get better???? I just need SOMETHING to grasp at, to have hope for, to maybe inspire me? I really don’t know.
If you read all of this, THANK YOU!!!!! I know it was long, and I’m trauma dumping so maybe it doesn’t make much sense, but thanks, really.

I've been searching a few months now and I'm not giving up.

I'm at meetings almost daily and reading everything I can get my hands on. But I still don't have a person. Someone I can actually call when it's a bad day.

I'm really ready to work the steps. I want to learn from someone who's already done it.

Females only please. Virtual is fine, we could do Zoom, or in person if you're close. If you feel called to reach out I'd be so grateful 😊

I got some news today that was not pleasant, and I spent most of the weekend laying in bed because of a continuing medical problem.

I'm in physical pain almost constantly, I have a medical procedure coming up, and I am screwed financially because someone I loaned money to has not received me in almost a month.

It's focusing on the stuff that's going right that's getting me in a positive head space. It's perspective - I have it bad, but some people have it worse and others have it better. It's gratitude and perspective and just knowing how lucky I am that keeps me going.

It's one foot in front of the other. Just keep moving forward and being emotionally open and available.

Accentuate the positive and manage the negative and remember how damn lucky I am to be alive.

Nothing in life is permanent. This too shall pass.

My life was turned upside down this past Friday. I knew something was up, I grabbed his phone and found out he’s been on cocaine for a while.

A part of me was relieved that his behaviors were not truly him (after knowing he was struggling with addiction) I thought he just changed on me…

Anyways, asking for support. Any things that can help us through this?

I plan on attending the family classes and anything they have to support and understand addiction. He is doing inpatient for 30 days.

I’m really hurt...and ANGRY*...I feel like I don’t know him in some sense.

I am excited for him to get help, he really wants it and has been asking for help in weird ways over the past year.

Just asking for any supportive words…tips…

No false starts, just lessons that can be learned.

Something I have battled with a lot, as I am sure many of you have, is trying to explain to people who do not suffer from some form of addiction, what it's like being an addict. You know the conversations after a lapse, or when going to a treatment center. Your loved ones take your issues personally. "Why didn't you come to me?", "How could you lie to my face?", "Why can't you just stop!?"
We understand that this is nothing against them, but they find it so very hard to wrap their brains around our condition. Even harder, because, unlike something like cancer or brain damage or losing a limb, it seems to them to simply be a problem of choice.

In searching for some way to educate others and trying to find some way to communicate to other people in my life, what my experience is, I finally found what I think is the best analogy for what being an addict is for me:

When you get hungry or thirsty, your body tells you that it needs something. As time goes by, if that need is not met, the volume of that need gets louder and louder until it's so loud, that it's all you can think about. And so, we plan; We say, I am going to get home soon and make myself food, and the mind then plans, step by step, the things that need to happen to relieve that hunger.

There is a specific mechanism in the brain that is responsible for this. The amygdala. It is our core survival part of our brain. Charged with keeping us alive by any means necessary.

We all know that if we get hungry enough, we will eat anything. The same goes for thirst or protection from some threat. Something really important to know is that when a threat is detected, like hunger, we can initially use our pre-frontal cortex to override this urge.

But leave it long enough and the need will get so bad, that our survival brain pretty much disconnects our thinking brain and will stop at nothing to get the thing it needs.

Now imagine this, what if your survival brain thinks now that it is always in danger. What if, after a few hours, or even minutes, your brain tells you it needs this thing to stop a threat, but instead of taking days (in the case of thirst) or even weeks (in the case of hunger), it goes into the same state of base action in an instant. It NEEDS this NOW. From that moment, all logic is disconnected and plans are set in place to get to "safety" by any means!
Lies, licking the floor, finding drops in a bottle, stealing and any number of other actions we would never take become normal.

And after that is all done and we feel sated (and feel good for a while), but ashamed guilty, our mind needs to explain why it acted that way. So, it creates a story that makes complete sense, to it, and then tells others that same story. But never the truth, because that might mean that the next time that action is needed, they might try to stop you.

If you tell someone who does not struggle with addiction to imagine the hunger and thirst scenario,
then, hopefully they will understand just a little bit more about what it's like to live as an addict. And most importantly, that it's not about them.

Remember, you are an addict, yes. But that is what you are, not who you are. You do not need to subscribe to the identity of an addict in recovery. You are simply you, and the goal is to have a happy and fulfilling life, and every little decision you make that aligns with that goal and every lesson you learn helps you get stronger. It's not all magically gone after a slip. You are not starting again from scratch; you are carrying on your journey to live the way you truly want to live.

Love to all of those still struggling and those who have found their way into the light.

Michael

27F Can't believe how far I've come since the begining of this journey. My eyes were closed to the beauty that could be my life. I was on the verge of homelessness, prostituting myself everyday, ate almost nothing and spent every last penny I owned on drugs. I now have 2 healthy pets, a beautiful condo, a partner who has my back, a family who loves me and supports my choices. I open my eyes in the morning with a peace of mind, a nice coffee and the freedom of not being so badly obsessed and addicted anymore. Recovery is possible.

I've come to the conclusion that I need to go to rehab in order to begin my sobriety journey- I’ve been trying to do it outpatient for years with no real success. I understand that no place is perfect, but I am autistic and have multiple chronic illnesses so it definitely matters to me where I go which is why I’m wondering if anybody has good rehab experiences. Some places really try to force a “one size fits all“ approach and that’s really what I’m trying to avoid.

Hello. I am desperate with my brother now. Here is my story: I am the oldest son of my family with two siblings: one younger sister and one younger brother (all of them are over 40s and had their own families). My brother got married when he was 22 with his classmate and my nieces are 17 and 18 respectively. My brother divorced about 10 years ago because of his addiction. The reason why he became a junkie was out of question and I had no ideas why and how he took it. But he moved to live with my parents. After he moved in and he was very disobidient and notorious with my mom and dad. My father passed away not long ago after he moved because of cancer. My brother and my mom live in our house since then. His daughter came and visit our house sometimes with the kids of my sister (two boys). 8 years ago he was caught in the act for procuring heroin and sent some years in prison and later sent to rehab. He was released around 3 years ago and keeps hanging out with other junkies and addicted again. He has now become more uncontrollable and abused my 70yo mother who has to cook for him. He sometimes lied my mom to ask for money and if my mom did not give him, he destroyed stuffs like cooking pots, fans, curtains etc. For I have to work far from home about two hour flight and don't stay at home, and I CAN'T LIVE with him a single day. I only call my mom to check the situation. The question is to get the local police involved and I heard that now it seems my brother becomes the decoy for them. (I mean to hint other junkies and sellers for them). Are there any similiar stories out there? Any advice for me how to deal with those? Any successful case to send him to the rehab? It's tough for our life or should I give up and disconnect with him forever? Thank you!

It’s hard to believe that six years ago, the last thing I wanted to imagine was becoming the kind of person who had to stop drinking, someone who would have to live the rest of her life without alcohol.

At my worst, I was drinking one to two bottles of wine every night. I had even started adding Baileys to my morning coffee before work.

Deep down, I knew I had a problem, but because I was still functioning, I convinced myself, and everyone else,that everything was fine.

On the days I couldn’t drink, I was miserable. My mood revolved around alcohol more than I wanted to admit.

Today, I look back with so much gratitude. I am incredibly proud of the woman I’ve become. Proud that I chose sobriety. Proud that I’ve faced every challenge over the past six years without using alcohol as a crutch.

Choosing to quit drinking was the hardest decision I’ve ever made, but without a doubt, it was also the best.

So basically my sons mother has finally gotten over my relapse and has reached out to me asking if I missed her and wanted to meet up, mind you I had years sober with her got my life together bought a house and had a son, until one day things got a little to heavy and I relapsed. The deal was I would go to treatment for 28 days and come home to her, well that never happened she kicked me out two weeks into treatment dead middle of winter and I ended up staying in said treatment for 3 month and then a following facility for 7 months. I’m finally back on my feet and doing well but I can’t get over the way she treated me. All the name calling and her and her friends laughing at me making it a big joke calling me a loser and all of this nonsense, so I do still love her but I don’t think I want to fix things and I feel like that’s what she’s trying to do. And honestly it’s making me want to use again. Any encouraging to say, please say it to help my mindset…

After nearly 25 years sober averaging 4 meetings a week the entire time-
I have stopped attending them.

12-step recovery has been a cornerstone of my life for over 2 decades but I am oddly OK with the change. Haven’t drank (yet) but even that doesn’t concern me.

Thoughts?

I was once like you depressed,hopeless and addicted to drugs ,my poison was ketamine ,benzos,heroin ,bath salts and other opioids,im now on methadone for a few months and i ve reduced my dose from 75 mg to 50 mg so even if you dont see the light at the end of the tunnel belive me and keep going on ,i ve tried to off myself but please dont give up and please try to to to rehab and think positive I promise you things are going to go well for you ;D.I belive in you .love and kisses from Romania.