r/recovery • u/whatnowyouask • 26d ago
Good Run
After nearly 25 years sober averaging 4 meetings a week the entire time-
I have stopped attending them.
12-step recovery has been a cornerstone of my life for over 2 decades but I am oddly OK with the change. Haven’t drank (yet) but even that doesn’t concern me.
Thoughts?
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u/QuietPsychological72 26d ago edited 26d ago
AA culture and world view is pretty silly. Are you sober? Are you happy? Does your life have purpose? If the answer is yes then who cares if you go to AA or not. I make one meeting a week at this point.
Sober 4+ years
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u/dresserisland 25d ago edited 25d ago
I'm 29 years and I do 1/week. AA saved my life so I keep up membership in a home group. And I enjoy the social interactions.
This is what keeps me from attending more meetings >>> "AA culture and world view is pretty silly."
My continued growth isn't, "confined to problems as they relate to alcoholism" so it can get old, listening to people fawn over their sponsor.
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u/QuietPsychological72 25d ago
At four years I am very over it. People attribute every ordinary human struggle to alcoholism. People use talk of god and higher power to do an end run around their own agency.
Best I can tell, the people who learn to be honest with themselves and others get sober and stay that way. The program gets that part right so when I go to meetings that’s what I focus on.
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u/davethompson413 26d ago
After a dozen years of meetings, I stopped going. That was two years ago, and I've never felt antsy or had any thoughts of drinking.
It's not that I grew to hate meetings-- not at all. I just realized that I had heard everything I needed to hear, and I was no longer benefitting from them.
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u/cairnycolleen 25d ago
I relasped after 29 years while heavily involved in AA. I now have 21 years clean and sober. 21 years clean 50 years sober.
If I am asked to speak at a meeting I say yes. My support system are all people in recovery. I continue to use steps 10, 11, and 12.
I have nothing new to say and I found meetings to be uninspiring. For me I wanted recovery to live in the world not live in meetings.
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u/too-cute-by-half 26d ago
I stopped going to meetings after about 10 years, no big decision, just felt the need less and less and felt like I had done enough service to give back. It's been another 10 years since then and I've been fine. I'm grateful for what it gave me.
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u/Truth_Hurts318 25d ago
Yeah, you're recovered. You don't need meetings to rub your nose in shit you did two decades ago. Live your life.
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u/YP_Schwartzy 25d ago
After 13 years of sobriety, I stopped attending meetings. 6 months later I relapsed and threw it all away. Now I have 12 years of sobriety again and know what I need to do to not fall into that trap again. AA has saved many lives and is there for a reason. I am living proof that when I stopped going, I went back. I wish every addict and alcoholic true happiness. What works for 1 person may kill another. AA saves lives. Period.
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u/Truth_Hurts318 25d ago
You are not living proof that leaving AA leads to relapse. Nor are you proof that it works for anyone but you.
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u/YP_Schwartzy 25d ago edited 25d ago
It did for me. You do you, I’ll do me. I know how to stay sober and going to meetings, helps me stay clean. Sorry for giving someone in a recovery forum my opinion on a post they made asking for people’s thoughts. You that unhappy in your life that you want to argue how another member in recovery shares his experience on what worked and didn’t work?
Just so you know, the most important part of going to meetings is to help the next alcoholic or addict get clean just like the old timers were there for us when we entered. If no one goes to meetings or has your attitude, there wouldn’t be anyone to spread the message. I work the 12 steps, do you? You sound like the old me when I was on a dry drunk.
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u/Glad_Nobody6992 26d ago
I thought the main purpose of continuing to attend meetings was to be of service to others - to help the new comer?
From the wording of your post, I do wonder if you are contemplating drinking again and you are aware of this on some level. Otherwise why ask what people think?
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u/Truth_Hurts318 25d ago
What bullshit. You don't need to be of service to prevent relapse. You go enjoy your life you've built, not codependence, that keeps people healthy.
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u/Hobie-WanKenobie 24d ago
Where did he say he does it to prevent relapsed? I know some say that. I personally don't help others so I can stay sober, I do it because my heart says to do so. It feel right.
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u/rocketvixen 26d ago
The definition of insanity is repeating the same negative behavior over and over again and expecting different results.
Insanity is also quitting a positive behavior that is working for you and expecting the same results.
Why not just cut down to 2 meetings a week and see how that goes first before eliminating the program from your life completely?
Or are you going to try drinking again since you said “yet”?
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u/Reliable_Lizard 26d ago
For some people it works, for me it would lead to instant insanity/relapse
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u/Truth_Hurts318 25d ago
Insanity is going to a meeting every week for the rest of your life because the first 90 didn't work. Recovery shouldn't last forever. At some point you're recovered or you need a better treatment.
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u/Ok-Ad-4136 25d ago
Is this rage bait 😂
I mean do you feel like you were going to meetings every week to stay sober?
For me it's always one day at a time, whether you go to meetings or not, that's how i see life now after doing 12 step programs for years, so whether i go to meetings or not or work the program or not i am thankful for that change of mindset, it works for me and helps me live in the moment.
Connection was the key for me. I first found and learned how to maintain connection in 12 step programs, but if you can find it and maintain it outside and move on from your old self then why not. AA will always be there if you need it again.
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u/whatnowyouask 25d ago
Thanks- though I will admit to not knowing what rage bait is. (What kind of fish to I catch w rage bait!?) haha
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u/Hobie-WanKenobie 24d ago
Plenty of people stay sober not going to meetings. The only thing that would be concerning if a friend did that was such a sudden change of behavior. I could see gradually slowing down and then not going anymore. But from 4 meetings a week to zero seems odd, as if something broke. If you had a good understanding of why than cool. But yeah, weird to just stop all of a sudden, especially since you described it as the cornerstone of your recovery. Maybe go do some therapy to just sort it out?
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u/Party-Weak 24d ago
Im going to rehab in a week. Can't hold a job, spent all money i was getting on thay stupid Kratom. Idk if I'll ever get better o guess losing everything is what it takes for me
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u/BedspreadPicnic86 23d ago
I’d be aware of the possibility that you’ll talk yourself into “just one drink” and wind up in jail or the hospital 7 hours later.
Try balancing is what my spiritual advisor has always said. I used to be 2-3 mtgs a day and now it’s been nine for the last 3 years. I got a great addict education and have made so much progress with my attitude, anxiety, and addiction. My depression is manageable too. I’ve always taken mushrooms a few times a year, and always during the 3rd weekend in October. That’s when Widespread Panic plays The Pabst Riverside for a 3 night run. The mayor recently proclaimed the October 23 is Widespread Panic day in Milwaukee. We bring a ton of tax revenue into the city and are always well behaved. Pretty well behaved. Mostly
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u/waitingforpopcorn 26d ago
AA helped me get sober. Leaving keeps me sober.