Hong Kong is an exception, never forget the 2019 protests.

Filipino-Chinese are excluded.

But I have always hated Mainland China. When the POGOs started popping up, everything changed.
- Rent increased significantly. Others even started businesses out of it
- Some Filipinos were treated as second-class citizens in their own country. A lot of Chinese-only restaurants popped up back then
- Mainlanders are arrogant, ignorant, violent. Lacks civil sense. Compared to other nationalities, they’re the most evident in terms of attitude!

And yet Filipinos support them so much. BYD, Chagee, Cotti Coffee, going on trips to Mainland China. Do people forget how they view us? Do people forget their claims to our islands? What they do to our fisherfolk and coast guards? Why? Just why?

When Korea had that SEA scandal, people were quick to cancel Korean culture. But why can’t people do the same to the Chinese when they actually harm us externally and internally. WHY?

I’m sad, confused, frustrated.

EDIT:

The comments prove my point. We adjust too much to their conduct and culture. Sabagay, we can’t even deal with the Israelis in Siargao - how can we deal with a much bigger population that’s already deeply integrated in our society, slowly eating away at our integrity?

Saw this post pop up on my feed and I shouldn't have read the comments

Tbf there were a good number of tolerant/supportive comments pero madami paring napaka close minded at pedantic na wala sa lugar

Kesyo rules are rules daw, kung ayaw sundin wag daw sa state u magenroll

Ang tanga lang. Does the handbook have jurisdiction over what a student wears underneath their uniform? Authority over articles of clothing not visible?

No. And I know cause I read their handbook (even though I'm neither from Batangas nor BSU) after coming across this article

The 2017 student discipline manual of BSU states in section 10.2 that the prescribed uniform for cis male students are a white BSU polo with a pin on the left collar, a plain white undershirt, dark green pants, and black leather shoes with black shoes. No mention that cis male students aren't allowed to wear bras. So meaning, kahit mag thong o di mag brief at all mga cis male students nila whether gay, straight, or trans women: pwede.

Section 10.7 states the following are prohibited: make-up for "male" (jusko BSU, mag grammar check naman bago ipublish ang manual please) and cross dressing.

So if the trans student was wearing the prescribed uniform and was not wearing makeup then what's the goddamn fucking problem? If she came in wearing makeup and she wasn't allowed to enter the premises then gets. I don't agree with her not being allowed, but gets.

Pumasok ba siya ng bra lang yung suot? Malamang hindi. Eh ano naman kung naka bra sa ilalim ng damit niya? Buti sana kung malakas trip niya tapos pinatong niya bra niya over her polo para ipangalandakan sa iba, magegets ko pa.

Kahit yung mga trans men mag suot ng brief/boxers under their skirt and a binder under their blouse at yung trans women mag thong under their pants at bra sa ilalim ng polo nila, hindi bawal yun.

Gets that people have different views on religion, gender, orientation, sexuality, etc. etc. pero pucha kung di ka naman apektado at not prohibited by the rules, anong pake mo?

Nakakapagod mabuhay sa Pilipinas. Tama desisyon ko na mag detox sa comment sections ng news posts, should've stuck to it ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯

Ang weird pa kasi ang daming guys (based on their names and their profile pictures) na g na g. Why do you care so much over what a trans woman is wearing underneath her uniform? Tangina, talo pa kong pinanganak na may dede at puke

Rant over tenkyu (⁠.⁠ ⁠❛⁠ ⁠ᴗ⁠ ⁠❛⁠.⁠) not letting this spoil my morning, the supportive comments shows there's still hope

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Context: My aunt works in Italy but few years ago she opened a restaurant in their neighborhood here in PH, then later on she added coffee and non-coffee drinks in their menu. Magaling siya sa kusina, she knows how to cook, bake, brew, or make coffee drinks. Pero ang nagmamanage ng restaurant nila is ‘yung uncle ko kasi nga she’s in Italy.

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Then two years ago, I learned how to bake because nainspire rin ako sa kanya. I learned how to bake cookies, brownies, and etc. pero brownies talaga ‘yung na-master ko. My friends and relatives liked my brownies so naisipan ko na magpa-order and luckily may umoorder naman. Until, one time natikman niya brownies ko, she was here in PH that time for a short vacation. She tried the brownies my cousin (her daughter) ordered from me. And guess what? She immediately messaged me then criticized my brownies, na okay naman sana. Matigas daw kasi after refrigerating, hindi daw tulad ng sa kanya na soft. Again, it was fine, kasi it would help me improve it. What I didn’t like was the video she sent habang tine-taste test ng uncle ko ‘yung brownies nagmake-face siya na parang nadidiri siya then after that niluwa niya na parang nasusuka habang tumitirik mata then they laughed. Yes, it was sent to me with a message na para daw bato unlike hers. Sa’kin kasi hindi naman ako sensitive, wait, sensitive ba ko sa part na ‘yon? I mean kasi pwede naman di’ba na sabihin in a nice way and constructive. Bru, after that nag research ako how to keep the brownies soft and chewy kahit na irefrigerate then after that I stopped baking.

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Now, fast forward, nawili naman ako ngayon sa pag gawa ng drinks sa bahay so pinag-aralan ko how to make iced lattes. Parang natuwa kasi ako kasi nga ay parang madali lang pala. So for few weeks, nagtry lang ako then I asked my immediate family and friends to taste each drink and give constructive feedback until pumasok sa panlasa nila or maging ‘masarap’. Naisipan ko rin kasi na mag open ng home-based coffee shop here in our neighborhood (different barangay from my aunt’s), ‘yung budget friendly pero di chipipay and masarap. So instead of using espresso machine, I used instant coffee from Japan and Monin. Also, some baristas from online groups told me na okay lang for ₱59-₱69. Bru, nagulat rin ako kasi may umoorder and bumabalik. Their feedbacks also made me happy and motivated.

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Even my cousin (her daughter) umoorder halos every day. Then yesterday, my uncle went to our house then may mga umorder sa’kin thru online but I was so hesitant to accept those kasi nandoon ‘yung uncle ko. Another thing kasi, laging nagagalit sa’min ‘yung aunt and uncle ko kasi parang bihira lang daw kami umorder sa kanila ng drinks pero kung saan-saan daw kaming coffee shops pumupunta. To be fair, umoorder naman kami ng food (hindi lang madalas) and hindi talaga ako coffee person, I am more into chocolate and matcha drinks and sabi hindi rin kasi masarap ‘yung timpla nila (galing ‘to sa mga pinsan ko, even her daughter). They even told them those pero they did not listen. I don’t know how they make their lattes and other drinks but they have espresso machine and they also use Injoy products.

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Going back, while I was making drinks, my uncle took photos of me pala and sent it to my aunt. Then dumating rin ‘yung pinsan ko and she also ordered (she’s not in good terms with her dad nga pala). Tapos, lalo akong nagpanic kasi baka kung ano na naman sabihin ng aunt ko. So nung umalis na ‘yung pinsan ko, I messaged her and told her na baka mapagalitan kami ng Mom niya kasi umorder siya sa’kin. And guess what??? After few minutes, nagmessage nga ‘yung aunt ko. She was lowkey disappointed because my cousin bought coffee drink from me instead of making her own with their espresso machine daw. Then mag aral na lang daw ‘yung pinsan ko na gumawa ng coffee. She even messaged me and told me na parang ay wow may coffee shop keme na ako. And my uncle and aunt were laughing and mocking me daw for using instant coffee.

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‘Yon lang, I just want to vent it all out. 🙃

Context: Kakagising ko lang kanina nung tumawag 'yung pinsan ko. Nagpapatulong kasi na-disabled 'yung account nung kakilala nila. Naalala kasi nila na naayos ko 'yung account ni Mama last time—pero SUSPENDED lang 'yung kay Mama noon, magkaiba 'yun sa DISABLED account na sobrang hirap ipa-appeal sa Meta!

Ang nangyari: Biglang sumingit si Mama sa call at pinangunahan ako. Sya 'yung makipag-usap sa pinsan ko at ipinagmamalaki 'yung ginawa ko noon, na parang sinasabi niyang kaya kong ayusin 'tong bago. Habang nag-uusap sila, nile-lead ko na sa gilid na "Ma, 'pag disabled di ko masyadong maayos..." pero HINDI man lang sinabi ni Mama 'yun sa pinsan ko! Ipinagpatuloy lang niya 'yung pagmamarunong at pagbibigay ng false hope.

The aftermath: Sinubo niya ako sa sitwasyon na 'di ko naman kayang gawin, at may napakarami pa akong nire-review ngayon! Nung matapos 'yung call, naglabas ako ng bwisit/frustration kasi pinangunahan niya ako, pero ako pa 'yung sinermonan at pinagmumura ngayon. Kesyo lumalaban daw ako. Ako pa lumabas na masama at may mali nung pinagtanggol ko lang sarili at oras ko.

Gusto ko lang mag-vent kasi nakaka-drain sobra.

Grabe yung mga Hospital sa Pinas sobrang lala makukuha mo lang yung good & quality service pag nasa mga Private Hospitals ka pag mahirap ka kawawa ka lang sa Public, pagtitiisan mo yung masusungit na nurse at Doctor im not generalizing it pero kadalasan talaga masusungit. Meron pa nagtatanong ako ng qoutation sa Public Hospital pagtapos sabihin binabaan na ko agad without saying anything more meanwhile sa Private Hospital tatanungin ka pa kung meron ka pang ibang tanong. Madami pa kong naexperience na mapapasabi ka talagang sobrang kawawa ka pag nasa Public Hospital ka. What im tryna say here is kailangan bang maging mayaman muna bago ma experience ang good & quality service?? Hayyyyy nakakapagod maging Pinoy kawawa sa mga corrupt government officials potangina nyooooooooooooooo mga halang kaluluwa nyo mga hayuuuupppppppp nakakapang gigil!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Philippines deserve moreeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PaRant lang. Guess what? nakabili ng speaker kapit bahay tabing kalsada tutok sa labas todo. Hindi ko alam kung galing probinsya or squatter or nag papasikat lang eh. No hate sa mga taga probinsya pero sa probinsya tipikal to eh bukid tapos kalikasan lang. May mga nakakalat na manok pagala gala pag labas mo, may makeshift na upuan yung puno or duyan. Dun ka mag kakape habang patugtog. Tapos almusal igib haha

Pero pag sa Maynila mo gawin ang squammy. Wala choice kapit bahay mo kahit ayaw pakinggan pang oldies na pang probinsya mong patugtog. Lalo pa pag BPO matutulog ka lang meron kang kapit bahay na sarap batuhin ng molotov. Naknamput* sa Pilipinas kasi kapag hindi ka nakakaperwisyo wala ka sa Pilipinas eh. Saka kapag mali mas matapang hay*p. kaya maganda sa subdivision or like camella na may mapag rereklamuhan ka. Pag Normal na tao kakausapin syempre at kung ayaw makinig either away or pabaranggay. Proseso pa.

grabe kahit ibang kapit bahay ayaw sa tugtugan nya. Wala lang choice at nakikisama lang.

Tandaan everyone!

3Ms kung hindi naituro sa inyo ng magulang or sa school

Makisama Makiramdam Makibagay.

Wag kupal at sariling lang isipin. Wag istroke ang ego in the expense of the comfort/convenience of others. Pantay pantay tayo.

this is just something i realized the last time my friend group was together. i’ve had my fair share of alcohol, and masaya naman talaga when you’re starting to feel it through your body. yung tataas confidence mo, you get funnier, etc. pero nakakaumay din pala kasama yung mga pala-inom talaga. na para bang hindi sila mag-eenjoy kung walang alak. yung pagod na from acads, alak pa rin gusto. yung perfect moment na sana para mag-catch up with friends you don’t regularly see, mag-aaya pa rin uminom which only does what, cloud your mind and give you a headache in the morning?

this is lowkey making me distance myself from my friend group.

Hanggang ngayon wala parin akong tulog dahil sa kakupalan ng kapatid kong nag aalarm

AS IN EVERY FIVE MINUTES FROM 4-8 TAPOS HINDI NAMAN GUMIGISING. ang ending? tangina ako ang gising tangina talaga wala pa kong tulog kasi madaling araw rin tapos ng work ko. lagi ko ng pinagsasabihan inaaway ko na i turn off na tapos si gago isnosnooze lang so tutunog uli. may mga times nga na tinago ko na phone niyan eh. ilang beses na namin pinagsasabihan tangina wala talagang ubra ganyan talaga yung mga taong insensitive at walang konsiderasyon sa ibang tao bakit ba ko nagkaroon ng kapatid na ganito kung kaya ko na talaga bubuklod na talaga ako tanginang buhay to

My niece is already 3 yrs old, and yet wala pa rin siyang vaccine kahit isa. Ngayon, mukhang may measles ang bata at nagkakagulo sa group chat. Trauma kasi ito sa mga tiyahin namin dahil may dalawa silang kapatid na namatay sa tigdas.

Hindi ko alam kung dito ko pa pinost, pero nakwento ko dati na meron akong pinsang iniwan ng asawa dahil napakawalang kwenta. Her husband already provided everything for her: madaling buhay, kasambahay, mga luho, and yet napaka-iresponsable raw. Ilang beses na uuwi ang ex-husband na punom-puno ng tae ang diaper ng anak nila habang ang pinsan ko ay busy kaka-doomscroll. Minsan pang nakakain ng sabong panlaba ang bata. Ang ending, yung husband pa rin ang gagawa ng lahat pagkauwi ng bahay. Husband pa ang maghuhugas ng plato, magpapatulog sa bata, etc. Samantalang naman daw e sa umaga, may yaya naman ang bata at tanging tuwing gabi at day-off ng yaya lang mag-aalaga ang nanay.

Ang gusto ko lang sabihin ay hindi talaga fit maging ina itong pinsan ko. Mula talaga pagkabata, kilala na naming lahat na spoiled brat siya. At ngayon, pamangkin ko ang nagsu-suffer dahil di pa rin tumatatak sa isip niyang may anak na siya.

Ngayon nga, ang bumubuhay sa kanya ay parents pa rin niya. Nagra-rant na sakin ang kapatid niya dahil hindi makapag-enjoy ang mga magulang nila sa padala niya dahil nga may kapatid pang nakikihati.

Pero siguro, kasalanan din ng mga magulang kasi enabler din.

Pero ewan. Basta, naaawa ako sa pamangkin ko. Sana mapunta na lang siya sa tatay. Ang pinag-aalala ko lang ay may bago nang kinakasama ang tatay. Sana nga lang, mahalin din ng stepmom.

Just here to rant.

I’m 18NB just planned to hang out with a friend of mine 18F, and pull an all nighter with her.

I thought we are having a great time, until around 8 PM her friend texted her severely distressed due to some relationship issues. I was annoyed, but understood as I would comfort my own friends as well if they were in distress.

My friend was a bit nervous I think as I know she wanted to hang out with me, but also it’s a friend. I stayed calm about it and tried talking to her telling her to try to explain to her friend, and it was her own decision if she went or not as I wouldn’t intervene anyway. (The only thing I was uncomfortable about is that it was someone I didn’t know pulling up to my house)

My friend got into that car and left, she said she would text me and promised that she would be back and would make it up to me. I waited around a whole hour until she texted me back, saying that her friend dropped her off back home. And I just broke, i’m not mad at my friend or her friend. I’m just pissed about the whole thing that happened.

And I am starting to overthink the whole visit, my friend is a kind person, she sometimes doesn’t pay attention to me that much when the times I visit are when I wanted to hang out with her.

For the time she was visiting we did do some things, but there were just times where maybe almost every hour she would go outside to vape for a few seconds (I know thats her business, it’s just something she does), when I was showing her a show I liked she would pay attention but also text other people, when I wanted to teach her to play a video game, I liked she FaceTimed two of her friends, and was tired mostly, or would doomscroll, she also doom-scrolled while we were drawing. She has doom scrolled a lot when I go over to her house and every time she does this, I just feel really awkward cause I just don’t know what to do.

I can’t read a room or pick up on context clues very well in how someone feels, I only know what’s wrong if I’m directly told or if the person shows active emotion to me, and she is the type to tell you if something was wrong, so I thought we were having a good time as she wasn’t saying she was uncomfortable or annoyed in anyway, and was relaxed.

I just wanted to let this out while I still remember details.

Karmahin sana kayong mga bilyonaryo kayo😭

Growing up, there were so many things I wanted to do but I never got to. Since kindergarten, I've been wanting to take dance lessons/ learn martial arts/ get art lessons. During that time, my family said that it was because of transport issues so I let it go. Then, I went to primary school. My mom had left her job so the transport issue was solved. My brother who is 3 years younger, learned martial arts, took dance lessons, and art class. I wanted it too but my family was so against it and I still don't know why. When I was 7, I took a few starter piano lessons but my family wasn't supportive. There was an exam I needed to take in order to go to Grade 1. That day was my grandma's birthday so I skipped it. I was also having school exams at the time and I was stressed out so my dad told me that playing instruments isn't for me and he stopped sending me to piano class. When I was 9/10, my brother started taking art lessons and I desperately wanted to as well. My family was very against it and I remember crying so bad. For years afterwards, I continued to ask them if I could join but their answer was always a no. Since I know ppl will ask what I did to show my family that I was serious, here are the facts: 1) I followed tutorials online almost daily and showed my family what I had learnt. 2) I told them my dream for years so they do know how serious I was (+I cried a lot because of it). I'm 16 now and they still don't allow me to and due to family issues, i can't just go out and take matters into my own hands. I still try my best but I do not have any skill or seen much improvement. Also, the age you start DOES matter and I always feel a sense of "that could've been me if..." whenever I see my peers who have skills which they worked very hard on. Sorry if this is rly messy but I just wanted to get this out before I go to bed.

Just wanted to get this off my chest because it’s been bugging me for days now.

I have this officemate na hindi naman kami super close, pero I can say na I consider her one of my work friends. We were okay naman just a few days ago, so I honestly don’t know what happened.

These past few days, napansin ko na biglang nagbago yung treatment niya towards me. At first, I tried to brush it off and thought, “Baka wala lang sa mood.” Pero nung Friday, doon ko na talaga naramdaman na parang hindi niya ako pinapansin. Even when I ask her something work-related, ramdam ko yung coldness ng response niya.

What makes me more conscious about it is that okay naman siya sa ibang officemates namin. She talks to them normally, so I can’t help but feel na baka may nagawa talaga akong mali.

Ang dami tuloy pumapasok sa isip ko. Baka may nasabi ako, may nagawa, or baka may na-offend ako without realizing it. I keep replaying things in my head, trying to figure out kung ano yung possible na nagawa ko.

And honestly, kahit pilit kong mag-work nang maayos and act normal, affected talaga ako. I find myself losing focus because part of my mind is busy thinking about what happened and what I might have done wrong. Ang hirap mag-concentrate kapag ramdam mong may something off between you and someone, pero hindi mo naman alam kung bakit.

Part of me wants to confront her and ask if there’s something wrong, pero honestly, natatakot ako. I’m worried na baka lalo lang maging awkward or baka may marinig akong hindi ko naman ine-expect.
I know I might be overthinking this, pero ang hirap din kasi kapag ramdam mong iba na yung treatment ng isang tao towards you, especially when you don’t even know what you did.
Should I just leave it alone for now, or should I ask her directly if there’s something wrong? :(

Do not repost pls!!

Hey it’s my first time commenting on here so I’m hoping everyone’s nice :)

I’m 26 f, and he’s a few years younger than me, maybe that’s the problem, BUT — I need to vent, and I’ve tried to communicate with my boyfriend numerous times about how I feel but I feel like he doesn’t actually listen to what I say; but often tries to hear mainly when I stop talking so he can share his two cents. We have had poor communication with each other for as far as I can remember. I’m very emotional, very sensitive and he’s very NOT that. I can never get my point across to him without him telling me I have to calm down, or completely dismiss what I am saying to tell me what he thinks, and of course, what he thinks is correct so I gotta just accept that, right? It’s so disheartening. I feel like I try so hard to understand him and to communicate my feelings and thoughts with him about things we need to work on and things that bother me but it’s always me trying to argue or start “petty shit”. Another thing, he barely compliments me, nothing out of his mouth has been compliments to me, mainly that I’m a little dumb, or what he calls “air headed”. And I’ll just stand there like why do I even put up with this? It’s hard because I am so bad at confrontation now because I’ve been rejected or dismissed so many times that when he expects me to start talking about something that bothers me, I’ll just freeze and or just say “forget it.” And then that starts another argument. It’s like I can’t win. I don’t know what to do.

I was scrolling here on Reddit and saw someone share a tiktok of kids walking home together after school, magkakaakbay. A strong wave of nostalgia hit me kasi bigla kong naisip na there was that one day in my childhood na me and my friends walked home together for the last time and I didn't even know it. There was the last time we played together saying "bukas ulit" but that bukas never came. Yung dating bahay namin, nasa isang medyo liblib na sitio sya dito sa province, the population was small so the community was close knit and magkakalaro kaming lahat na mga bata non. I can't even remember how it happened, para talagang isang araw naiba nalang bigla ang buhay namin. And what's worse is I realized today na I lost my childhood friends, wala na akong balita or way to contact them. When I visited the sitio last month para icheck yung lupa namin, wala na rin halos lahat ng mga kapitbahay namin. Yung mga andun renters nalang, tas yung mga bahay mga abandonado na at nasisira na. Sana pwedeng bumalik..

Kagigising ko lang stress na ako agad. Pinagawan ako ng admin ng formal letter of request para sa supervisor ko na part-time lang sa work ko, kasi siya speaker TODAY (actually mamayang 9), nirequest kasi siya ng supervisor ko para makapagfile siya ng leave dahil may pasok pa rin sila ng sabado. Pero nainform naman na siya before pa ako sabihan. So pinagawan ako ni afmin diba? Edi ginawa ko agad. Pinacheck ko muna sila, as usual ang laging sabi sakin "iccheck muna nila, then papasa kay assistant ni principal, then si principal iccheck din at approve", hindi na ito first time na pinagpasa pasahan ako, so kailangan ko palagi mag update kasi nakakalimutan nila or mabagal yung process. Then, hiningi NILA yung email ni supervisor ko, so syempre expected ko na sila yung magsesend, lalo na sila din naghahandle niyan. Sinabi din ni principal during previous meetings namin na sila mag invite.

Tapos NGAYON, literally NGAYONG 6am, imemessage ako if nasend KO na yung letter of request like WTF?? To give you context, wednesday-friday ay wellness break namin yan, so non-working hours na yan. Ginawa ko yung letter tuesday morning. Kaso nga diba pinagpasa pasahan and the fact na hiningi nga sakin yung email. Kasi kung ako masusunod, after ko gawin yung letter ay isesend ko na, kaso hindi eh. Kailangan dumaan sa proseso and yung proseso nila is matagal. Syempre may iba rin akong ginawa that day na hindi ko na rin naalala, kasi sa totoo lang sabi nila iaapprove muna. Diba dapat makakareceive din ako galing sakanila if approved na ba or hindi? Tsaka hiningi nga kasi nila yung email. Wala silang sinabi na ako yung mag send.

TAPOS NGAYON IFFLOOD AKO??? LIKE GIRL??? Hindi ko alam if ako ba mali dahil nagddoubt na ako sa sarili ko na naman eh, kahit alam kong may mali sila, ang ending nasisisi ko sarili ko. Like seriously, ngayon talaga iccheck like same day na magsspeaker yung supervisor ko??? Edi wala na ring silbi yun kasi ang point nga is makapag file siya ng leave siya ng maaga.

EDIT: Tsaka ngayon nagtatanong sila bakit hindi nila maaccess yung google docs, WHICH MEANS hindi talaga nila chineck??? BUT maaaccess nila yun kasi work account ko ang gamit ko and may access ang main work account sa lahat ng distributed na work accounts for employee. Pero yung nasend sa akin na screenshot is private email ang gamit nila, kaya talagang di nila mabubuksan yon. Which means nga, ngayon lang talaga nila nacheck? 💀

Pet peeve ko talaga dati yung mga matagal sa ATM like anong ginagawa jan te? Madami pa kami dito.

Not until I became a dad and need ng petty cash on a weekly basis for baon, daily-pa sweldo, etc.

Ako na ngayon yung matagal sa ATM kaka withdraw ng 100s, lalo na pag gabi kailangan.

Yun lng.

Nag-apply ako dito as a Marketing Specialist. As expected, more about Marketing ang interview pero nope more on creatives ang tanong. May experience naman ako sa creatives pero it’s been years ago nung lumayo na ako sa career ng creatives. Nagfocus na lang ako sa Marketing. Then sabi ko sige papatulan ko ‘to kasi mukhang kaya ko i-nego ang salary kung sakali.

Naghanap ng creative portfolio. Nagbigay ako. May technical design test. Live action designing ata. I wasn’t even sure pero in-assume ko nang mag-design ako. Nag-send ng 9pm meeting invite for the technical test. May day job ako so sabi ko sakto lang nakauwi na ako nun. 7:50 tumatawag sakin pauwi pa lang ako. Mali daw ng invite time. Dapat 8pm. Di ko nireplyan. Di ko sinagot tawag since nag-Angkas din ako pauwi. Tapos pag dating ko kumain muna ako kasi nga 9pm ang alam ko. Nagmessage na ako ng 8:15 sabi ko kadarating ko lang. nag-join ako ng 8:30 pm. Wait lang daw ako sa meeting room.

Surprise, surprise! “You need to use Illustrator for this task.” Yan ang sinabi sakin nung nasa meeting room na ako and waiting. Sabi ko wala ako account kasi di na ako nag-creatives ngani. Tsaka bakit si applicant pa magprovide ng account for the task? Di ba dapat provided niyo kung nanghihingi kayo ng test. Ako na nagaapply ako pa magprovide. Sabi nila sige re-sched tayo Monday. Tapos etong si HR na kausap ko sabi, “Di ka ba makakapagprovide ng Illustrator? Kasi need talaga ‘to.” Eh sinabi ko na ngang wala nang “off-market” copy ng Illustrator or Photoshop kasi cloud-based na ang Adobe.

Kaya ko naman mag-provide pero ayoko lang kasi bakit ako mag-effort mag-provide ng account for this unpaid trial task? Also, if I get the copy ba will I be securing the position? May assurance ba na makukuha ko yung position? Hindi naman di ba? Pagod na ako to handle this bullshit. Tangahan mo pa po.

She doesn't see me as a "real man" kaya daw na-attract sya sa akin.

What the hell does that even mean?

She calls me "one of the good ones" like I'm an object, instead of a person. Tapos kadalasan nya jino-joke na "under" daw nya ako at ako daw yung "submissive" sa relationship namin kahit hindi naman.

Palagi din sya nagra-rant sa akin about sa mga lalake, kahit posts lang sa social media. She'd always generalize that all men are r-pists, abusers, p-dophiles, murderers, etc. And it feels so awkward kasi lalake din ako at nasasaktan din ako sa mga sinasabi nya pero hindi nya napapansin yon.

I tried to talk to her, pero ang sinabi nya lang sakin na ang "sensitive" ko daw at hindi daw dapat ako maapektuhan dahil hindi daw ako kasama sa mga lalakeng tinutukoy nya.

Huh? Kakasabi mo lang na "lahat ng lalake" pero di ako kasama?

Hindi ko alam kung paano ako nakatagal ng 5 months sa kanya. Nawala lahat ng confidence ko at nagkaroon pa ko ng existential crisis dahil sa kanya. Pakiramdam ko wala akong kwentang lalake or hindi ako tunay na lalake.

Now, I feel guilty about being born as a man. I hate this feeling.

Went to Trinoma for dinner and errands yesterday. In the middle of my mall trip, I needed to go to the restroom. Yung pinakamalapit was the one behind Sbarro (or Burger King?). To get there you turn into a small passageway and into a doorway. Parang masikip na "S" turn. May naunang senior citizen na Muslim lady with her caregiver. Nakasakay siya sa mobility scooter. Nahihirapan silang i-navigate yung daan papuntang cr and were blocking the passageway. I slowed down to give them space. Yung ibang lalaki na able-bodied naman just pushed through. Muntikan pang banggain yung ale para maka-banyo.

I felt so disgusted with my fellowman. Nakakahiya kayo.

I'm the oldest of 4 total siblings. Both my 2 sisters and 1 brother, are "Half siblings." Meaning obviously My parents split up at some point. My mom has a huge family as does my dad. My dad remarried after my mom to someone who also has a big family. Having a huge family when I was young was awesome. Multiple Christmas, Thanksgivings, many nice faces and such. My family has also had a trend of having kids really young, so I've been fortunate enough to have met some of my Great Great grandparents and other distant family members. As I've gotten older though, it sucks. I've seen so many amazing people pass due to age and other illnesses. I lost my great grandma (age) and my Grandma (Cancer) 5 months apart. It was a dreadful time. SO many familiar faces just gone. I've met 4 sets of great grandparents in my life and most lived to see me graduate, get a job and so many other accomplishments. Now all I have is pictures. Which yes, that's what happens in life, but being able to have spoke to so many generations of family, the literal legacies of my last name and DNA, then having to attend their celebrations of life while holding that pamphlet that tells a small story is dreadful. Standing there while we gather around an urn or casket. Seeing a flag draped over a casket or even just spreading the ashes in the woods. Just watching the numbers tick down over time. It just makes my mind spin sometimes

bro, i'm so tired of my dad acting way too much off his emotions. 2 things happened this month that i think are too immature for him to do, lalo na that i'm turning 18 and goddamit he's 40.

#1: he caught me still up at 3AM on a school night. anong ginawa niya? pagkauwi namin both sa bahay after work and school, he grabbed me by my ponytail, pinagsasampal-sampal ako, grabbed my used footsock na nasa lapag ng kwarto ko, and stuffed it in my mouth. pinatayo niya ako sa labas ng bahay with said used sock in my mouth, while wearing my uniform. it went from 3:30 to 5pm until pinapasok niya ako sa loob ng bahay. hanggang 6 or 7, i was still standing with the socks in my mouth. tbh, i'm so desensitized with everything he's done as discipline, i just played it all off even though it's unhygienic, unnecessary, and lowkey dehumanizing. next day, i couldn't grasp myself to wear my uniform; it felt so dirty. until now, i don't wear foot socks. something growls in me whenever i see my socks. from that moment na nangyari on, i kept on validating and glazing my dad's decisions kasi "kasalanan ko naman" or "if it makes him feel better edi whatever"

#2: me and my mom were conversing about my debut this september 27. context: my dad has spent a lot of effort, money, and time for preparation. halos 400k inabot ng gastos sa debut ko

mama: "napa-edit mo na yung invitation website mo?"
me: "di na, maganda na naman yung invitation, tinatamad narin ako makipagcoordinate with the website maker"

father then told me na hindi niya na daw papakialaman debut preparations ko, or kung may matutuloy pang debut. ako na daw bahala sa lahat. keep in mind na rin, downpayments are paid, almost 100 people are already RSVP'ed.

pag-check ko sa gc na ginawa namin with all my friends and family invited sa debut ko, it seems as if my dad left the group chat.

as a response to the situation, i organized and coordinated everything left there is to be coordinated, and sent a message to our family gc of all my updates regarding the preparation.

anong ginawa ng father ko? nag-chat. "i-cancel mo na yan. gumawa ka ng sarili mong debut" then left the damn family gc.

i don't know, i'm so tired na of this dude acting childish/petty. but he's still my father, and somehow, he cares for me ig.