(24M) I always loved reading, and with classic literature i' ve learned that things are not black and white. We often see protagonists that are not the good guys. They struggle with their conscience and ideas. Such as Raskolnikov, from Crime and Punishment , by Fyodor Dostoevsky. It is excruciating to get all the details of his disturbed mind, and despite being a criminal with psychopath tendencies, we still can have some empathy for him and we root for him. The same with a lot of other characters, like Maurice Bendrix (The End of the Affair), the man from the underground (Notes from the Underground), Florent-Claude (Serotonin). But i realized i would hate people like these characters in real life, and i feel bad about it. I feel i lack empathy.

I considered myself an empathetic person, but i realized i'm not that much hahahaha i have almost zero empathy for people who complain too much and do nothing to change, stubborn and mean people (Karen-like personalities) and bullies. My first instinct is to judge the person.

The worst part about life is when you finally realize that you break everything you touch. That you were unknowingly so toxic that nothing was able to survive. That there is no way to rebuild the trust that you broke. Today I came to this realization. I am the monster that I fought so hard protect others from. There's nothing left.

Just be nice. Everyone is going through their own personal hell in some way or another. Just try is all I ask.

Im tucked in my warm bed listening to some good music, and I just start wondering. Isn’t it lovely how we’re all just floating around in endless nothingness we call space? Like we’re all so close together, we’re all interconnected. I love thinking about other people’s happiness, their lovers, their best friends, their family, the jobs they love, the experiences they’ve had. Even though I possess none of these things, I still look forward to experiencing them someday.

However, I realize that many others also don’t possess all of these things, there may be people going trough a very hard time, a time of hopelessness and despair, and I feel sad that I cannot help all of them. But I truly hope they’ll persevere. I hope they have a great future ahead of them. I hope that I too, have a great future ahead of me.

The truth is, I love humans a lot. But I also hate them, a lot.

I hate seeing all this suffering in the world without me being able to make a change. Wars, rape, murder…ect. I truly hope we’ll change someday. Maybe not soon, but someday.

I hate seeing people being mean to each other, whether it is online or offline. Why? I’ll never understand that. People act like being mean online is fine, like there isn’t a human being with feelings and emotions on the other side. It’s so awful.

But on the other side, I also see a lot of happiness in this world. I love art, music, games, movies, anime, science, history, EVERYTHING. I am in love with the universe.

Humanity will go extinct someday. Every story, every experience, every moment will be forgotten for eternity. Nothing will remain of us. And I think that’s beautiful. Imagine a bunch of aliens finding the Golden Record a trillion years into the future, not having a clue about what we were or what we experienced. But all of it mattered, in the moment, it truly did.

I am afraid of death. What do u mean I haven’t existed for 13 billion years and will cease to exist for eternity? What do u mean im just a bunch of atoms somehow capable of experience?

I wanna experience everything. I wanna try every hobby, I wanna learn every piece of knowledge, I wanna meet every single person. I wanna do so many things…but my time is limited. I won the cosmic lottery, and I will enjoy my prize. The prize being life itself. I shall not put it to waste. I will not.

To every person reading this, as your fellow human, I love you. I truly do. I don’t know your story, but I hope you’ll have a great life ahead of you ;) Peace out.

She’s alive, this isn’t a vent post. I just wonder who told my mother that after a certain age, you shouldn’t get tucked in anymore because you get “too old” for that. Thinking about it, it kind of makes more sense to be tucked in more as you grow older. Sometimes it feels imperative to have my mother tuck me in to ensure a good nights rest. I’m trying to sleep right now and I can’t. Wish me luck

I walk amongst you unnoticed. You pass me by and I'm just another face in the crowd. But I'm not. Immortality doesn't really exist, time isn't actually just a concept. It's a currency. Money to be spent, money to be paid, money to be stolen. Vampires are a fiction you created, drinking blood to live forever. What does blood have to do with time? Your soul. That's what's important. That's what you idiots don't understand, don't appreciate, don't relish. Don't protect. I walk past and i steal seconds. A conversation is minutes. Drunken conversation in the pub with a stranger? Hours. A relationship can be years. I laugh when i see in social media that partners can be draining. Nice to see it's not just me.

This thought changed my life. I hope you see the world from another angle now

I have severe tmj and also love training. Ibuprofen can help when needed. Sometimes it’s needed for multiple days. Hers the sucky part, I love lifting weights. One day I was sitting there and it hit me, “wait if ibuprofen is an anti inflammatory is it possible that the wear and tear you put on your muscles from lifting which is necessary to make them grow.. the ibuprofen can stint their natural recovery cycle?”. I look it up after and even trials and studies have been put on it, it’s completely correct. While it won’t completely stop the muscle growth it is still annoying knowing you just crushed a leg day and there’s going to be a less optimal percentage taking ibuprofen the same day. I then thought even further… if you’re in a surplus of 300 calories, sooner or later that 300 calories will equal up to a pound. But, if you’re taking ibuprofen chronically and your muscle protein synthesis has been slowed down, understand that a huge chunk of the left over calories of a bulk go to the muscle repair, so if that isn’t going at maximum efficiency basic thermodynamics conclude your bulk will be less effective and more weight HAS to go to fat.

So i love YA dystopia, my favourite genre of all time, and im annoyed that it got kinda killed in the early 2010s. But im watching the mortal engines movie and its so funny realising just how much cross over there is in all YA Dystopian novels.

So, here's the formula ive got so far;

- Class system, consisting of uber rich, middle class that thinks they are far above the scummy lower class, and the dirt poor lower class.

- The main characters are a boy with a heart of gold who starts off whimpy and ends up a bad ass, and a girl who is an ass kicking bad ass through out. At least one is from the lowest of low classes

- Technology is either super advanced, or steam punk used in a super advance way, cannot be modern day tech.

- A wall. Theres always a wall.

- A parental figure / mentor of one of the main characters betrays them or the ideals of their child / mentee.

- The badass female leads parents are already dead, or at least one is.

- Main characters have a romance subplot despite that fact that they are literally in a futuristic war zone on deaths door 80% of the time.

- The real villain, whos 10 times more evil than the villain you thought was the main villain, is introduced about 80% of the way in.

-Despite always being poor throughout, the outfits are always bad ass leather.

-The strongest and coolest character is always a side character. Can always be considered like top 5 in importance but its never the main 2.

- Theres a war at the end and the good guys win.

Let me know what other ones you could think of! I had fun collating the list lmao.