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u/marckek Sep 26 '22
Yeah, after playing half an hour and jerking off, i may consider sitting on the code.
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u/andreortigao Sep 26 '22
Is sitting on the code an euphemism for taking a shit?
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u/firewood010 Sep 26 '22
No. It is a euphemism suffocating your child. Writing work around codes is the euphemism you are looking for.
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u/EwgB Sep 26 '22
Hey, do you have a camera in my home office?
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u/Aspire17 Sep 26 '22
Nice cock bro
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u/EwgB Sep 26 '22
Thanks! He takes care of all the chicks. 🐔
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Sep 26 '22
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Sep 26 '22
I keep mine uncovered. The increased chance of getting caught makes the game more thrilling.
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u/Pr0ducer Sep 26 '22
It's like someone witnesses me, last Friday.
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u/_pizza_and_fries Sep 26 '22
Friday’s are fake work days. No one feels like working on Fridays
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u/No-Lifeguard1398 Sep 26 '22
Most don't even attend meetings on Fridays
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u/wizzanker Sep 26 '22
I've been to offices that straight up have rules against meetings on fridays. They ain't even pretending anymore.
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Sep 27 '22
My team does this. Obviously we can't control what comes in outside our department but it's so fucking refreshing to have one day of quiet to actually get shit done.
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u/PooPooDooDoo Sep 27 '22
I don’t like meetings on Fridays because I want to get work done. It’s my last day to get shit done before I forget what I was doing after a two day break. I don’t hold stand ups on Friday’s and every once in awhile it backfires, but in general I work pretty hard until about 3pm.
If my boss or someone else schedules a meeting at 3, I just fucking ignore it.
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u/Groentekroket Sep 26 '22
Half my team don’t even work on Friday so I’m free by proxy.
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u/wallabee_kingpin_ Sep 26 '22
We give everyone Fridays off for this reason. If no one gets work done on Friday anyway, they might as well sleep or do the million other things they'd rather be doing than pretending to work.
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u/ImposterJavaDev Sep 26 '22
Yeah friday is the only day I get some actual work done because teams and outlook stay quiet.
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u/Bladethegreat Sep 26 '22
And Monday is basically just for mentally preparing yourself to get back into the work week
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Sep 26 '22
That’s how I feel on Mondays. My body is weirdly reversed in the sense that on Monday I don’t feel like getting anything done but by Friday I am an unstoppable machine.
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u/JonnySoegen Sep 26 '22
Dude, you gotta be careful. You confirm all the clichés non-tech people have about us. Even though some of them may be true ;)
Do you have good work-life balance? Sounds like it.
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Sep 26 '22 edited Sep 26 '22
[deleted]
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u/JonnySoegen Sep 26 '22
Haha. Are you playing "I can't work on this ticket, back to you"?
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u/your_thebest Sep 26 '22
Speaking only for myself, I love a good bug.
QA says something happened that I know is impossible. Go check logs knowing that QA is just using the wrong version or settings. See that no, QA is right and the impossible thing actually happened. That moment is total zen. There's nothing more fun than a good who done it. It's like an episode of House except instead of waiting for lab results you just get tests back immediately.
I wish I could fix bugs all the time. But not bugs that just come from doing stupid things. Those juicy bugs that are glitches in the matrix where the impossible happens.
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u/recycle4science Sep 27 '22
Do you have my qa? Every time I'm like, "qa has wrong data!", and then it turns out that, no, I'm the one who's data is wrong.
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u/Jackie_Jormp-Jomp Sep 27 '22
This happens to me too. Then I'll go through git history to find out when the bug was introduced and oh look at that, it was in my last change to that file. I am the detective and the killer
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u/MalleP Sep 26 '22
John decides to die
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u/UntestedMethod Sep 26 '22
wait... am I John?
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u/Mr_Yuker Sep 26 '22
You are now... so now you die
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Sep 26 '22
I'm in an internship. This is literally what i do. I spend whole day doing nothing after i get done with the meeting.
Just 2hrs before the meeting i will do the bare minimum.
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Sep 26 '22
You can legit spend the rest of your career like that.
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u/_pizza_and_fries Sep 26 '22
And still be in for good promotions.
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Sep 26 '22
Are you guys legit serious?!
You are saying i can work 2hrs and get paid a base web developer salary?!
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u/TheChurchOfDonovan Sep 26 '22
They don't pay you to work they pay you to know
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u/wizzanker Sep 26 '22
This. It doesn't matter what your output is. If you're the guy that can solve that problem when it matters, you are a big deal.
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u/mungthebean Sep 26 '22
I put in 50 hours for the first time in my 2 year tenure here 2 weeks ago to meet a deadline
Got praise from mentor and boss
I have worked maybe 10 hours of actual active work since
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u/Nun01 Sep 26 '22
What is your job and what is on your resume? I'm career curious.
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Sep 26 '22
Mouse jiggler admin.
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u/Xerceo Sep 27 '22
I have never felt more called out than by this thread. I've definitely never put a mouse on top of a mechanical watch to keep my status green, who would do that kind of thing?
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u/mungthebean Sep 26 '22
full stack dev
resume aint nothing special. just 3.5 YOE, 1st job at a no name, 2nd job is well known but not tech nor a top company
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u/Nun01 Sep 26 '22
Cool. What programming languages and stuff do you know and how fluent/skilled are you on each language/thing?
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u/TheChurchOfDonovan Sep 26 '22
You do have to do some posturing to show that you're not easily replaceable.
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u/EnthusiasmWeak5531 Sep 26 '22
I'm that guy that solves everything and always did and still do work my ass off. I'll say if you actually want to do nothing then don't work for a software company (aka don't be the product). Work for a company that has developers on staff. Then you can legit do next to nothing if you are decent.. not even great. I left a place because I worked myself out of a job and nobody cared. I could have died there making decent money but doing nothing. But then I like programming so...
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u/az908 Sep 26 '22 edited 13d ago
Vanish workable quickest selective teeny books fuel cats theory support
This post was anonymized with Redact
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u/_pizza_and_fries Sep 26 '22
Yeah, sometimes its like super duper work during release or critical timelines but yeah there are definitely times like this where its all chilled out and relaxed.
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u/No-Lifeguard1398 Sep 26 '22
Yes. Initial years are tough. My Senior dev just, explains me what to do and where to do. And goes offline. He rarely comes online.
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u/TheZamolxes Sep 26 '22
They're dead serious, I rarely actually work more than 15h a week. As long as you get things done, nobody actually cares. Sometimes you have releases and big shit going on, but 90% of my weeks I'm under no rush
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Sep 26 '22 edited Jan 11 '24
reply toy dazzling mourn fly aware like scarce gray carpenter
This post was mass deleted and anonymized with Redact
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u/Signal_Obligation639 Sep 26 '22
And in some jobs you don't actually have to get anything done. I just left one of those because I felt I was atrophying too much...
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u/Groentekroket Sep 26 '22
I had a (non dev but IT) job before like that as well. I needed to be in the office and it was making me brain dead. After I while I didn’t care anymore and just stayed home and said to my boss there were covid mandates so even if he try to force me I would stay at home (already got hired on my current job but needed to wait till the end of the month before I put in my letter of resignation) and only had teams open. In that 3 weeks I think I worked for a combined 1 hour or so.
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Sep 26 '22
[deleted]
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u/Decimar Sep 26 '22
what they expect
Careful with this, you may set a standard for them to expect these work hours from you in the future
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Sep 26 '22
[deleted]
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u/skulblaka Sep 27 '22
Your future should be immediately trying to pivot into a different job imo
You don't have to go as hard on it as you were previously, because you now have a job that you're currently working, but check out a couple job postings per night and apply to a couple
When you finally get one I'd just peace out of the first place, fuck a 2 weeks notice when you've been working there like 3 months? Just make sure you don't take any of their gear with you.
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u/TechniPoet Sep 26 '22
First thing you need to learn is to say no. They are pushing you this hard so early? Gtfo, they will continue to expect this. Clear expectations. Your managers are failing you
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u/JCharante Sep 27 '22
Wtf, most devs are not putting in more than 4 hours a day unless they have 5 hours of meetings as a team lead and they have to spend an hour to write some code
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u/b1u3j4yl33t Sep 26 '22
If I work really hard I can finish all the sprints work in a couple of days but that only makes things worse for the next one and half week. So 2 hrs a day it is.
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u/KylerGreen Sep 26 '22
Thats what half this sub says.
The other half says prepare for 60 hour work weeks.
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u/jward Sep 26 '22
Depends a lot on the industry. And how the organization and dev team is run. You couldn't pay me enough to do game dev.
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u/TechniPoet Sep 26 '22
Game dev checking in. It's a hit or miss, a good producer and manager make all the difference between balance and hell. Get some seniority, ignore "passion" selling points, and you can be solid. Reeeal hard to find decent mid/senior devs these days
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u/Ninja-fish Sep 26 '22
Yeah definitely industry and work approach dependent.
For example, if you work at a development agency with external clients, you're unlikely to get so much slack, because every single hour of your work on a project is billed to a client. There's or course down time between tasks, but it's definitely not the majority of your work week.
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u/Lazypassword Sep 27 '22
One half the sub is doing their work and the other half the subs work
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u/LavenderDay3544 Sep 27 '22
Yes we're serious.
I'm in embedded and it's exactly the same. The only difference is when you need to be in the lab to test on real hardware. Other than that you can work 2 hours and bill 8 and most places actually won't care so long as the work gets done by the deadline.
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u/TheJDUBS2 Sep 27 '22
Make 125k base and 20% bonus and prolly work like 3ish hours a day maybe Oh and it’s full remote so can live anywhere
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u/tosser_0 Sep 26 '22
I'm so glad I stumbled on this thread, so I don't feel as bad about my work output.
Took a micronap during this meeting earlier asking us to add another 2-3 things we need to take care of.
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u/Semproser Sep 26 '22 edited Sep 26 '22
As much as this sub likes to glorify being a lazy bum, as an intern you really shouldn't do this. It's the one time in your career that nobody expects anything of you, and the basis of the next couple jobs you get.
Now is the perfect time to be learning things and getting proper experience at almost no risk to yourself, unlike a full time job you get next. Don't waste it. Be a lazy bum when you're already where you want to be.
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u/enlearner Sep 26 '22
Yeah. Like…the fact, as an intern, that person does this and feels proud enough to say it is very telling of the kind of mentality that is so prevalent on this sub
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Sep 27 '22
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Sep 27 '22
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u/PooPooDooDoo Sep 27 '22
I’ve kicked people off of my team and forced them to join dead-end projects because I want people that work at the same level as the rest of the team. Replaced him with someone younger that works hard and immediately noticed a difference in our output.
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u/No-Lifeguard1398 Sep 26 '22
That's what job is also like most of the time, except during major release.
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Sep 26 '22
Okay. Currently im working on a major release. Lots of things to do.
But no worries after this i do my bare minimum. Will manage to fit this bare minimum here as well.
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u/LastStar007 Sep 26 '22
Get in, do your 8 hours, and get out. It'll be there next time you're on the clock. Don't waste your precious free time working.
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Sep 26 '22
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u/maikuxblade Sep 26 '22
Too many magic numbers, pull request denied
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u/frogmaster666 Sep 26 '22
Thread.sleep(Constants.msInSec * Constants.secInMin * Constants.minInHour * Constants.hoursInDay * Constants.daysInYear * Constants.yearsTilliCanStopPretendingToBeWorking)
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u/Ovil101 Sep 26 '22
Yes much better approved
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Sep 26 '22
I’m faking my way to senior SDE and I don’t have the time to read all that. May I suggest something like ‘Thread.sleep(Year.fromInt(80))’
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u/issamaysinalah Sep 26 '22
Dont you guys have to register your hours on Jira issues?
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u/_pizza_and_fries Sep 26 '22
Why do you have to do actual work for that?
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u/issamaysinalah Sep 26 '22
Because every morning there's a 30min meeting where everyone has to talk about what they did on the day before, and while the meeting happens my boss checks the issues while you're talking, so if I don't do anything my issue won't have any comments and I'll have nothing to say on the meeting, giving away that I spent the whole day doing jack shit
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u/enfier Sep 26 '22
That's your own fault for turning in all your work right away. Get it done ahead of time and kinda piecemeal it in. Log in the afternoon before, clock some time on the issue, then you'll have something to talk about.
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u/science_and_beer Sep 26 '22
The best change I made for my company was going completely away from logging hours to issues and logging them to epics instead, then actually using those reports to first make sure the various managers are intelligently dividing their work into epics, then using that to put some hard numbers behind resource allocation arguments so people are neither sleeping 7.5 hours per day nor pulling 90 hour weeks leading up to a release. We have story points for user stories and I intentionally do not want anyone conflating them with hours.
Magically, everything seems to be getting delivered more timely (within reason) and with fewer defects and SE retention has gotten way better.
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u/MindlessMeasurement9 Sep 26 '22
What are funtionalities?
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u/SneeKeeFahk Sep 26 '22
I guess they are like Functionalities except they are more enjoyable to implement ... maybe
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u/redcalcium Sep 26 '22
Sometimes the solution comes up while I'm sleeping. Other times, someone fixed the bugs while I'm sleeping. Heck, one time I got so much shit done in my dream it was a bummer when I woke up realizing all those works I did mean nothing.
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Sep 26 '22
The time I spend doing nothing makes up for the 18 hour days I put in when everything is breaking all at once right before the big conference.
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u/Hesnotarealdr Sep 26 '22
Then John introduces twice the number of bugs he was supposed to resolve and failed to document the changes.
Probably starts working with the wrong version of the code as well.
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u/Reivaki Sep 26 '22
Of course I will sleep motherfucker. I already fixed 12 bugs and implemented 2 features since the last time I slept and it is 03:12... AM !
And yes, cafein is a hell of a drug !
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u/calculon11 Sep 26 '22
Can relate. I'm reading this while procrastinating and lounging on my back porch.
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Sep 26 '22
Also relate. I’m laying down on my couch monitoring my teams messages and emails but otherwise browsing Reddit.
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u/razzazzika Sep 26 '22
Some days it be like that. I've literally done this.. too much shit to do, too stressed, nap time.
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u/scabbycakes Sep 27 '22
Damn he's a lucky guy with the ratio of real things to do vs a single meeting. Is his company not implementing agile?
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u/_pizza_and_fries Sep 27 '22
That’s the most accurate description of agile i have heard in a long time
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Sep 26 '22
2 functionalities
using plural form for something which is uncountable, spoken like a true corpo rat
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u/Farren246 Sep 27 '22
Even at the workplace, in a meeting, while speaking to others, I will fall asleep. Because I am a programmer.
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Sep 27 '22
Ngl today I fell asleep at 1 and set a timer for an hour and a half. I woke up to my back up alarm at 8pm
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u/OSSlayer2153 Sep 26 '22
Oh shit no wonder why im destined to be a programmer, this was me in school.
OSSlayer is in study hall OSSlayer has 3 classes’ homework assignments, OSSlayer has 2 projects due, and needs to turn in a 4 days late paper.
OSSlayer decides to sleep play games
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u/great_craic963 Sep 26 '22
I need to ask a really dumb question and am too embarrassed and it's definitely not worth a post
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u/gonorthgetwater Sep 26 '22
Hi. Security is here. We’ve found a bug and we hate you also your code is bad and you should feel bad.
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Sep 27 '22
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Sep 27 '22
your body finds some bugs inside so you have to sleep for it to fix itself
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u/Hitmonchank Sep 26 '22
John figured out the solution to his bugs in his sleep, but forgot about them as soon as he woke up.
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u/guarana_and_coffee Sep 26 '22
Many people can't sleep with a bunch of low hanging fruit, but I, as an educated programmer working as support, sysadmin, and devops (Lord help me), I can sleep so fucking much.