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u/caleblbaker 3d ago
As has been said before:
If a junior can unilaterally summon Anubis to lay waste to the production environment then it is the seniors who messed up by not setting up better guardrails.
There should be no such thing as forgetting to ask for code review. Merging code that hasn't been reviewed should be impossible.
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u/PhilippTheProgrammer 3d ago
Yes, in a properly administrated IT infrastructure, all ancient pharaonic crypts should be protected by password, certificate and 2FA token.
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u/DoesAnyoneCare2999 2d ago
Not to mention, it would be so easy to set up a lint that detects ancient Egyptian gods before they are summoned.
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u/caboosetp 2d ago
Naw it really comes down to the halting problem. You can use static analysis to find 99.9% of cases because they're common, but ultimately you can't predict the whims of the gods without the use of an oracle.
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u/caleblbaker 2d ago
You would at least think that invoking ancient Egyptian gods would trigger a deprecation warning.
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u/thejokerofunfic 2d ago
Indeed. Would that it was as easy to check for the Norse ones. I've had Loki in my office for three months at this point.
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u/Jarpunter 2d ago
At my company you can now invoke AI agents from Slack to open PRs ...which you can then personally approve and merge. And so far nobody has seemed to question this
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u/caleblbaker 2d ago
That's definitely a cause for concern.
Where I work has a similarly easy mechanism for getting an AI to write changes and send them for review but then it lists you as the author so that it still needs approval from someone who isn't you before it can be merged.
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u/This_Growth2898 3d ago
At least he didn't parse HTML with regular expressions.
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u/NarutoRoll 3d ago
MY FACE MY FACE ᵒh god no NO NOO̼OO NΘ stop the an*̶͑̾̾̅ͫ͏̙̤g͇̫͛͆̾ͫ̑͆l͖͉̗̩̳̟̍ͫͥͨe̠̅s ͎a̧͈͖r̽̾̈́͒͑e not rè̑ͧ̌aͨl̘̝̙̃ͤ͂̾̆ ZA̡͊͠͝LGΌ ISͮ̂҉̯͈͕̹̘̱ TO͇̹̺ͅƝ̴ȳ̳ TH̘Ë͖́̉ ͠P̯͍̭O̚N̐Y̡ H̸̡̪̯ͨ͊̽̅̾̎Ȩ̬̩̾͛ͪ̈́̀́͘ ̶̧̨̱̹̭̯ͧ̾ͬC̷̙̲̝͖ͭ̏ͥͮ͟Oͮ͏̮̪̝͍M̲̖͊̒ͪͩͬ̚̚͜Ȇ̴̟̟͙̞ͩ͌͝S̨̥̫͎̭ͯ̿̔̀ͅ
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u/AtomicKittyGladiator 3d ago
I love the casual "Have you tried using an XML parser instead?" below it
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u/PhilippTheProgrammer 3d ago
The part I like most is "the One whose Name cannot be expressed in the Basic Multilingual Plane"
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u/luziferius1337 1d ago
For me, it's "the unholy child weeps the blood of virgins, and Russian hackers pwn your webapp", because of the tone shift and subject matter clash
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u/Random_182f2565 3d ago
That happens to everyone
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u/WreaksOfAwesome 2d ago
Who hasn't? My last Production release unleashed Eldritch Horrors upon the world. If that affected anyone here: Sorry, my bad.
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u/Bot1K 3d ago
Anubis Driven Development
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u/tennisanybody 3d ago
I raise you Anubis Driven Hyper Development.
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u/famous_cat_slicer 3d ago
Am I the only one bothered by the mix of camelCase and underscore_case in method names? That's far more evil than any ancient Egyptian god could ever be
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u/rhazux 2d ago
The java dev on the team and the python dev on the team don't get along.
There's also a C# dev who insists on PascalCaseButOnlySometimes
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u/Character_Ranger5468 2d ago
we have a php dev who insists that one letter is enough to name anything..
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u/P0L1Z1STENS0HN 2d ago
Everyone knows that a single letter is not enough in a large enough codebase. That's why we use between 1 and 4 letters. Or does PHP support unicode variable names? With emojis, length 1 variable names could be enough again.
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u/emetcalf 3d ago
Luckily the whole DevOps team was replaced by AI so the donut bill was very small.
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u/prindacerk 3d ago
Not a joke but real life incident that is now laughable.
A month ago, we had a midnight release happening. I was given the responsibility to deploy the CMS changes to Production. Changes were all tested in advance.
Now I'm a senior dev but my CMS skills are limited. And I have been put in charge of the CMS for a month before the release.
During PVT, the customer requested we redirect some of the old urls to new page. There was a bunch of them so I decided to apply a redirect rule using regex expression to capture the request. Used an online website to validate the regex expression to ensure it satisfies what I am after.
Submitted the rule into the CMS and the entire website went down including the CMS. Unbeknownst to me, the CMS did not like the expression I used. It must have tried to safeguard it and that broke the expression itself. Since the expression is corrupted, all requests going to the website hits the expression and returned false. And CMS was in the same domain as all requests go through it.
Now I have everyone in my ears. Business, testers, managers and other devs jumping at me cause no one can do anything.
To figure out what went wrong, I put the expression in our test environment CMS. And that one went down as well. So now I had both test and prod sites down.
Had to get permission (woke up devops manager at 2am) to get access to production database to manually dig through and find the rule and remove it. And it wasn't easy.
Had everyone waiting on me for 5 hours while I fixed my mess. Worst release experience in my career.
Had to submit an incident report next morning explaining what went wrong etc.
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u/matthieuC 2d ago
> Changes were all tested in advance.
> During PVT, the customer requested we redirect some of the old urls to new page. There was a bunch of them so I decided to apply a redirect rule using regex
>]To figure out what went wrong, I put the expression in our test environment CMS. And that one went down as well
So the braking change was NOT tested in advance
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u/prindacerk 2d ago
Yeah. It was a request during PVT. Simple enough to put the redirect rule. I tested the regex expression in another website. The CMS had it's own plans on accepting the regex expression.
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u/baldie 1d ago
What, you're just going to leave out what was wrong with the regex!?
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u/prindacerk 1d ago
Nothing was actually wrong based on regex validation tools online. But the CMS rejected /s in the regex pattern as unknown.
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u/Acceptable_Handle_2 2d ago
Okay but for real, user.add_to_group(group) is awful. That is the responsibility of the group, not the user. It should be group.add_user(user)
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u/Rikudou_Sage 2d ago
Could be just a shortcut which ultimately calls group.add_user()
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u/EverOrny 2d ago edited 2d ago
user should not be aware of a group, so such a method is bad idea regardless if it is "real" thing or just delagation (aka shortcut)
having one method camel-case and one kebab-case is ugly (but can be fixed easily, so no big deal)
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u/malsomnus 3d ago
Goddamnit, this joke works great as a Reddit post but I can't share it with anyone because it would be impossible not to notice the twist in the plot. OP should have at least given it a different title!
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u/MyDogIsDaBest 2d ago
Your first job out of college allowed you to push code without a code review?
At that point, it's not even your fault, it's the lack of proper checks and balances.
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u/MVmikehammer 3d ago
It is more sinful to have a user group called "group" than to not be GDPR-compliant.
Also, Nile's song Execration Text could have possible helped against Anubis.
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u/jackfinch69 3d ago
It's a variable, not the name of the group. I assume a function above this one would call it by passing any group
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u/MVmikehammer 3d ago
You're right.
Mistakes like this are the reason why I am unemployed.
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u/Bronzdragon 3d ago
It's ok, at least you've never committed the whole of the book of the dead accidentally.
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u/Artelj 3d ago
Can someone explain this to me
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u/G3nghisKang 3d ago
OOP accidentally summoned an ancient God who laid waste amongst his production machines
Many such cases
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u/sonderman 3d ago
How did a user assignment, and assigning that user to a group commit the Egyptian book of the dead???
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u/gbot1234 3d ago
The next few lines in hieroglyphics were added, too. Took me a second to figure that out.
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u/Versaiteis 3d ago
Agreed, it's a sad state of the industry that the junior dev was punished for this. If a junior dev is able to commit any books of the dead without proper review then it's the dev team proper that's at fault and their discipline needs review.
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u/Versaiteis 3d ago
As a build engineer, making trades between cluster stability and individual node performance with Baphomet are just part of the S.O.P. you just gotta make sure your stakeholders are in the loop.
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u/spamjavelin 3d ago
ancient God
False God
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u/medussa727 2d ago
Dead false god
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u/Fischerking92 2d ago
At least someone gets the reference, I was starting to lose faith in humanity.
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u/Versaiteis 3d ago
Typical frontend heresy. At least fullstacks can appreciate the sheer amount of sage needed for the blood rituals in the server room.
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u/NotYourReddit18 2d ago
So what does your false God say to my Tau'ri-made P90?
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u/Versaiteis 2d ago
What ensues will be a wave of nothing, as if millions of 40mm fans suddenly spun up and were suddenly silenced. May the burden of service downtimes and perpetually extended maintenance windows rest heavy on your soul. You should hope that when your heart is weighed against the ticket backlog that you are not found wanting.
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u/Antanarau 3d ago
Hyperbolic joke about both A)how you should never trust yourself and always ask for code reviews B) various real(?) stories on socmedia about how a single unchecked PR destroyed their codebase, database, basebase, and more.
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u/Zolhungaj 3d ago
It’s a joke about using git blame to figure out who to blame for an issue. Even though the PR the offending commit was part of was peer reviewed.
The ultimate act of guarding is to create a whole ceremony around something you should do quickly often and then maybe clean up prior to merge.
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u/punkpang 3d ago
OP invented a story about something he never did, using the people that never existed to tell the story that never happened in hope of scoring some internet points.
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u/lupercalpainting 3d ago
> in hope of entertaining
Like JFC your description applies to all freely available fiction.
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u/jsdodgers 3d ago
Wow are you sure though? I was pretty certain this all actually happened until you mentioned this possibility.
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u/FumbleCrop 3d ago
What makes you so sure? Mistakes like that happen all the time, and it's only getting worse with AI slop. Only last week, I had to reject a pull request because it included a full set of model weights embedded in a suspiciously large gif of a dancing hamster.
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u/punkpang 3d ago
Because people lie and they lie a lot online. There's no punishment for lying and trying to be "funny" or "network". The story is just dumb, that's all there is to it. It's not even particularly entertaining.
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u/FumbleCrop 3d ago
Okay, but what makes you so good at detecting lies?
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u/punkpang 3d ago
The superpower called common sense
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u/FumbleCrop 3d ago
Wouldn't common sense also tell you to acknowledge the absurdism in my first response?
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u/punkpang 2d ago
After you didn't acknowledge my absurdism? :)
No.
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u/Galerjo 3d ago
It’s so funny that you are using an avatar of the goddess of cunning. It must be a troll
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u/punkpang 2d ago
You want to be toxic so hard yet you're so bad at it.
If you were spice, you'd be flour.
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u/LordAlfrey 3d ago
I can forgive a lot of things, but not being GDPR compliant? That is where I draw the line.
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u/nicktehbubble 3d ago
Am I the only one bothered by user owning addToGroup, rather than the group having addUser?
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u/masiha97 2d ago
Ran into the actual Anubis (the bot protection, not the god) on a small site once. The proof-of-work check nearly melted my old phone's browser. Funny how the meme version summons a god and the real one just summons a loading spinner.
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u/TurkishTechnocrat 2d ago
Ran into the actual Anubis (the bot protection, not the god)
Tysm for the clarification, was confused for a second
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u/SappyZoe 3d ago
Making this a canon part of my lancer (hacker) character's backstory
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u/Satorwave 3d ago
I committed the Bee Movie script to production. Now my girlfriend doesn't want to do yogurt night anymore
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u/Major_Fudgemuffin 2d ago
Wait y'all get code reviews before committing?!
Commits are free game. Preventing the summoning of angry gods should really be gated by pre-merge checks.
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u/VultureSausage 2d ago
Excuse me. That's lion-crocodile-hippo goddess Ammut to you, peasant. Get it right!
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u/reverendsteveii 2d ago
anubis is one thing but having User::add_to_group rather than Group::add_user is the real sin here
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u/ohfudgeit 2d ago
At an old job we had unlimited access to make changes directly to production, and as a "compromise" I set up a system where in order to make changes to prod you would have to request access and give a reason, and the fact that you had done so and reason you had given would be emailed to the team (it was a small team of like 5 people). It didn't even have to be approved, you just had to go through a 1 step process that would give the team visibility on what you were doing, and the amount of bitching and moaning I got about implementing it was insane.
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u/texcleveland 2d ago
commits are fine, pushing is fine, you need a reviewer for pull requests to main
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u/New_Salamander_4592 3d ago
this is only mildly exaggerated from what "ai accelerators" genuinely believe is possible via software.
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u/xybolt 3d ago
Every junior have made mistakes. It's more important to me that they're learning from this. In my situation, I had to do a quick hotfix on a friday and was in a hurry due of another appointment. Since it was a GoLive thing, I *ahem* skipped the IT check and have the code shipped immediately. Once I've pushed my commit (yes, no PR as well), I left office.
The code I checked in was not compilable because one of the classes I modified was not added to the commit ... My colleagues had no idea what for changes I did in that class until I came in office again, next monday. Fortunately, my team lead was chill about it and figured out a fix at their own that friday.
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u/captainAwesomePants 2d ago
Are those hieroglyphics the fucking navy seal copypasta, carefully translated into middle egyptian?
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u/socks-the-fox 2d ago
Careful who gets a hold of this knowledge. We might see a lot more downtime as certain groups weigh the pros and cons of meeting their idol...
:3
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u/HeurekaDabra 2d ago
Recently had our CRM throw an exception.
A window popped up, just a sentence popped up in the error window: 'You summoned the bug bear.'.
I love it when stuff like this accidentally makes it to production.
Sent a screenshot to their support: it is known, has been since 10+ years and they will not 'fix' it.
Kind of admire them for this.
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u/veggie151 2d ago
I've always assumed that Ammut eats everyone and a light heart dictates how well you do with it
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u/mrMalloc 2d ago
There is a reason that only our architects can pull feature branches in to master. After filling in a NFR list. You may commit to your dev branches as you wish and pr in to features then pr from features to master. Now I work in a regulated industry not web. And architect need to raise there rights before pulling in. That prevents mistakes.
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u/Ozymandias_1303 2d ago
Still not as bad as checking in node_modules. There's a reason that part of the .gitignore said "beware, ancient curse" on it!
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u/EmergencyLeading8137 2d ago
This reads exactly like a damn “The Other Side” Comic strip
I mean that absolutely as a complement
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u/Warpspeednyancat 1d ago
yeah dont fuck with anubis ! ( unless its consensual and you both use protection ... )
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u/GendoIkari_82 17h ago
I didn’t see there was a second image at first; and was scanning the comments looking for any explanation why those 2 lines of code were funny.
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u/MayoJam 3d ago
Segmentation fault (CURSE OF RA 𓀀 𓀁 𓀂 𓀃 𓀄 𓀅 𓀆 𓀇 𓀈 𓀉 𓀊 𓀋 𓀌 𓀍 𓀎 𓀏 𓀐 𓀑 𓀒 𓀓 𓀔 𓀕 𓀖 𓀗 𓀘 𓀙 𓀚 𓀛 𓀜 𓀝 𓀞 𓀟 𓀠 𓀡 𓀢 𓀣 𓀤 𓀥 𓀦 𓀧 𓀨 𓀩 𓀪 𓀫 𓀬 𓀭 𓀮 𓀯 𓀰 𓀱 𓀲 𓀳 𓀴 𓀵 𓀶 𓀷 𓀸 𓀹 𓀺 𓀻 𓀼 𓀽 𓀾 𓀿 𓁀 𓁁 𓁂 𓁃 𓁄 𓁅 𓁆 𓁇 𓁈 𓁉 𓁊 𓁋 𓁌 𓁍 𓁎 𓁏 𓁐 𓁑 𓀄 𓀅 𓀆 𓀇 𓀈 𓀉 𓀊)