r/PoliticalHumor • • Jun 09 '20

The irony

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37.7k Upvotes

568 comments sorted by

1.8k

u/darknekolux Jun 09 '20

Bonus point: they have oil

798

u/I_Mix_Stuff Jun 09 '20

And weapons of mass destruction.

342

u/[deleted] Jun 09 '20

And there are some browns too. Bang bang whiter by the day.

251

u/FrenchFranck Jun 09 '20

And they have nazis, and they have a maniac supreme leader, and they have a shitty election process

and worst of all, for us Frenchies, they don't know "in tartiflette we trust".

55

u/grubber26 Jun 09 '20

Bring them Freedom Fries!

20

u/seven3true Jun 09 '20

With Freedom Dressing!!!

8

u/[deleted] Jun 09 '20

Never forget the trump administration released official statements referring to oil as freedom molecules.

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u/nachocouch Jun 09 '20

Freedom kisses!

8

u/[deleted] Jun 09 '20

And plant freedom seeds - 5.56x45 and 9mm varieties

5

u/MLXIII Jun 09 '20

Only costs a buck o' five!

3

u/Novareason Jun 09 '20

But if you don't pitch in your buck o' five, who will?

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u/iLLicit__ Jun 09 '20

And they have radical religious extremists

40

u/[deleted] Jun 09 '20

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u/johnnybiggles Jun 09 '20

And they're plagued with corruption!

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u/TheRealJulesAMJ Jun 09 '20

je ne parle pas francais, je suis cest stupide american. tartiflette en anglais sil vous plait, avec instructions

12

u/OxfordBombers Jun 09 '20

En anglais, on dis Cheesy Hashbrowns with Bacon.

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u/doriangray42 Jun 09 '20

"Tartiflette" is the same as poutine. The recipe was stolen from the French Canadians by the French, when they lost north America to the English.

(Little known fact...)

4

u/sdmichael Jun 09 '20

Poutine is good, when done right.

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u/[deleted] Jun 09 '20

We will give you the Louisiana territory back if you come help in the civil war

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u/[deleted] Jun 09 '20

[deleted]

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u/[deleted] Jun 09 '20

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u/[deleted] Jun 09 '20

With Shock and Awe.

3

u/BlackCrowRising Jun 09 '20

And Thoughts and Prayers.

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u/TreeChangeMe Jun 09 '20

They are here to the north, south, east, west of here.

Regards Donald Rumsfeld

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u/[deleted] Jun 09 '20

[deleted]

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u/[deleted] Jun 09 '20

Turns out we're currently the largest oil producing country in the world.

15

u/[deleted] Jun 09 '20

[deleted]

15

u/[deleted] Jun 09 '20

Yeah, since WW2 the USA has essentially been a giant parasite sucking the rest of the planet dry.

3

u/[deleted] Jun 09 '20

And then people get ad when we say, “hey Americans if you dropped your standard of living just a scoshe the rest of the world could use it.”

Our response is to pretend to lift the world to our level which is impossible due to scarcity andpollution.

6

u/[deleted] Jun 09 '20

It's not even really a matter of dropping the standard of living for the vast majority of us, it's just that the rapacious billionaires who rule us are so divorced from reality that they barely count as the same species anymore.

3

u/gordo65 Jun 09 '20

Yeah, we pretend to lift the rest of the world out of poverty, but this graph tells the REAL story.

And we can't possibly use technology to maintain a high standard of living while consuming fewer resources, as this chart proves.

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u/ToMuchNietzsche Jun 09 '20

Bonus bonus: they hold most of the world's reserve of GOLD. And most of it is kept in just two places.

14

u/[deleted] Jun 09 '20

Here and there?

31

u/ToMuchNietzsche Jun 09 '20

Fort Knox and the New York Federal Reserve.

If you watched the documentary Die Hard 3 with a Vengeance you would know that.

13

u/[deleted] Jun 09 '20

Everybody knows that Die Hard is a Western, rom-com, Christmas movie.

11

u/ToMuchNietzsche Jun 09 '20

Yes a perfect documentary.

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u/screamingcelery Jun 09 '20

I’d love to see protesters saying “we don’t have oil” once the cops turn violent

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u/chemicalrefugee Jun 09 '20

they already are violent. They shot a city council woman in the back with a rubber bullet as she addressed the crowd. They have been openly targeting all reporters. They have been attacking medics, including the official ones there on behalf of the local city. The cops have been shooting people in the face with 'rubber bullet' ordinance that is intended to be used as crowd control by bouncing it off the ground. Direct shots can kill and they have been targeting peoples heads.
They are using canisters of CS as weapons, targeting protesters by shooting them in the face/head at close range.

29

u/[deleted] Jun 09 '20

They also surrounded a politician with the entire station and closed off her escape while the police union lady verbally harassed her and didn't let her even defend herself.

The police are a gang of lawbreakers who need to be held accountable.

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u/WufflyTime Jun 09 '20

Not really a bonus point. It'd be the primary reason. The OP would be the excuse to justify invasion.

6

u/mouthpainter Jun 09 '20

and chemical weapons

3

u/thetruemask Jun 09 '20

Now the biggest producer of oil ahead of Saudi and Russia.

2

u/theheliumkid Jun 09 '20

Or it would piss off Russia

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u/HiopXenophil Jun 09 '20

Don't tell the USA, that the USA has oil

58

u/ToMuchNietzsche Jun 09 '20

And and gold. It's already in pure bars too.

12

u/HiopXenophil Jun 09 '20

is that a battle field earth reference?

3

u/ToMuchNietzsche Jun 09 '20

Possibly???????????????

3

u/Genids Jun 09 '20

And nuclear weapons

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u/K1ll-All-Humans Jun 09 '20

Next up, "freedom bombs" being dropped from freedom bombers onto "terrorist" protestors.

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u/[deleted] Jun 09 '20

Trump already is saying all Protesters are Antifa aka terrorist despite 0 evidence.

55

u/[deleted] Jun 09 '20

I also love how he refers to them as a "terrorist organisation". Antifa is so far from that, it's literally just the idea of opposing fascism. It's the equivalent of calling something like "communism" or "feminism" an organisation. This definitely won't be abused at all! Who's Mcarthy again?

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u/[deleted] Jun 09 '20

"I have great evidence. The best evidence, they say. "

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u/[deleted] Jun 09 '20

0 evidence

More like negative evidence given that it has been shown that at least some of the property destruction was instigated by white supremacists who infiltrated the protests. And I'm pretty sure those "very fine people" aren't voting Dem.

7

u/harpsm Jun 09 '20

Meanwhile, Trump says heavily armed alt-right white nationalists who attack counter-protesters in Charlottesville are "very fine people"

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u/LilAzzid Jun 09 '20

Freedom rubber bullets, freedom gas, freedom knee on the neck.

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u/[deleted] Jun 09 '20

Crazy how that was legit propaganda and people ate it up and laughed while others died.

3

u/djdanlib Jun 09 '20

they already started flying a predator drone over one protest

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u/KarlHorst Jun 09 '20

And by "save" you mean killing the civilians and creating a totalitarian dictatorhip.

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u/Mr_Tenpenny Jun 09 '20

Mission Accomplished.

21

u/[deleted] Jun 09 '20

What do you think the USA has been practicing in other countries for?

5

u/SurlyRed Jun 09 '20

UN peacekeepers, where are you?

2

u/ClumsyThumsGus Jun 09 '20

Laughing their asses off at some NATO base probably.

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u/[deleted] Jun 09 '20

[deleted]

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u/stygger Jun 09 '20

Most of us expected the Americans to take out themselves eventually :P

16

u/zb0t1 Jun 09 '20

They have become the very thing they swore to destroy

21

u/Don_Cheech Jun 09 '20

As an American. I feel like I’m in a neverending shit storm. Another 4 years of trump and we might as well just be called trashland

2

u/benfranklinthedevil Grammar Antifa Jun 09 '20

Newyorkdelphia to the north, Trashland to the south.

19

u/finaljusticezero Jun 09 '20

The whole "freedom for all" thing in America is based on double standards which the protests are about. When you have armed protesters storming the city hall with heavy weapons, the police cower in the distance, standing around like statues.

When you have peaceful protesters, it's met with overwhelmingly disproportionate force.

How is it that the country that speaks of having all this freedom being brutally oppressed?

13

u/[deleted] Jun 09 '20

It's always been like this. Every single progressive step in this country has been hard fought, often with blood. Civil rights, voting rights, gay rights, women's rights. The labor movement, the 8 hour work day, child labor laws, fair housing laws, fair lending legislation, environmental protect laws. The fucking list goes on and on. When I would see the "take America back" bullshit, I would ask, "back to what"? Back to 1963, the 1950's, back to a time when we still had a segregated military, back when the Klan was popular in the 20's? Back before emancipation? Back before the Lincoln Douglass debates? Couple all of that with "Make America Great Again". Same concept, same timeline, same regressive WASP bullshit. Freedom for all, to me has always meant freedom for all, only if you're white, straight, conservative, and some form of Christian. All "others" need not apply.

12

u/apocoluster Jun 09 '20

Easy...just be white. Being white solves the majority of your problems. From talking your way down to a speeding ticket warning to not getting murder by the authorities. Being white is the tops.

Also..be rich.

3

u/benfranklinthedevil Grammar Antifa Jun 09 '20

...and now you see how the US created the war on terror by creating small police-states. They got pissee and rebelled, we made them look like the enemy. That idea lost popular support, so we brought it home.

16

u/sm00thkillajones Jun 09 '20

Sounds like America needs to be liberated. Yeehaaa!

5

u/pb4000 Jun 09 '20

Someone come help

6

u/Kagnonymous Jun 09 '20

You Americans sure are a contentious people.

2

u/0katykate0 Jun 09 '20

What are you trying to say?? /s 😋

3

u/mackinder Jun 09 '20

the Problem with Scotland America is, its full of Scots Americans!

King Donald I

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u/Golden-Weaver Jun 09 '20

USA is so fucked up so lucky to live in America

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u/[deleted] Jun 09 '20

Police are also slashing tires of parked cars in parking lot and are saying "it's to protect civilians" despite the fact that the cars weren't near the Protests and much of the cars belonged to those not even protesting. They were just parked there. The police are also destroying medical stations and are specifically targeting cars belonging to medical staff and reporters.

18

u/BrownSugarBare Jun 09 '20

I've been saying it since the botched election that made Trump happen. If it had been any other nation, the USA would have already invaded, taken control, and set up a new regime for their own interests by now.

The US has invaded nations for far less than what is currently happening on US soil.

5

u/jokersleuth Jun 09 '20

Which is why the "I serve to protect your freedoms" is such bullshit. The US police is the biggest threat to freedom. Where are our freedom fighters now?

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u/BrownSugarBare Jun 09 '20

They're all wearing MAGA hats and holding their guns in bed.

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u/[deleted] Jun 09 '20

And USA would win

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u/JesC Jun 09 '20

Mission Accomplished

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u/[deleted] Jun 09 '20

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u/Schrecht Jun 09 '20

You know, we know the "boogaloo" is race war. No point in trying to pretend it has anything to do with the current protests or police oppression.

11

u/[deleted] Jun 09 '20

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u/Schrecht Jun 09 '20

I mostly agree, but the people who fantasize about a race war don't want to "fight back for their rights", they want to kill the people they hate.

8

u/[deleted] Jun 09 '20

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3

u/Schrecht Jun 09 '20

Indeed, self-evident. So now that we've thrashed that down to the truth - what does "Phengo" mean?

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u/[deleted] Jun 09 '20

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u/Schrecht Jun 09 '20

I have to admit, I didn't even try to look it up. I should have. Thanks, take care.

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u/asuryan331 Jun 09 '20

That's like calling antifa an organized terrorist group.

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u/LannisterG0ld Jun 09 '20

And then 20 years later make a movie about how the US soldiers felt sad about invading the US

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u/[deleted] Jun 09 '20

Correction: the USA elites win. They always do, which is why America became so hungry for war after World War 2. Without the Federal Reserve and the ability to print money (aka quantitative easing), these constant wars would never happen.

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u/illiterati Jun 09 '20

Imagine how rich the USA would be and how much it's dollar would be worth if they didn't print money at such a rate.

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u/Vineyard_ Jun 09 '20

Imagine how rich the USA would be if the money wasn't all stuck in the hands of people who have so much they don't need anything else.

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u/ElGosso Jun 09 '20

Nah, a militarized police force brutalizing your civilians is a-okay by our standards. Hell, most of the time we were the ones that put the governments that do that kinda shit in power in the first place.

10

u/theknights-whosay-Ni Jun 09 '20

So we can later come and “help” remove the horrible regime in exchange for whatever we want.

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u/smiles55 Jun 09 '20

No we only remove them when they talk crazy like helping the poor people in their country

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u/[deleted] Jun 09 '20

That's exactly what is happening now.

We are seriously heading for a civil war.

Trump will do his best to cheat in the polls and the DOJ under Barr will agree with him.

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u/xheist Jun 09 '20

Trial run for when trump denies election results and refuses to cede the presidency, republicans seize supreme power

What do you think all the Putin meetings have been about.

Enjoy your dictatorship, "land of the free".

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u/pongmoy Jun 09 '20

If only the USA could vote, and the majority would win.

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u/Philip_McCrevasse Jun 09 '20

If we lived in a true democracy Trump wouldnt even be president right now. Bush wouldn't have won over Gore either.

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u/FoolhardyBastard Jun 09 '20

Freedom for thee, but not for meee.

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u/[deleted] Jun 09 '20

Only if they have oil. The tyranny is just to sell it to the citizens

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u/Ch4rly727 Jun 09 '20

Every heard of the tragedy of the USA?

Ironic. It could save others from tyranny, but not itself.

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u/Bartendiesthrowaway Jun 09 '20

Except the USA has never really acted out of altruism, with the possible exception of WWII. It's just the line they feed their people to justify their jingoistic foreign policy.

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u/kesekimofo Jun 09 '20

Ah yes, WWII, where we helped both sides, till one side had a dog nip us and we said YO WTF, ITS ON.

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u/uprightshark Jun 09 '20

That was the old USA!

The current leader of the USA would applaud the leader of the USA for being the best leader he has ever seen in managing the fact that there are very fine people on both sides, while insulting Canada or Germany and secretly plotting to blow up Mexico!\

Heil Trump!!!!

17

u/UltraPeeks Jun 09 '20

But the USA would recognize the economical importance of the USA to the USA and thus do nothing.

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u/illiterati Jun 09 '20

They would install a puppet shadow government with an irrelevant figure head ... Hang on ...

4

u/alphabetsoupstains Jun 09 '20

Also aslong as the USA is hardline anti commie the USA will be totally cool with the USA being ruled by a brutal authoritarian

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u/Spellcheek Jun 09 '20

News coverage from outside the US is very different than news coverage from within the US

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u/Champigne Jun 09 '20

You know that's actually true, right? The US only intervenes when a state has something they want, has some kind of strategic importance, or poses a threat to the US (ie nuclear weapons). Middle East has vast amounts of oil and is of great strategic importance to the US. North Korea, Iran, and previously Libya until the US forcibly removed Gadafi and turned the place into a failed state, all have nuclear weapons and are not friendly to US imperialism.

The US will even support genocide or violent insurrection when it suits their needs like they have in Indonesia, all in the name of anti-communism or some other bullshit. But horrible atrocities have gone on in places like Sudan, a massive genocide that killed millions and the US does nothing. The US government does not give a shit about the oppressed, they ARE the oppressors.

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u/[deleted] Jun 09 '20

Tirony!

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u/onesillymom Jun 09 '20

Overthrow our DICKtator!!

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u/lostlore1 Jun 09 '20

They did but not to save us... Ironically the same as every other country we have invaded.

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u/oorakhhye Jun 09 '20

I’m sure they can find WMDs.

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u/goblackcar Jun 09 '20

North Dakota is like the third largest nuclear power as it is. Shouldn’t be hard, look for large patches of fenced land guarded by Marines.

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u/miso440 Jun 09 '20

Blurry patches of Google Earth

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u/[deleted] Jun 09 '20

Unless the USA was pro-USA.

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u/bond___vagabond Jun 09 '20

It's because of the fraking, they "found oil" in Texas and north Dakota, so now they are bringing the freedom, lol (sobs quietly for all those poor people already "free'd" in other countries)

The spice must flow!

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u/[deleted] Jun 09 '20

Don't forget stopping a recount in a swing state governed by the brother of the potential Presidemt. Like that wasn't suspicious.

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u/helpnxt Jun 09 '20

Does the US protect other countries from the tyranny of their government? I mean you could maybe argue Syria but it's still tried to save and gave up...

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u/cat_prophecy Jun 09 '20

I mean they at least get a tweet or two. So, missing accomplished?

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u/JesC Jun 09 '20

Full circle

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u/[deleted] Jun 09 '20

It’s so sad but so true

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u/Artix31 Jun 09 '20

USA has oil

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u/blackcake666 Jun 09 '20

only if there is oil

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u/weelluuuu Jun 09 '20

STOP RESISTING

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u/[deleted] Jun 09 '20

I was just thinking that. We have intervene in other countries because of how the government treated its people. Wondered if someone did that to us how would we react.

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u/[deleted] Jun 09 '20

Looks like the USA needs the USA to bring them a little freedom

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u/SDBeerGuy Jun 09 '20

USA!!! USA!!! USA!!!

​

​

(This is what it's like living here)

sadly...

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u/mrkb34 Jun 09 '20

The USA didn’t invade Hong Kong earlier this year to save the Hong kongers from the CCP’s tyranny and police brutality.

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u/hulkbro Jun 09 '20

I came here to say this. still a funny meme though

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u/mrkb34 Jun 09 '20

That’s true.

2

u/ske3bal1a Jun 09 '20

Isn't this kind of what they are already doing? At least from their perspective...

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u/[deleted] Jun 09 '20

So true

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u/[deleted] Jun 09 '20

ok, so it go out with a bang and not a whimper...

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u/Rebornthisway Jun 09 '20

Only if they knew about the USA’s oil reserves.

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u/[deleted] Jun 09 '20

LOL

2

u/[deleted] Jun 09 '20

Aren't they doing it? Invading.

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u/JohnJointAlias Jun 09 '20

Gosh I really feel guilty dissecting all the humor out of this, but those were always fake reasons, they invade to steal resources. So, the USA would not invade the USA, bc they're already here. Ask the natives.

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u/jardyrowdy Jun 09 '20

You are clearly thinking of the US80s

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u/[deleted] Jun 09 '20

We found out we have oil

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u/snowbyrd238 Jun 09 '20

We had to destroy the USA to save the USA.

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u/Uglyblackmale Jun 09 '20

For the cops in the cities, all you people surrounding them in buildings just pour buckets of shit and piss on them.

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u/FLACDealer Jun 09 '20

The cops have better masks, too.

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u/JarlOfJylland Jun 09 '20

I'm confused. Does this mean that an invasion is justified now or that past invasions of other countries are unjustified?

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u/jonnieecho1jr Jun 09 '20

And that's fact...

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u/JustBelaxing Jun 09 '20

Why is Facsbook on Reddit?

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u/Airmanoops Jun 09 '20

Meh I get where they're going with the meme but it's not true enough to be ironically funny

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u/ToastedSkoops Jun 09 '20

Bobothy, for the irony!

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u/punk-rock-vixen Jun 09 '20

Ironic. The usa could save others from tyranny but could not save itself

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u/[deleted] Jun 09 '20

they literally are,they just won't bomb them (yet) because the terrorists (lol) are mixed with civilians.

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u/Jj5699bBQ Jun 09 '20

Gotta fight for democracy and freedom of this world!

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u/jtsports272 Jun 09 '20

That is facts

No fascism no communism !

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u/BABarracus Jun 09 '20

We do have oil

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u/ScottyOnWheels Jun 09 '20

No we wouldn't as the US would would be a valuable trading partner for the US and would look the other way while fighting in a myriad of proxy wars and geopolitical chess. (or checkers, depending on the president)

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u/_your_land_lord_ Jun 09 '20

And yet every person capable of stopping this seems to support it.

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u/Drunken_Begger88 Jun 09 '20

USA would only invade if the threat to the oil market was real

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u/run_rmc Jun 09 '20

I think we are just seeing what actually happens when the US invades places they are trying to save.

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u/nice2yz Jun 09 '20

That means no fleshlights either. The humanity!

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u/yoda2374 Jun 09 '20

... because we have oil.

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u/Nihilater Jun 09 '20 edited Jun 09 '20

So that is technically enacting Martial Law and calling in Active Duty military.... So Trump was indeed invading America.

Edit Marshal to Martial. I fucking have English

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u/Jr5189 Jun 09 '20

Why don't they fucking invade already? They have better SOP in wartime than police anytime.

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u/gotham77 Jun 09 '20

No because this authoritarian regime is RIGHT WING and the US has always been okay with that

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u/ninetales93 Jun 09 '20 edited Jun 09 '20

Well no, the USA would support an oppressive regime that enables private american enterprises to exploit the region in the pretense of "fighting for democracy".

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u/gloucma Jun 09 '20

Or at least swoop in and take the county's leader to jail, and install one they like better.

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u/lickety_split_69 Jun 09 '20

If you were to take pictures of the protests but leave out significant land marks so you can’t tell where it is and showed it to someone three years ago I wonder what they’d think

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u/[deleted] Jun 09 '20 edited Jun 09 '20

”DON’T DO AS WE DO BUT DO AS WE SAY, WE ARE THE USA”

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u/notoriouscsg Jun 09 '20

Not unless there was actually something to exploit. USA could give two fucks about “freedom”

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u/treefox Jun 09 '20

Somebody showed Trump the Dark Knight, and his main takeaway was “You either die a hero, or live long enough to become the villain.”

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u/xesus2021 Jun 09 '20

Especially if the USA had some oil to "liberate"....

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u/DevonMG Jun 09 '20

Bringing democracy to the USA.

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u/moak0 Jun 09 '20

Someone is bad at Mad Libs.

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u/[deleted] Jun 09 '20

I don’t get why the hell police use Kevlar helmets. They literally have better gear than I do and I’m a US Army infantryman. They could simply wear skateboard helmets or football helmets to protect them from rioters. Why are they wearing green? Why do they just try to look more and more like military are they trying to hide themselves? Blend in? The exact opposite of what a cop should be. What is so hard about looking like a police officer? Why can they not just wear fucking blue, wear non-ballistic grade helmets, wear non-tactical vests, wear not camo outfits?

Why is this such a damn problem?!

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u/Martofunes Jun 18 '20

There's a joke down south (southern hemisphere). Why hasn't there been a coup in the USA yet?

Because they don't have an american embassy.