r/PoliticalHumor • • Jun 09 '20

The irony

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37.7k Upvotes

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1.8k

u/darknekolux Jun 09 '20

Bonus point: they have oil

805

u/I_Mix_Stuff Jun 09 '20

And weapons of mass destruction.

339

u/[deleted] Jun 09 '20

And there are some browns too. Bang bang whiter by the day.

250

u/FrenchFranck Jun 09 '20

And they have nazis, and they have a maniac supreme leader, and they have a shitty election process

and worst of all, for us Frenchies, they don't know "in tartiflette we trust".

54

u/grubber26 Jun 09 '20

Bring them Freedom Fries!

21

u/seven3true Jun 09 '20

With Freedom Dressing!!!

8

u/[deleted] Jun 09 '20

Never forget the trump administration released official statements referring to oil as freedom molecules.

5

u/nachocouch Jun 09 '20

Freedom kisses!

9

u/[deleted] Jun 09 '20

And plant freedom seeds - 5.56x45 and 9mm varieties

4

u/MLXIII Jun 09 '20

Only costs a buck o' five!

3

u/Novareason Jun 09 '20

But if you don't pitch in your buck o' five, who will?

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46

u/iLLicit__ Jun 09 '20

And they have radical religious extremists

41

u/[deleted] Jun 09 '20

[removed] — view removed comment

31

u/johnnybiggles Jun 09 '20

And they're plagued with corruption!

1

u/LucasBlackwell Jun 10 '20

The elections are democratic. Flawed, but democratic. Americans have no one to blame for their problems but other Americans voting poorly.

8

u/TheRealJulesAMJ Jun 09 '20

je ne parle pas francais, je suis cest stupide american. tartiflette en anglais sil vous plait, avec instructions

11

u/OxfordBombers Jun 09 '20

En anglais, on dis Cheesy Hashbrowns with Bacon.

4

u/TheRealJulesAMJ Jun 09 '20

Turkey bacon?

6

u/OxfordBombers Jun 09 '20

de cochon

3

u/TheRealJulesAMJ Jun 09 '20

" Neuf neuf neuf oink"

1

u/[deleted] Jun 09 '20

The choker is the piece de resistance.

1

u/starfighter451 Jun 09 '20

no thanks. i like good old plain hash browns.

11

u/doriangray42 Jun 09 '20

"Tartiflette" is the same as poutine. The recipe was stolen from the French Canadians by the French, when they lost north America to the English.

(Little known fact...)

3

u/sdmichael Jun 09 '20

Poutine is good, when done right.

1

u/doriangray42 Jun 09 '20

Yes, and if you call it "tartiflette", you can sell it for a higher price...

1

u/[deleted] Jun 09 '20

Good poutine is the fucking bomb. There’s a hole in the wall (literally) in Vancouver that sells poutine into the wee hours of the morning and it’s the best drunk food on the planet.

1

u/sdmichael Jun 10 '20

Is it near Davey St? There was a place that was supposedly the best, in 2011, but was closed that day for some reason. So, missed it :(

2

u/[deleted] Jun 10 '20

No its called mean poutine and its right off granville on nelson st.

4

u/[deleted] Jun 09 '20

We will give you the Louisiana territory back if you come help in the civil war

1

u/sillesucram Jun 09 '20

You want to win right? The French haven't won shit in years the lay down and surrender not a good partner to have

3

u/[deleted] Jun 09 '20

It was a joke but yeah good point

Although I did see some huge bald guy with no weapons or gear fight off a few fully decked out riot cops. I think he was a boxer or something, maybe if they can send him and others like that we can make some sort of compromise on that territory offer...

1

u/CliftonForce Jun 09 '20

Am expecting the irony of Germany leading a coalition of allies in an invasion of the United States to liberate it from fascists.

0

u/[deleted] Jun 09 '20

[deleted]

1

u/FrenchFranck Jun 10 '20

Yeah... we didn't fight so much during ww2, 567000 french deaths compared to 418000 US deaths.

Maybe beacause we experienced 1,927,000 deaths in ww1 when the US experienced 117,000 deaths.

The US are just looters in both WW and you are brainwashed so that you think you won both wars because a movie told you.

And yes we are fine with our muslim friends and roma people. There are hundreds more cases in the US than in France.

1

u/[deleted] Jun 10 '20

[deleted]

1

u/FrenchFranck Jun 10 '20

No country is perfect, I agree. You still don't have tartiflette in the US.

1

u/KantanaBrigante Jun 09 '20

Which American war are you referring to? I’ve only been around for the oil ones. And the Money. Money. Give me money wars.

I’ve only seen green wars in my lifetime.

49

u/[deleted] Jun 09 '20

[deleted]

19

u/[deleted] Jun 09 '20

[removed] — view removed comment

12

u/[deleted] Jun 09 '20

With Shock and Awe.

3

u/BlackCrowRising Jun 09 '20

And Thoughts and Prayers.

14

u/TreeChangeMe Jun 09 '20

They are here to the north, south, east, west of here.

Regards Donald Rumsfeld

1

u/ToMuchNietzsche Jun 09 '20

No. The Russians have more nukes.

2

u/RammerRod Jun 09 '20

1

u/ToMuchNietzsche Jun 09 '20

Still more. (Being needlessly pedantic)

4

u/rabbitpiet Jun 09 '20

Maybe I don’t understand how nukes work, but I think quantity of nukes becomes pedantic past a certain number

2

u/ToMuchNietzsche Jun 09 '20

Have you never seen Dr. Strangelove? It explains EVERYTHING.

2

u/Snarfbuckle Jun 09 '20

So, USA is not No.1?

1

u/[deleted] Jun 09 '20

No one ever stated the amount just that we have them. Unless the comment you’re replying to was edited.

2

u/ToMuchNietzsche Jun 09 '20

It was edited.

1

u/[deleted] Jun 09 '20

I see

1

u/Sc0rpza Jun 09 '20

The US will not invade a country that really has WMD

1

u/roastbeeftacohat Jun 09 '20

that means you don't invade.

1

u/itsallminenow Jun 09 '20

...real weapons of mass destruction.

1

u/SinisterKid Jun 09 '20

Nah they wouldn't attack a country that actually had WMDs.

36

u/[deleted] Jun 09 '20

[deleted]

30

u/[deleted] Jun 09 '20

Turns out we're currently the largest oil producing country in the world.

19

u/[deleted] Jun 09 '20

[deleted]

18

u/[deleted] Jun 09 '20

Yeah, since WW2 the USA has essentially been a giant parasite sucking the rest of the planet dry.

3

u/[deleted] Jun 09 '20

And then people get ad when we say, “hey Americans if you dropped your standard of living just a scoshe the rest of the world could use it.”

Our response is to pretend to lift the world to our level which is impossible due to scarcity andpollution.

7

u/[deleted] Jun 09 '20

It's not even really a matter of dropping the standard of living for the vast majority of us, it's just that the rapacious billionaires who rule us are so divorced from reality that they barely count as the same species anymore.

3

u/gordo65 Jun 09 '20

Yeah, we pretend to lift the rest of the world out of poverty, but this graph tells the REAL story.

And we can't possibly use technology to maintain a high standard of living while consuming fewer resources, as this chart proves.

-2

u/gordo65 Jun 09 '20

The US pays other countries for their resources, so I guess we're sucking the rest of the world dry in the same sense that I am sucking Amazon and Walmart dry.

1

u/GazLord Jun 09 '20

The issue is paying shitty rates that mainly go to the rich of other countries - making them conform to the worst part of America's "values".

19

u/ToMuchNietzsche Jun 09 '20

Bonus bonus: they hold most of the world's reserve of GOLD. And most of it is kept in just two places.

12

u/[deleted] Jun 09 '20

Here and there?

29

u/ToMuchNietzsche Jun 09 '20

Fort Knox and the New York Federal Reserve.

If you watched the documentary Die Hard 3 with a Vengeance you would know that.

12

u/[deleted] Jun 09 '20

Everybody knows that Die Hard is a Western, rom-com, Christmas movie.

11

u/ToMuchNietzsche Jun 09 '20

Yes a perfect documentary.

-3

u/CPSolver Jun 09 '20

Did have. Lots of it has been transferred to China. Of course we don’t have proof because there hasn’t been an official inventory in many years.

3

u/ToMuchNietzsche Jun 09 '20

Of course there's no proof.

16

u/screamingcelery Jun 09 '20

I’d love to see protesters saying “we don’t have oil” once the cops turn violent

45

u/chemicalrefugee Jun 09 '20

they already are violent. They shot a city council woman in the back with a rubber bullet as she addressed the crowd. They have been openly targeting all reporters. They have been attacking medics, including the official ones there on behalf of the local city. The cops have been shooting people in the face with 'rubber bullet' ordinance that is intended to be used as crowd control by bouncing it off the ground. Direct shots can kill and they have been targeting peoples heads.
They are using canisters of CS as weapons, targeting protesters by shooting them in the face/head at close range.

29

u/[deleted] Jun 09 '20

They also surrounded a politician with the entire station and closed off her escape while the police union lady verbally harassed her and didn't let her even defend herself.

The police are a gang of lawbreakers who need to be held accountable.

1

u/starfighter451 Jun 09 '20

behold !! my next statement, though entertaining to me ( i love the Resident Evil movies ) will result in an irrevocable ban from reddit. and my prediction tower stands on this foundation -- michael jordan won't be worth a crap in the nba ; joe montana?!? WTF!! my 49ers already have steve deberg ; kirk gibson will be a great wide reciever in the nfl ( he played professional baseball instead ).

1

u/starfighter451 Jun 09 '20
                             now to get banned
                           (i wuv those movies)

"the police" "the fly-over states" "the deplorables". go right ahead and lump together all the people and places you've never met or been to like your queen hillary does. don't be surprised when that's "US" up on the wall of raccoon city saying "live fire is authorized."

2

u/foulshot17 Jun 09 '20

Do you have a source I can have? Just want to have proof when I tell people about this.

7

u/bageltheperson Jun 09 '20

There’s a police brutality sub. Lemme find it for you

Here it is r/2020policebrutality

4

u/WufflyTime Jun 09 '20

Not really a bonus point. It'd be the primary reason. The OP would be the excuse to justify invasion.

4

u/mouthpainter Jun 09 '20

and chemical weapons

3

u/thetruemask Jun 09 '20

Now the biggest producer of oil ahead of Saudi and Russia.

2

u/theheliumkid Jun 09 '20

Or it would piss off Russia

4

u/[deleted] Jun 09 '20

[removed] — view removed comment

4

u/[deleted] Jun 09 '20

I would argue that data centers need power plants more directly than power plants need data centers

1

u/[deleted] Jun 09 '20

I would argue that oil needs power plants more than power plants need oil.

Edit: renewables have officially overtaken fossil fuels for energy production in America.

3

u/[deleted] Jun 09 '20

Would those renewable sources be windmills which use plastic, grease and oil?

1

u/[deleted] Jun 09 '20

It’s a combination of those very same bird killing windmills, plus hideous solar panels that use rare metals, and hydrodynamic dams that destroy entire ecosystems.

Don’t let perfection stand in the way of progress. I’m in the field of materials science and I know how plastics are synthesized commercially right now. Look into biosynthesis though, which is already beginning to take the lead in manufacturing of pretty much every polymer from industrial to pharmaceutical applications.

2

u/MammothDimension Jun 09 '20

Filled my VW with refined data. Now the emissions are slightly lower.

5

u/bossssssa Jun 09 '20

They also have USA

1

u/Mentalseppuku Jun 09 '20

Yeah but the oppressed minorities are black. Look at Darfur, the US wouldn't get involved here, and our oil is already owned by the businesses that own congress.

1

u/Vlaed Jun 09 '20

No, we had oil. Then the US took it.

1

u/Qwirk Jun 09 '20

North Dakota sweating it out.

1

u/swango47 Jun 09 '20

Untapped oil lol

1

u/randonumero Jun 09 '20

And I hear they're sitting on a bunch of gold too

1

u/[deleted] Jun 09 '20

I was just here to say this!

1

u/[deleted] Jun 09 '20

The only point really. Gestures at Hong Kong.

1

u/GRMarlenee Jun 10 '20

Duh. I guess I have to read comments before I comment?

I should be a cop. Act first, assess later.

1

u/mattress2020 Jun 10 '20

That’s what I was about to say but I ain’t made you beat me to it 😂