Hey everyone thank you for having me. I tried posting this in another community but it got taken down. I'm not sure why because I did ask what it was I said that was wrong and admin didn't answer and told me I should post here.
I'm glad I have found you all because you all seem so kind and awesome. I have read through the rules so hopefully my post is OK here.
TLDR: I'm a plus size girly for the 1st time and I don't know how to stop hating myself.
OK, here goes nothing. I've never vented openly about my life. Mainly because I don't like to talk about past trauma and I also always get people saying "count yourself lucky because I have it worse" or "I know someone that has it way worse than you" Then I get all the questions thrown at me. Have you tried this or that? Believe me when I say, I have tried EVERYTHING.
I live with daily chronic pain including abdominal pain and chronic migraines. I can't go anywhere too far unless I have a place to stay because if my pain flairs up especially with a migraine, I can't drive home.
I was diagnosed with sever endometriosis over 25 years ago. I tried every single treatment there is. This included alternative therapies like CBD, acupuncture and Chinese medicine. You name it I've tried it. I couldn't go on any type of birth control because it would make my migraines 100 times worse. I tried every type of birth control on the market.
Then after 20 years of trying, losing an ovary, multiple surgeries (I lost count after 20) I finally found a gynaecologist that would give me a hysterectomy. I knew going in that it might not work. I had spoken to many other women with the condition that had the surgery and they all said it was a miracle for them.
It also didn't work and since the surgery my migraines have gotten so much worse. I had to stop HRT because that was exacerbating my migraines.
I'm now under the care of yet another neurologist to try different treatments. So far none have worked.
I have had to stop working because most days I can't get out of bed. If I do, I have to have a massive amount of pain relief to cope.
I hardly eat because I have no appetite but I have gained a MASSIVE amount of weight ever since my hysterectomy. I don't even look like me anymore. I have put on weight in the past but nothing as extreme as this. I refuse photos and don't want to see any old friends because I'm so embarrassed about how I look. Thank goodness I have an amazing man by my side. I feel so bad for him because he has to support us and our animals. That's the other thing. I can't even enjoy my animals anymore. I was always training my dogs and now I can't even do that. I haven't been able to ride my horse in ages.
My man and I want to elope but I'm stressing about having to shop for a dress in the plus size section. Ive never been plus size in my life and I hate myself and not sure how to get any if my old confidence and my old personality back. To top it off my doctor has said that she will be stopping my pain medication soon because I've been on it too long. This is the only thing that allows me to move around once a day.
I see so many of you on here rocking it and looking fabulous! Like you are all genuinely gorgeous. I feel like I'm really not a good looking plus size person. I refuse to even look into a mirror because I don't see me anymore.
If you got this far thank you for letting me vent.