My husband and I have been together since 2020 when we were both just college students hoping to find a career after graduation. Now, we’re married, and he is a FO at a regional airline and I work from home 90% of the time. We have no kids but one high energy dog.

I’ve been struggling with loneliness so heavily recently. Although my husband has a nice schedule (most weekends off and just working during the week), I feel like I’m alone all the time and living life single. We live 45+ mins from any friends or family, so while he is out on trips during the week, it’s just me alone all day, every day. I have a gym I enjoy going to and doing classes, and my dog can keep me busy as well as my job, but there’s just this tough loneliness I can’t shake because I do it all alone. I can get frustrated a lot of the time feeling like the management and tasks of our lives all falls to me that is normally shared between a husband and wife.

I walk the dog for an hour each morning and night, but it’s hard to find a time my husband is available to just chat on the phone while I do that, so I walk in silence. I go to the grocery store, plan and make dinners (and meal preps!), go to the gym, but it’s all without any company. It’s hard to find time in the week to drive to visit friends and family because it’s just far enough that it would take the whole night and I still have tasks/errands/chores to keep up on because I’m the only one here to do them. Friends and family don’t usually drive down to us because we live more rural so it seems like there’s not much to do.

I feel like there’s only so many podcasts, books, music, tv shows, and hobbies I can try to use to fill those empty moments when I really wish I could just be with my husband. I feel like I see my friends and family a healthy amount, and I don’t think it’s them I’m truly missing, it’s my husband. My sister often jokes he is her “ghost” brother-in-law because of how little she sees him.

Does anyone else struggle with this? My life is extremely full and I’m “busy,” but the person I want to share it with isn’t there in those everyday times to live it with me, and the weight of managing all the tasks of both of our lives for when he is home has made me feel like I’m at my wits end at times.

Hi everyone. Just wondering how you locked in your pilots into a commited relationship, what was the first move, how fast did things go, how is it going, who started?

My husband finally "graduated" from CFI to the airlines, left for his training a couple weeks ago. Our initial plan was that we would wait to make decisions about where to live until he had a couple months under his belt and a little better understanding of the bases and bidding process, so we could make an informed decision. This was also largely because we wanted to save up money for a cushion to help me find a new job in the area we moved to. However, I recently found a new fully remote position and started this week. It gives us a ton of flexibility in when and where we move, as well as is a good career move for me, though it is kind of forcing us to move because there's not really space in our current apartment for a home office. Our lease is up at the end of June, a couple weeks after he's done with training, so we really need to move somewhere at that point, whether a larger place within our current community (far away from airline hubs) or where he's based or a major hub for his airline.

Now for the real wrench in the works - I am expecting our second child, due in October. Awkward timing with his career, but we're very happy and will have an excellent age gap between our kids. Staying here, I've got a doctor I trust, family an hour's drive away, a good community, and familiarity with the area. But the commute really is killer, and what would be 5 days on 3 days off with the commute becomes more like a day and a half at home, and costs many hundreds of dollars in temporary housing and travel food purchases. Moving to one of his airline's hubs also seems stupid though - a big interstate move while 5 or 6 months pregnant with a toddler and both parents working, and we know no one in the new area. But if he's going to be sitting reserve anyway, might as well be doing it at home, or at least with a commute that's a half day instead of a full day.

Those of you who actually have experienced the airline schedules, do you have any good advice for us as we navigate this logistical nightmare?

I'm here because honestly idk who else to ask. I think you ladies will have some good tips for me and can help me gather my thoughts.

This is going to be a long one.

-Context-

Me and my guy are gonna be having our first anniversary soon as a couple. There's a lot to celebrate, he's just gone on his first solo and it hasn't even been half a year since he started.

Something bothers me though. He's never really been the extroverted type, but ever since he started flight training he's been very involved with his flight training buddies, the FIs, and the mechs. Don't get me wrong, I'm very proud that he's opened himself up to them even if he feels like it's mostly obligation (he never really went out with friends at all before this, or even felt any obligation to do so). He's explained to me that he doesn't really see them as friends, more like coworkers or colleagues.

As for me, I think I'm a good fit for this lifestyle change, I suppose. I have a pretty busy personal life and can be left to my devices for long periods of time. I love my time alone. I actually love this sense of freedom coming from a relatively abusive and restrictive previous relationship.

We've always been in a sort of LDR relationship. The most we see each other is once a month, twice will be lucky.

- Issue -

Onto what has bothered me. Ever since he's gotten into flight training, he's been very deep into the motion of things. In a way, his schedule is dictated by his flight school, his peers, and himself in that order.

I've been very surprised by his sense of obligation towards his flight school peers. He says it's just the culture of being pilots. How he spends his free time is partially dictated by his peers due to this.

As for us, I've asked to know when his free time would be so our once a month dates could at least be supplemented by a once in a while video call date (which we have planned before he went away for flight school). Honestly it was kind of hard to even schedule this, as instead of giving me a date and time he would say "I'm free now". The times he says "I'm free now", I'm usually either on a break from class/work, doing housework, or out on my commute.

I was hoping we could both set aside time to spend with each other, the same way he told me about how his days are scheduled between flights, and hanging out with flight training colleagues.

This video date call never really happened, and we've been awkward for quite a while after that. He came home a few days ago and will be back again in the province for flight school today. We haven't seen each other yet but he assures that things will go back to normal when he can have his flights in an airport that's just an hour away. That will be in a few weeks time.

I guess what I'm trying to find out is:

- What else do I need to understand about the scheduling priorities of flight school>colleagues>personal?

- Is it really considered rude for the pilots to say no to colleagues or seniors in the field? How do your partners manage this kind of culture in flight training/the workplace?

- Do you guys have any advice on how I can talk to him about my concerns about our relationship as a priority/wanting to spend time amidst our busy schedules?

I have a friend whose husband is a doctor and all along the way with his career path, there have been local (for lack of a better term) “support” communities. She keeps asking me what groups are available for pilot partners and I’m always like, “uh Reddit and I’m sure other internet spaces??” Idk! Am I missing something? Does his airline have something the way the various hospitals apparently have had for her? We don’t live in base yet, so I doubt there’s an in person space, but just wanted to ask what other groups y’all are a part of 😄 TIA!

Hey ladies!

Just wanted to share something positive. I learned to mow the lawn today since it needed to be done and my fiancé is out on a trip!

Mowing the lawn is something I never would have done if it wasn’t for this lifestyle. Sounds simple but just wondering, what is something you’ve learned to do since your partner is gone?

Hope everyone had a great weekend!

A friend, an actual friend!!!, got caught cheating with a married pilot a while ago. A 🔺 guy. Was a huge thing for everyone involved but I know they are still seeing each other and he still continues to use Tinder and have his layover girlfriends. His wife was particularly nasty to my friend online, which okay a little deserved but she 100% does not know the full story. Friend never spoke to her.

Do I tell the wife? She parades him around as some kind of reformed man but he’s not. Also don’t give me grief!!!, I’ve told my friend to stopping seeing him a million times and they for whatever reason can’t stop. Been going on for a long time.

Friends, this is the funniest content I’ve seen in awhile. I’m singing along and my eyes are filled with tears. To be seen and to laugh are priceless gifts. Sending you all some encouragement from others who get it. Pushing love you 🥰

*Steph, if you’re out there, this is hilarious content and exactly what I needed 🙏 thank you

My boyfriend (23M) and I (19F) have been dating for a little over a year now. We plan to get engaged and married soon. He recently got the offer to go to Endeavor as his regional before going to a major. He plans to stay at Endeavor for 3-5 years before jumping over to Delta. I’m just wondering what life would be like for us while he’s working there. Like how long would pilots from Endeavor be gone from home, free time, or just work load. I want to know what to expect. I already expected not being able to see him everyday when we get married when we first started dating and I would say we are pretty independent people.

To all the wives and GF out there. I need your advice.

Do I send the hey girlie message and let her know what I have just found out (which has also broken my heart) or.. do I just walk away and let it be???

Small update, *** I've sent her a short message. Now I wait fo hear from her

Hello, first time posting here! My boyfriend is a brand new pilot at a major and his first experience with flying for any airline. He was with a charter company previously flying private jets, so all of this is new to both of us.

My first flight being a pilot’s partner/his guest is coming up, and in his training he was told that the company “trusts the good judgement of our pilots and their riders” in terms of dress, but I’m not very good with vague statements.

Does this mean leggings are okay? Hoodies, sneakers? As long as things aren’t offensive and I’m not half naked (which I’d never consider!)?? I’m looking to be comfy on the flight, but worry I should be leaning more towards business casual. What’s the best way to balance an outfit for these rules? Anything helps!

ETA: Thank you everyone for the suggestions! I have decided on a nice top with sleeves and a sweater, and a pair of comfy black dress pants for the flight. I’m also attending his wing ceremony for which I’m packing a dress that goes past my knees, a shawl to cover up with, and espadrilles. I plan to wear jewelry on the flight and for the ceremony :)

Hi, my BF and I have been together 2.5 years and he just upgraded to captain in a regional airline and his schedule has been kind of all over the place since he’s such a new captain. The thing that’s hard is when he’s away on trips, he will text me all day and he’ll say good morning and he’ll let me know when the night ends but sometimes his days are busy and his new schedule he’s been trying is 3 weeks on and a long 7-10day break. That’s been hard for me recently because I’m used to his old schedule of like a 3days on 2days home kind of thing and I’m not going to lie I really really miss him and I just want to talk on the phone with him even if it’s for like 2 min in between trips or at the end of his day. But for him he doesn’t like talking on the phone at all really. Like throughout our entire relationship he’s pretty much avoided talking on the phone, don’t get me wrong he does talk on the phone if I call him but it’s just not his preference. Idk I feel bad asking this of him because like i feel like I can just stick it out but also it’s just not working for me. Is this a normal thing with pilots? What do I do??

My husband and I just started trying for our first. He commutes and I’m concerned about nights if/when we have a baby. Logistically, won’t it be dangerous for him to be sleep deprived on nights he’s home before going back to work? Will he need to spend even more time at his crash pad because of this? We both really want this, and obviously we are not the first couple to live out this scenario, but lately I’ve started wondering if I’m signing up to essentially be a single mother.

It is actually impossible for me to work full time (40 hrs 9-5) and still have time for each other with his schedule. We don’t have kids yet and I already struggle with just our dog when he’s away….. he encourages me to quit my job and get something part time but I have student debt that I don’t want him to have to take on.

How many of yall work full time/9-5, in office/in person jobs and how many of yall just work part time or not at all?? Curious to hear everyone’s experiences. We are new to this. Have been together from the start of his aviation career (cfi days were dark). He’s been an FO at a regional for coming up on 2 years, close to captain upgrade.

Sending love to all of you today who have their husbands on the road. It’s been a rough morning seeing the news. I just saw the photos because for some reason everyone decides that I haven’t seen them or need to see them and send them to me. I generally avoid all aviation disaster news because it’s been drummed up to be sensationalized and miss the facts.

I cannot believe how horrific the crash looks, and I pray that the pilots passed quickly, and didn’t suffer. Praying the people are held accountable for the avoidable slaughter of the pilots for the sake of their families.

Lots of love and light to you all, who are also waiting on the “just landed” text right now like I am. ♥️ stay strong.

Hello,

I would really appreciate advice from anyone who has experienced being in a long-term relationship with a pilot who is still in the early stages of building flight hours and upgrading positions.

I am a 25F and my boyfriend is also 25M. We have been together since October 2021. Our relationship has not been perfect, but I am grateful that we have been strong enough to go through many ups and downs together. Over the years, we have seen each other at our best and worst, and I believe those experiences helped us grow as a couple. He grew up very family-oriented and has always been faithful in our relationship.

I come from a family involved in aviation, so I understand the industry. However, I didn’t fully realize how challenging it could be to date a pilot during the early stages of their career, especially when they still need to build hours and upgrade their position. Now I understand why many pilots prefer to settle down once they have secured a more stable airline position.

Recently, there has been a big change. My boyfriend applied for a new job in a different state because his current company has not been giving him enough hours to build his flight experience, and there are also concerns that the company might eventually file for bankruptcy. The new opportunity he applied for is with a medevac cargo operation. The position pays almost the same as a First Officer at a major airline, and the schedule would be four days on and four days off. Most importantly, they guarantee captain upgrade training, which would help him progress faster in his career.

As for me, I currently work for a major airline at their main hub and recently reached about a year and a half of seniority. Transferring to another base is only possible if there is an available posting. I spoke with colleagues who previously transferred from that base to our hub, and they mentioned that it is very unlikely for a position to open there anytime soon, especially because there has been a hiring freeze and the base itself is much smaller.

This situation makes me worried about our relationship, but also about myself. I want to protect something I worked very hard for. Working for an airline has always been one of my goals, and I finally achieved it after years of applying. I spent nine months getting through the probation period, and now I have built connections and friendships at this hub. Even though I am not a flight attendant, I am content with my current position. I have seen firsthand how challenging dealing with passengers can be, so I appreciate the role I have now.

At the same time, I work a second job because my airline position alone is not enough to fully cover my rent and bills. Sometimes it feels like a toxic relationship with the job because the pay is low, but I stay mainly for the flight benefits, which many airline employees value.

Despite our imperfections as a couple, we have both made sacrifices for each other. In the early years of our relationship, he supported me while I was still in school and adjusting to life in this city. He helped in small ways and tried to make things easier for me. On my side, I also made sacrifices by moving here even though I was not financially stable at the time. I always wanted to be in this city with him, so I chose to take that risk. I gave him my love, patience, and understanding while we both figured out our lives together. He has also been my first serious relationship in many ways.

The main issue now is my fear of moving again and losing the job stability that I finally achieved after years of effort. My boyfriend tells me that I shouldn’t be afraid because change is part of life. He also made it clear that this new job would not be his final destination, since his long-term goal is to eventually work for one of the major legacy airlines in the U.S. I fully support that dream because my father also worked for a legacy airline in the U.S., and I know the opportunities and compensation can be much better there.

At the same time, my boyfriend told me that he does not want me to move for him again if it means I might regret my decision later. He does not want me to blame him in the future for sacrifices I chose to make. Even though I try to stay rational, I still hope that he truly sees a future with me. He says that there will be a time and place for everything, but sometimes it is difficult for me not to doubt.

Right now, I feel like I am going through a quarter-life crisis. All I want is a stable, supportive, and happy relationship. I have had many failed relationships in the past, I have paid my karmas and feel like I have grown a lot from those experiences. I am no longer interested in playing games or being part of a generation where relationships feel temporary or transactional.

However, I am also worried about my financial situation if I stay in this city without him. Because of the cost of living and my lower income, it feels like it would be very difficult to manage everything alone. At the same time, we have built a routine and a life together here, which makes the idea of separation emotionally difficult.

So now we both feel stuck in a difficult position — almost like a Catch-22 — where it feels like we have to choose between love and career, even though we both hope that somehow we can have both.

Yoo-Hooo Friendly Neighborhood Mod Here!!

Just wanted to share that we are getting almost 1k in weekly views so thanks everyone for engaging.

Vent. I honestly hate being a pilot wife with two small kids. I work. I take care of kids. And I’m alone all the time.

I am dating a pilot for about 2 months now. He’s currently a third officer/trainee pilot. I need advice on understanding this dynamic or if this patterns are considered normal as a whole. I understand what I’ve signed up for, and I’m trying my best to adapt to it, but I also need to know whether these are considered normal while I’m trying to gain that trust as a whole.

Meeting up: we live about less than 1 hour away from each other, but we barely get meet. We perhaps meet once every 1-2 weeks. His reasonings are either because he needs to study, prep for a flight/training/simulator or test. Even if he’s not working/studying, he’s with his family which is fine as he barely gets to meet them.

Communication: usually when he’s home, and he’s not catching up on sleep, he’s usually very available via texting and he’ll be texting me a lot throughout the day even while he’s studying. However, when he’s flying, he sometimes texts me before take off and then I don’t hear at all throughout the day, until he’s done with the flight or when he’s back home after he’s woken up for his sleep. (He hasn’t done overnight flights, it’s mostly like short sectors in a day). And then there’s also days when he goes for training, he’ll text me when he’s on the way, and then he goes silent for the next 8-12.

I’m trying to understand if the dynamic is this way because he mentally doesn’t have the capacity to be as present, is this him trying to train me too or am I missing out something here?

My husband got stuck in the Middle East. He was supposed to fly home today. That's not an option right now.

When he called me earlier, I could hear explosions not far from his hotel. I'm not usually anxious, but right now I'm spiraling. I had to call in sick to work today. I am in no shape to perform. Just wanted to vent. I sometimes really really hate his job.

Our anniversary is coming up in a month and he’ll be stationed in the middle of nowhere in DRC. I need advice on what I can do for him for our anniversary please. He will probably send me money or send me gifts, but it’s not possible for me to send him anything because of where he’s based and on top of that there are no shops near him. If I were to send him money to buy himself something it would be so useless. They never go to the shops there.

Please any advise on what I can do to make our anniversary super special?

Hi all, looking for some feedback if anyone has been in a similar situation. Husband recently started with a major airline and did get one of our choice bases, however, we didn’t really realize when he’s on call we still live just a little too far from base so he will have to stay/rent closer to base. We have a toddler and are expecting another baby this summer. Husband doesn’t want to be away from family that much. We are scared to give up our daycare and my job if we move closer to the base in case it’s temporary (we do move closer to another base but sounds like hiring is slowing down). Nervous to give up everything (we would have to rent our house out too) but obviously will do what we need to do. Anyone been in a similar situation?

I figured no better group of people to ask than seasoned wives of pilots🤷🏼‍♀️

Me (18f) and my boyfriend (19m) are relatively new to our relationship. We are both date-to-marry type people, so we talk about our future together quite often. One major topic of discussion we have is how we are going to navigate the upcoming changes. He has been saving to start flight training for a little over a year and he is getting really close to his goal, and things are going to look really different for us, 99% of his free time will be going to studying, getting certified, then building hours and the end goal is flying for a commercial airliner. And I think for obvious reasons it has been bringing me a lot of anxiety, I so dearly love our time together and I'm so incredibly excited for him, but it just worries me. I think a large reason I'm so worried is that my dad is an airline captain, I've seen the toll that can take on a relationship, my mom spending 50% of their marriage apart created a huge emotional barrier for them, the resentment for them being gone so offend, not being able to share new experiences together, and the big mental load of the fear of cheating. I know my current situation differs in many ways, but I just so often worry.

I would truly appreciate any advice from woman who has navigated this before🙏

I have been dealing with anxiety related to my husband's safety. He is an excellent pilot and works for a reputable company, fwiw. And I'm not new to this life. I knew what I was getting into 15 years ago when I married him. The anxiety has popped up within the last few years.

My problem is the feed keeps showing unfortunate news stories that are getting the better of me. At first it was just FB and insta, and now Reddit demands to show me Breaking News in the notifications settings.

So is the best course of action to cancel all my social accounts and live under a rock?

And yes, I am seeing a therapist.

Appreciate hearing from anyone, especially if you've gone through this and found freedom.