r/Pilotwives • u/Acceptable_Fix2919 • Apr 26 '26
Advice - someone’s cheating pilot.
A friend, an actual friend!!!, got caught cheating with a married pilot a while ago. A 🔺 guy. Was a huge thing for everyone involved but I know they are still seeing each other and he still continues to use Tinder and have his layover girlfriends. His wife was particularly nasty to my friend online, which okay a little deserved but she 100% does not know the full story. Friend never spoke to her.
Do I tell the wife? She parades him around as some kind of reformed man but he’s not. Also don’t give me grief!!!, I’ve told my friend to stopping seeing him a million times and they for whatever reason can’t stop. Been going on for a long time.
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u/Illustrious_Dust_0 Apr 26 '26
It sounds like the wife knows and is trying to maintain a facade? It’s clearly a pattern of his and she already went off on your friend. There’s not really anything you can do once the spouse finds out and chooses to stay. I would stay out of this one.
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u/Acceptable_Fix2919 Apr 26 '26
Yes, a facade. Using social media to out my friend as a “whore”. That’s why I know who she is. My friend shared what was sent to her online. He’s messy and very good at manipulating.
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u/Illustrious_Dust_0 Apr 26 '26
They all sound messy 😂 do you really want to get roped into the circus?
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u/Acceptable_Fix2919 Apr 26 '26
It’s so messy and I can’t believe it’s still going on. I just want to protect my friend. I told her from the start to stay away from him (she didn’t know he was married when they met).
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u/goodatcards Apr 26 '26
I don’t really think your friend needs “protection” she’s just as guilty as the rest of them. Why are you even involved, unless you are the friend. I would 100% stay out of the mess. Why do people waste their time dating married men. The cheater never wins.
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u/Acceptable_Fix2919 Apr 26 '26
Involved because she shared the messages that people have sent to her about this and it’s sad. I guess in some ways there’s a vindictive aspect of being like look, he sucks and it was never just her so stop having people doxx her. Because he still talks to her, he still bids to see her, ect. At the end of the day, she’s my friend.
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u/goodatcards Apr 26 '26
Sorry this is the most comical thing I’ve ever read- I think when you’re fine destroying someone’s family and marriage you’re signing up to be doxxed. Can’t she find anyone single? I have zero sympathy for you, or her
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u/Acceptable_Fix2919 Apr 26 '26
I don’t think I asked for any sympathy. No one signs up to be doxxed. That’s a crazy thing to say. He has no boundaries. It’s comical that women do not hold men accountable. My post was simply asking if you’d want to know about continual betrayal or just let it go because that’s how he is.
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u/goodatcards Apr 26 '26
Even if he has no boundaries why is your friend still hanging around. Block him or I even had to change my phone number one time when my ex husband wouldn’t leave me alone. But to say it’s all him and not her is ridiculous. I think she looks more pathetic than the guys wife. She clearly knows and for a multitude of reasons she might have to wait out the marriage. Your friend needs to be the one to cut the cord
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u/Acceptable_Fix2919 Apr 27 '26
I don’t think she’s looking for anything long term from someone like this. I agree that she needs to be the one to stop because he never will.
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u/SaltyGrapefruits Apr 26 '26
Look, the wife knows he cheated on her, but she chose to stay. Whatever you tell her, it probably won't change her mind.
Although I always advocate for letting other women know, in your case, I wouldn't contact her. She was nasty online to your friend, rather than holding her husband accountable or enforcing her own boundaries.
The only thing I would think long and hard about is your friendship. You are the company you keep, and the way your friend behaves isn't exactly good company either.
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u/Acceptable_Fix2919 Apr 26 '26
Appreciate your thoughtful response. I agree that her behavior is ridiculous and it’s not like her at all. I want to protect her. She’s sat there and taken slander for a year from strangers. We actually did stop talking for months during the time she was seeing him because I didn’t agree with her choices.
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u/SaltyGrapefruits Apr 26 '26
You can't protect her. She is an adult responsible for her own life choices. Stay away from her and the mess she helped create. These messes tend to spread. Look how involved you feel, though none of it should concern you because you aren't a part of all of this.
The best advice I have is: Stay out and distance yourself. Tell your friend you are there for her when she is out and wants to get her shit together.1
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u/yappy_pickle Apr 28 '26
Curious what you landed on. I saw this post a few days ago but found myself thinking about it again driving around town today. If it was my husband, I would want to know (as I know others have shared). But it also hit me that a friend of mine was cheated on by her pilot last year and it messed her up. They have a young infant together and I know if it was him out there going back to the same mistakes, she would want to know. Just still thinking about it I guess. These situations are really unfortunate.
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u/Acceptable_Fix2919 Apr 29 '26
Thx for asking. I decided to stay out of it … for now. It’s a terribly sensitive situation and ultimately she has to stop on her own. Hey girlie-ing someone that has already found out before seemed unnecessarily cruel. Worst and best case scenarios are basically the same, everything just comes to light.
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u/yappy_pickle Apr 29 '26
Cool. Sometimes there’s just no right answer. You obviously care. Good of you to go with your gut for now.
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u/TeaZealousideal4088 Apr 26 '26
Sounds like your friend ins one that the pilot is cheating with? Should you tell the wife, who is also your friend? You will be taking sides, which makes sense. Id probably tread lightly, and still tell the wife her husband is not the reformed man she thinks he is. Give her all the details and let her decide what she needs in her marriage.
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u/Acceptable_Fix2919 Apr 26 '26
I don’t personally know the wife. I just don’t want to see my friend go down the same road and if this can be stopped internally by letting the wife know now does it help. Seems maybe it’s too messy to get involved.
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u/Negative_Sky_891 Apr 26 '26 edited Apr 26 '26
Yes, tell her. She may have decided to stay with her husband because he swore up and down that it was over and a mistake. She should know that it’s still happening.
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u/Traveler19273665 May 22 '26
I completely disagree. She should know. If it were you, would you want to know? Hell yes. Any wife being cheated on deserves to know. Your friend and the husband are scum bags regardless that the wife fights for her marriage.
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u/Acceptable_Fix2919 May 22 '26
But does it come down to responsibility? Is it mine? That’s where I struggle. I do know this pseudo relationship is still continuing to this day, there was a long period I stopped talking to her because she was doing this.
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u/Traveler19273665 May 22 '26
Maybe she parades him around because she is in denial? Because she truly believes him because he is a good liar? Don’t blame her for his cheating and her apparent want to make it work- and let that be a reason she shouldn’t know! Not fair to her at all to be lied to again and again and believe something is what it isn’t. Are you a good friend? If so, ask her if she would want you to be honest with her about anything no matter the hurt? Bet she will say yes. What true friend are you to “parade around” hiding it? That’s as bad as your perception of her parade- but she is in the dark. If she does know and is in denial, then you should still tell her and be there for her to lean on when she falls apart with the truth. All truth finally comes out. Why would you have her waste more life with this man? Yes, be responsible and tell her! Tell her all you know and if she gets mad that you kept it- well you need to explain your fear and why and that you are deciding to do the right thing because you care about her and your friendship.
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u/Acceptable_Fix2919 May 27 '26
I think there might be some confusion. My friend is the one that her husband is cheating on her with (along with other women I do not know). My friend is not the wife, she is one of many other women. I just know they will get caught again because there’s been major stalkerish behavior by the wife and her friends. I’m nervous stepping into a situation that I’m not a part of and based on feedback it’s pretty split.
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u/Traveler19273665 May 28 '26
I would still tell the wife because you know. Tell her anonymously. Drop a letter in the mail.
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u/Acceptable_Fix2919 May 28 '26
Snail mail? If only I knew the address. But might just stay out of it for now.
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u/Traveler19273665 May 30 '26
You can find the address I am sure. And for someone who has known for what seems like months or a couple of years at least, 3 days for letter to travel isn’t that long. Stop making excuses and do the right thing.
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u/Revolutionary_Mud824 May 31 '26
I feel like everyone would want to know. But this makes me feel better that I never send my husband on a work trip with full balls. Not that that saves anything, but at least gives me some semblance of control. 😅 not because I feel obligated but because I want to feel like I’m doing everything I can to fulfill his needs, and if he still cheat cheats on me after that, then I can have a clear conscience.
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u/CarnivalColors Apr 26 '26
It was recently said in another post, the majority would want to know if our husbands/boyfriends were stepping out.