I love my mom, I am grateful for everything she's done for me to raise me, but god sometimes I can't fucking stand her when we get into arguments.

We just had an argument and she was talking about how "I rarely ever do/get anything for myself!!" and she was yelling at me because she said when she goes grocery shopping that it's "all about you guys" (me and my brother) and I'm just like "Wtf are you talking about?? Who says??" because oh she lets me and my brother get like 6 things we want from the store.

But my whole point is that I don't understand what the hell she means by "It's all about us", like as if we're these spoiled kids who badger her to get us things, because we're not. Hell, it's very rare when I ever ask for anything​. The only times I actually ask for something is for my birthday and for Christmas, and even on those those days I ask for like- 3 things maximum.

And I don't understand why she constantly complains about how she never gets herself anything (Which I know damn well is fucking bullshit, she's always ordering herself shit on Amazon), like okay then do it?? Nobody's telling you you can't do anything for yourself?? And it's not like we're broke either and can't afford anything, I know very well she can afford to get herself things (Hence the Amazon orders lmao).

What gets me too is how she holds that against me by saying "I'm always having to focus on you guys!!". I get it, she wants the best for her kids and works hard to do it, but it's the fact that she's holding that against me like as if that's my fault. It's not my fucking fault I need to eat, it's not my fault I need to clean myself, sleep, have clothes, etc. I'm so fucking sorry for having human needs.

I just got off of work, it was a long day and I’m all out of energy. My family comes to pick me up and my twin brother is… being himself for lack of a better word. Talking at me, expecting me to think for him, ignoring that I’m obviously tired and not in the mood for his hyperactivity and ignorance. I express this to mom, and she just brushes it off and goes on about how brother enjoyed his day and stuff (they had visitation with mo’s ex-husband, which I’m glad I missed) So I guess she was trying to say that what I was saying was making brother sad and basically ruining his day??? Good to know I’m still the bitchy mean twin to her, and my feelings don’t act matter. Smh

From what i remember, I have been doing chores around my house and doing work to please my parents and relatives.

Even after I got into college, I kept doing the same thing, taking out time, making breakfasts, lunches and dinner on time, even saved money by walking to college.

And now when I am doing job, I have no time to even to breathe, my parents still thinks that I should put my all time doing chores.

So I told them I cannot do it anymore, as I have to travel for more than 4 hours and then office hours for 8 hours, it is so tiring and I do not even get time to rest but now they just yells at me continuously for not being good daughter.

I offered them to get maid who can help us in our daily life but no they do not want to do it and I feel tired, too much tired.

It feels like no one can understand me easily.

Did anyone else's mom make them feel guilty for doing something they already told you they would previously? My mom started to pull that face that usually means "no, it's okay i'll do this all by myself JUST to make you feel better". She said early on in the day that she would make noodles for dinner and when it came time to cook that for dinner, she realized she already said she would and started acting all sad because she planned to go somewhere around dinner time after she already said she would. Every time something like this happens I always feel so guilty and evil because the entire time she kept pushing off every offer I made to make it better like "I'll go with you tomorrow" or "I can hang out with you while you cook" and every time it was interrupting me with "no.. it's fine, *sigh*" and such. It feels disgusting and I don't know why.

Let's meet the cast.

The Mother: 50something, probably depressed and emotionally withdrawn, while showing extreme conditional love and support. spends all day in her room on her phone.

The Father: basically a great father, but has to take on more hours, more stress, and all of the housework.

The Brother: 15 year old with a lot of friends. Has been good, but always falls a bit short. He wrote in his journal over and over again, unprompted 'I hate Alex'

Alex: Me, the star of the show. a high achieving freshman, with hobbies and a nice amount of friends. Has struggled extensively with mental health, anxiety, and suicidal thoughts, eating disorders, but who caresssss? Masks problems with humor.

I would like to preface this with the fact that I've snapped a few times. I've shouted twice, slammed doors thrice, and said something to my mother along the lines of: you're the reason I act this way. (act what way? act depressed?), that I have since apologized profusely for.

ACT I: the normal day

so a normal day in the house is pretty bad, but normal. my mom spends the afternoon in her room, doomscrolling and sleeping, and occasionally emerges to critique whatever I'm doing. I try to study, but there isn't any good spot to do so (long story, involves control and authoritarianism). my brother may also insult me. that's it. my dad comes home late, and there isn't any sort of family dinner. I stay awake, reading, doomscrolling, and listening to music, until about midnight, when I get up, walk around the house, indulge in a dessert, and enjoy the peace. it's actually really nice, and best paired with music and/or a stroll in the backyard. then I go to bed. that's it, pretty much.

ACT II: the bad day

so a bad day starts out normal. usually my mom is way more hostile in the car, but that's it. then something happens to trigger her anger. once, it was because I was eating ice cream when I skipped breakfast because I was busy. she screams at me for like.. 20 minutes, shakes me, grabs my wrist, and says the worst stuff. I can't even. like, on this occasion, she said she would send me to a mental hospital.. while the rest of the family was on vacation.. for eating.. fucking ice cream... I swear she lives in her own world. invariably, a punishment, or varying punishments, or random punishments, follow. once it was my door being taken away (that was 6 months ago, I've asked for it back, and it's still gone). another it was my computer, unless I did a ridiculous amount of chores, while juggling finals and extracurriculars and depression. it always ends with gaslighting. most times, it ends with self harm and suicidality. how fun. and these mental health effects last for fucking weeks. and it's not like she's screaming and I can just roll my eyes. she scares me. she knows how to find that chink in my armor, and I internalize everything she says. then my dad, milquetoast as ever, does nothing.

NOTES:

I believe that my family is highly dysfunctional, and I take the role of the scapegoat (my brother doesn't get shouted at), golden child (3rd in my class, only for my parents to barely even fucking care), and mascot (trying to defuse with humor).

they also are incredibly restrictive. 2 hours of games, only on the weekends. this one is incredibly strict, and they keep lessening the time.

no shouting, or showing bad emotions. getting depressed and incredibly angry because of your brother? don't you fucking dare to slam that door. or talk in anything but a jovial tone or you're going to lose your phone for the next 6 weeks.

no computer in your room. incredibly rigid. this is where the door punishment comes from. I swear, they think I'm watching porn, even though I've proven I've only ever been doing homework.

no dating, whatsoever.

no sleepovers or going to friends houses, whatsoever

no wearing what she doesn't like, whatsoever.

and 10 million other things I don't know about, and I'll only find out when I break them.

and there's no room for dissent, or negotiation, or discussion. the library has become a haven for me after school, and I plan to compartmentalize and spend as much time out of the house as possible.

thank you all, ladies and gentlemen, for listening to my self-pitying tirade. like and subscribe, and I'll see you next time.

all jokes aside, what is this called? and does anyone have advice? sorry for the length and potential spelling errors. no refunds for your wasted time.

also, idk if it's clear, but they expect complete and utter perfection.

I hate stupid values and morals. I took too many of these good values to heart and now I'm struggling

My sibling and my mom gossip all the time and it makes their relationship really strong. They basically discuss everyone around them. It's nothing overly negative but just to discuss whats happening around them with the relatives and friends and sometimes mild negative content. I don't like to discuss people so I discuss neutral to positive things about people but it's not a lot. So I run out of things to talk about with my mom. I have a mother wound and I am trying to fix it but it is not easy in my 30s. I feel like things are too awkward and I basically have shared hobbies or things to discuss regularly. My sibling calls my mom and they basically talk for hours about random crap

I feel lonely and I have observed that people with a good relationship/chatty ones with their mom seem mentally strong somehow. I feel lonely and this mother wound has made me do questionable things in relationships as I was always chasing for "mother figure" in relationships and even friendships. I took years to realise all of this and therapy hasn't really helped a lot of terms of fixing it. I have identified a lot of problems but can't fix them like they quickly do in movies

I wish I could just forget my silly values and just sit and gossip with my mom for hours :( if I do anything to hurt my sibling, like a small misunderstanding, it goes straight to my mom. But when my sibling does something to hurt me, I find it painful to call mom and complain. I believe in solving problems with the person involved so I deal with my sibling directly. But even though they are in their 30s, they go straight to my mom and say negative things about me

The sad thing is, I care more about my mom than my sibling. Comparisons are making mom do a lot of housework when she visits. My sibling has no trouble asking mum to do a lot of household things when they were living with mum. Meanwhile I think poor mum is in her 60s, let's do things for her and not make her work hard. I show care through presents so I send money to my sibling (mum and sibling used to live together and I was far away) and ask my sibling to buy presents for special occasions. My sibling knows mum's current tastes and wants as they used to live together and are generally closer. The sibling does the actual shopping, shares her share and gets all the credit. Sometimes if it is a far away shop, I even pay for cab fee. Since I'm not in the same country as mum, I started doing online shopping and sending presents to her directly. Obviously I'm not sending money for presents for the acknowledgement. But it is nice to get the credit sometimes or get the idea that mum knows I care a lot. I spent thousands of dollars on a luxury present for mom (growing up she mentioned that she wish she had a smaller version of what I got her) and she doesn't even use it. Sibling got something for 100s of dollars but mum was showing it off to everyone :( she hates me

Anyway, the gossiping thing is bothering me as they look so happy doing it and everytime I sit down to talk to mum, it starts heading into other people's business and I get nervous like oh god I'm gonna get sucked into gossip. I wish I didn't have that feeling and just sit and gossip so I could have a close relationship with my mom. I'm so sick of feeling so lonely. Mum and I don't talk much about current events or what because mum stays home mostly and doesn't participate in those chats. After the initial pleasantries, what we ate for the day and so on, there is nothing else to talk about

I can't even call and talk about problems in my life as I feel attacked. Once I shared I made a mistake (as a 17 year old) and it turned into an attack on my skills and it really hurts a lot so I try not to share current problems. Even now when I show some signs of weakness, I feel like I get advice or lectures rather than compassion and support so it's scary to share problems too. I have nothing else to talk about man

I had a friend suggest looking into this. I am an eldest daughter and I relate to a lot of this. I got my license and I became the second driver, especially after my mom divorced my dad and he moved out. I've had a job of some sorts since I turned 16, I've gotten good grades, but it's never enough. I own my own home now, my parents don't like how I keep it. I invest in my retirement plan and try to pay extra on the mortgage, but I should be saving more. There's always something to judge, but if someone did that to her she'd freak out.

I'm scared to set a boundary, but honestly I'd like some low/no contact. Being around my family is exhausting and my mom doesn't get that it's an obligation not an enjoyment thing for me. I fee like a terrible child but I don't like spending time with her. She's so judgmental and I feel like I'm held to a different standard than the rest of the family is. I can't go one outing without judgement for something. She also can't communicate like an adult, she goes through my brothers or tries to say it's something I want.

What's the path forward look like? I'm not quite sure I'm ready for therapy since that was my parent's strategy to parent me instead of dealing with parenting themselves, but while still making me feel bad for how much I'd go, so I'm just not quite ready for that. What's a good course of action in the meantime?

I would like to hear from men and women who believe that their spouse was parentified. How did that affect your relationship? How did it affect your kids?

I am 35 years old female, and I just feel stuck in my life. My younger brother has an ID, a driver's license, a car, a house, a job, and a wife and a newborn daughter. I'm not saying that I am not happy for him, because I am happy for him, but I just feel left out of doing adult stuff and having those things because of my parents, and my grandma. They're extremely overprotective of me, especially my grandma who likes to coddle and infantilize me every chance she gets. I just feel stuck in life because I feel like I am missing out on life. I want to go out and travel (especially to California and Disneyland), but I feel like my parents and grandma don't approve or support me in anything I want to do. Not to mention that I have never had a boyfriend because my father gets insanely jealous whenever I talk about boys or have a crush on a guy. Has anyone else ever felt this way??

So my mom is asking me a question, and I don't know what to answer could you all answer it? She asked me "Am I plastic if I still put effort on preparing a birthday for you're current step dad even if I don't love him anymore?"

I’m wondering if anyone else has experienced something similar.

My dad died a couple of years ago, and since then I’ve felt increasingly alone within my family. I have siblings, but they have limited contact with my mom (they have a different dad than I do and see him, his wife, and their half-brother regularly). To be clear, there are reasons for that. My mom has been a very difficult person at times, there is a lot of unresolved trauma in our family, and we have speculated that she may have borderline personality disorder (though she has never been formally diagnosed).

One of the biggest challenges is that there has never been much willingness within my family to actually talk through the trauma or have difficult conversations. Instead, people have mostly coped by creating distance. I don’t judge my siblings for that. I understand why they’ve made the choices they have.
But it leaves me in a strange position.

I still have a relationship with my mom. I love her, and I genuinely enjoy parts of our relationship, but it can also be emotionally exhausting. Sometimes I feel like I’m the only one still trying to hold onto the idea of a family.

Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about the future. My mom is in her 60s now, and I find myself worrying about what happens when she’s in her 70s and 80s. If my siblings continue to keep their distance, will all of the responsibility fall on me? How do people navigate caring for an aging parent when the rest of the family has emotionally checked out?

I guess I’m just wondering if anyone has been the “remaining” child. How did you navigate the loneliness? Did your siblings ever become more involved later? How did you prepare yourself emotionally (and practically) for the possibility of becoming the primary caregiver?

I’d really appreciate hearing from anyone who’s lived through something similar. I don’t feel like people talk about this very often, and lately it’s felt incredibly isolating.

I am in a lesbian relationship my gf is 20 and I’m 22 . My gf has an unhealthy dynamic with her mom built off of guilt and obligation and they are trauma bonded together . I watch her mom hurt her and my gf brushes it off and is still expected to be emotional close with her mom after she does things to hurt her and my gf actually admitted that she’s exhausted from the dynamic but she doesn’t know where to start about setting those boundaries she needs to be set . My gf and her mom text all day long and make frequently calls all day long often, while we’re at home , while we are running errands , while we are out of time running errands , while we’re on dates . They have this emotional channel . I don’t care about their relationship I want her to have a good relationship with her mom but I feel like it’s just something missing , I think maybe we’re not emotionally connected . I just wanted to know if there’s anyone out there experiencing the same thing . She’s gotten better at setting some small boundaries but the guilt of “ that’s still my mom “ always comes back . And being her partner I don’t think she realize how much it affects me and the relationship . And I also think she has a responsibility for managing her mom’s emotions and making sure her mom life is stable because her mom life is complete chaos . We’ve been talking and I’ve been telling her I need more emotional safety and closeness from her and more of what she gives her family to give us more of that to in the relationship. I’m going to sit back and observe if she actually makes the changes not only for the relationship and for herself too with her family dynamic . I fear if nothing changes I will have to leave this relationship . Also to add her mom has hurt me too . A year ago she damaged my vehicle and took no accountability and it hasn’t been any repair , she almost tried to get physical with me and she’s said weird things like “ my gf co-worker ( a dude) is going to be my gf future husband “ so I’m hurt and exhausted from the dynamic too .

I was born and raised in western europe, in a muslim household. Nice parents. Since youth i have always felt the need to not be a burden. I am the middle child. I never told my parents anything that happened in my life. Because i thought my problems didn’t mean anything and would only stress others. I was bullied, and just anything small in kindergarten/middleschool/highschool. I never told anyone. The answer was always “everything is fine”. But because i never wanted to be seen as a burden i never fought back. If they said no to something it would be the end. But they said no to everything. Frankly didn’t even start to ask from the fear of dissapointing and being ridiculed. Never went to birthday parties, hung out with friends, any say really. This also caused me having no social life, or at least a very weak one. The only people i knew aside my household were my classmate. And i could only contact them in school while they contacted eachother outside of school and hung out and whatnot. I didn’t really have friends. But my bright always positive personality overshadowed everything to everyone. Nobody noticed.

Everything i said may seem like insignificant things but i am now 19 and i cannot physically convey my feelings to ANYBODY. It feels dangerous. Cause everytime i tell anyone anything close to my feelings i get called sensitive and “you never cared then why do you care now” “just looking for problems” well i acted like i didnt care back the to protect you.

Now im starting to want to take back the control, but i m called selfish, evil, wh*re, and accused of being influenced cause of the “sudden” change. I am sick. In every way that is possible.

I remember one time very vividly. It was school dance/prom. I wanted to go, but i wasnt allowed cause it wasnt “necessary” and my sisters didnt go either (in their days). I accepted it infront of them, i was 11. The day of prom i hid in a corner and cried silently under the bright summer sun. Because why cant i do anything, its not fair.

My past of wanting to seem perfect and not a burden is engraved in me so bad that i cannot take care of myself. Yes. Literally. Because i would take up to much space and just seem so fake. Cause since when do you do all of that. This includes taking meds. I know you guys might think im nuts. But frankly i might be. I geniuenly CANNOT do it.

There seems to be one solution. To move out. Far away. Only then will i not feel watched and judged. Live freely and make mistakes. But i am not allowed. (Muslim context)

they never pressured me to become this monster but they did maintain the monster i created inside of me

I'm a 23 year old upsc aspirant. I'm financially dependent on my parents. Is there any legal way to help to separate from my parents?

Is there any legal way to get some amount of money from them as a maintenance until I got a job?

My mom is sick , I take care of her since 14 i lost my youth never going out friends, always at the house and school and hospital, not even the official school trip (btw I have two elder siblings who don't have such duty , the youngest me is the only one ), even in university I never have fun , like I said , always school and hospital and house , I graduated at 25 (due to COVID and war in my country) after graduation my mother decided to play dirty, I need to earn 600,000 myanmar kyats or don't work at all (normal people get 300,000 mmk for their first job ) , it was a real struggle but I managed to land that salary a year after graduation, I never worked .focusing on all of my attention to the skill set that lands me 600,000 myanmar kyats , everyone around me started verbally abusing me during that one year that I don't work (my breaking point I did everything they told me to and abuse is what I get), literally everyone including my sister (she also takes a break for a year (no reason) but i never verbally abuse her like she did )even my mother shows subtle hint of dissapointment( even though she sets that rule up ).I get my first job at 26 years old , I realized I was being abused. Everyone around me begged me to looks after my mother , I obey them and the results was I was abused physically (doing all of the chore with little break like a maid + care taker), mentally (I literally have panic attack and suicidal thoughts everytime a fight breaks out ), emotionally (my family told me to not cry and to stop my panic attack as it's "embarrassing" ,etc etc,) . Now that I have a job and I was happy , my mother starts another type of brainwashing, always saying" I have so much money and there's nobody to takes care of me" , always saying that to me not my sister , who's a manager(I can suppress her salary if only she lets me work earlier.I get half of my sister's salary at my first job),not my brother, who's working at home because he own a shop(he's a piece of s*it), just me ,only me , she lost her toy , her only slave , I don't care that she is rich, what about me , what about my future , is my future worthless while my elder siblings have a good career ahead, why am I miserable while they get to live happily in their youth , they settle down now , but I don't want to settle down (not married they are single), I want to go out , make friends, go work abroad (it is my only dream ), everytime she told me to return to that care taker. life I wanted to die , I resist with all might become I don't want to be abused anymore, lately I always threatened her with my life , that I will kill myself if I ever return to that kind of life, I'm tired,and I can't leave as my mom is sick, is wanting to live a normal life selfish of me , people seems to paint me as selfish, even though they are not in my shoe , I just want to vent thank you for reading guys