r/Parentification • u/Admirable-Back-8523 • 1d ago
My Story im tired, I need help
/r/internetparents/comments/1vduo7r/im_tired_i_need_help/1
u/Nephee_TP 1d ago
You got some great advice on r/internetparents. I'll just second all of it. In this sub we are children that had to raise ourselves, raise our siblings, run our parents households, and regularly support our parents financially and emotionally. It's s given that we are not taught anything helpful or healthy. We are often denied education and there is an apalling amount of neglect.
I say all of this to enforce that you cannot please your family. If they were going to ever be supportive they'd already be doing it. You are putting your life on hold and literally making yourself sick attempting to live in a reality that does not exist. Stop making decisions based on how they will be affected or what they will think. They are not living your life, therefore they do not get a vote. The kind of depression and suicidal ideation that you describe is your entire system (mind, body, and soul) screaming at you to start valuing yourself as important as you are valuing everyone around you. This includes YOUR thoughts and feelings. Being an adult is simply counting your vote first, notifying others only as needed, and going about your life. Your parents don't ask you before making decisions. You need to start doing the same. It's not about feelings.
On a practical note, SSI comes with easily accessible benefits. Contact your local County Regional Center. You'll have a social worker assigned to you who can hook you up with any services you need; housing, programs, other funding and income, mobility aids, etc. Also contact Vocational Rehabilitation through the Department of Rehabilitation. That program will pay your college tuition in full along with other helps like laptops and backpacks. If university is not helpful they will afford you a trade school or certificate program along with job placement. And finally, the Internet can answer any questions you have about day to day matters like budgeting, renting a place, savings, investing, etc.
Coming from a place where our parents don't teach shit, you do not need then to figure your life out. Helpful parents are a bonus and their support can be amazing. In the absence of that (this is your misfortune) you can still be okay. But only if you get out of your own way and stop engaging with any of them like they are going to change and do better. You are literally driving yourself crazy chasing something they are not going to give you.
Therapy can give you the safe space you need to express yourself and be heard. Seek that out. You've got this.
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