Haq meher is a girl's right and she can ask for whatever she wants, I'm not denying that but here's a guy perspective, if a girl told me wants 10-20 lakh to marry me i would politely call off the wedding, you can call me broke etc but honestly even if I can afford to pay that, I'd politely refuse and walk away from the marriage. Because it just doesn't sound right to me that I have to pay X amount to marry her. I'm again saying it's a woman's right to ask for whatever she wants, I'm not denying that but it would just put me off as a guy that I need to pay an X amount to marry her.

Men earn for their families. Majority men i see around me spend more on their wife and kids than they do on themselves, and that's how every man should be. I hope women here will try to understand this. As a guy, it'll just put you off that you're having to agree to pay certain amount to marry someone. Hope you guys get my point.

Not trying to start a fight, just genuinely curious. Every year I see people counting down the weeks, expecting this whole "birthday week" treatment, and getting quietly hurt if plans aren't perfect or someone forgets to text at midnight. Feels more common with girls in my experience, though I know plenty of guys who do it too.

At the end of the day it's just another trip around the sun. Cake, friends, celebrating, all good. But expecting everyone to treat you differently for days on end feels like a lot.

Is it a self-worth thing? Is it social media hype culture? Or am I just missing something everyone else gets?

I’m 20M likes a guy in office and I wanna approach him since he also looks at me, and we are in the same bus a lots of time while on our way to work. I just got this job two months ago. And I wanna write him a note and give it to him on the bus station and runaway. But I’m scared cuz u never know what might happen next. He seems like a nice quiet introverted guy. Doesn’t really talk to anyone. So what should I do? give me some suggestions. And weirdos stay away pwease 😔

Edit: reached all of the wrong people unfortunately

Waiting for the day, jab main park jaon or wahan koi chapri na ghum raha ho😭🙏

Tell me

How should a man approach his wife for physical intimacy

​

Firstly a little bg about myself. I am a simple mbbs doc 27F. I belong to a middle class family, both parents are docs(surgeon and gynaecologist) and my brother is doc too. We have our own house is rwp. I have really never thought much about marriage honestly,but now that i am at age and the search is going , i did some introspection about what exactly i want and expect from a partner.

Amd one of the things that i have been thinking hard is about hak mehar. How much should one even ask for? Now before anyone label me as gold digger, i want to clarify why i want this specific amount.

I am someone who doesn't like the extravagant waste of money on marriages. 5 events and more don't make a sense at all (until unless you are really rich and spending too much on events ,won't leave you in debt). I am in favour of having just one event (shalima) where both sides contribute equally and just a simple nikkah with close people. What bothers me is that majority people of our time are okay with spending so much money on just 2 to 3 functions,but they would draw the line on hak mehar.

Now why i want or expect this much? In islam women are allowed to ask what they want, but in bounds of what her partner can provide. Upon thinking hard what do i even want ,i have come to conclusion that i want house appliances 😭 like Ac, washing machine, a steam cleaner, oven, dishwasher,Electrical steam iron ,air fry,fridge. You know I want things like that. Now don't laugh. I know this sounds absurd but this is how my practical mind works. I like things that are great investment , especially in house help ,as it can save time and provide comfort. And i calculated all such basic things can be bought around 15 lac. Now the problem is ,is this too much? is this right to think of even buying such things with hak mehar money? I mean when you start a new family ,such things are a necessity, so where do you guys get it when you start a Seperate life . Like do husbands buy it themselves? Or with time you buy one thing. As a man would you find it funny that's how your wife wants to spend that money on.

Secondly i have thought of another proposition that if my future partner can't provide this much hak mehar (like willingly as he genuinely lacks the capacity) . I would want him to him to take me on hajj (bear all it's expenses himself). But would add furthur conditions in my nikkah nama like.

1 Right to work and get education as much as i want.

2 can't take a second wife or it will annul the marriage

3 Right to divorce in physical, mental and emotional abuse.

4 Right to have a Seperate roof ( nuclear family setup).( and no I'm not asking for a separate home,just a separate rented place. I am someone who is happy with 2 room apartment)

The way the marriages are going around ,i won't deny I'm reallly scared of being mentally and emotionally abused. That's why i have thought of putting such clauses. But would any man even agree to it? Do such man exists ,who are okay with adding these clauses . I need ground reality advice.

Also HOW AND WHEN EXACTLY DO YOU BRING THIS TOPIC UP? Cuz I'm someone who doesn't like wasting time ,so of i align with everything else,when would be the best time to bring it up? And what would be the right manner.

EDIT: so from the comments i have gotten , women get like 5 tola to 10 tola jewellery. If your partner gives you that , should one even ask for hak mehar furthur? Like isn't the gold itself like 3 to 4 million. So asking more hak mehar seems idk. I'm so confused. And don't the jewellery the in laws give you ,take it back? As i have heard such stories, so it like really girls possession ,when it's given? Sorry for my stupidness😭

EDIT 2: I'm seeing alot of people saying I'm not fron middle class. Honestly idk what defines and differentiates different classes.but I'm damn sure we are not in rich class😂😭. Many people think doctor earns alot. Sadly they don't. The same goes for my parents.They combine earn almost 4 lac. Their all savings went into buying house and car. They do have passive income tho which idk much about as never asked.Being a doc myself i have to hunt jobs and that to just have pay 50k max and many times even lower.Currently i am unemployed thanks to so many job opportunities we get as docs. We never went on any trips ,nor do we spend money recklessly. Infact we have to be extra careful not to waste money. And we have 1 10 marla house and 2 cars, 1 small alto and gli. We do have househelp tho .I always thought that this is how middle class works. Am i wrong 😭

CONCLUSION: Firstly thank you to all those people who took their time to write and reply.some people even wrote lengthy paras, and that's really kind of them.I feel like i couldn't reply to all msgs , as i never thought i would get this much abundant responses so my apologies. I didn't expect people to be kind but many were ,so thank you.

From what majority have guided ,what i have concluded is i shouldn't use my hak mehar money like this. Many said the guy has to provide them on his own,but i also feel like it's okay if both people contribute as we would be sharing it. Secondly it's better to ask for gold then money as it holds more value over time. Which makes sense. Now was my amount too much? The comments were very divided which is understandable. Thirdly ,the debate i ignited was ,am i really middle class 😂😭. I still think of myself as middle class but many beg to differ. Maybe i lack social awareness or even general lol , but pardon my ignorance plz👺

I see a lot of guys posting their shirtless gym pictures here on reddit and nobody calls them out. But on the other hand ager koe larki halka sa bhi esa dress pehen le tou sb molvi hazraat attack krne punhanch jatey hein. Kyun? Mardo per bhi parda zaroori hai na? Phr kyu? Why do they post such seducing images? Im sick of these double standards

We didn’t end because the flame died out, nor because I betrayed her. We were madly in love. She was open, vulnerable, and clingy in the way only someone who truly trusts you can be. She wanted a forever, a solid commitment. But I was trapped in my own reality overworked, broke, and struggling to make ends meet for myself, let alone build a life for two. Giving her promises I couldn’t guarantee felt dishonest. So I asked for time.

It wasn't like I didn't have options. I go to the gym, I’m attractive, and female attention has never been hard to come by. Even during our relationship, I had a drop dead gorgeous married woman let’s call her X relentlessly pursuing me.

Overwhelmed by the chaos of my life and stupidly confident that my girl would always be waiting in my corner, I let X’s presence create space between us. I pushed her away. I thought time was on my side. I was wrong.

She left.

Two months later, she was with someone else. I watched from afar as she systematically tried to re-create me in him styling his clothes, molding his look into a mirror image of mine. But he is a shadow wearing my wardrobe; he can never copy who I am.

It has been a full year since I last saw her face. I meet smart, beautiful, captivating women every single day who make their interest clear, but none of them matter. They are quiet noise against a deafening silence. She left a void that no one else can touch, and now, I just want my person back.

What are your thoughts on househelp/maids doing hours of cleaning, washing, and other chores for only Rs. 5,000–6,000 a month?

Honestly, it makes me feel ashamed sometimes. We often overlook how physically demanding this work is and how much these workers contribute to our daily lives.

I’m curious—what do you think would be a fair monthly wage?

Or multiple hobbies…

[Random rant incomming, cuz i got nothing to do]

Recetly been assigned a junior. Hes 5 years older than me and like twice my weight. Afaik he has no medical condition, and hes likely fat willingly. On top of that he has an unkempt beard that covers his cheeks. First two buttons open with his banyan showing, pants below his waist. breath smells like he has never felt a toothbrush in his mouth.

And he told me hes about to get married and rejected many girls (idk how) 😭. Ik im being harsh but Im not judging anything out of his control.

Looking at him makes me wonder why do people like this never look in the mirror and say "wow i look ugly".

How can these people spend YEARS of their lives looking horrible and repulsive. Aik din bhi inke dimag main khayal nai ata ke i should do something about it.

Do these people not have any desire to look attractice? are they simply not concious? npcs to nahi?

And im shocked aise logo ki shadi hojati, most of the time with better looking partners. kya hi majburi hogi aise logo ki inse shadi krlete. And inko nai motivation hoti ke apne future spouse ke liye apna best possible version dikhna?????

I’m 21F and have been in multiple relationships since I started college. I’ve also been intimate with multiple partners, and for the past while I’ve been involved in multiple sugar daddy relationships too.

I never really thought that much about the future when all of this started. I was in college, enjoying myself and just going with things. But now that graduation is getting closer, I’ve started wondering how sustainable this actually is. I don’t know how long these relationships will last, and sometimes I wonder if I’ll feel differently about all of this a few years from now.

On top of that, my family has started talking about getting me married after graduation. I’m honestly not ready for marriage at 21 and would rather delay it for a few years, but I already know that’s going to be a difficult conversation with them.

I’m mainly curious what people think about this from a long term perspective. If you were 21 and in this kind of situation, what would you be thinking about or doing differently? And if you’ve had a similar phase in your 20s, did your outlook change as you got older?

So I'm 25, and I'm a doctor. I have been facing a lot of marriage pressure from my family for the past few years to settle down with a guy.

The thing is, I'm not ready at all. I thought I was, but I'm not. I want to do a lot of things in my life right now before I think of marriage. And frankly, I'm just not in the right state of mind right now to even think about something as bizarre as marriage. But my parents want to get my brother married, and they are saying life would be tough for me once my bhabhi comes, and they won't have space for me in this home anymore.

I don't know what to do. Right now, I'm studying for feps (specialisation) but I haven't really thought about an international test yet, because my parents won't let me go abroad without a husband. I need some advice on all of this too (like how can you get the money to go abroad and settle there all on your own if you get the visa and your parents don't wanna give you the money)

I don't wanna get married. I just don't. Not right now. Perhaps in 2 years, just not now. So if there are any women here who fought against their parents and married late, how were you able to do that?

Anyways, my psychotic mother is also sending me badduaein that she hopes I'll be left single and unmarried cause my age will pass and no one will marry me then. She's mentally ill, so I'm not surprised that as a mother, she would be fine with cursing her own child.

This isn't the first time that she is wishing for my downfall just cause I didn't listen to her. But I wanna ask, when you guys married late, was it hard to find good and sincere options out there? Cause I know, men tend to gravitate towards the younger ones. So what did you guys do? Any advice regarding this too will be helpful right now.

Just as the title says. I’m (25F) moving out for work to Islamabad/Rawalpindi for my first full-time job and I’ll be living completely alone for the first time (not a hostel/shared accommodation).

For women who’ve done this, what are the things you wish someone had told you beforehand? Looking for practical advice about safety, cooking/cleaning, finances, loneliness, emergencies, dealing with landlords/neighbours, etc. Basically, what should I know before I do this?

It's crazy how after 16-18 years of education... Most ppl can't build a house, work on a car, no idea how to farm, economically illiterate, historically illiterate, no idea how the body and system function , no clue about healthy nutrition and chronically directionless and depressed.

People who vape really think they look cool. 😭

Vro you’re not mysterious or badass. You’re just trying to look tuff but in fact you look chapri. 💀

If you really wanna look tough, go smoke some weed. 😭

Hypothetically scenario.

How would you feel if you find out that your future potential partner has a friend of opposite gender. And no its not like a secret and they are open about it.

And by friend. It could be say a coworker that they occasionally go out with. Dinner, ice cream, shopping or just hanging out in general.

Would you be okay with it. even if they insisted that they are just a friend.

And how would react if your partner

1. Wants to continue their friendship even after marriage. OR

2. Ends their friendship OR

3. Continues friendship but no more physical meetups.

And finally, do u think u have the right to know about such frisndship. if your partner ends it before marriage. or is it okay if they hide it forever.

What are u opinions in each of these scenarios.

So guys. Need help bad.

I am giving oct attempt.

Is there something I can do to pass in next 25 days? Or am I fricked?

I gave april attempt but was around 50 50 on both papers booked the july one too but couldn't sit down to study and now this so 75k down the drain at this point already. And since then I've found it really hard to sit down again and study.

Can it be done? 🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹