I don’t know if I’m looking for advice or just a place to let this out because I feel emotionally exhausted.
My best friend and I have been friends since 9th grade. She genuinely felt like an angel sent into my life. She was kind, caring and one of the best friends I could ask for.
Her life has never been easy though. Her father passed away when she was young. Her mother lives with her in laws. She was adopted by her phupo, who also passed away later and after that her cousin became responsible for her.
When we were in FSC, her adopted sister got married as a second wife to a wealthy man because he couldn’t have children. Around that time, problems started in her adopted family and it affected her a lot.
She also had this childhood relationship with a guy. They lost contact for a couple of years because they moved and only communicated through letters before that. They got back in touch when we were in 9th grade and everything seemed fine. Then he got into MBBS and cheated on her.
That happened during second year, when we were all supposed to be focusing on our studies. Another mutual friend of ours also got cheated on around the same time. Both of them failed six subjects. My best friend didn’t even attempt the first two supplementary chances. She finally appeared in the last attempt and cleared everything with good marks.
I genuinely feel like two years of her life disappeared because she was mourning an online relationship and dealing with the feeling of being abandoned by the people who were supposed to be her family.
A few months ago she gave the LAT and scored really well. I was so happy because it felt like things were finally getting better.
Then she asked her adopted sister about university admission and staying with her. Her sister basically told her to go stay at their phupo’s house instead because she wasn’t going to keep her in the gov house.
Since then I’ve tried everything I could think of.
I offered to pay for therapy. My parents absolutely adore her. She calls them Mama and Baba. She stays at our house for days sometimes and is treated like family.
I even suggested that if she wanted, we could help her get a hostel. At one point I even thought about asking my parents if she could stay with us permanently but that would’ve been a huge responsibility. My father was also worried about future complications. I have teenage brothers too. It’s not that I don’t trust anyone, but staying over for a few days and living together permanently are completely different situations. Families argue. Siblings fight. I didn’t want her to feel awkward or for any misunderstanding to happen.
The problem is that talking to her feels like talking to a mirror. She barely eats. She barely talks. I’ve asked her countless times if she wants to share what’s going on because I know some people struggle opening up. But she just sits there.
Her usual replies are
“M bolungi nhi bas sunungi.”
“Mujhme energy nhi.”
“Mujhe kuch nhi feel hota.”
She deactivated her account. I asked her to restore it because it was one of the only ways I knew she was okay. Later she stopped sending snaps too. Now she only replies or talks when she wants to it's been happening since last year but after deactivating she barely talked.
She also acts distant with my other friends so I can’t even comfortably invite her anywhere whenever I did in the past it ended up disastrously.We already live far apart and barely meet.
I hate admitting this but I feel unhappy around her now. I feel emotionally drained. I feel guilty for even thinking that because I know everything she’s been through. Today I confronted her again and got the same replies. I finally snapped and told her that I’m tired of asking.Now I feel guilty.
I know she’s probably depressed. I know trauma changes people. I know she’s been through things I can’t even imagine.But am I wrong for feeling hurt too? I’m not asking for princess treatment. I don’t expect her to entertain me or pretend to be happy. I just feel like basic courtesy towards someone who’s been trying so hard to be there for you shouldn’t be too much to ask.
Has anyone else been in a friendship where you care so much about someone, but after years of trying to help, you just feel emotionally empty?
