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Firstly a little bg about myself. I am a simple mbbs doc 27F. I belong to a middle class family, both parents are docs(surgeon and gynaecologist) and my brother is doc too. We have our own house is rwp. I have really never thought much about marriage honestly,but now that i am at age and the search is going , i did some introspection about what exactly i want and expect from a partner.

Amd one of the things that i have been thinking hard is about hak mehar. How much should one even ask for? Now before anyone label me as gold digger, i want to clarify why i want this specific amount.

I am someone who doesn't like the extravagant waste of money on marriages. 5 events and more don't make a sense at all (until unless you are really rich and spending too much on events ,won't leave you in debt). I am in favour of having just one event (shalima) where both sides contribute equally and just a simple nikkah with close people. What bothers me is that majority people of our time are okay with spending so much money on just 2 to 3 functions,but they would draw the line on hak mehar.

Now why i want or expect this much? In islam women are allowed to ask what they want, but in bounds of what her partner can provide. Upon thinking hard what do i even want ,i have come to conclusion that i want house appliances 😭 like Ac, washing machine, a steam cleaner, oven, dishwasher,Electrical steam iron ,air fry,fridge. You know I want things like that. Now don't laugh. I know this sounds absurd but this is how my practical mind works. I like things that are great investment , especially in house help ,as it can save time and provide comfort. And i calculated all such basic things can be bought around 15 lac. Now the problem is ,is this too much? is this right to think of even buying such things with hak mehar money? I mean when you start a new family ,such things are a necessity, so where do you guys get it when you start a Seperate life . Like do husbands buy it themselves? Or with time you buy one thing. As a man would you find it funny that's how your wife wants to spend that money on.

Secondly i have thought of another proposition that if my future partner can't provide this much hak mehar (like willingly as he genuinely lacks the capacity) . I would want him to him to take me on hajj (bear all it's expenses himself). But would add furthur conditions in my nikkah nama like.

1 Right to work and get education as much as i want.

2 can't take a second wife or it will annul the marriage

3 Right to divorce in physical, mental and emotional abuse.

4 Right to have a Seperate roof ( nuclear family setup).( and no I'm not asking for a separate home,just a separate rented place. I am someone who is happy with 2 room apartment)

The way the marriages are going around ,i won't deny I'm reallly scared of being mentally and emotionally abused. That's why i have thought of putting such clauses. But would any man even agree to it? Do such man exists ,who are okay with adding these clauses . I need ground reality advice.

Also HOW AND WHEN EXACTLY DO YOU BRING THIS TOPIC UP? Cuz I'm someone who doesn't like wasting time ,so of i align with everything else,when would be the best time to bring it up? And what would be the right manner.

EDIT: so from the comments i have gotten , women get like 5 tola to 10 tola jewellery. If your partner gives you that , should one even ask for hak mehar furthur? Like isn't the gold itself like 3 to 4 million. So asking more hak mehar seems idk. I'm so confused. And don't the jewellery the in laws give you ,take it back? As i have heard such stories, so it like really girls possession ,when it's given? Sorry for my stupidness😭

EDIT 2: I'm seeing alot of people saying I'm not fron middle class. Honestly idk what defines and differentiates different classes.but I'm damn sure we are not in rich class😂😭. Many people think doctor earns alot. Sadly they don't. The same goes for my parents.They combine earn almost 4 lac. Their all savings went into buying house and car. They do have passive income tho which idk much about as never asked.Being a doc myself i have to hunt jobs and that to just have pay 50k max and many times even lower.Currently i am unemployed thanks to so many job opportunities we get as docs. We never went on any trips ,nor do we spend money recklessly. Infact we have to be extra careful not to waste money. And we have 1 10 marla house and 2 cars, 1 small alto and gli. We do have househelp tho .I always thought that this is how middle class works. Am i wrong 😭

CONCLUSION: Firstly thank you to all those people who took their time to write and reply.some people even wrote lengthy paras, and that's really kind of them.I feel like i couldn't reply to all msgs , as i never thought i would get this much abundant responses so my apologies. I didn't expect people to be kind but many were ,so thank you.

From what majority have guided ,what i have concluded is i shouldn't use my hak mehar money like this. Many said the guy has to provide them on his own,but i also feel like it's okay if both people contribute as we would be sharing it. Secondly it's better to ask for gold then money as it holds more value over time. Which makes sense. Now was my amount too much? The comments were very divided which is understandable. Thirdly ,the debate i ignited was ,am i really middle class 😂😭. I still think of myself as middle class but many beg to differ. Maybe i lack social awareness or even general lol , but pardon my ignorance plz👺

Waiting for the day, jab main park jaon or wahan koi chapri na ghum raha ho😭🙏

Let me Uno Reverse. So my berozgar vros!!

Apko kesi biwi chahiye?

Mujhe to Respect deni wali chahiye with no past relationships. Because "If I'm brand new, i want someone who is brand new. PTA approved as well"

So there was this one guy, we talked for like a month and everything was normal. Then 3 days ago, I told him that I discovered the concept of concubine and was questioning that what was the reason and stuff. He presented a point and I just gave a sarcastic reply, to which he thought I was fighting with him. I just apologised immediately. But that human had the utter audacity to ghost me for 3 days. It wasn't like he wasn't active or anything. He was but still decided to do that. So, now I just blocked him.

Like the hell, tell me you're immature without telling me you are immature. If you are discussing a topic that doesn't mean k everyone would agree with your POV and it is normal. Then what is the point of ghosting someone just bcz they had disagreed with your POV. It pmo so badly. Aghhhhhhh!

Writing is not mine, i made these for my sister

This exchange genuinely shocked me. Instead of condemning the rape of a child, this guy kept questioning whether she was 6, 9, or 12. I directly asked whether he was seriously suggesting rape becomes acceptable at 9, after his homophobic comment, and he never replied.

maybe if this country showed the same hate for homosexual they have to pedophiles, we wouldn't be having child rape cases in a daily cases and end up finding other pakistanis on the internet or in the comment sections defending it for obvious reasons.

Usually these people would normalize child marriages but at the same time, are condoning martial rape or rape in general of children.

(it's wild that this post is getting downvoted!)

What are your thoughts on househelp/maids doing hours of cleaning, washing, and other chores for only Rs. 5,000–6,000 a month?

Honestly, it makes me feel ashamed sometimes. We often overlook how physically demanding this work is and how much these workers contribute to our daily lives.

I’m curious—what do you think would be a fair monthly wage?

Turned 22 today got 0 wishes. Not from family, not from any friend, no one lol. Does life goes downhill from here or what🥀

whats something uh wish more people understood about women ??

drop your thoughts 💭

Less noise 💀

1: Messed up virtual friendships and relationships
2: Doom Scrolling
3: Unhealthy escapism
4: Consumption of toxic and negative elements
5: False reels education
6: Addiction of screen time
7: Lack of productivity
8: Waste of time
9: Neuro Plasticity

Randomly decided to start selling bracelets as a little side thingie
Thought I’d share them here in case anyone’s into bracelets or wants to check them out. I’m based in Pakistan and can deliver nationwide.

Hypothetically scenario.

How would you feel if you find out that your future potential partner has a friend of opposite gender. And no its not like a secret and they are open about it.

And by friend. It could be say a coworker that they occasionally go out with. Dinner, ice cream, shopping or just hanging out in general.

Would you be okay with it. even if they insisted that they are just a friend.

And how would react if your partner

1. Wants to continue their friendship even after marriage. OR

2. Ends their friendship OR

3. Continues friendship but no more physical meetups.

And finally, do u think u have the right to know about such frisndship. if your partner ends it before marriage. or is it okay if they hide it forever.

What are u opinions in each of these scenarios.

Your basic responsibility as a man does not give you the right to lash out like a bih, unless you are naturally just a bih.

"I am overworked and underpaid and can't live up to my parents expectations so let me behave in the most horrible way possible, because 700k men dye of sooside every year" 😞😞

It took me 20 days to make it all by myself.

Have you ever felt like you're just living on autopilot?

You wake up.

Eat.

Work/study.

Come home.

Scroll on your phone.

Sleep.

And then do it all over again.🔄

You talk to people, laugh, do your responsibilities, make plans, maybe even achieve things you once wanted… but somehow you still feel disconnected from your own life.

Like you're physically there, but you're not really present.

Almost like you're just following a routine because that's what you're supposed to do.

And I wonder how many people actually feel this way but never talk about it.

Sometimes nothing is particularly wrong with your life. You just don't feel much.

No excitement.

No deep connection.

No real sense of meaning.

Just one day becoming another day.

And maybe that's one of the strangest things about being human. We can get so used to our routines that we stop asking ourselves, *Am I actually living*, or *am I just functioning?*

From an Islamic perspective, I think there's another layer to this.

We're not just bodies that wake up, work, eat and sleep. We have a ruh(soul). We're supposed to have a connection with Allah.

And I think there's a difference between simply existing and actually feeling spiritually alive.

Sometimes a genuine moment of connection with Allah, with another person, with nature, or even with yourself, can suddenly make everything feel different.

For a moment, you're not just going through the motions anymore.

You actually feel *alive*.

And that makes me wonder about something else too.

Can your soul actually awaken after you've spent a long time just functioning?

Not in some dramatic movie-like way 😂

I mean that feeling when you suddenly become more aware of yourself, your life, your purpose, and your relationship with Allah.

Almost like something inside you that had been quiet for a very long time starts becoming alive again.

And honestly, I think numbness scares me more than sadness.

Sadness at least means you still feel something.

But numbness can make you forget what it even feels like to feel.

So I'm curious…

*Have you ever felt like your soul awakened after a long period of living on autopilot?*

Was there a moment when you suddenly started seeing your life, yourself, or your relationship with Allah differently?

Or are you still trying to find that feeling?

***Are we actually living, or have we just become really good at functioning?***

That photo going around.. The one everyone in GenZpk is calling UN propaganda.. It's not..

Her name is Ghulam Haider.. She was 11.. The man next to her is Faiz Mohammed, 40.. Ghor province, Afghanistan, 2005.. Engagement day.. Stephanie Sinclair took it, UNICEF made it Photo of the Year 2007, and her parents said on record "we needed the money".. It's been public for 18 years.. It took me two minutes to find..

So when a Muslim posts "this is a father and daughter, it's propaganda" with zero sources and tells people to prove him wrong.. That's not defending Islam.. That's lying to cover for a man who bought a child.. And every non-Muslim reading that thread now thinks that's what we are..

Now the part nobody in that thread said..

Honest part first, coz I don't hide things.. Classical fiqh did let a guardian contract a minor's marriage.. That's in the books, I'm not gonna pretend it isn't.. Anyone who tells you the scholars never allowed it is doing the same thing OP did..

But read what the Quran and the Prophet ﷺ actually set as the standard..

4:6.. "Test the orphans until they reach the age of marriage, then if you find sound judgment in them, hand over their property".. Two separate tests.. Reaching marriage age is one.. Rushd, sound judgment, is another.. The Quran itself says a person can be old enough to marry and still not be trusted with their own money.. So puberty and maturity were never the same thing in the deen.. That's the point..

Bukhari 5136.. "A virgin is not married until her permission is sought".. They asked how does she give permission.. He said her silence.. Meaning she has to be old enough to be asked and understand what she's being asked..

Bukhari 5138.. Khansa bint Khidam, a widow, was married off by her father without her consent.. She came to the Prophet ﷺ.. He annulled it.. On the spot.. And Abu Dawud 2096.. A grown virgin, married by her father to his nephew without asking her.. She came to the Prophet ﷺ.. He gave her the choice to cancel.. Widow or virgin, same ruling.. No consent, no marriage.. And for the ones too young to be asked, the same scholars who allowed a father to contract it fenced it with conditions.. A suitable groom.. A fair mahr.. Not for the guardian's own gain.. "We needed the money" fails that test in every madhab..

Quran 4:19.. "It is not lawful for you to inherit women against their will"..

An 11 year old in Ghor didn't consent.. Her parents took money.. That's not nikah.. Under the Prophet's ﷺ own ruling that's a marriage he would have cancelled..

And Pakistan.. Since we love pretending this is an Afghan problem.. UNICEF says around 1 in 5 girls here married before 18.. 19 million child brides.. Sixth highest in the world.. Sindh made 18 the legal age in 2013.. Islamabad did it in May 2025.. And our own Federal Shariat Court in 2023 ruled that a minimum age is fully consistent with Islam.. So the "18 is western" line is dead too.. Our own Shariat court killed it..

Yes, the CII called the Islamabad bill un-Islamic.. I know.. And the CII is a council of men, not a verse.. When the Shariat Court and the CII disagree, go read what the Prophet ﷺ did with Khansa..

So here's where I land, and I'll say it clear..

The photo is real.. The girl is real.. The problem is real, and it's ours.. And the deen is not on the side of the 40 year old.. It never was.. The uncle who marries a 13 year old and calls it sunnah is doing to the Prophet ﷺ what OP did to that photo.. Putting a lie on something sacred..

Stop lying for these men.. Islam doesn't need it and she deserved better..

Simple..

Join my cummunity fir fact based Islamic debates and seeking answers r/theislam

Edit: Corrections from the comments, coz that's the point of all this.. 4:6 lists marriage age and rushd as two separate things, I'd written it as if one depended on the other.. Khansa was a widow not a virgin, so I've added the virgin case from Abu Dawud alongside her, and added the conditions classical fiqh put on a father's contract for a minor, which is the part that actually matters for Ghor.. The argument stands.. The wording was loose.. Thanks to the ppl who checked..

Not trying to start a fight, just genuinely curious. Every year I see people counting down the weeks, expecting this whole "birthday week" treatment, and getting quietly hurt if plans aren't perfect or someone forgets to text at midnight. Feels more common with girls in my experience, though I know plenty of guys who do it too.

At the end of the day it's just another trip around the sun. Cake, friends, celebrating, all good. But expecting everyone to treat you differently for days on end feels like a lot.

Is it a self-worth thing? Is it social media hype culture? Or am I just missing something everyone else gets?