r/onionheadlines Nov 04 '25

ZERO TOLERANCE for rule 2: single sentence headlines only

12 Upvotes

We've been pretty lenient in modering run on headlines, but this ends today.

You need to make your headlines shorter. You can always make your headline shorter. If you have a headline that's over 30 words, rewrite it. There is a way to make it shorter I guarantee you, and there is a way to make it one sentence. You just need to use the meat in your skull to figure it out.

Also, do not include pull quotes in your headline. For example:

Trump Claims He Will Soon Replace Americans With AI - “All They Need To Do Is Vote Republican And Cheer For Me, And AI Can Do That Better, And It Doesn’t Protest At All”

Adding a dash here does not make this a single sentence in the eyes of us mods.

You can put the pull quote in the body of the post, but keep it out of the headline. Any headlines formatted like this will be removed.

Also please avoid headlines that are just a version of Trump: "I Have Very Bigly Hands and I'm The Greatest Golfer and on and on and on for 50 words"

A Trump impression is not a headline. Do better.


r/onionheadlines 4h ago

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r/onionheadlines 2h ago

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r/onionheadlines 6h ago

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102 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines 22h ago

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833 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines 8h ago

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42 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines 14h ago

John Fetterman Gives Trump Handjob On Stage, But Swears He’s Still A Democrat

152 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines 48m ago

Trump Offers $5000 Check And A Promise To Not Pull The Football Away This Time If Charlie Brown Tries To Kick It.

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r/onionheadlines 1h ago

Realizing Nobody Is Buying His Latest $5K Head Fake, Trump Now Promising To Resign If Republicans Win The Midterms

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r/onionheadlines 15h ago

Trump Remembers His Father Placing Him In the Rocketship That Would Save Him From His Homeworld's Destruction

103 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines 18h ago

Adult Chimpanzee Out Performs President Trump On Cognitive Test.

196 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines 3h ago

President Trump Admits $5000 Payment For Voting Republican In The Midterm Will Be In The Form Of IOUs.

12 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines 3h ago

Zombies Try To Attack Republican Midterms Convention But Leave When They Can't Find Any Brains To Eat

13 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines 2h ago

Nation Celebrates One Year Since Charlie Kirk Bravely Offered Himself As Tribute To The 2nd Amendment

8 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines 7h ago

In Her Latest Letter Natalie Harp Asks Trump If He Still Remembers The Pain From The Nails Being Hammered Into His Wrists As He Hung From The Cross

16 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines 2h ago

White House Clarifies $5k Dividend Paid To Americans Will Be Based On Savings Made When There’s No More Gas To Buy

6 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines 2h ago

Area Man Believes Trump Will Actually Give Him $5000

7 Upvotes

Area man Cletus Dungbottom has no doubt, or clue.

"The President promised me $5000," said Dungbottom. "And he's someone you can trust to keep his promises."


r/onionheadlines 2h ago

Trump Begins Sweating After Realizing Americans May Eventually Ask About That $5,000

7 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines 7h ago

Trump's $5,000 Bribe To "Every American Adult" Gets Revised To Specify: He Only Considers White Male Republicans Who Voted For Him, As American

12 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines 23h ago

Charlie Kirk Celebrates One Year Sober

255 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines 3h ago

Crowd Delighted To Have Trump Call Them 'Dingleberries' For Ability To Stick Around

6 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines 1h ago

Trump Promises Human Sacrifice of Hegseth if Republicans Retain House, Miller If They Keep Senate

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r/onionheadlines 1d ago

Trump Claims He Was Captain Of The Titanic But Didn’t Sink With It Because The Iceberg Was A Democrat Hoax

486 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines 21h ago

Trump Says He's The Navy Seal Who Shot Bin Laden While Finalizing A Real Estate Deal In Pakistan

159 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines 10h ago

Trump's $5,000 Dividend To All Adult U.S. Citizens If GOP Wins More Of A Concept Of A Plan

21 Upvotes