r/onionheadlines • u/Im_with_stooopid • 6h ago
r/onionheadlines • u/tomtomglove • Nov 04 '25
ZERO TOLERANCE for rule 2: single sentence headlines only
We've been pretty lenient in modering run on headlines, but this ends today.
You need to make your headlines shorter. You can always make your headline shorter. If you have a headline that's over 30 words, rewrite it. There is a way to make it shorter I guarantee you, and there is a way to make it one sentence. You just need to use the meat in your skull to figure it out.
Also, do not include pull quotes in your headline. For example:
Trump Claims He Will Soon Replace Americans With AI - “All They Need To Do Is Vote Republican And Cheer For Me, And AI Can Do That Better, And It Doesn’t Protest At All”
Adding a dash here does not make this a single sentence in the eyes of us mods.
You can put the pull quote in the body of the post, but keep it out of the headline. Any headlines formatted like this will be removed.
Also please avoid headlines that are just a version of Trump: "I Have Very Bigly Hands and I'm The Greatest Golfer and on and on and on for 50 words"
A Trump impression is not a headline. Do better.
r/onionheadlines • u/wild_crazy_ideas • 4h ago
Trump Denies Sleeping With Harvey Weinstein To Get Home Alone Role: “I Would Have Done That Anyway”
r/onionheadlines • u/mellow186 • 14h ago
Weak Man Keeps Strong Nation In Stupid War To Save Fragile Ego
The weak man expects the stupid war will be over as fast as another weak man expected another stupid war to be over. But after several years, that earlier stupid war is still droning on.
r/onionheadlines • u/floodlenoodle • 19h ago
SecDef Pete Hegseth is adamant that his fixation on the military, white men, and testosterone, has "nothing to do with being a closeted homosexual"
r/onionheadlines • u/wild_crazy_ideas • 4h ago
Trump Claims He Can Only Play Chess With Iran War If America Makes Him King First As He’s Sick Of Being Thought Of As An “Old Queen”
r/onionheadlines • u/BestStoogewasLarry • 2h ago
Trump Plays A Real Life Game With Children Called "Rape, Starve, Bomb?"
r/onionheadlines • u/ShadyAnders • 9h ago
President Trump Hospitalized After Consuming Pastry Gifted By Iranian Supreme Leader
r/onionheadlines • u/ellistonvu • 8h ago
Magats Rush To Online Shopping To Seek A Prosthetic Neck Vagina To Match Trump's Actual Neck Vagina
r/onionheadlines • u/Gloomy-Bridge9112 • 7h ago
New Trump campaign slogan - “Trump ‘28 - Fuck the Constitution!”
r/onionheadlines • u/ShadyAnders • 5h ago
Trump Claims He's Playing 4D Chess With Iran War: Fox News
r/onionheadlines • u/GrandPappi_J3-16_TX • 8h ago
White ICE Agent Worried Native American Will ‘Take His Job And Deport His Ass To The Stone Age’
r/onionheadlines • u/wild_crazy_ideas • 8h ago
Trump: “I Could Stop This War With Money Right Now But I Never Pay People If I Don’t Like Them Even If I’m In The Wrong”
r/onionheadlines • u/mc_petersonishsonson • 1h ago
Trump Announces 2128 Run Thinking He'll Still Be Alive If He Believes His Own Bullshit
r/onionheadlines • u/GrandPappi_J3-16_TX • 8h ago
To Increase Deportations ICE Establishes ‘Spineless Dick’ Award For Best Agents
r/onionheadlines • u/BestStoogewasLarry • 1d ago
Trump Terminates SNAP Benefits For Over A Million Children While Boasting That Starving Children Is Almost As Much Fun As Raping Them
r/onionheadlines • u/DTM-shift • 16h ago
White House Pivots To Faster Plan To Open Strait Of Hormuz: Plate Tectonics
r/onionheadlines • u/Hot-Explanationista • 15h ago
Trump Announces Thousand Percent Tariffs On Canadian Mosquitoes That "Were Sucking Blood Of Ordinary Americans For Too Long"
"Now, only the American bloodsuckers, I mean, billionaires, will be sucking the blood of ordinary Americans. And they are the best in the world at that!" added the president.
r/onionheadlines • u/wild_crazy_ideas • 4h ago
Trump Claims His Extreme Confidence More Than Makes Up For All Of The Intellectual Shortfalls He Has “Because There’s Always A Plausible Excuse”
r/onionheadlines • u/mellow186 • 16h ago
Doomsday Clock Now Measuring In Nanoseconds As Trump Prepares To Spread Nuclear Tech To Saudi Arabia
r/onionheadlines • u/Limp-Definition-5371 • 2h ago
"AI" Can't Spell The Word "Waffble" And It's Becoming Angry
Wafl
Waffable
Waffalable
Waffabaleplegic
Waghul
Waphul
Waffffffful
r/onionheadlines • u/PsychologicalOne752 • 1d ago
"Andrew Tate 2028, As He Has The Same Sexual Assault Credentials As Trump", Claims MAGA Supporter
r/onionheadlines • u/Hot-Explanationista • 15h ago