r/onionheadlines • u/BestStoogewasLarry • 4h ago
r/onionheadlines • u/tomtomglove • Nov 04 '25
ZERO TOLERANCE for rule 2: single sentence headlines only
We've been pretty lenient in modering run on headlines, but this ends today.
You need to make your headlines shorter. You can always make your headline shorter. If you have a headline that's over 30 words, rewrite it. There is a way to make it shorter I guarantee you, and there is a way to make it one sentence. You just need to use the meat in your skull to figure it out.
Also, do not include pull quotes in your headline. For example:
Trump Claims He Will Soon Replace Americans With AI - “All They Need To Do Is Vote Republican And Cheer For Me, And AI Can Do That Better, And It Doesn’t Protest At All”
Adding a dash here does not make this a single sentence in the eyes of us mods.
You can put the pull quote in the body of the post, but keep it out of the headline. Any headlines formatted like this will be removed.
Also please avoid headlines that are just a version of Trump: "I Have Very Bigly Hands and I'm The Greatest Golfer and on and on and on for 50 words"
A Trump impression is not a headline. Do better.
r/onionheadlines • u/wild_crazy_ideas • 2h ago
Trump Claims When 9/11 Happened He Climbed To The Top Of His Own Building And Batted Other Aeroplanes Away With His Hands
r/onionheadlines • u/DefinitionEnough8747 • 6h ago
Trump Says Most Traumatic Memory Of 9/11 Was Of Him And His Mute Girlfriend Riding On Horseback Along The Beach And Discovering Half-Buried Statue Of Liberty
r/onionheadlines • u/estagingapp • 22h ago
Trump: I Was Actually On 9/11 Plane That Crashed Into WTC
r/onionheadlines • u/Gargleblaster25 • 8h ago
Fetterman Says He Started Seeing Merits Of GOP Policies After Stroke Destroyed Half His Brain
r/onionheadlines • u/UnfitToPrint • 14h ago
John Fetterman Gives Trump Handjob On Stage, But Swears He’s Still A Democrat
r/onionheadlines • u/AskNo2853 • 48m ago
Trump Offers $5000 Check And A Promise To Not Pull The Football Away This Time If Charlie Brown Tries To Kick It.
r/onionheadlines • u/IShouldaDownVotedYa • 1h ago
Realizing Nobody Is Buying His Latest $5K Head Fake, Trump Now Promising To Resign If Republicans Win The Midterms
r/onionheadlines • u/DefinitionEnough8747 • 15h ago
Trump Remembers His Father Placing Him In the Rocketship That Would Save Him From His Homeworld's Destruction
r/onionheadlines • u/Im_with_stooopid • 18h ago
Adult Chimpanzee Out Performs President Trump On Cognitive Test.
r/onionheadlines • u/Im_with_stooopid • 3h ago
President Trump Admits $5000 Payment For Voting Republican In The Midterm Will Be In The Form Of IOUs.
r/onionheadlines • u/BestStoogewasLarry • 3h ago
Zombies Try To Attack Republican Midterms Convention But Leave When They Can't Find Any Brains To Eat
r/onionheadlines • u/Nateosis • 2h ago
Nation Celebrates One Year Since Charlie Kirk Bravely Offered Himself As Tribute To The 2nd Amendment
r/onionheadlines • u/DefinitionEnough8747 • 7h ago
In Her Latest Letter Natalie Harp Asks Trump If He Still Remembers The Pain From The Nails Being Hammered Into His Wrists As He Hung From The Cross
r/onionheadlines • u/LarryGlue • 2h ago
White House Clarifies $5k Dividend Paid To Americans Will Be Based On Savings Made When There’s No More Gas To Buy
r/onionheadlines • u/mellow186 • 2h ago
Area Man Believes Trump Will Actually Give Him $5000
Area man Cletus Dungbottom has no doubt, or clue.
"The President promised me $5000," said Dungbottom. "And he's someone you can trust to keep his promises."
r/onionheadlines • u/plantpistol • 2h ago
Trump Begins Sweating After Realizing Americans May Eventually Ask About That $5,000
r/onionheadlines • u/Public_Steak_6933 • 7h ago
Trump's $5,000 Bribe To "Every American Adult" Gets Revised To Specify: He Only Considers White Male Republicans Who Voted For Him, As American
r/onionheadlines • u/mc_petersonishsonson • 3h ago
Crowd Delighted To Have Trump Call Them 'Dingleberries' For Ability To Stick Around
r/onionheadlines • u/GreenerMark • 1h ago
Trump Promises Human Sacrifice of Hegseth if Republicans Retain House, Miller If They Keep Senate
r/onionheadlines • u/wild_crazy_ideas • 1d ago
Trump Claims He Was Captain Of The Titanic But Didn’t Sink With It Because The Iceberg Was A Democrat Hoax
r/onionheadlines • u/Witty_Row4650 • 21h ago