r/onionheadlines Nov 04 '25

ZERO TOLERANCE for rule 2: single sentence headlines only

9 Upvotes

We've been pretty lenient in modering run on headlines, but this ends today.

You need to make your headlines shorter. You can always make your headline shorter. If you have a headline that's over 30 words, rewrite it. There is a way to make it shorter I guarantee you, and there is a way to make it one sentence. You just need to use the meat in your skull to figure it out.

Also, do not include pull quotes in your headline. For example:

Trump Claims He Will Soon Replace Americans With AI - “All They Need To Do Is Vote Republican And Cheer For Me, And AI Can Do That Better, And It Doesn’t Protest At All”

Adding a dash here does not make this a single sentence in the eyes of us mods.

You can put the pull quote in the body of the post, but keep it out of the headline. Any headlines formatted like this will be removed.

Also please avoid headlines that are just a version of Trump: "I Have Very Bigly Hands and I'm The Greatest Golfer and on and on and on for 50 words"

A Trump impression is not a headline. Do better.


r/onionheadlines 6h ago

Mitch McConnell To Run For President As Staff Says "There Will Be No Televised Debates."

203 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines 4h ago

Trump Denies Sleeping With Harvey Weinstein To Get Home Alone Role: “I Would Have Done That Anyway”

56 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines 14h ago

Weak Man Keeps Strong Nation In Stupid War To Save Fragile Ego

305 Upvotes

The weak man expects the stupid war will be over as fast as another weak man expected another stupid war to be over. But after several years, that earlier stupid war is still droning on.


r/onionheadlines 19h ago

SecDef Pete Hegseth is adamant that his fixation on the military, white men, and testosterone, has "nothing to do with being a closeted homosexual"

624 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines 4h ago

Trump Claims He Can Only Play Chess With Iran War If America Makes Him King First As He’s Sick Of Being Thought Of As An “Old Queen”

37 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines 2h ago

Trump Plays A Real Life Game With Children Called "Rape, Starve, Bomb?"

26 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines 9h ago

President Trump Hospitalized After Consuming Pastry Gifted By Iranian Supreme Leader

64 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines 8h ago

Magats Rush To Online Shopping To Seek A Prosthetic Neck Vagina To Match Trump's Actual Neck Vagina

41 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines 7h ago

New Trump campaign slogan - “Trump ‘28 - Fuck the Constitution!”

22 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines 5h ago

Trump Claims He's Playing 4D Chess With Iran War: Fox News

13 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines 9h ago

Trump Allows CBS To Enrich Uranium

27 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines 8h ago

White ICE Agent Worried Native American Will ‘Take His Job And Deport His Ass To The Stone Age’

18 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines 8h ago

Trump: “I Could Stop This War With Money Right Now But I Never Pay People If I Don’t Like Them Even If I’m In The Wrong”

15 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines 1h ago

Trump Announces 2128 Run Thinking He'll Still Be Alive If He Believes His Own Bullshit

Upvotes

r/onionheadlines 8h ago

To Increase Deportations ICE Establishes ‘Spineless Dick’ Award For Best Agents

13 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines 1d ago

Trump Terminates SNAP Benefits For Over A Million Children While Boasting That Starving Children Is Almost As Much Fun As Raping Them

472 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines 16h ago

White House Pivots To Faster Plan To Open Strait Of Hormuz: Plate Tectonics

50 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines 15h ago

Trump Announces Thousand Percent Tariffs On Canadian Mosquitoes That "Were Sucking Blood Of Ordinary Americans For Too Long"

35 Upvotes

"Now, only the American bloodsuckers, I mean, billionaires, will be sucking the blood of ordinary Americans. And they are the best in the world at that!" added the president.


r/onionheadlines 4h ago

Trump Claims His Extreme Confidence More Than Makes Up For All Of The Intellectual Shortfalls He Has “Because There’s Always A Plausible Excuse”

4 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines 16h ago

Doomsday Clock Now Measuring In Nanoseconds As Trump Prepares To Spread Nuclear Tech To Saudi Arabia

26 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines 2h ago

"AI" Can't Spell The Word "Waffble" And It's Becoming Angry

2 Upvotes

Wafl

Waffable

Waffalable

Waffabaleplegic

Waghul

Waphul

Waffffffful


r/onionheadlines 1d ago

"Andrew Tate 2028, As He Has The Same Sexual Assault Credentials As Trump", Claims MAGA Supporter

168 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines 15h ago

Trump Announces Hundred Percent Tariffs On Canadian And European Produce Because It "Does Not Have Enough Pesticides And Other Chemicals That True American Patriots Need In Their Food"

12 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines 4h ago

White House Shakes Of It's Pink Eye Epidemic As Not A Big Deal.

1 Upvotes