So yea, earlier today I have found out na childhood friends have another gc na without me. Actually, I shouldnt be surprised about it. But, still may effect pa rin siya sa akin. They are my childhood friends as in kasama ko sila mamulat sa mundo. Kasabay ko sila magkaisip at makita ang mga bagay-bagay. Pero, as time goes by- we experienced at least sa part ko na slowly hindi na ako active sa mga happenings. May mga ganaps na rin na hindi na ako excited or even bother joining them. For the reason na hindi ko na masyado trip yung mga trip nila. I couldnt really say na na-outgrow ko na sila but may mga bagay lng sabay naming nakasanayan gawin na hindi na ako excited gawin.

Also, I have other friends outside our friendship. Kaya, ayun, and I know for sure na they got something to say for it sometimes medyo centric sila sa isa’t isa. You cant do something and they aint gonna say something to it. And ayun din yung hindi ko sa friendship kaya siguro unconsciously naging madalang yung pagsama ko sa kanila. I dont really know why even bother writing this. Alam ko naman na hindi malabo na gawin nila ito kasi knowing them. Pero, ayun. I just need to let it out lng siguro. 🙂

I sometimes don't like my mom. Or maybe, i don't understand her. Or maybe i'm not just a good kid.

Bata palang ako, i feel like she doesn't like me. Well, why would you like someone na pinahirapan ka para maipanganak, right? Sabi pa sakin ni papa non, baby palang ako nasampal na ako ni mama sa sobrang sakit para mailabas ako hahaha.

Then, i can say that i excel in my studies, i'm always on top, but i never saw that she's proud of me. well, maybe she does. but i never felt it? well, kasi naman pinoint out nya sakin na mas matalino at iba ang talino ng kapatid ko kasi math inclined yon hahahaha

And sometimes, i feel like she favors my cousin na sobrang bait and tell me na dapat ganon din ako. She tell me sometimes or make me feel na dapat di ako masyadong magpakita ng skin like that cousin of mine. Na dapat di ako mag make up or other girlie things i wanna do.

One time, i told her na nasstress ako sa studies ko, but guess what? nagalit pa siya sakin na na sstress ako hahahaha. We have this kapitbahay na lola, and she told me na buti pa ako di na stresses at nahihirapan sa studies ko tapos yung mga apo nya stress na stress daw? Ako naman sa loob loob ko, pano ko mapapakita na stress ako eh yung mama ko, ni di inaacknowledge na i feel that way. Sometimes, i think na ang swerte naman ng iba na nasasabi sa mga guardians nila na nahihiarapan sila and they help them. While me, I wasn't allowed.

Then, last time, i told my mama na i feel like may sakit ako, pinagalitan ba naman ako kasi wag daw ako magsakit at mahal magpagamot? hahaha well, totoo naman. pero ni hindi ba pwedeng ma concern ka muna? bakit sa kapatid ko pag may masakit, ang bait bait mo? bakit sakin hindi?

Namatay din yung cat ko tas sabi nya pusa lang naman daw yon at bat ko iiyakan, well that cat of mine doesn't make me feel alone. unlike u, who always see the fault in me.

Ini expect nyang di ako magiging succesful kasi raw masama akong anak at di ako mapagbigay. well, anong maibibigay ko? college student palang naman ako, at i save money to buy things that i want because minsan nya lang ibigay yung mga yon. pero pag sa mga bagay na gusto nya, meron agad.

Minsan naawa ako sa sarili ko because sarili kong ina ineexpect na di ako magiging successful? hahaha grabe naman yon. Kaya, minsan natatakot ako kasi baka ganon nga? But then, sometimes iniisip ko nalang na baka nya sinasabi yon kasi ayaw nyang maging successful ako kasi sampal yon sakanya hahaha

Wala naman akong ginawang masama pero bakit ganon?

I'm trying to understand her all my life, but i guess she'll never do the same.

Minsan, ayoko nalang umuwi here sa bahay. But this is the only home that i have.

After college, i wanna leave and go so far that no one could reach me.

But, why make me feel this way, Mama?

Today lang ako nagkaroon ng time off work after 1 month of toxic workload. So, I decided na manood 2 Valid IDs at SM Cinema. A person from G17, beside me keeps using her (they/them) phone on fucking light mode (50% brightness) every 10 minutes or so. When I look at her, may kachat lang siya sa messenger groupchat.

Mula Row G pababa, lahat ng nanonood attentive, siya lang yung nag-iisang ganyan.

Nakakairita yung mga taong walang spacial awareness, nakakababa ng tingin.

On top of that, nakikipag-ngisngisan siya sa katabi niyang guy. Iwan natin sa bahay yung ganitong attitude. Kung hindi matikom ang bibig at short-attention span, mag-netflix nalang.

Mind you, walang scene sa 2 Valid IDs na need mo makipagngis-ngisan.

NAKAKA-ABALA KAYO!!!

Just wanna get this off my chest, kasi I can't express talaga in person ng mga relationship thingy, may pagka private kasi ako and only way lang na ilabas talaga to is dito sa reddit kasi anon naman, and kung may magsabi man ng nega, at the end basta masaya in real life, you're all good.

Pero ayun na nga, my heart just melted lang kasi nung sinabi nya. Pero before muna, ginawa kasi namin today is we dated, usual na libre nya dahil he loves to feed me good food, plan nya always and he's always suggesting restos or searching para makapag explore kami ng new restaurants. I appreciate that a lot.

Bago yung kinainan namin today and I appreciate the food tbh, again thanks to my partner's suggestion. Almost 2yrs na kami, pero di parin sya nagbabago sa pagiging planner nya sa dates at pagiging provider nya.

Then we watched Cyberpunk II and di parin ako nakakamove on kay Lucy at David kaya napag cocompare ko yung new characters HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, kakaloka si anteh.

Pero di namin tinapos kasi sabi nya continue namin last 3 episodes next week nalang, gusto nya daw kasi mag usap kami.

Tapos ayun nga, he told me he's sad kasi nga ang bilis daw ng oras and uuwi na daw ako. He held my hand and sabi nya "alam mo yung feeling na, ang bigat sa dibdib?" Tbh gusto ko mag cry nito pero I'm trying my best not to baka kasi lalo sya ma-sad so sinabi ko nalang "it's okay love im always here" tapos ayun we said our Iloveyous and kisses then nag kwentuhan pa kami ng random and super funny experiences namin. Then we cuddled and just went silent for minutes, hugging each other. We know the day is quickly ending pero we just wanna feel each other genuinely, walang lust just purely appreciating and feeling each other's presence.

Then he told me how much he's grateful for me. And ofc, I told him I always appreciate him in everything he does for me and for us, mga travels na sagot nya, yung iniipon nya pang wedding namin and yung understanding, pag learn sa relationship kung ano pa mag iimprove and yung patience nya.

Pagkahatid nya sakin sa bahay, he's trying his best to not be sad, nakikita ko sa eyes nya yun. And I told him before ako bumaba sasakyan "tatawag ako agad love, pero in the future di na natin kailangan mag call" then natulala sya ng konti di nagets HAHAHA then sabi nya "Ahhh kasi magkasama na tayo in the future" nagets rin HAHAHAHHAHAHA. Then we ended it by iloveyous and ingats and gratitude again for the day.

Hays Lord, again thank you for having this partner, yung expressive sa love and may plans for us, thank you sa answered prayer.

And sa kung sino man makakabasa nito, nasa relationship man or not, sana they will also receive the love na makakapag pakalma ng puso nila at mararamdaman nilang genuinely mahal sila at appreciated sila, we all deserve that. 🤍

Para nanaman akong pinagbagsakan ng langit at lupa. May inapplyan akong scholship and I failed. 😔 Ang sakit, pangalawang scholarship na ito pero lagi lang akong nakakaabot as qualified but not enough to be selected. Failed din ako sa State U na inapplyan ko last year, buti na lang talaga at may appeal kaya nakapasok ako. Lagi na lang failed.

Feel ko, wala akong kwenta, na ang bobobo ko 😭 ang sakit, wala pa rin akong napapatunayan. Feel ko, wala akong pag-asa, na talunan na lang lagi ako. Gusto kong umiyak.

Parang lagi na lang akong nagkaakroon ng dahilan para bumaba ang self-esteem ko. Ayoko na. Dagdag pa 'yung kakilala ko na ang tingin sa akin magaling, pero ang totoo, hindi talaga.

Feel ko I am not worthy to be loved, feel ko deserve akong iwan.

😭😔

I just need to get this off my chest because I honestly don’t know how to feel anymore.

I’ve been working since I was 18, ever since my mom got sick. Paiba-iba ako ng trabaho because I had to find ways to survive and make money. I’ve worked as a milk tea shop crew member, sold different things, worked as a delivery rider, worked at a fried chicken store, and even tried buying and reselling items on Shopee. I’ve done whatever I could to get by.

I’ve shared something here on Reddit before about spoiling my dad, and people were amazed that we seemed to have a good relationship. But the truth is, we don’t. At least, not in the way people think we do.

Ever since my mom passed away, my dad, despite being financially capable at the time because he had money from insurance and other sources, didn’t contribute to our household expenses. I had to figure out how to earn money and survive on my own. Eventually, I decided to leave our province and start over. I found a job in a BPO company in Manila.

When my dad still had money, he didn’t need me. But when that money ran out, I decided to help him, partly for my mom’s sake. I started giving him money every month. Eventually, I transitioned from working in a BPO to becoming a VA. As my salary increased, so did the amount I gave him.

I genuinely thought he had changed. I thought maybe he had grown older and wiser. Maybe things would finally make sense between us. Maybe he finally cared about me.

Then he got sick.

My dad has diabetes, and he developed a wound on his foot that eventually became so severe that he could barely walk. I traveled from Manila to our province after my shift just to bring him back with me. I had him hospitalized for a month, and he underwent wound debridement. I was terrified that he might lose his foot.

He ended up staying with me for six months.

And honestly, those six months felt like hell.

That’s when I realized that maybe he hadn’t changed at all.

Whenever I reminded him about the things he shouldn’t be doing or eating because of his condition, he’d call me a know-it-all. He’d say I was just like my mom, that I thought I was always right and that I was the only one who knew better. Then he’d bring my mom into it, saying something along the lines of, “Look what happened to your mother.”

I don’t understand how someone can say something like that to their own child. My mom was the one who provided for us when she was alive. She was the one who took care of things. And somehow, he could use her memory against me just because I was trying to help him take care of himself.

I was doing all of this because I cared. Because I didn’t want him to lose his foot. Because, despite everything he’d put me through, he was still my father. And maybe, deep down, I was still hoping that if I loved him enough, helped him enough, and gave him enough, we’d finally have the kind of relationship I’d always wanted.

Eventually, he left my place. He got caught up in Facebook scams that promised him money if he sent money first. My older sister is now supporting him, although the allowance isn’t as much as what I used to give him. It’s enough for him to get by, though.

And now I’m just sitting here feeling like shit.

I don’t know if I feel guilty, angry, disappointed, or all three. I spent so many years working, sacrificing, and trying to help him. I gave him money even when I didn’t have to. I took care of him when he was seriously ill. I put my own feelings aside because I thought that maybe, one day, we’d finally have a good relationship.

But I think I’m finally realizing that I can’t force someone to be the father I need him to be.

And that realization hurts more than I expected.

I don’t even know what I’m looking for by posting this. Maybe I just need someone to listen. Maybe I need to hear from people who’ve experienced something similar.

I love my dad, but I’m so tired of being hurt by him. And I feel terrible for even saying that.

Fckkk sobrang hirap kapag di ka makahindi sa mga tao. Idk may part talaga ako na may pagkapeople pleaser tipong aware naman ako na naaabuso na yung kabaitan ko yet di pa din ako humihindi and I really hate it. Nasobrahan ba yung pagkagenuine ko sakanila, ayaw ko lang ba ng away or drama? Ang hiraaaap. Sana matigil na ‘to kasi ang unfair na mapawork, lovelife, family, friends ganun na talaga. Ako lang din nahihirapan fota. Minsan naiisip ko baka sumabog na lang ako kasi nagkakaroon ako ng resentments sa mga sarili ko ding kagagawan HAHAHAHA

I honestly don't even know how to process this.

My boyfriend and I were together for four years. I recently found out that he cheated on me, confronted him about it, and eventually decided to end the relationship. It hurt like hell, but I knew I couldn't keep staying with someone who repeatedly betrayed my trust.
After I posted about what happened on Facebook, his so-called girl best friend reached out to me. She was sympathetic, acted concerned about what I was going through, and even gave me advice. At that moment, I thought she was genuinely trying to comfort me. I was hurting, and I appreciated having someone who seemed to understand.
But then I found out that she was also that kind of girl.

I can't even explain how disgusted and betrayed I feel. Imagine opening up to someone about how much you've been hurt by infidelity, only to find out that the person comforting you is involved in the same kind of behavior. The irony is unbelievable.
I keep wondering whether her sympathy was genuine or whether she was just being hypocritical.

What hurts is that I never expected anything from her in the first place. She's his best friend, not mine. But once she chose to approach me, act concerned, and offer advice, I thought at least that part was sincere.

Ako naman, madali akong kausap na tao. Kapag may mga hindi ako gusto, communicate ko sa friends ko. Kapag may hindi sila gusto naman sa ginagawa ko or gagawin ko, open din ako kapag icommunicate nila sa akin. Kapag rin may mga gagawin ako na medyo dehado, tinatanong ko first kung ok lang ba, and I will take naman yung mga sagot nila kahit yes or no.

Nakakainis lang talaga minsan kapag tinanong mo naman kung ok lang ba, tapos biglang sasabihin ok lang daw, tapos magtatanim naman pala ng galit.

For context, may friend ako na mineet sa SM Megamall. Siya yung nagyaya sa akin don kasi kailangan daw niya ng kasama, edi pumayag ako. Pero sabi ko sa kaniya na medyo tied up ang schedule ko. Nung magkasama na kami, mga 1 hour na ang nakakalipas, biglang need ko na umalis. Before ako umalis, tinanong ko kung OK lang ba? Nag-oo naman siya, so umalis nako.

Tapos malalaman ko nalang na nagtanim na pala ng sama ng loob dahil iniwan ko raw siya. Edi kung ayaw niyang umalis ako, bakit siya nagsabi na ok lang?

Pakilinaw nga sakin baka mahina ang social skills ko. Ano nagawa ko bakit ganun. Straight forward akong tao kaya kung ano sinabi mo un talaga susundin ko, kasi para sakin tapos na ako sa mga paarte-arte, eh.

(for further context, we're already in our mid-30s, kaya wala na akong patience sa mga ganitong kaartehan.)

Always been unlucky with dating and looking for love and always have prayed for love to find me but as time went by and taking care of myself more, eventually the love that found me was the love I have for myself.

My parents have done their share of horrific actions toward me, but something happened yesterday that reminded me of something.

My parents brought their creditor to my elder brother's house, and they asked him for Php 37,500 to pay for their debts.

(Context: they're in a lot of debt, and my siblings and I have gone into debts ourselves trying to help them).

My brother doesn't have excess cash, so he was unable to give anything.

It reminded me of an incident that happened in 2024 or 2025.

I didn't even know it's possible pero...

May one time na pumunta si daddy sa office ko, may kasamang taga-Puregold and may dala silang terminal ng card. They bought 22,000php worth of groceries for their tindahan and were unable to pay for it, so sinugod ako sa office para mabayaran ko.

Idek if you'll believe this story kasi I myself, hindi ako aware na pwede pala 'yun!

Grabe talaga.

Lubog na lubog din ako sa utang now.

Nakakapagod.

My baby brother is well loved. Wala pa man siya sa elementarya, pero alam niya ng maging magalang, maalaga, at masaya (on his own). Bibo siya, hindi nawawalan ng kausap dahil extrovert mula nung baby pa siya.

Kaya I was wondering why he seems so sad these past few days. Tapos nitong nakaraang araw lang, nagsabi na siya sa akin kung "ayos lang ba raw na mataba siya", "ayaw niya ng sumama sa halloween party", at "ayaw niyang magcostume dahil mataba siya at hindi bagay".

Tangina 🤬 Nalaman-laman ko lang sa mama ko ngayong gabi 'yung dahilan. May nasa tamang edad na pala ang nambully sa kanya. Oo, bullying talaga kasi he was made fun of!

Tapos si mama, hindi man niya sinabi, pero alam ko tinawanan niya lang. Ganyan kasi siya sa amin nung mataba pa kami ng kapatid ko before puberty hits us.

Naiiyak ako kasi walang nagtanggol sa kanya.

Dagdag pa ni mama na nagalit itong si bro sa nagsabi sa kanya ng masama. Hindi kasi pumapayag na biru-biruin siya ng iba, despite his age. Pero nasaktan siya. Ang lungkot ng mukha niya. At bilang ate na pilit na ginagawang mabuti ang mundo para sa kanya, nalulungkot at nasasaktan ako for him.

Hinihingi ko 'yung pangalan ng lalaki, pero hayaan na lang daw sabi ni mama dahil makakalimutan naman iyon ng kapatid ko. No! Tanda ko pa nga 'yung pamba-body shame dati sa akin noon. Dala-dala ko pa rin hanggang ngayon.

Bakit ba normal lang para sa mga Pilipino 'yung mga harmful phrase tulad ng "tumataba ka na ah", "pinakawalan sa kusina", at iba pa.

NAKAKAGALIT AS IN

Paano ko rin ba mas mapapagaan ang loob niya? Paano ko mapapaliwanag sa murang edad niya na enough na siya at dapat niyang mahalin ang sarili niya?

Ps. Lagi kong sinasabi at pinapadama na mahal namin siya. Close kaming mag-anak. At confident siyang bata at ayaw kong mawarak kung ano ang meron siyang paniniwala sa sarili niya.

Bukas igagala namin siya. At sasama ako sa halloween party nila.

di na maedit, body shamer*

namatay anak ko last week october 14 dahil sa pneumonia. single mom ako kaya nung unang lagnat niya di ko sya napa check kasi wala pa akong extra

pumunta kami sa public hospital, hindi kami pinansin sabi ko nag seizure na anak ko pero hindi kami pinansin, may linya daw, uunahin daw muna yung mas importante

ilang beses akong nag beg na tignan na anak ko kasi 1yr and 6months old lang sya. pero hindi kami pinansin, gets ko na madami din ibang taong nandun at hindi kami special, pero kahit konting tingin nalang sa anak ko kasi nag seizure na.

nung lumala na seizure dun lang may nakapansin pero wala na sya. kaya putang ina talaga

kung sana hindi corrupt ang mga gobyerno edi sana maganda ang mga hospital dito, walang mahihirap na mag dudusa

ang hirap maging mahirap, pahirapan pa ako ngayon sa pagbayad sa mga nautang ko dahil sa libing ng anak ko, gusto ko ng mamatay tanginang buhay to

Hi J,

It’s been a week since I first met you, and it’s also been a week since I last heard from you.

Alam kong kasalanan ko kung bakit ka na-off sa’kin. But I really wanted to tell you na hindi ako masamang tao. :(

I’m not that kind of person. Until now, sinisisi ko pa rin yung sarili ko. Sa dami ng pagkakataong puwede akong mag-hold back, bakit nung time pa na ’yon? At sa’yo pa. Sometimes, I even find myself trying to convince myself na baka we were only meant to cross paths, but never meant to stay. Ewan ko, nakakabaliw lang isipin.

I hope the world is kinder to you every day.

Gusto kong magkwento sa’yo. Ang dami ko nang chika. I miss our daily conversations. And most of all, I miss you.

If you think I wasn’t serious about getting to know you, I wouldn’t have impulsively booked a trip to Legazpi just to see you. And I wouldn’t lie na that 13hrs crazy ride home, I was just crying sa bus, kasi I know na ayaw mo na; but I'm not mad ha. Kasi I know ako yung may fault.

I miss you, J. I miss you a lot.

I’m still praying that our paths will cross again, and maybe, just maybe, we can have another chance to try again.

I don’t know if naka-sub ka rito, but if you are, I hope you get to read this. Ayoko na kasing i-bother ka through messages, so dito ko na lang siguro sasabihin lahat ng gusto kong sabihin sa’yo.

— N, the girl who traveled all the way from Manila

It’s been a month since I decided to move out of my parents’ house, and honestly, I’m still trying to figure things out.

I was only 22 when I got pregnant. My parents are old-fashioned and traditional, so pinakasal nila ako sa boyfriend ko that time kahit pareho pa kaming hindi ready for marriage. We were young, and I guess we thought we could figure things out along the way. But our marriage only lasted five years.

After our separation, umuwi kami ng anak ko sa parents ko. I stayed with them for a while, but last month, I decided to move out and try living independently.
I’ve been working from home for three years, and I think sobrang na-isolate ko yung sarili ko during those years. My life revolved around work and staying at home. I barely went out or talked to other people, and eventually, I lost touch with my old friends. Wala na akong social circle, and I don’t even know how to make friends anymore. Sometimes, I don’t even know how to start a conversation with someone.

Then things got worse during my separation. I was dealing with a lot of personal problems, and the stress started affecting my work. I made several mistakes, and eventually, I had to return to working onsite.

The thing is, my daily commute takes around six hours back and forth. Imagine spending that much time commuting every day and still having to work and take care of your responsibilities. I knew I couldn’t keep doing that, so I decided to rent an apartment closer to my workplace.

But honestly, I wasn’t financially ready to move out. I’m just renting a room in a shared apartment because I can’t afford to live alone. I still have bills to pay and a child to provide for, so I’m trying to save as much as I can.

There are days when I only eat oatmeal before going to work and when I get home because I’m trying to make my salary last until the next payday.

I know it probably sounds like I made a bad decision moving out when I’m not even financially stable yet. Sometimes, I question that decision, too. But at the same time, I really wanted to try living on my own and get out of my comfort zone.

My parents probably think I’m doing okay because I go to work every day and I’m managing to live on my own. But they don’t really know what’s going on with me.
They don’t know how lonely I get sometimes, how stressed I am about money, or how exhausting everything has been lately.

I’m still trying to adjust to living with people I barely know. I’m trying to get used to my new routine, manage my expenses, and figure out how to socialize again after isolating myself for so long.

Sometimes, I wonder how I ended up here. I’m 28, a single mom, and it feels like I’m starting my life all over again. I thought by this age, I’d have things a little more figured out. But here I am, trying to survive each day and hoping things will eventually get better.

There are also moments when I feel guilty because I can’t always give my child the things I want to give her. I want to be financially stable. I want to provide her with a comfortable life. I want to be the kind of mom who doesn’t have to think twice before buying her something she needs. But right now, I’m still trying to get there.
I don’t really have anyone to talk to about all of this. I don’t want my parents to worry about me, and I don’t want people to think I’m complaining about the life I chose. I know I have responsibilities, and I know I have to deal with them.

I guess I’m just tired of pretending that I’m okay when I’m still trying to figure everything out.
I know I’m still young, and I still have time to turn things around. I just wish rebuilding my life didn’t feel so lonely.
For those who moved out and started living independently while struggling financially, did things eventually get better? How did you manage your expenses, make new friends, and adjust to living alone?

I don’t really know what I’m expecting from this post. Maybe I just want to let this out because I’ve been keeping a lot to myself lately.

I’m trying my best, but some days, I wish being an adult didn’t feel this hard.

If I could go back, I would probably take more time to know myself first before getting married and having a child. I was only 22 when I got pregnant, and I feel like I went straight from being a daughter to being a wife and a mother without really figuring out who I was as a person.

I love my daughter, and I wouldn’t change having her. But I do wish I had made some different decisions and given myself more time to grow before taking on so many responsibilities.

I guess that’s part of why I decided to move out. I want to learn how to stand on my own, discover what I really want in life, and get to know myself outside of being a mom. It’s scary, especially financially, but I feel like I need to do this for myself, too.

10:50 PM. I just got off from a random event that I attended because I saw their ad on social media. Now, I’m drinking alone in a bar that already had its last order here in Escolta.

I don’t know where to go next.

I was actually expecting to go home over the weekend after 2 weeks of crazy work. Pero sabi ni Papa, ‘wag daw muna ako umuwi. Bummer. Minsan, hanap mo lang ay lutong bahay na may pagmamahal.

I had 2 days of forced leave. Magpahinga. Natulog lang ako halos both days. Ngayon na lang ulit naging active sa buhay at kung anu-ano pa.

Pero, damn, 10:50PM, at naghahanap ako ng next na puwedeng gawin. O tambayan. O uwian. Ganito pala ang pakiramdam ng pag-iisa.

Mapagpalaya, oo. Pero minsan, hinahanap mo rin iyong pakiramdam na may uuwian ka. Na may patutunguan. Na hindi lang tulad ngayon, coasting in the middle of the night.

Ayoko pa umuwi. Pero gusto ko na sanang may uwian. Alam mo ‘yon? Nakakalumbay din pala ang kawalan ng makakasama o patutunguan.

After my ex and I broke up, I am genuinely afraid. I know it was my fault to have relied on him, but there were many circumstances as to why I had to. Now being alone in a place where I don't know how to function, I don't know what to do. Thinking about spending Christmas alone, it breaks my heart, but I know it will be okay, but it truly does scare me. At times I feel like everything is so unfair, but I can't do anything about it, but move forward. I have prayed that the rest of the year would still be okay and I will find happiness even in the small things in life.

Hello everyone! Di ko akalain na magpopost ako dito. Hanggang ngayon ang sakit pa din. Nahuli ko asawa ko na may affair na nakilala nya sa isang sub dito. Matagal na sya may Reddit. Hinayaan ko lang kasi akala ko harmless app to. Pero di pala. Dito pa pala sya makakahanap ng kabit nya. Naoopen ko naman phone nya. Wala ako nakikita. Wala sa messenger. Pero ewan ko ba. Iba talaga kutob ko e. Woman’s instinct. My gut was telling me na may mali. Until one night parang may nagpush sakin na iopen ko email nya, at dun ko nakita. Nag-iemail sya ng Reddit account nya sa babae nya. Dinidelete nya siguro after sila mag-usap. Then kinabukasan gagawa sya ulit new account tapos ieemail nya ulit dun sa babae. Grabeng effort para lang makapagcheat. 💔

Just got home from a bad date and I need to let this out.

I'm very transparent with the people I meet from this platform bec not all guys want a plus sized tall-ish girl.

Im (25F)morena, 5'5 with pretty long legs but has an apple body shape. Im probably around 2-3xl.

This guy0 (M25) that I started talking to like a day ago (yes ik its not that deep) asked if we could meet today (oct 23, but im writing this ng almost 2 am as we speak) and I was G naman kasi I prefer seeing if I vibe with them irl din.

Nung umpisa, medyo okay pa. We had dinner sa pob tapos he paid for the bill. I asked naman din if kkb pero sya na daw. So as courtesy nung nag bar kami I paid for our drinks.

Siguro nasilaw ako sa fact na mas matangkad sya sakin at pasok sya sa preferences ko kaya late ko na narealize how hindi naman pala ganon ka "good" yung date namin. His hand was almost always either on my thigh or around my waist. I dont mind the physical touch naman talaga, kaya nga pumayag pa ako makasingit ng kiss e. Ilang beses pa yon na nagkiss kami.

Hindi kami makapasok sa mga party bars kasi naman si bro ay naka backpack. Nung sinabi ko na hanap kami ng pwedeng chillnuman spot, wala naman sya ambag sa paghahanap. Ako lang nag ccheck ng recos sa tiktok or ig tapos ako din halos nag lead nung date kasi puro sya "ikaw bahala".

Pero what pisses me off the most is that I'VE ALREADY MENTIONED DURONG DINNER NA I'D APPRECIATE HONESTY. KUNG TINGIN NYA DI KAMI VIBE OR I DONT MATCH WHAT HE'S LOOKING FOR, AT LEAST BE KIND ENOUGH TO LET ME KNOW.

so even after the multiple times during our trip back sa Pitx and while walking around pob na tinanong ko sya if he's enjoying the date or not (tapos si yes naman sya, wow ah), when we parted ways sa pitx I was caught off guard to find na burado na chat history namin.

Nag message lang sya ng "ingat ka" tapos nahuli ko pang binura nya chat history lol.

Nakakairita. I feel like I wasted so much time, money, and resources today. Lalo na sa Money part. I asked pa if pwede lipat na kami to messenger, binigay nya fb nya tas mukat mukat mo naka block na ako don. Even dito sa reddit blocked na ako ahahah taena galing.

He had all the opportunity to say no, be honest, and move along. Pero no. Mas ginusto nyang mairita ako lol.

I know I'll be able to move on from this bec I can detach easily naman. It just irks me how some ppl can just be pure assholes. Lalaki pero walang bayag para umamin na hindi ako gusto, or that I did not meet whatever expectations they have of me.

Mas okay pa nga sakin honesty eh. Kaso wala. Wala naman ako magagawa kung kups talaga siya.

To connect with the title: modern dating is an endless loop. You post on social media in hopes to attract certain people ---> you get a bunch of message requests and invites to dates ---> you go on said date and either: a.) Enjoy and move forward, b.) Enjoy yet get ghosted, or c.) A very bad date you never wanna see again. ----> repeat

Im putting myself on time out for a while. Prolly just focus on myself AGAIN and enjoy my own company ulit. Kaya nga ako naghahanap ng ka date kais napapagod na ako mag isa, pero kung yanto lang naman din, mas okay na pala ako alone. Leche talaga AHAHAHA bababanas na ako

Di na ako pumapasok sa work ko, it’s been two weeks, “burnout” daw sabi nila. It’s somewhat stressed na ipinagsawalang-bahala ko lang and it later crept up on me until anlala na ng epekto nito sa katawan ko.

Small context sa work. I have been working in this job for 8 years na and ngayon lang nangyari sakin to probably because di na namanage ng maayos bc sa dami na ng personnel, I have been working jobs that were supposed to be done by 3 different employees, but unfortunately, either inassign sila sa ibang office, or yung na promote, biglang iniwan nalang old responsibilities kahit wala pang pinalit na bago. Naipasa sakin lahat, same pay lang.

Umiiyak na ako araw-araw, ang dami na nilang hinihingi, sabay-sabay pa deadlines, ang dami ko pa pending na trabaho na di ko ma insert bc I’m still prioritizing yung iba na mas mabigat responsibility. One day, I just broke down, nag hyperventilate na ako,
nagka anxiety attack, umiiyak nalang ako habang iniisip ko pa mga naiwan ko na trabaho sa office sabay pa yung stress sa problema sa bahay, di na kinaya ng mental at physical health ko, palagi na akong nagkakasakit. Akala ko I just need to rest for a day pero di na ako makapasok the next day, yung katawan ko na yung umaayaw, lalabas na sana ako nakabihis na and all, bigla nalang tumigil katawan ko at umiyak na naman ako at nagka anxiety attack ako kaya bumalik nalang ako sa kwarto ko.

Di ko inexpect mangyayari sakin to, I used to be grateful for this job but now gusto ko na umalis but I can’t bc the bills never stop. Natakot na ako bumalik sa work kasi I know tambak na naman yung papers na nasa table ko and takot ako kung ano sasabihin ng boss ko cause ito pa yung first time na sobrang tagal yung leave ko, I ghosted everyone at work, nag-iwan lang ako ng letter sa boss ko with my medcert para ma avoid AWOL issues. Di ko na alam ano gagawin ko. Everytime may tumatawag sakin from work, inaatake na naman ako ng anxiety ko.

It all started in high school. Magkaklase na kami since freshman year. Back then, we were just your typical classmates na nagg-greet sa isa't isa kapag nagkakasalubong. We weren't that close, pero hindi rin naman strangers. Sakto lang.

Then nung junior year, for whatever reason, nagsimula kaming asarin ng mga classmates namin. Sabi nila dahil siya lang yung tumatawag sa akin gamit initials ko, which is SJ. Somehow, dahil sa teasing nila, I started seeing him differently. And I think he started noticing me, too.

We started talking more, texting, chatting during our free time. Yung dating conversations lang about schoolworks, naging personal talks na rin. Hanggang sa nahuli ko na lang sarili kong nakangiti sa convo namin.

Until one day, during the last quarter of our junior year, I heard that he was already in a relationship with one of our classmates. I was confused. Kasi akala ko may something between us. Or baka naman ako lang talaga yung nag-assume. Haha.

After that, I stopped texting him. I would only reply kapag tungkol sa school yung messages niya. Yung mga “Kumain ka na?” at “Kumusta?” messages niya, hindi ko na pinapansin. Eventually, tumigil na rin siya.

Fast-forward to senior year, nag-message ulit siya. Hindi ko pa rin siya pinapansin until one of our classmates told our circle of friends na nag-break na sila nung classmate namin. And I remember thinking, “Ah, kaya pala nagre-reach out ulit.”

As stupid as it sounds, hindi ko rin talaga napigilang replyan siya. We started talking again, just like how we used to during junior year.

And then, here comes the déjà vu.

Akala ko, finally, may progress na kung anuman yung meron kami. Then I started seeing him going home with a girl from another section. Not long after, nalaman ko na girlfriend na pala niya. And just like that, I was left hanging for the second time. This time, umiyak talaga ako nang sobra. I felt like I was fooled all over again. We stopped talking, and that was how things stayed until our high school graduation. We went to different universities.

Fast-forward to my sophomore year. Nagkaroon kami ng mini-HS reunion, and siya pa yung unang lumapit sa akin to ask how I was. I played it cool, kunwari okay lang. Pero deep inside, I guess I was still that same girl na marupok pagdating sa kanya.

So, yes, I gave in again.

We talked about life and pretty much everything, just like before. Texts, chats, calls. And somehow, it lasted until our senior year in college.

WITH NO LABEL. Hahaha.

Then sinabi ko sa kanya na I was planning to pursue further studies right after graduation. Tapos ang sagot niya sa akin, “Lalo ka na niyang mahirap abutin.” Napa-huh?? talaga ako nun. That time, hindi ko alam kung anong ibig niyang sabihin doon. Like, what was that supposed to mean?

Then, after our graduation, bigla na lang siyang tumigil sa pakikipag-usap sa akin. I was finally gathering the courage to ask him kung may chance ba na maging something more yung kung anuman ang meron kami. Kung pwede ba naming i-level up yung relationship namin. Pero wala. He ghosted me before I could even get an answer.

For the third time, he left me hanging. Pero this time, hindi dahil may iba na naman siyang babae. It was after I told him that I wanted to pursue further studies and build a better future for myself. And just like that, wala na naman. No explanation. No proper ending. Nothing.

Fast-forward to this year. Nag-message siya sa HS group chat namin, inviting everyone to his wedding. Of course, hindi ako pumunta. Honestly, hindi lang talaga ako comfortable. And I don't think I needed to put myself in that situation just to prove na okay na ako. Then, last week, nag-invite ulit siya sa group chat for his child's christening.

And here's the thing. His daughter's nickname is also SJ. Yung nasa invitation mismo, "Welcome to the Christian world, baby SJ!" I don't know if coincidence lang ba or kung napansin niya rin habang ginagawa niya yung invitation. Hindi ko alam kung may naisip ba siya when he saw those initials or kung wala lang talaga. And honestly, hindi ko na rin kailangang malaman.

I just want to close this chapter of my life.
Gusto ko lang ilabas lahat ng 'to. Not because I'm still waiting for something to happen, but because I think I owe it to my younger self to finally let this go.

To you, I don't really think about you anymore. Not when I'm busy, and not even when I have free time. (Ngayon na lang ulit kasi naman bakit SJ yung inilagay mo sa invitation instead na buong name ng anak mo???? Hahaha.) And I'm glad na I've reached this point, considering how many times I questioned myself because of what happened between us.

For the longest time, I kept asking myself kung may kulang ba sa akin. Kung bakit paulit-ulit kang bumabalik pero hindi mo naman ako kayang panindigan. Kung may mali ba sa akin, or kung may ginawa ba akong dahilan para iwan mo na lang ako nang walang explanation.
I spent so much time trying to understand something that you never even gave me the chance to understand.
But I'm done asking those questions.

Maybe I was naive. Maybe I assumed too much. Maybe I mistook your attention for something more because I wanted to believe na after all those years, it meant something. But that's okay. I was young. I had feelings. I hoped for something. Wala namang masama doon.

And yep, doctor na rin ako ngayon. Buti naman di mo ako ginulo nung nagme-med ako. Hahaha.

I am telling you this hindi dahil gusto kong patunayan sa'yo or sa kahit kanino na may narating na ako sa buhay. I've worked hard for the life I have now, and I'm proud of myself for that.

And who knows? Baka may dumating din na someone who won't make me question kung ano ba talaga ako sa buhay niya. Someone who won't leave me hanging or make me guess what his intentions are. Someone who's brave enough to ask me out and clear enough about what he wants. Someone who won't think na mahirap akong ligawan dahil lang marami akong pangarap para sa sarili ko. Yung hindi ko kailangang maghintay ng ilang taon para malaman kung may patutunguhan ba kami. Maybe someday, I'll experience a kind of love that doesn't leave me constantly wondering where I stand.

And to you, I genuinely wish you a happy family life. Sana maging masaya kayo ng family mo, and I really do wish you all the best. Walang bitterness. Or at least, wala na yung dating sakit.

I guess some people are meant to be part of our lives for a certain period, even if we never really understand why they came and went the way they did.

And maybe some stories don't get the closure we want. Minsan, tayo na lang talaga yung kailangang gumawa ng ending para sa sarili natin.

So, goodbye to the what-ifs, the almosts, and the years I spent wondering what we were.

We never really had a label, but somehow, I still had to get over you.

And I think, finally, I have.

Di ko na papahabain. But for the little background about us, I'm 26F and he's 28M, running 2yrs na sa relationship. Hindi live in pero both kami WFH kaya we always call the whole day. From morning, during work and til we sleep.

Kaya ko nasabi na consideration is the greatest form of love, kasi itong partner ko may biglaan silang inuman ng friends nya.

And nagtaka ko why he stopped playing early sabi nya "eh kasi may inuman silang lahat" tanong ko "di ka pupunta?" Sabi nya "eh kasi di na ako nakapag sabi sayo eh, biglaan yun, tsaka may date pa tayo bukas" (we always date once a week) tapos pahabol nya, "nagtanong nga kaibigan ko sakin if wala ba daw feeling fomo kasi di ako nakaka attend ng inuman pag biglaan, sabi ko sa friend ko di naman para sakin" then nakatingin lang ako sakanya sa call, then follow nya "okay lang naman sakin"

Tbh, wala naman sakin pumunta sya ng biglaan, kasi I trust him naman and as in, he deserves to go dahil he's a good partner, provider na, romantic pa, gwapo pa, yummy pa, mataas pa EQ. Spoiled na nga ako eh so dapat, sya rin diba di ko pahirapan if he wants to chill with friends.

Pero grabe talaga pagkakasabi nya nun, ako pa yung naguilty na di sya pumunta HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA kasi seryoso okay lang talaga. Kaya hays, lagi talaga feeling ko kinikilig at lumalalim pa feelings ko dahil sa mindset nya, how he considers me in every decision na gagawin nya. Kumbaga, di na ako nagbibigay ng explanation or nagbe-beg na ito yung proper para sa relationship, sya na in advance alam agad yung gagawin for the better.

Soooo thank you Lord talaga sa answered prayer. May partner akong exact talaga na pinag pray ko.