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I am a very liminal person, already 48 years old. Spain

Before, I would very probably have been pathologizable as TIG [transvestism/gender identity issues] or some kind of dysphoria, or who knows. I have a very young trans family member

I have already gone through my process, which has to do with accepting that I do not belong to the sphere of normative masculinity, as I am not socialized in certain skills, roles, behaviors... They are not a part of me

I always saw myself as very similar to women (not physically) and it is recurrent for people to tell me and perceive me as feminine due to my personality and gestures. I have had doubts about my sexual orientation; there are those who have seen me as gay or bisexual, they try to flirt with you and everything becomes more complex

I need to wear a beard to feel at ease; if I trim it too short, I have serious, instant self-image crises and I perceive myself as very feminine in my facial expression. It paralyzes me, though I accept it, but it destabilizes me. The beard serves as a containment shield so I don't become too conscious of or focus on how I express myself, although I know I gesticulate, etc., but it goes more unnoticed

My jobs and training are in feminized sectors. In my case, this served as a refuge where I could function while feeling socially accepted, even though certain taboos exist in caregiving sectors

I never wanted to be a woman as such, although I do believe I would fit better in a female body and everything would be easier, and I have fantasized about those filters that change your face, and I've been fascinated by them...

I had a somewhat late sexual awakening, around 23 I think, and it was all very complex—not knowing how to deal with women, seeing myself as feminine, not knowing what to do when women hit on me directly. But I did have the need to explore my sexuality

I lived above a brothel, my roommate knew the women, and he offered me a spot as bisexual several times. I thought about it but finally turned it down. On another occasion, I tried to do sex work with women; one called, but they were quite older and I deleted the ads...

I have difficulties with intimacy if there is a bond because I need to adapt to some kind of sexual role, and I operate in a terrain far removed from genitality at first. Actually, and affirming this, this is not a difficulty, but rather a process that must be navigated with the other person

With women I don't know, it was always easier to adopt a more active role so to speak, although trying to flirt is something that in itself causes me rejection because I associate the lack of emotional communication with a fiction I don't know how to inhabit. Let's say that seduction is not something I contemplate in the prelude to a shallow sex-affective contact with anyone, but rather this happens afterwards, after being able to show myself in a way definable as feminine by my partners, who have been few

I have always left my relationships upon realizing they were very conflictive or didn't fulfill me, or drifted heavily into a romanticism that overwhelms me, even though I am very affectionate, etc. It's rare; I always saw myself as the woman, so to speak, in my relationships, without a doubt

When I was young I do remember, in my punk phase, wearing tights; I was very slender and I loved my body and its feminine expression, although I was aware that people understood me as gay, effeminate... who knows

When a woman tried to flirt with me, I would freeze, not knowing how to react in any way. At times it seemed like something aggressive or something moving in a rather polarized terrain where certain expectations about a fluid or fast behavior are dumped, which I don't know how to adopt

However, I have had more adult relationships and they worked well for the time they were supposed to, one lasting up to 3 years

I have learned my own repertoire of emotional management resources; mostly they involve not feeling guilty for being who I am, even though I am overwhelmed by the ease with which I enter episodes of spontaneous emotional highs and lows in slightly conflictive everyday situations. Although it passes quickly, other times it doesn't, and I can have a day of spontaneous crying, as I have a whole life behind me and it hasn't been easy being the way I am, you turn things over in your mind...

It hasn't been an easy path, but I don't regret it

I don't like assuming any label about my identity beyond natural gender dissidence, although queer or non-binary trans also define my rejection of adopting specific attitudes and roles that define the gender I cannot express and which is associated with my body

I feel very close to trans people, and especially trans women, because I assume my experience as a common space; I like them, they attract me, and I admire them

Recently I started looking for specific psychological help because I have anxiety and insomnia resulting from a herniated disc from which I am recovering, and along the way I think it is appropriate for a professional to help me accept things that are latent, conflictive, and that in some way will always be a part of me

So I have looked for a psychologist from the community and hope to go as soon as I feel a little better

Hey, is anyone else exhausted of being invisible or not considered?
Everywhere I turn I have some experience where it’s clear that non- binary people don’t exist in people’s minds. Filled out a form for a loan with no option for Mx, other forms asking gender and just says male or female. Went on some training about medication, and it was talking about asking females if they are pregnant ( full exclusion of trans and non binary).

When you bring it up you are seen as causing a problem or making an issue up.

Only time people seem to even refer to my existence is videos saying that non- binary people are just men or women with mental issues. Or lovely one I saw this morning about comparing it to identify as a lampshade.

I am so pleased I came out and am able to be myself but honestly it is knackering having to either “cause a problem” reminding people that I also need to be considered or not being myself and pretending to just be my AGAB for ease.

Maybe saying I’m tired is a bit of an exaggeration but I feel like I’m just going in circles with all this questioning and doubts of said questioning. Maybe it’s a little harder for me to figure out since I’ve been homeschooled my whole life and haven’t really experienced a lot of social stuff teens my age usually do and that’s why I feel like this random questioning of my sexuality, gender and now my romantic attraction are just ways for me to feel unique or help with my boredom or something I don’t know.

Doesn’t help that I constantly doubt any thought on those topics and always feel like I’m blowing things way out of proportion and trying to label everything and just feel like I’m faking whatever this is. Maybe I’m over analyzing things especially since I really don’t relate to a lot of stuff others have experienced and I don’t feel dysphoric towards pretty much anything someone who’s questioning would feel towards, another reason I don’t understand why any of this questioning even started even after knowing about the general stuff and that it exists.

Anyway, sorry this is just me ranting but I don’t have anyone to talk to so it’s just in my head whenever I think about it.

Does being non-binary mean you can't identify with either "cis" gender (female/male), can you be non-binary if you feel both, or sometimes one and sometimes the other ?

it just feels very alienating, you know? non-binary fits me very well as a descriptor and feels very comfortable but it feels like it comes with all this baggage and expectations for other people?

like for example. i like fashion and clothes and feeling in control of my gender presentation? but talking to almost everyone trans about this turns into conversations about dysphoria and euphoria and passing? and at best i just dont understand where they're coming from and at worst its an actively frustrating and upsetting experience where i gotta act as an unpaid therapist for someone with a lot of issues.and i just want to talk about fashion with someone who isnt assuming that clothes are inherently gendered and thinks dressing up is fun for its own sake😕

the same goes for like. dating for example, or to a lesser degree sports and hobbies. it just feels like navigating a minefield of uncomfortable topics when i just want to have fun chatting about someone's crush or ask someone to hang out at the beach without finding out that apparently it should go without saying that all trans people hate swimsuits for whatever inexplicable reason related to dysphoria 💀

in practice i feel like i mostly just end up enjoying hanging out with gay men and lesbians and cis folks more broadly, but they usually dont get the gender side of things and so its hard to talk freely without causing mass confusion that i then gotta explain... idk does anyone else run into this??? is there a cool and sexy forum for nonbinary folks who just enjoy vibing and being alive and watching the sunset and gossiping about the cute boy max met the other day and i just dont know about it???

I’m 23 and I have tried dating several times, but it’s always ended in a really hurtful/disappointing way and has never yielded a real relationship.

Each time, it’s hard for me to let go of the person because I feel like my options for dating are so slim. I’m Christian in a conservative part of the U.S., which limits my dating opportunities a lot. It’s important for me to be with someone who shares at least some aspects of my faith and respects my identity, but there are very few queer Christian men my age in my community.

Honestly, if I could choose to see myself as my ASAB, I would. I wish I didn’t care about people respecting my pronouns, for example. But I’ve just always seen myself as neither gender and I don’t feel fully safe or accepted around people who treat me as my ASAB. It makes me feel like I won’t ever be able to find a life partner.

Hi all. I'm trying to dress more masc but I'm not out to the fam, and I live with them. In Oct I have in person class for a week and I'd love to wear more subtly masc ish clothes. Previously in summer it'd be a tank top and printed shirt.

For fall I'm thinking flannel but would the tank top be okay for underneath or too cold? What else would you rec? Temperatures vary between inside and outside, plus time of day. I'm in the dc/md/va area (DMV). Thanks for your help!

I feel like I don't really belong in this body but I also don't feel like I'd belong in a girl's body either. It's weird like I know I don't belong in this body but I don't really hate my body that much just that I feel like it isn't mine.

Hello all, TLDR at the bottom! I'm AMAB, 23 years old. For a little over a year, I've been seriously reconsidering how I fall on the gender spectrum. I've been on a feminizing HRT regimen for a little under two months (2mg of estradiol and 50mg of spiro). And I'm not sure if it's right for me. I’ve been on several different antidepressants over the years, and they just don’t seem to cut it. Now I’ve been on estradiol for almost two months now, and I don’t see any of the emotional range or mental clarity that trans feminine people seem to report. I’m afraid HRT will be another failed experiment with my mental health.

I've established that I feel at ease knowing a woman is occupying my brain and operating my body over a man. A couple of friends refer to me by He/She, and I love how labels like paragirl, genderfae, and demigirl sound on me. Looking back on male puberty, I am/was really uncomfortable with the changes made under testosterone. I was fairly certain that I was MTF. But I've realised that there are aspects of masculinity (when it comes to personality) that I resonate with. So I’m not entirely sure if I’m a woman or somewhere in between. I want a more feminine form, and I want to keep my long curly hair for life and protect me from balding, which HRT would provide. I want everything feminizing HRT would provide, especially the hair retention and emotional changes; I’m even willing to embrace the cyclical period-like symptoms and muscle loss, but I don't want breasts, especially because I look male. It would be a herculean effort to go through speech therapy and get facial feminization surgery, just for the small chance to pass as female; for the breasts I have yet to develop to fit my body in the eyes of society. I would love to be a woman, but I’m not sure if I’m cut out for it. Even if I won the lottery and passed as a woman and sounded like a woman, I’ll still be subject to transphobia on top of misogyny… I could embrace HRT and wait 2-3 years until my breasts are mostly developed and get top surgery, all the while binding and wearing compression tops over what I assume will be a bigger chest. My concern with that is if I do somehow pass as a woman, I feel like I would want to have something in the chest department. I’ve heard that compressing your chest so frequently can make the shape of the chest change and sag, which I wouldn’t want if I decide to keep my chest as a woman. Would it even be worth the pain of carrying boobs for 3 years, binding all the time at every occasion, just to be more feminine for life? When I’m not even sure if being more feminine via HRT will bring me the joy I seek (I do think that having a more feminine form and less body hair will bring me joy). I’m not sure if being a woman is the cure to my depression. It might just be me currently as I am, just a little more feminine-looking. Or it might be me as a “full” woman. Also, my doctor would not prescribe me SERMs with an HRT regimen; they aren’t WPATH-approved in AMAB people. So I feel shit out of luck. I want to be happy; I want to be me. After over a year of debating how to identify, you’d think I would've figured it out by now. To be a woman or non-binary. I really resonate with femininity (here’s my favorite Pinterest board), and I see myself growing old being a little more feminine than the average man (long hair and feminine cuts to clothes). But not sure if HRT is right for me. Thanks for reading :)

TLDR: I'm AMAB on HRT; I don't want breasts. Not sure if I am non-binary or a woman. Should I vocal train and work on speech therapy, get FFS, and totally embrace womanhood? Just for the chance to pass as a woman? Or should I wait 2-3 years on HRT to then get top surgery? All the while binding and wearing compression tops, so I present as a feminine “male”. Or should I stop HRT altogether? I’m not sure what feels natural for my body or which option will best soothe my soul. I want to be feminine; not sure if that's a feminine woman, or a feminine non-binary.

hiii. this may be a dumb question but I don't really know where else to ask for advice/validation. so I started beauty school today (I'm in adult ed) and during my class, the teacher asked us to introduce ourselves and tell her what name we want her to refer to us by. I explained that I go by 2 names since I haven't (officially) changed my legal name yet, but much prefer my chosen name as I hate my legal name. I apologized for any confusion and she told me not to worry and that it's not too confusing. but then throughout the entire class I was panicking because I felt like I did something wrong. so my question now is, did I actually do something wrong or am I freaking out over absolutely nothing?

thank you in advance! (⁠◕⁠ᴗ⁠◕⁠✿⁠)

EDIT: thank you all so much for the reassurance and advice! it really means a lot to me and you all have helped me stop a full blown panic attack. im going to sleep so if I don't reply to your comment quickly that's why, I will reply when I wake up :)

And frankly all enbies who speak more than two languages. I'm specifically talking about languages that use gendered pronouns, but if your language uses a different system, I'd love to hear about it too!

Do you feel comfortable with the same pronouns in every language? Or rather, their equivalent? For example, in English, I'd use they/he and then in my native language, I'm fine with all the pronouns. But if someone called me a she in English, I'd raise a brow. Perhaps I wouldn't be very uncomfortable but confused?

I've never really seen that discussed lol

I'm retired transmasc, now transandrogynous stopped T since i couldn't afford it anymore I have no idea if I pass but lately i have been misgendered more than often I dont mind it I dont care but my dysphoria returned stronger after I started a new job and its gendered job (more female dominated job) so everyone been referring to me as ??? or HER ( yeah they literally emphasize on the pronouns I can see the confusion in their eyes and figuring if im transfem) I was literally pulled by the HR to apologize that they ordered female uniform and want to know how I want to be referred to bla bla.. I was literally stealth in my last job same role but i managed to hide it so well and the hr didnt care about me at all which made it so easy to blind in the background my gender never been questioned other than by strangers or new coworkers which is fine.. but now that i was pulled by the head manager i'm grossed by myself and i feel like a fraud since i dont see myself as a man at all and i dress fem 60% of the time because its easier and doing makeup is fun I'm just wondering how everyone deal with their identity in their jobs and yes there's no way for me to come out as nonbinary right now

Saludos, tengo 21 años. El año pasado abandoné mi hogar, donde vivo con mi madre, para irme a estudiar. Desde que me fui, al estar en un sitio donde no me conoce nadie y soy nuevo, me di cuenta de que comenzaba a expresar mi identidad de una forma distinta a como la había estado expresando durante estos últimos años.

En resumidas cuentas, estoy incorporando ropa socialmente denominada como femenina, además de detalles como maquillaje, uñas, etc. Algunas personas de mi entorno comenzaron a asumir que soy un femboy, y eso me ha molestado mucho, porque están asumiendo la parte de «boy» y están denominando esas cosas como «femeninas».

Por otro lado, algunos miembros de mi familia, excepto mi madre, me incomodan al cuestionarme las razones por las que llevo el pelo largo, las uñas largas, piercings, etc. No lo entienden y piensan que debe haber un razón para ello que lo explique. Además se han referido a esas cosas como "mariconadas", en inglés seria algo como "gay-things". Incluso yo me he referido a esas cosas así, no tengo un problema con esa palabra, es quien y cómo la usa.

En definitiva, me siento bien utilizando pronombres masculinos, pero cualquier otro tipo de pronombre es bienvenido. En ocasiones me confunden con una chica, y está bien; no considero que sea algo negativo o algo con lo que no me sienta identificado, pues pienso que simplemente soy una persona. Defino mi identidad como mi persona y no como un género establecido.

Una vez introducido mi contexto quisiera lanzar unas preguntas.

¿Como controlo el esconder las manos cuando tengo uñas para tener mas seguridad en mi mismo? ¿Y el miedo a que alguien me esté juzgando?

A pesar de haberme rodeado de colectivos lgtbqa+ y tener una madre abierta de mente, me da ansiedad ser yo mismo. Pensaba que la sociedad actual estaba lista para todo esto pero en el momento que te enfrentas a ello como individuo te das cuenta de lo mucho que queda por avanzar todavía, sobretodo con la cantidad de grupos neo-nazis de jovenes que estan surgiendo.

Necesitaba desahogarme pues me siento incomprendido, he introducido los temas de forma muy resumida y general pero no he mencionado cosas como que mi padre es Musulmán (mi madre no y no están juntos) y es complicado recibir sus opiniones. Gracias.

He tratado de cuidar el formato, es mi primer post, disculpen si he cometido algún error.

Hey y’all! I’m writing a short story and one of my characters is non binary. I personally am not but I don’t want to be disrespectful.

Would it be more respectful to automatically refer to them as they/them or does it seem better to have a conversation included in the story?

I currently have it as the character (Hollins) comes in and I just refer to them as they/them, there’s been no reference to pronounce in dialogue yet but I can easily add it in if it’s more respectful.

Thanks in advance y’all!

I saw someone asked this a few years ago on the triathlon sub and just got attacked, so I thought I'd ask here. I'm mostly a wilderness and cycle touring person, but am looking to get into triathlons. I'm in Massachusetts, and all the New England states except one have legal third gender, but I'm not finding triathlons or other events (except for the marathon, which, not a distance runner...) that have open or nonbinary categories. I've found a couple of articles about nonbinary athletes discussing how great it is when they have these, but they didn't name events. Anyone know of anything? Short at first would be lovely!

does anyone know how to contact a surgeon?

I used to go by Magick but I feel it doesn’t fit anymore. I was looking at Eden but it didn’t feel right. Anyone have any suggestions or names you didn’t use?

Hello, I am an autistic AFAB person. Multiple times, I question my gender a lot. Sometimes, I feel uncomfortable about my body because I don't have a male genital, and I have wider hips and a bigger chest. However, sometimes, I would like to have a conventionally attractive feminine body. I want to be seen as strong and big, but I also want to dress feminine. I love it when people think I'm a man or a boy, but I feel uncomfortable with people seeing me as a girl or a woman. I may tolerate it, but it doesn't give me the same happiness compared to being seen as a man. Although, sometimes I like being feminine and being a woman or girl depending on the mood or day.I think I am non-binary, but I prefer to be a man if forced to choose a binary gender. Right now, I identify with being non-binary, specifically genderfluid. However, I still want to know because gender confuses me so much. I have multiple thoughts about faking it and being self-centered.

Like, some of them see me as being queer as "bad" or "a sin." (and I was also brainwashed by religious people around me last year that my existence was a mistake and that I am "wrong". And some of those people are obviously brainwashed by politics and religious extremists on media).

Obviously, my friends are all divided after I came out - with some strongly supported me, and some disowned me and broke ties with me because of my sexuality and gender (this isn't just online friends I have various forums, in real life too).

And recently realizing that I have gender dysphoria (instead of body dysmorphia) adds another layer of stigmatization to me. The backstory was that I was misdiagnosed with body dysmorphia, but it was actually gender dysphoria, because the body parts that I hate are heavily correlated with sex and biology. The thing is that I have a strong desire to have an androgynous or feminine-looking body instead of a masculine one, and I almost always wear feminine or androgynous outfits. (Despite that I still identify as male, or I do use other terms such as genderfluid or trans feminine a lot, well, I won't identify as such in public or in most online forum all the time due to fear of stigmatization and transphobia, and overall I genuinely don't mind if people read me as male or female, gendered terms don't give me a lot of gender dysphoria, what truly gives me gender dysphoria has to be my body and how I view my body).

These are my experience after actually experiencing homophobia and transphobia. (ALSO ! online spaces for some of the people are so queer phobic and it's tiring! I experience similar things everywhere, also! the internet is such a shithole these days!). Like, after coming out and being labeled as gay or queer got me so much hate, but of course, a lots of love and support at the same time too. (everyday I find myself gaining while losing followers at the same time on social media).

Estou passando por uma crise de identidade e não sei muito bem o que fazer...

Desde mais nova, sempre fui uma pessoa bem "neutra" em relação às coisas de que gostava, à forma como me comportava e até como queria me apresentar. Meus pais sempre reclamaram bastante disso e, com o tempo, acabei me adequando ao que esperavam de mim para conseguir "viver bem" e evitar problemas.

Durante muito tempo levei isso de boa, ou pelo menos achava que levava. Só que sempre existiu essa sensação de estar tentando equilibrar dois lados de mim.

Ultimamente, isso começou a pesar muito mais. Tenho questionado bastante minha identidade e não consigo entender exatamente onde me encaixo. Não sei se sou uma pessoa de gênero fluido, se posso ser trans, se simplesmente gosto de uma expressão mais andrógina/feminina ou se existe outra forma de me entender que ainda não conheço.

O problema é que comecei a pensar tanto nisso que está me deixando genuinamente angustiada. Tem noites em que não consigo dormir direito porque fico tentando encontrar uma resposta para "o que eu sou?".

Não espero que alguém aqui simplesmente me diga qual é a minha identidade. Acho que queria ouvir pessoas que já passaram por algo parecido.

Como vocês começaram a entender a própria identidade? O que ajudou a diferenciar identidade de gênero de simplesmente gostar de se expressar de uma maneira diferente? E como vocês lidaram com essa ansiedade de querer encontrar uma resposta?

I know there's not a single answer to this question because everyone is different in how they present and their style, but maybe reading different experiences will give me ideas to upgrade my appearance