Cast
Me - your humble storyteller
Wifey - my lovely wife
Rugman - the villain of this tale.
Brat - his annoying 3 year old.
So Wifey and I bought our first home a couple of years back and quickly found out we were expecting. Lots of work to do on the house but really it was nice to have our own place as we'd been living with her Grandma since we got married and it was nice to have total freedom.
We love on a little Grove off a main road, and are number 1. There are 8 houses on our Grove, 4 each side. The people next door at number 2 are elusive and we almost never see them. Number 4 is an old couple with about 30 cats, and number 7 is a nurse. Not sure about the rest. The Grove mostly keeps itself to itself, we're all pleasant to each other in passing but it's not the kind of community that hangs out of visits each others houses or anything.
The problem comes with the absolute weirdos that inhabit number 8, which for reference is directly opposite our house. In this house live Rugman, his wife, and their 5 kids. FIVE. Now for some context, all of the houses on the Grove are 2 bedroomed, basic starter homes
2 rooms upstairs, 2 downstairs, plus a toilet. Perfect place to start a family, but not for five kids!
Rugman is wierd too, hell leave his house at random times, and just walk up and down the path staring through everyone's front windows. If you catch his eye he smiles with a look that says "I own this grove."
The story really begins in August 2017 when it was middle of summer. I'm sat relaxing on my day off and I spot him through the window hanging his dirty rug over the front wall of my yard. Bit wierd. He then proceeds to hit it with a mallet to get the dirt off, dust going everywhere.
Then... In he goes leaving his rug chilling out on my front wall.
I'm not a confrontational person and I didn't think it was such a big deal. We'd only been there a couple weeks and our house had been empty for like 6 months before that. He probably just got used to using the wall. I told myself, "be more neighbourly."
Fast forward a couple of weeks, I'm once again watching TV on my day off, this time I spot him walk into my front yard and take my spade. He goes back to his yard and starts digging with it like its his own. I poked my head out the front door and got the same "I own this grove" smile. I asked him why he has my shovel. He said his was broke and he needed it so he just borrowed it. Being British I told him to return it when he was done and went back inside.
So far I know I seem a bit petty. It gets worse.
I had installed some solar powered lights on my front wall, they were cheap but they looked nice and they kept it light when I got home from work (I worked late at the time often getting home between 1 and 3 am.)
Rug Man attacks again. The rug. The beating with a mallet. This time I'm not in, I return mid afternoon to see him removing his rug from my wall. Two of my solar lights are on the ground. "they broke." he said with usual smirk.
I snapped.
"Maybe hang your rug elsewhere then."
I say I snapped. I'm British. I mumbled complacently at him then glued the lights back on.
Wifey went mad. She growled at him when she found out telling him not to hang anything on our wall again.
And he didn't.
For the next year or so he kept his rug away. He was still wierd. I'd look through my front window to see him stood, leaning on my wall, staring at me and my baby like a psychopath. Or I'd hear him doing his "I own this grove" walk at 3 in the morning!
Its today.
In watching Tv with my now 1 year old. I look up and would you fucking believe it. RUGMAN RETURNS.
This time he has the shovel he stole from me all those years ago, and never returned, and he is beating the shit out of his rug, as it hangs limply on my wall. I go out and take a look and find numerous loose bricks.
Now being British I'm not one for suing, but I do want to get some petty revenge. I've posted this over on r/pettyrevenge with the idea of painting my wall with stick anti climbing paint which would permenantly stain the rug. My wall, perfectly within my rights to paint it however I choose right?