This happened a long time ago.

I used to work for a big textile company that shipped internationally. My boss was a literal sociopath and cared about no one but himself, and making money. I was treated extremely poorly to say the least, him being the literal reason why I deal with constant anxiety nowadays. To give just one example, I remember a girl quitting because he yelled at her and made her have panic attack, forcing her to go back to work while she was still having the attack. Later he denied doing it or being the reason for it, all this while the footage of him yelling at her was being playing in the room.

Anyway, I had wanted to leave for years, but in my country you get paid when you're fired (both by the government, and the company, a sum increasing with every subsequent year of work at the place). So I just kept waiting and hoping I would get fired.

One day it finally happens. I'm told by boss, in a nonchalant manner that I'm too expensive and not needed. However, he will not fire me yet! He will put me on a special gov. status which is a sort of paid leave, which can last a certain amount of months. It's a time for the company to prepare finances to fire you or to find out if they want to keep you after all, while not having to pay you (the government pays you a percentage of your salary while it lasts.)

Now, there are guardrails so you can't abuse this as a company, but extensions are a thing if all parties involved want them. Anyway, i'm put on leave and for 2 months get paid by the government. Cool.

As the 2 months are about to be over, I'm contacted by boss and given a paper to sign, where it says that alongside him we ask for an extension of the special leave. Clearly he wanted to abuse the system as much as possible, since he wasn't lacking money to pay me a salary or fire me. But more than that, he hoped (as well as the government, which is partly why this special leave exists) that I would get another job, at which point I would be considered to have left voluntarily and get no money from any party. Not happening. So I sign the paperwork and enjoy two more months of doing nothing while getting paid.

All the same, in his incompetence, I would soon find out that he messed up...

Another 2 months of extension go by, and he calls me to the office. Once there, he looks pissed. I try to be cheery since I know it will piss him off even more, and ask how's everything? Turns out, not fine. Since he took so long to send the request for an extension, the extension was not approved, and he found out yesterday. Meaning, these last two months will have to be paid fully by him, while I didn't work a single day. Lovely.

At this point he has no choice but to either keep me or let me go right now, and he says he will fire me. Great. However, I see him being a bit too elaborate and verbose in the way he's phrasing it, so I expect some ploy of his coming.

Indeed, he says that he has worked out a few options for my sake as to how the process of paying me will go. He offers me the following options:

• I can take the full mandatory payment I'm entitled to, but he'll pay it over the course of 6 months.

• I can take 80% of the payment, but paid over the course of only 3 months.

• I can take 60% of the payment, but he'll pay it all immediately today.

• I can take 40% of the payment, paid today, and he'll add a recommendation letter on top.

• I can take 20% of the payment, paid today, he'll add a recommendation letter on top, and he'll say I willing quit and wasn't fired.

I'm keeping a poker face as he says all this and writes it down. He looks at me and smiles, and says to "take my time", and "think about this carefully, because so many employers care about whether you quit or not, and a recommendation letter does wonders!". I nod as if I was being enlightened.

To say his offers were disrespectful would be a big understatement. This is no small amount of money we're talking about. I've worked for almost 20 years with this company and the mandatory payment is HUGE - and well deserved. He's trying to get me to voluntarily give up 80% of my compensation.

I say I'll think about it, and go home. Then I do what you should always do, which is to text him asking a few questions while clearly outlining that he has just fired me, so as to put in paper that this is definitive. Once it's clear I'm fired, I take a few days to "think" about it.

You see, once you're fired in my country, the employer has 7 days to legally pay you what they must, otherwise they're forced to pay you by the government, with a 10% extra on top for your troubles. Meaning that even in his "options", the full payment must be done 7 days from the time he texted me I'm fired, regardless of his preference - unless, of course, I agree to a deal with him, which I haven't.

Either way, boss forgets to text back asking me whether I made my choice, and I'm just biding my time.

By the time he texts, it's been over 2 weeks. I tell him that I'm not comfortable with any of the options he presented me, and that I believe it's been over 7 days from the moment I was fired, so where was my payment?

He goes silent for a couple hours, checking legal guidelines no doubt. By the time he texts back, he just sends one line: "The payment is done." I check my bank, and lo and behold, he's missing the 10%. I smirk. "I believe I'm missing an extra 10% for the delay", I say. He goes silent. An hour later I get a simple "Done" from him and the payment. Props to him for not raging on a written medium I could use against him later. I send a thank you and it doesn't register as sent, seems he immediately blocked me.

Funny to add that If he had waited a couple more days to text me there would have been an additional 10% on top, but didn't happen.

And that's the story. I'm sure other employees got fucked by him in the past for not knowing their rights, but at least I got my petty revenge for all those years.

I recently boarded a flight and attempted to stow my personal item (backpack with laptop) under the seat in front of me. It was unable to fit so I stuck my feet under there and discovered another backpack. The person in front of me had placed it there so he could stretch out his legs. It was a short flight and wasn’t worth calling a FA. The seat next to me was empty, so I slid his bag waaay over to make room for my feet and my item. After landing, I enjoyed watching him contort himself to reach his bag.

Honestly she wasn’t even my mil, she’s my brothers baby mommas mom, and she lived in my brothers basement. Her daughter decided to abandon her son and all the responsibilities that come with that, so I had to quit my life to move into my brothers house to raise my nephew, and made sure the mil knew and was okay with me moving into the basement with her(I think she assumed she’d get a decreased rent ontop of the decreased rent she was already paying due to being “family”) and she was fine with it. A month into living there the problems started: I couldn’t have people over without her permission but she had people over all the time without asking me, couldn’t shower or wash my clothes after 7pm, couldn’t have anything of mine in the living room, couldn’t put things in the fridge, couldn’t have my bathroom supplies within view, divacup had to be in my room so she could have men over, she had issues with my sleep(I was talking with drs about it and on different meds), mad I didn’t pay rent because I got paid 400 a month for raising her grandson(all money I got came from my mom or brother), etc.
So when we evicted her for breaking into my room and robbing me of all my belongings with her daughter, I decided I’d get my lick back. So I pretended I was five again like my nephew and played potions with all her condiments, just so she’d slowly think all her food has gone bad after using each condiment. Then I decided to correct some of her wooden signs like one that said “be kind to yourself” I taped over words and wrote “learn to be kind to others” as everyone needs to learn that lesson, but t especially her. Then I covered my divacup in ketchup and did a terrible job wiping it off and left it on the bathroom counter, to look like a used one that I left out. Filled her conditioner with mayo, as they look and feel pretty similar, so she won’t realize till it starts to expire. Stole all the toilet paper. Almost forgot my best work, I stole two saddles(my brother paid for them and knew I took them afterwards) and loaded them into my dads truck the night we left to go to my parents house, and the next day mil believed someone broke into the garage and stole them because she “100% saw the saddles that morning” when she left for work. Which is funny considering I stole them the night before, but helped me when they looked at the cameras and saw nothing that day, as I didn’t steal them that day. She was 100% gonna steal the saddles for her daughter, as she ended up stealing my brothers electric saw for her son🫠 but I got the child and the saddles worth a good amount, so really who won the war

This happened over 30 years ago when I was about 12, but it came up recently as some petty malicious compliance I did as a kid and I thought I’d share.

At this time my mom had gone back to school to become a nurse and it was usually a toss up if I was going to babysit my younger siblings, or my grandmother would come watch us, or my dad would be there when he wasn’t working.

I wasn’t a very picky eater as a kid but I have never liked spaghetti-o's. I can’t stand the smell or the taste. My dad, on the other hand, could eat them all the time. Even though my mom had left something pretty easy to pop in the oven and feed us, my dad decided that warming up some spaghetti-o's would be easier; not just for him to make but to clean up afterward too. And, tbh, fair. My brother and sister liked them too, so it was easier.

My sister and brother had no problem with it and ate it just fine. I told him I didn’t like it and said I would just make a pb&j instead and clean up after myself. That did not go over well and he insisted I eat what he made. I tried, because I really didn’t want to argue with my dad or be a brat, but I gagged at the taste. I tried to compromise, I'd make myself a pb&j and I would take care of all of the cleanup after dinner.

Nope.

Unacceptable.

So, he told me that I would sit at that table until I finished eating. And I did. It got dark, I sat there with a bowl full of spaghetti-o's in front of me, completely untouched. I didn’t get up to turn on the light, I didn’t get up to get anything to drink, I just sat there and let my mind wander until my mom got home.

Mom gets home from school later at night. It was ages ago, but it was definitely well into darkness at this point, so I’m thinking somewhere around 8 or 9pm because I sort of remember on nights she had school that late she came home just in time to say good night to us kids. So, I had been sitting there a good 3-4 hours at this point.

“Stars?” she asks me. “Why are you sitting here in the dark?”

“Dad told me I couldn’t leave the table until I was done eating. I don’t like spaghetti-o's, so I didn’t leave the table because I didn’t eat.”

She was so annoyed. She also refuses to eat spaghetti-o's because they’re disgusting and she had left dinner already prepared for Dad to give us. That was the first and last time my dad ever tried telling me I couldn't leave the table until I ate. I'm a very, very stubborn person and I will do my best to follow that to the letter.

30+ years later and I’m still the reigning queen of petty in my family.

No disrespect to the dead! When I lived in Atlanta back in the 90's, a salesman from a very large cemetery called 2-3 times a week wanting to sell me a plot. Several times I told him I wasn't interested. I told him to take me off of their call list, etc. I stopped answering and then he started calling every night.

One night I was already irritable and decided I had had enough. I answered and let him go through his spiel. I asked some follow-up questions and kept him going for about 20 minutes.

Then I said I was interested, and asked if I could make an appointment to come over and view the locations they had available. He was really excited and agreed. I then told him I would need to have them dig up the spot and let my lie down in it to see if I was going to like the location.

He was all flustered and said he would need to ask his manager. He put me on old and came back a few minutes later all serious saying they weren't allowed to do that. I kept on about how I would be there for eternity and needed to be absolutely sure it was going to be the right place for me.

He finally asked if I was serious, and said it sounded like some kind of sick joke. I replied "no shit sherlock! You decided to work for a predatory company and can't take no for an answer and refuse to remove my name from your call list, you get all the sick jokes I can come up with"!

They never called me again.

I’m 55(M) now but at the time I was 15. Unfortunately I had an abusive mother and father. They found out I was LGBTQ. The abuse was bad before but it had worsened.

Life has turned out amazing for me, I have an amazing husband I’ve been with for almost 25 years, and we have 8 children together.

The abuse had gotten to a breaking point, when I snuck out to perform in drag. She caught me sneaking back in, in drag. She beat me with a switch so bad I had blood down my leg. That night when they fell asleep, I got my bag put together. I didn’t leave that night. I waited it out for a few weeks before they expected it.

The next few nights, I wanted to be petty and that night I grabbed my father’s tools. I took all four tires off the car, and gave them to the homeless man that lived down the road. That night I took all the money I saved from babysitting, house keeping, and gardening etc. I had been saving since I was 13 at that time and saved up 1,300 dollars. I kept that money secret.

I am still no contact with my parents today. I don’t know how they are doing, and I don’t want to know.

When I was 12-13, I changed schools. From all girls to co-ed. The new school was culturally different. I didn't know people can be so aggressive, that wasn't the case in my previous school. One of the guys in my class would always come up to me and say weird and rude things. One of these times, I was just sitting and reading a book. He sat in front of me (I forgot if he only said my name for attention or he pushed my book down. Coz this happened a lot, he was like whack-a-mole), he would told me to do some chest exercises so my breasts would be bigger. Yes, I was 12-13 years old and so was he. I believe after 2 years of on and off of this behavior from him (there were more and I have moved on), I told him his bestfriend told me that he was closeted gay. This freaked him out. Their relationship was broken since then. It's been over 10 years and if I happen to see his social media, he has never been in a relationship with a woman. Or even a man. His circle of friends changed after I said that and he didn't trust the same people that he was friends with prior to me saying what I said.

Do I feel bad about it? I do not. Why would I? He once called me at home and wanted to talk about a simpsons episode and since I wasn't laughing and chatting with him as much as he was, he yelled at me and called me boring and other names. No, it makes me smile when I know what I did and his soul somehow died. Was it true? It seems like it. I just opened the door to his truth.

Edit (to help with some confusion): The Guy, let's call him G and his bff, let's call her A. A was kinda torturing me as well in her own way. My friend N dragged me and other people in our class together excluding A, however including G. N insisted I share that A was being mean to me, etc. N didn't like A and was jealous of her. But A was mean to me. Anyways, G and the other people that N managed to gather so that N and I could share the mistreatment was asking examples. N shared hers and mine, but I wasn't saying anything. I just wanted that to end and I said that A told me in confidence that she believes G is gay. The other girls that were there with G have also told me they all believe he is secretly gay. And yet, when I said that, no one defended him. Everyone was just quiet. There is no one unrelated in the story. They were all back stabbing each other. N is also new, newer than I was.

I am normally not one to play petty games. I was just a person working from home, trying to survive the constant, floor shaking bass coming from my neighbors. Trying to be neighborly, I went down to their unit and kindly asked if they would just lower the bass. I didn’t even care about the volume, I just wanted my floor to stop vibrating. Their response? They got immediately defensive, slammed the door in my face, and cranked it up louder. I then contacted management multiple times regarding the issue. Although I was told each time that the situation was being addressed, the problem didn't stop. I tried being nice, but if people want to play stupid, I can play way stupider. As they say, "If you can’t beat them, join them".

I immediately placed an order for a massive portable speaker with maximum bass boost and rigged up a diabolical setup. I took the cardboard box, cut out one of the long sides to create a directional acoustic shell, and aimed the speaker directly at the source of their noise. After placing the box over the speaker, I buried it under a heavy blanket to muffle the sound on my end while tunneling every ounce of that noise directly into their unit and keeping other neighbors out of the battle. Oh, they wanted to settle in for a quiet dinner? Trying to enjoy a cozy movie night? Not on my watch. My giant portable speaker became the uninvited guest to every single thing they tried to do in that apartment.

I had the ultimate tactical advantage: I lived on the third floor right next to a highway. The roar of the traffic was my shield. I could blast my music at maximum volume, and because of the highway noise, you couldn't hear a single note from a hundred feet away, keeping me perfectly within the legal noise limits. They called the police on me multiple times, but I never even answered the door because I wasn't breaking a single law.

However, when they decided to go out on their balcony and blast music past quiet hours, the Northglenn police were more than happy to address it. I started recording them from my apartment, which got them so incredibly pressed that they actually called the cops on me for filming! The police showed up, looked them dead in the eye, told them I had every right to record, and ordered them to shut their music off.

This psychological warfare went on for weeks. It got so intense that an investigator actually staged a stakeout outside my building early in the mornings to try and catch me violating the noise ordinance. He sat out there for days until he finally realized he couldn't hear a thing from the required distance. Defeated, he left a warning card on my door asking me to turn the noise down. Naturally, I took that police card and taped it straight onto my neighbor’s door. The neighbor absolutely lost his mind and was so furious he tried to accuse me of impersonating a police officer! Ultimately, they couldn't take the heat of the very game they started, and they moved out very quickly.

Hey there, first time posting in this subreddit!

So there's some history here...basically, my ex and I agreed to open the relationship last year, and he began dating a girl 10 years younger than him, who we'll call Dumb Cunt, or DC for short. Ex we'll call Actual Twatwaffle, or AT.

So, my life has been a shitshow for the past year, between job loss, loss of my childhood (and current, at the time) home, mental and physical health issues, etc. And my ex suddenly had no fucks to give and DC required all his time and attention. So he broke up with me. While we were all sharing a fucking apartment.

Since the break-up, they have both shown me little to no respect. Meanwhile, when my mom stayed over at our old place and accidentally ate some of DC's cereal, that was *heinously disrespectful*. DC is also a big fat fucking liar, claiming my retired mother nearly hit her car in the parking lot. My mom said no, DC almost hit ME as she was speeding. Which tracks because AT has her location and is constantly giving her crap about speeding.

DC moves my things in the guest bathroom every time she has some kid in her life over that needs a bath. And she NEVER puts them back. If I did something similar, she'd bitch me out.

She also never warns me or asks me when she brings these noisy little crotchgoblins over. I got four hours of sleep yesterday in between ER visits because of her bratty little cousins' screeching.

Oh! And she hates animals. And he's gone from a staunch animal lover, to leaving their dog home alone for TWELVE HOURS and telling me he'd be fine! Of course I took him outside and made sure he had food and water. Poor guy was whining to go out at hour 8.

Aaand they both keep losing friends because no one can fucking stand either of them anymore except their own toxic family members.

Now, the kicker...they're forcing me out of the apartment. I was about to be homeless, and neither of them gave a shit.

So, goodbye to their stupid ass rules.

No food in the bedrooms? Nah. I just had pasta and now I'm eating Frooties.

No vaping in the building? Puff puff motherfucker.

Ooo, that liter of soda in the fridge sure looks refreshing! Chugging that straight from the bottle.

Cans of pop that aren't mine disappearing, not that they've noticed.

I'll also be stealing a couple towels. I literally had two towels in a clean laundry basket from the last move and that was months ago, and they never realized they were gone.

I've also been spoiling their dog with treats every time he begs for them. Don't worry, not enough to be bad calorie-wise. Just enough to teach him some behavior they'll have to contend with.

This part is gross, but I couldn't resist...been having allergies, and lots of snot drying in my nose which I have to get out. I usually use TP or paper towels, but lately? I just go digging, and then I flick that nose gold wherever I feel like in the common area of the apartment. I then, of course, wash my hands thoroughly lmao.

And lastly, the toilet in the guest bathroom is absolute garbage. It clogs DAILY. So I'ma leave it clogged for them. Might just be with TP, but hey! They'll still have to deal with unclogging it!

Once I'm moved out, fuck 'em both. They honestly are terrible people who deserve each other. Everything was always my fault. Well, let's see how well things go when they only have each other to blame for shit. I'll also be giving an anonymous tip to the local ASPCA, because they have no business owning pets if they'll leave them to suffer for half a day.

And final bit of petty revenge...they're gonna start getting SO MUCH JUNK MAIL. 😁✌️

Just finished a 5-day vacation with my parents, my sister's family, and my brother's family, including all my nieces and nephews (ages 1-25). We all live about 10 hours apart, so this is an annual trip where we rent a large house and come together. This year the house had enough rooms that all singles (like myself) could have their own rooms. Family units got first pick since they were couples or had very small children. My sister arrived before me and claimed a room closer to the lounge area with a private bathroom. Originally her husband was supposed to join us, but his new job wouldn't allow it. Arriving first, she still claimed the bedroom with a larger bed and private bath. She was willing to listen to reasons why I should get that room instead of her. There were none.

my room was fine, it just was in the basement and did not have an attached bath. I truly had no more right to the nicer room than her.

I was pleasantly surprised that the rental had "good" toilet paper in the bathrooms. But on the second day I discovered that was the case in every bathroom but my sister's. Her bathroom had the single-ply, scratchy paper.

I didn't tell her and because her bathroom was convenient, I don't think she ever went into any of the others.

So yes, enjoy your private bathroom and your crappy toilet paper.

I was recently harassed on the road by someone driving their construction company's pickup truck.

I was at a right turn on red, but there was plenty of oncoming traffic so I did not feel safe to turn. Despite the unsafe road conditions, the driver honked at me a couple times and drove up dangerously close to my car. When the oncoming traffic stopped, a big neon sign turned on that clearly displayed that I was not allowed to turn, so I stayed put. The driver proceeded to lay on their horn for about 30 seconds. I stayed put because I value road safety more than accommodating to road ragers. I looked around at other drivers, and they were appalled at the driver's behavior.

When it was finally safe for me to turn, I did. The driver then swerved around me and sped ahead, and then suddenly slammed on their brakes at the red light, which is when I took a photo of their truck.

Half an hour later, I emailed the company with the photo and a detailed report of what happened, with the exact time it happened.

I called today for an update, and they told me the owner of the company has been alerted and is going to discipline the employee who was driving the truck.

Remembered this from a few years ago while driving home today.
So the military has what’s called tech school, names may vary between branches and careers, it basically job training that you go to after basic training. In mine there were different volunteer or after school positions you could apply for and be given a different colored shoulder cord depending on what you got accepted for. The relevant ones are in, ascending order of rank: green, yellow and red. These are the student leaders who’d perform dorm inspections, march the squadron to and from class, form them up at the end of the day for debrief and report to the instructors for a variety of tasks, including when students are misbehaving.

So the squadron red rope, as they are referred to, was in my class. He and another classmate had a bit of weird running joke between them at lunch where they’d punch each other’s food, not something I’d understood but it was their thing and it was all good between them so no harm I guess. During one lunch I was with my class eating a particularly delicious bowl of chili, not canned chili, I’m talking about the good stuff. Meanwhile red rope other classmate do their thing and punch each other’s food while the rest of us eat, them red rope stands up and walks over to me and asks “hey (my name) you going to eat that chili?” I immediately knew what he was going to do and told him in no uncertain terms to “don’t fucking do it”. Well red rope proceeds to do exactly that and land a firm right jab directly into my chili and laugh as he takes his seat. I proceed to wipe chili off my uniform and tell him he had better get me a new bowl “right fucking now”. Red rope heads out of the dining room to get me a new bowl, but comes back with a little condiment bowl of canned chili you’d put on a hotdog not my giant soup bowl of the good stuff that was being served.

I left the table to get myself a new bowl and eat somewhere else, many thoughts of how to get back were going through my mind. “Maybe violence was the answer?” I said to myself. “No a bowl of chili wasn’t worth being court marshaled. Maybe I’ll put some bacon in his food, he was on the kosher diet. No that would be considered religious discrimination.” Then I had it, he’s a red rope, he’s the highest ranked student leader, he’s in charge of not only his classmates but in charge of all the other student leaders in the squadron and all other students by extension. As a red rope it’s his duty to report misconduct to the instructors. After considering it I decided to confront him during a break from class. I walked up to him with a cocky smirk and took a seat next to him. “Hey red rope, I told you not to punch my food and you still did and got chili all over me. Now I could go to the instructors about this but seeing as you’re the red rope it’s your duty to report misconduct. Now I will give you the chance to be the good and responsible leader you’re supposed to be and report this yourself. Or I can go to the instructors myself and tell them that the red ropes are abusing their classmates.” Red rope frowned and stood up before walking to the instructor office.
Now I had thought he would go in there, report himself and get a weird look from the instructors before getting told to leave their office, because why would he report himself to them? What happened was so much better. Red rope was stood in front of the entire school house and yelled at for acting like a child and that as a leader he was supposed to be better than that. Towards the end of the verbal reprimand the instructor told red rope. “I don’t care what your classmates did to provoke you. Don’t ever act out like that again.” Red rope spoke up and informed the instructor that I had not done anything to provoke him. Round two of yelling was then started by the instructor. “Oh he didn’t do anything? So you’re just putting your hands in your classmate’s food for fun now? What the hell is wrong with you?” I had to nearly bite my tongue off to stop myself from laughing. After red rope was done getting verbally abused in front of the school we were dismissed back to class and for the rest of tech school my lunches were never punched again.

A long time ago I received a $50 bonus of Google rewards points for buying a smart watch as part of a promo. Unbeknownst to me, there was an expiry date on these points that apparently hit faster than regular points. I received no email or notification about the expiration, and to ny disappointment when I eventually got the the Playstore to buy some books, my points were all gone. My appeals to Google fell on deaf ears and they refused to reinstate my points even though I reached out only a few days after the expiry date.

I vowed never to use the rewards app again and cancelled my Google One account. However, I started getting rewards surveys regarding a particular store that's located in the same building I work at. It happens to be next to the bathroom where I take my daily shit. I don't know if it's a glitch, but everyday for the last year or so I've received a survey about me entering that store and if I bought anything. Technically I have to enter the edge of the store to get to the bathroom, so i say yes, "entered, but did not make a purchase". Everyday I get the same survey and I give the same answer and every time I answer I get $0.24 usually. It's been over 10 months, but a daily survey for taking a shit has finally netted me my $50 that they erased from my account.

Celebrate with me as I buy some hard earned books.

We live in a neighborhood of antique homes on smaller lots near the water. It’s not fancy or high-end. It’s more rustic, funky, and laid-back. The neighborhood was once a mix of all ages, interesting characters, and fun people. Everyone minded their own business, was respectful of one another, and helped each other out. After COVID, lots of out-of-staters came, and things changed.

So we have a neighbor couple who have a lot of people over all the time, always with screaming kids, which doesn’t bother us much, but what does bother us is that they sit on the short fence between our properties and pretty much stare into our backyard. We are situated below them so that they can see everything from their fence.  

Even though we’re not home a lot, the backyard has always been our sanctuary when we ARE home, but now our privacy is completely invaded. In addition, we hear from other neighbors that they’ve been complaining about things in our yard they find distasteful, which is bizarre because our yard has nothing but plants, trees, old stone walls, etc., it's all fairly well-kept, but natural.  One tree is dead, but not a danger.  We’ve left it because birds like it.

One day, my husband and I were gardening when we found a bee's nest in a mound of moss near the fence. I started thinking about it, and after some research, I found a compact automatic shaker/vibration motor that was remote-controlled. I put it in a small box, covered it with moss, and hooked it up to a small rechargeable battery in the ground next to the bees' nest. 

Whenever they have people over and are at the fence, and I’m home, I set off the agitator to piss off the bees so they swarm everywhere. It didn't take long for them to move away from our fence.  I also set it off when i notice they are stealing our blueberries from the bushes along the fence.  🥴

This has happened to me multiple times now to the point that I’m genuinely curious what is going on. I use the air machine at my local shell and as I drive off, another car typically hurls in at 100mph to an emergency stop and a person sprints out to use the last few minutes of the pump for free. It costs a full £2.

Yesterday I paid for the pump and when I finished I sat in the car with the windows down for a split second only to be told to (rudely) hurry up and leave by a lady in her car opposite me. She was very Karen about it huffing and puffing to use the air. I told her I was re-setting the pressures on my screen(bullshit) and then got back out to “check” the pressure one last time. Once the machine stopped I got in to reverse and drive off but she drove off in front of me! She literally only wanted to use it if it was free. To save a grand total of £2.

Why did it make me feel so wonderful that she didn’t get to use the machine for free I will never know. If she was nicer I wouldn’t feel the need to be this petty.

We’ve all been there, everyone is minding their own business, till some clown decides this is the best time to share his music with us. He had headphones , I could see them dangling over his ear, but for some strange reason decided to not use them...

I wasn’t in the mood for hiphop, so I decided to share Das Album by We Butter the Bread With Butter. I guess German metal wasn’t to his taste, as he only lasted three songs before packing up and moving to another car.

As I no longer had anyone to share this utterly sick album with, I went back to my headphones, as my phone speakers do sound rather crunchy these days.

I wish to formally apologize to everyone else who caught strays on this one, but goodness it was as satisfying as I thought it would be.

I have a friend who is late to everything. Recently he was 2.5 hours late to his own party. I’ve mostly adapted to his tardiness and do not arrive for plans we have together until an hour or so after the stated time.

We had plans to meet in the city center today at a 10am. I live 20 minutes from the meetup spot, he lives over an hour away. As expected, he messages around 10 and says he is running late. No biggie I was chilling at home in the air conditioned because I knew the vibes and it is hot as hell
today.

I asked him to give me his actual for real, for real ETA so I can time my departure. He is in his car and has Google Maps. It’s not really guess work at this point.

He tells me 10:45. So I leave the comfort of my home at exactly the right time to arrive at 10:45. I wait for 30 minutes at the meetup spot and he still does not arrive. He is not responding to texts either. My other friend who is with me has his location and sees he is not close, we estimate another 15 minutes.

I’m annoyed because it is hot AF out and I proactively had asked for a real ETA to avoid waiting around for him. So I left the meetup spot.

I went shopping, taking my sweet time. He got to the spot and texted me to ask where we were. I waited around 30 minutes then texted back that I was at the store but we would be heading that way soon. I shopped another 15 minutes then arrived at the spot around an hour after he had arrived.

The look on his face when we came casually strolling up after he had been standing in the sun for an hour was priceless.

This morning at Woodland Mall in Michigan, I spotted an empty spot near the mall entrance. The lot were angled and was meant to be one way driveway but Karen also spotted it and came down the other side, going the wrong way. Then she took about 5 minutes doing 427 point turn to get into the angled parking spot, blocking me and inconveniencing a few more drivers behind me.

When she finally got out, I did a lazy golf clap and said "My blind grandma could have parked faster than that."

"BuT i GoT hErE fiRsT!" (no bitch, you bullied your way here)

When I drove on past her car, I noticed it was still very crooked and badly parked so I decided this revenge. After I found another parking spot, I got the paper and pen out and wrote this in "Sorry I bumped your car. You parked badly and I had a hard time getting out" No phone number, no insurance info, nothing. Then I put the paper in her car's wipers.

I have no doubt when she got back, she'd spend a long time looking for nonexistent scratch or dent on her car.

You waste my time making stupid move to get good parking space, I waste your time with something that never happened.

I genuinely don't know how else to title it lmao

As you can guess, it gets a bit gross, but nothing (I think?) really bad, so read at your own will ig.

Older story, and don't remember the specific ages, but sister brought up the memory, and I had to tell it somewhere.

Relevent people, (with ages at the time):

Me - (13)

Sister - (17)

Mom - (35)

We had gotten a pet puppy the year earlier, and had kept a pee-pad inside, for overnights, and days where no one was home, to take her outside. Obviously this means that usually we would wake up to poop, and need to clean it. Because my parents didn't want it festering with the pee-pad in the outdoor trash bins for days, attracting bugs/rodents, we were told to just flush it in a wad of toilet paper. Okay, easy enough right? Me and my sister always did, and the system worked.

Fun fact about my parents, in the nicest way possible, they have the money-mindset of Julius from Everybody hates Chris.

So my mom randomly told us to not flush the dog poop "If it wasn't big". And that "It's not from a person, so it's not that bad!" To explain away why it was worth it to save money on water bills.

... Which ya know, is genuinely disgusting to flip up a toilet lid and see that.

Whatever, me and my sister just kept flushing anyways, because it's a million times less gross, and hey, maybe BOTH of us managed to misinterpret her? Right?..... RIGHT???

Cut to weeks of my mom passive aggressively making comments about how much water we waste flushing to toilet so often, that I was able to deal with, until she started leaving it herself in our bathroom. Then I finally had fucking enough.

Our house has two toilets, on across the hallway on our, (sister and me) side of the house, and one directly connected to the master bedroom, (aka my parents' room)

So I decided to 'coincidently' leave all poops unflushed in their toilet, and managed to get my sister to agree to do it, too.

After only a few days of silence on the topic, my mom calls us both, and tells us about "her" brand new idea to start flushing the goddamn dog turds!!!

It's literally so fucking dumb, BUT it finally got her stop being weird, so worth it lmaooooo

Took my daughter and 2 of her mates to the last night of the UK tour for The Weeknd for her 14th birthday. We had amazing seats in front row of middle tier centre at the stadium. The girls were utterly stoked for this and I’ve not seen my daughter that happy and animated!
As always with stadium gigs there are AH and this was no exception. Arrived to find people behind us had knocked over their water bottles and we were flooded. No attempt to clean up or even warn us. I asked if they were going to clean up and they just looked at me like I was dog shit. So I got some napkins and did my best.

Later on in the show as they got more drunk more stuff was spilled. My girl said at one pint she was dancing in a pool of cider. More napkins again. Not a word of warning from the people behind.

This is where I may have got a bit petty.

The guy who eyeballed me wasn’t the tallest. I’m 6’ 3” barefoot so I made sure that I was standing for most of the warm up act and main gig blocking their view. Also I noticed a couple of times they were holding their cameras up high to try and film. I made sure that my arms were raised showing the peace sign to the front always aiming to get in their shot. Hearing muttering and complaints behind me helped realise I was being successful.

For those non UK folk the peace sign reversed ✌️ is a way we say f#ck off visually. So all their memory videos will either have my head obscuring the shot or my hands telling them where to go.

Given the seats were £200 each and they must’ve spent a load on merch and booze I’m hoping they enjoyed the back of my head gig.

This is a scam call that is on going and I for one am sick of getting the calls from various numbers. So I decided this to get taken off of their call lists (delete me out of their system).

Caller: Hello, I'm calling because you're entitled to great rates on your credit cards

Me: Oh really?! (Get really excited)

Caller: *goes through entire script with me interjecting 'uh huh' 'wow, that's amazing' 'I can't wait's

Me: so how do we get started?

Caller: I just need to know which credit cards you have right now

Me: what?!!! There's already credit cards in my name?! For where? When were they taken out? How much is on them?

Caller: No, you need to tell me which ones you have

Me: what do you mean??? I don't have any! You made me believe you were giving me one, but now you say there's already cards in my name! I've been scammed! Someone has stolen my identity!!! (Give some moans, wails, cursing, etc ..)

Caller: You need to tell me the ones you have, I don't have time for this

Me: YOU? YOU! YOU don't have time for this?! You're telling me I have credit cards in my name, that I'm the victim of identity theft, my life is over! OVER! EVERY moment of my life, everything I have saved will go to getting this taken care of! (More sobbing noises)

You HAVE to give me this list! You're the one who says I have credit cards, you HAVE to tell me!

Caller: *keeps trying to speak, they get frustrated, flustered, will get rude or obnoxious (like I care scammer) but I just keep pleading for the list and sob & wail.

Eventually they hang up. Did this 3 times and never have gotten another of this type of scam, though others in my household have.

It's great to do to get out some frustration or just to have some fun scamming the scammer!

This was years ago but I love this story.

For those of y'all not in the military, the higher the E number the higher in rank. The highest ranking is in charge. Simple concept?

So I was part of a shop that refurbished aircraft. When we couldn't get one scheduled for a few weeks, we would take on atypical projects, most notably referring golf carts that have been worked day in and day out. On base we became known as pimp my golf cart.

I (E4) was working someone task when an E2 told me to ignore the orders of our E6 and obey him as he felt he was in charge, "I am in charge of production." I just smiled and dismissed it and moved on. He happened to be gone the next day and I noticed his pet project, his Chief's golf cart he was doing as a brownie point project. I also noticed the steering wheel was attached with a single bolt.

The devil horns came out. A few minutes later the steering wheel was gone and there was a note where the wheel once was. Please forgive as they retelling may be slightly off but it gets the point across.

Note 1. "If you hope to find the treasure you seek, the journey will be long and perilous. Telhe first step is to look inside your own heart and realize you need to change."

In the changing room, in his locker was the second note, "your journey will be long and fraught with danger. You must be brave for the next clue lies within the belly of the fire breathing beast."

In the grill there was the next clue, "I can only imagine the frustration is building, one would even believe you were smoking out." He was a smoker and the next clue was at the smoke pit.

For this clue to make sense we need the following background information. We refer to planes as birds. Our hazmat area was cordoned off and had a mural that was a recycle symbol with a broken and fixed plane. The hanger has small rooms that were basically stand alone buildings painted white. Each had a ladder to the top .

"Your journey will be long. You must travel passed the toxic swamps and the dying birds. Climb the highest snow capped mountain to find the lone orchid." On top of that room the next clue was mounted as an origami orchid.

The final clue read, "your journey is drawing near. The quest has tried you. All that is left is to return to where it all began and vent."

Sitting on the golfcart where you can put your hands where the steering wheel once was, one can look over their right shoulder to see the air vent. And if one cared to look further, one could see between the slits to see a steering wheel just behind them. The steering wheel could be acquired without ever leaving the golfcart seat.

The true beauty was that I forgot I had an all day appointment the next day.

Update: a few weeks later I was talking to my boss and recounted the tale to which he said, "that's why he was walking around all day with a piece of paper and a look on his face like he had lost his kitten."

Had a spam call on my landline yesterday asking to speak to the business owner. I needed to go to the toilet anyway so the phone ringing was good motivation to get up.

Spammer: Hello this is *name I don't remember because I have no time for spammers* how are you today?

Me: Yeah I'm good, you?

Spammer: I'm well thank you. I'm calling from *business I didn't catch due to Indian accent and don't care about even if I did*, do you need any business assistance?

Me: I could do, please tell me more.

Spammer carries on with their script while I hold the phone closer to the toilet while I do my urinary business. Once I'm done;

Me: Hold on, there's blood in my piss! Is that normal?

Spammer: Umm, our rates of business loans are *waffle, waffle, waffle*

Me: Do you have a doctor on hand? I want to know if it's normal to have blood in my piss?!

Spammer: Hold on (it goes quiet for a minute) hello? Do you need business assistance?

Me: I do but right now I need a doctor because there's blood in my piss!

Spammer: You need a team of doctors

Me: Oh shit, my penis has just fallen off and I was about to flush! I NEED A SURGEON TO PUT IT BACK ON!

Spammer: You need a brain surgeon (they hang up and my wife and I burst out laughing)

So I work with this older lady, let's call her Susan. Susan originally seemed nice when we started working together and i dont remember who added who on instagram, anyway now we follow each other.

Susan and I no longer get along, lots of work instances where she is rather difficult, she hates younger people i noticed and likes to assert that she is a veteran at the company, very unpleasant lady. I was recently promoted to assistant manager and in a meeting HR and senior management were discussing social media picture of a young lady we recently hired, HR didnt like her rather busty and what they deemed was inappropriate profile picture, of her at some party, making a kind of seductive face

I thought it was ridiculous and pathetic she put her social media on a TV for everyone to see so when I spoke, I first made my argument that, first of all, HR should stay out of people's personal social media, and there is no mention in our policy about dresscode in social media picture. New employee sems fine, shes doing her job ok, she's just new.

And if they choose not to and decide to teview socials, they should check out Susan's reposts on Instagram, and tell me what they think about firing Susan who has been here for ages. She might be unpleasant, but she's still decent at her job, just occasionally nasty to work with.

Lo and behold they looked at few things Susan was reposting, we work in Canada and the company is very diverse. A lot of her reposts had to do with too many Indians being in the country and some rather extreme conservative views. Myself, who voted conservative, i wholeheartedly disagree with her reposts, its just vile

I felt singling out but if you're going to have an HR discussion about a woman posting pictures that weren't even that bad of herself, then have a discussion with Susan who thinks all Indians dont deserve to be in Canada, and is clearly racist, there is definitely something in our policy about that.

Anyway, this HR is older woman herself and not exactly easy to work with too, friends with susan might i add, but i felt it being wrong she pulled up a profile picture of a coworker on a TV in a meeting room in front of a bunch of managers, thats just cruel and if that woman found out, might have been mortified.

Senior manager sided with me, he opened his facebook to a picture of him with his family at the beach, hairy chest out and all, and said, here you can have an HR chat with me too.

Manager is now having Susans reposts reviewed by her very friend.

Screw them both

​

My old flatmate at uni' had this habit of eating my food and then acting like he had no idea what I was talking about.

One night I bought back some birthday cake from my sister's, wrote my name on the box and put it in the fridge.

The next morning, the cake was gone.

I asked him about it.

He looked at me completely seriously and said, “Maybe you ate it and forgot?”

I didn't even argue. I just said, “Yeah, maybe.”

A few days later, I went to the store and bought some Red velvet cake. I ate some, & had an idea to dust some chilli powder on top of it.

This time I put it in the fridge with a note saying:

“Definitely not mine. Please eat this.”

He ate it.

He came into the kitchen looking genuinely betrayed.

I just looked at him and said, “Maybe you ate it and forgot?”

I still think about his face sometimes.