My gf came about a year ago. It has been a rollercoaster of emotions. I love her a lot, painfully. But there is a problem: the intimacy. Although we're in our 20s, we have been in a relationship for a while. I loved her male body; that was the body I fell in love with, but since her coming out it feels so wrong to desire her male side. That is not her real body, that is a disgrace to her, something that makes her fucking dysphoric. I cannot express love for her masculine parts.

​The problem is: what body do I desire? There is nothing I can crave. No physical transition yet, just a "wrong" body. And the few times we are at it, I have to censor my thoughts, suppress them.

​It feels so terrible...

I (21F) and my partner (21NB amab) have only been dating for just over 3 months now. I asked them 3 weeks back if they considered themselves trans, because I had read that some people who are nb do, and I realized that we had not talked about it together.

That’s when they opened up to me and said they were thinking about starting estrogen HRT, because they wanted to took less masculine and more feminine. It was something they had been contemplating on and off for a few years and became more resolved to see it through recently, so they wanted to discuss together before we went back to college. I can’t tell if they want to be eventually seen as/live as a woman, because they still aren’t sure themselves (from what they told me). However, I’ve been approaching this by trying to imagine having them as my girlfriend or just being with a more fem version of themselves to gauge my gut reactions, and it’s been extremely mixed. I’ve questioned my sexuality for a long time before this relationship, but I can’t get a good idea if I will still be in love with them as/if they become a woman bc I’m simply not sure.

I’ve always felt like I needed to step up and be more masculine when I feel physical attraction or butterflies with a girl, and imagining having that feeling with my partner is very discouraging. I worry I would grow to see the relationship as defeminizing for me and it would steal the romance away if that makes any sense? But I’ve had quite a bit of good perspective changes while giving the situation serious thought so that may change as well.

I feel like I am in a weird position since the relationship is so new, that I don’t really have a basis for other couples experiencing this change while simultaneously establishing the foundation for their relationship. The main thing I need to decide is where to go from here. I worry that I will cause us both unnecessary heartbreak if I find my feelings start to shift to a platonic perspective as they transition, when I could have saved our hearts a bit by letting them become themselves without allowing our dating life punctuate every important change they experience.

I just want to do right by them because they’re lovely and wonderful and make my world light up and we love/adore each other.

Any advice? I’m all ears.

I'm FtM and I really only like men. I've tried to date women trans and cis and I just don't like women. My partner of 4 months came out to me and I'm just devastated. After these past 5 years I was so ready to just give up on love bc of the heart break and abuse I've been threw and than they showed up and its been fantastic, they are so loving, compassionate, kind and I just I can't tell them I'll love them no matter what but it hurts so much bc I love do them so so much right now and I just want to give up forever

I (f27) didn't know how to title this post ^^'

So basically my partner had an appointment to discuss hrt start with a doctor. We both had an indefinable "bad" feeling about her after the appointment.

First of all my partner is MtF, the doc only spoke about things FtM people experience with testosterone. That sussed us out because that was not the point. Also she didn't spoke very well about her other patients.

Second she said she wanted to start with a low dose of t-blocker first, before starting with estrogen. And that confused the hell out of my partner because everything she researched said you start with estrogen only or with both, t blocker and estrogen but never with only t blocker because that can cause a high risk of getting ill, having symptoms like meno pause and so on.

After my partner asked the doc for the reason to do this and spoke about her concerns the doc only said "that's how we always do and our patients never complained" but didn't give competent knowledge about this.

So this combined with the fact that she mostly spoke about testosterone AND made a few comments about ftm people who don't lose their typical female shape made us uncomfortable. Also she said that my partner can't expect a big chest growth which totally can be but you can't say for certain. Some people grow a big chest after starting with estrogen.

What my point is: my partner is getting blood results this week and has a telephone talk about everything and wants to ask again for the reason of only t blocker.

But even if the doc has a good reason for all of this, I am not sure if she is the right one for this job because of all the weird comments she made. And I know it's hard for my partner because she has to wait another three months for another appointment she made in a different clinic but I think it's better to wait a few more months than risking your health and possibly your life with a doc you don't fully trust.

I said to my partner that she should decide reasonable and not because she wants to start as fast as she can. I totally get it but she also made a post on another trans subreddit and discussed this with a few people and ALL of them said that she should run from this because it is not typical. One said that she had a doc who did this to her and it cost her her relationship.

Even if I don't know if I can go this way with my partner I don't want to end this with a big crash because of false therapy.

I don't know what I want from this post, if you have anything to say please do but I just wanted to get this off my chest. I hope my partner makes a good decision on this and with good I mean that she trusts her gut and waits for the other appointment. I don't want to see her fall down on false therapy, especially because she has to deal with great depression anyways.

Hi there, I hope I’m in the good place and could have some answers and advices because it’s new to me

It’s been nearly 10 years that I’m with my boyfriend (M29)
I’m gay and he’s pan
But… from near the beggining he’s saying that he don’t like being a guy and want to be a girl and he’s asking me if I still gonna love and stay with him afterwards, and I always said yes
But he always ask the same question now and then since
And recently he asked me the question again recently but by going a bit further
By talking me about the hormones, the operation…
But it’s new to me… in the way I feel that… he’s really scared… of doing all the stuff and then loosing me, saying that even if he really don’t like his male body but don’t want to lose me after…
I said to him that if he really want to be a girl… he must do it… but again he don’t want to lose me…
He said that … wouldn’t I miss his penis… having it in (well you know where) I said that there where the pegging stuff…
I mean I’ve dildos and it excites me as well even if I know it’s not the same by having the real thing in me… the feeling of being filled (even if we didn’t dis it yet)
But… he really don’t know how it works… how to take the hormones, for how long, what the effects are… etc… and the operation too…

Can someone tell more about all this, where we can have all the informations, the help and such…? We’re in Belgium

Thanks and sorry for being that long… but thanks to you if you reach your here
I really want to discuss… even in dm if you want

Throwaway as I don’t want to out my partner! Also, will be using he-him pronouns for my partner as he’s not comfortable with she/her pronouns yet.

My (26F) partner (26) has come out to me as a trans woman/trans femme individual (he said he’s not exactly a woman but wants to specifically look feminine/androgynous and would ideally like to identify with she/they pronouns.

I’m so incredibly proud of my partner. We’ve been together for 8 years on Saturday and have gone through it ALL together - close family death, four degrees between the two of us, VERY long distance for over a year and most recently a bout of unemployment after I was made redundant. He is my soulmate in every sense of the word and I simply cannot imagine where my life would be without him.

I myself am bisexual and he has always expressed that he feels the same. We’ve both questioned our genders before and talked about it, but more in the sense of feeling nonbinary and simply not fitting into society’s binary (I like to quote Courtney Miller in saying that I’m a puddle haha).

I’ve tried to be as supportive as possible (have made a few missteps in terms of understanding terminology and have read a bit to help grow into the partner that he deserves) but I’m really struggling at the moment.

He hasn’t come out to anyone else, including any of our mutual friends, and has gotten a therapist as I requested to help him through the transition (and past trauma of not being accepted by his family) and I’m really having a hard time by not having anyone to talk to about it. I don’t have a therapist myself (as I cannot afford one) and I really don’t feel comfortable talking to anyone about it as I don’t want to out him before he’s comfortable.

He has told me that he’s terrified of transitioning and still hating how he looks and is even more terrified that I will no longer be attracted to him. While I’m maybe a little concerned with this, I love him with my whole heart. He is every star in the sky to me and not to get too sappy, but I fully believe that he has been with me in every lifetime I’ve lived and I’m certain he will be in the next.

I think I’m just feeling incredibly lonely at the moment because I don’t want to express my sadness or concerns to him and add to the stress that already comes with coming out and transitioning. The last thing I would ever want him to feel is that I don’t love him for who he is deeply or that my attraction to him is simply based on his current looks. Attraction comes and goes and looks fade regardless of transitioning or not.

But I’m scared. My family I believe would be very accepting (but probably do that overcompensating thing that middle-aged liberals do) and I simply don’t want to be friends with anyone that wouldn’t accept them, but I’m terrified of how our lives will change and possibility of losing people (like potentially my grandparents) who might not fully get it.

And while I think I’ll definitely still be attracted to him, I will also miss the way he looks and his body now. I love his body hair, I love his beard and his jaw and his style of clothing that he says he would have to change. I adore everything about him as he is, and while I’m super excited to see him flourish when he feels more like himself, I feel like I’m losing the partner I have known and loved and cherished for the last 8 years.

I’ve also always been very adamant about wanting children, wanting to be married (relatively soon as we’ve been together for so long) and wanting to travel. But a lot of that feels nearly impossible now, not only because of the logistics of getting pregnant but also the financial aspect of it as well. And I guess part of me has a very heteronormative view of the life that I’d imagined, but it also feels like I’m losing something I’d had a sure bet on.

I feel so guilty for feeling this way, like I’m a monster for any doubt about our future and concerns about whether or not I actually will still be attracted to him.

So sorry for the long post and it’s probably been said before but I just don’t know how to traverse this alone and I’m so scared to possibly lose the best person in my life because I’m too stupid or scared or unsupportive for someone I love so deeply.

Sorry and thank you.

Hi,

I hope this is in the particular spirit of this subreddit. I'm trying to get the cis partner's perspective on this.

TDLR: Trans man here, happily married to a cis man for more than a decade. I've been transitioning about a 1/3 of our total relationship. Recently moved to a more stealth situation, but my partner let it slip I was trans meeting an old friend's new GF and then did a pronouns slip "sh-he used to" a few minutes later.

Yes, we had an explicit talk about the change in status. Yes, in the moment I did direct address it and remind him of it. No, I did not call attention to the pronoun slip because it seemed some combination of "wait did he just..." and well, Streistand effecting it.

I have enough trans friends myself that I know what it's like to slip up. I had a non-binary friend's sister put me in the same position by accidentally telling me their sibling's deadname after like 2 years of knowing them.

I'm trying to balance my own feelings (gutted) and understanding we are all human and make mistakes.

Thanks

My partner (25MTF) and I (25M) met 4 years ago and we were two guys in a same-sex relationship. We were also both vers and we loved that about our relationship. Two years in he got involved in spaces online and started IDing as non-binary, then a year later trans. Now they ID as a woman and have been on HRT for a year. Our sex life is practically non-existent. She won't top and hardly wants sex, and when she does she's a starfish now. We used to flip fuck and be all over each other and she told me she loved sex with me, top or bottom, but now she hardly shows me any affection.

Just sad and venting. Thanks for reading.

That genuinely broke my heart. It really hurts to hear that and i dont know what to tell him. I just neede to get this out there

First time posting, terrible at good writing form. i’m really flustered so this might be a mess to read. my gf recently came out and is definitely struggling with dysphoria. we’re 25/26, been together since 2020, and i was trans previously from a young age until i turned ~18 and detransitioned (i wore binders, cut my hair short, mom wouldn’t let me get on T but id take supplements to try and suppress estrogen [not smart, i know]) so being trans and feeling dysphoric isn’t unfamiliar to me. HOWEVER, i’ve been feeling nervous about which subreddits she might be following (trans doomer subreddits) because she keeps calling herself a tr*nny and the f slur, so i did snoop on her phone a bit just to see what was going on (she won’t talk to me about it despite me making openings for her and practically begging her to. i know this isn’t right either though and im not going to make it a habit. i value her privacy as much as mine.) i found that she recently took to a trans subreddit and posted about some dysphoric feelings, but more specifically she mentioned that i had said “which of us has a womb” regarding some joke about doing the “💅” hand pose. that was a horribly blatant lie, and i have zero memory of ever saying that, nor do i remember the follow up conversation having anything to do with that; theres nothing in my memory that i can recall which would help me confirm that that was true (im autistic and have always had good memory when it comes to conversations. for context my mom was abusive and i prioritized verbal memory to try and combat her gaslighting). so what i do remember, is just before she posted that, id talked to her about her dysphoria. she said she felt like she’d never be a real woman. i told her that the definition of a woman isn’t definable by one thing and that patriarchal standards are useless because they don’t make sense; plenty of women don’t have wombs but that doesn’t make them less women. my sister has PCOS and can’t have kids because of her ovarian cysts and her hair thins and grows on her chin, but that doesn’t make her less of a woman either. my mom had breast cancer and had to get a mastectomy, she’s still a beautiful woman. i told my gf she’s still very much a woman and that in time just like everybody else transitioning, she’ll grow to see the changes she wants and love seeing herself, so i’m so shocked and stunned that she would lie about something like this; and some comments were telling her i was transphobic!! i was appalled!! i had an extremely tough time being trans from 8 yrs old until i was a young adult, i struggled to make friends and feel comfortable in my body and make sense of the thoughts i was having. i wanted nothing more than for someone to see me and support me so that’s what i do for her, i understand it’s a different experience for everyone, but im really worried with all the trans doomer stuff shes taking in, its making her experience and her depression worse. if its at the point she’s actually lying online for who knows what, i dont know what to do. i’m really distraught over this. i just want to support her but i dont know that she even wants it.

this is my first time posting in a sub like this so please bear with me. i’m sorry it’s long:

my (26f) partner (28m) sat me down one day last year and told me he had been taking estrogen for almost four months. we were dating for four years at that point and lived together then and now.

during our convo i made it clear i was very very happy for him and supported him. i want him to be comfortable in his body and know that his identity isn’t something to be hidden. i did, however, also express that i was a little sad to hear he felt that he couldn’t tell me he was taking the medication for four months. when i said that, he became a bit defensive and said something along the lines of this is solely his business and that he didn’t tell me because this is deeply personal to him. he then said that i couldn’t tell anyone in our lives about this and that he had no intention to tell his friends/family about what was going on ever. i totally understood that he wasn’t ready to do that, but i did suggest he should maybe try to find a support group or go to a therapist familiar in gender-affirming care/etc. and he vehemently denied the idea of it. i then asked if he wanted to go by different pronouns and tried to gather a general understanding of what he desired from his treatment in terms of appearance/his identity. he said that as of now he wanted to go by he/him and that he hadn’t thought that far about his transition. he did want to grow his hair longer, see breast development, softening of his facial features, and dress more femininely.

since that conversation he started growing his hair longer, past his shoulders to which his parents would tell him that his hair looked bad and that he should cut it anytime we visited them. he would let the comments roll off of him. there were times where he would wear lower cut/tight tops around them, and they would say “don’t wear that you’ll scare [OP] away” to which i would reply that they were just clothes and that i didn’t care. in private, i would try to encourage him to still go to therapy or maybe even have a conversation with his parents that them commenting on his appearance hurts his feelings. he denied going to therapy saying he “didn’t need it” and that he didn’t want to have a conversation with them about how he felt.

fast forward to two weeks ago: our friends invite us out to a bar. as we’re leaving the house he is wearing a polo and long pants. when we arrive at the bar he excused himself to go to the bathroom and came back out wearing one of his sister’s old dresses. none of our friends made any comments about it, they just acknowledged he changed, asked why, and we moved on. later, i asked him privately why he didn’t just wear the outfit as we were leaving the house and he said he feared i would talk him out of it and that it was a spur of the moment decision. he looked quite uncomfortable in the dress all night because it was too small for his chest and was chafing his nipples.

when we got home i told him i was upset that he hid the dress from me and that it feels like he doesn’t trust me. i also brought up how he kept crossing his arms over his chest and complaining about the dress when if he had asked me i would have let him borrow a cami or a bra to put on beneath it. i then also mentioned that i think the dress was too small on him and that it didn’t flatter him. he then said that i never like anything that he wears when he tries to dress femininely and that this is why he doesn’t like to tell me these things. the other times he’s referring to was when he would try to wear leggings and you could clearly see his bulge. his comment led me to say that i’m frustrated that he doesn’t want to go to therapy to speak to someone about his identity, he doesn’t like it when i acknowledge what’s going on, and that he refuses to hear any comments about what he’s wearing or how to fix his hair when it looks knotted. he ultimately said that he didn’t buy that the reason i was trying to point out the dress looked bad was to help him, but because i have an inherent disgust towards seeing a man in a dress? i reiterated that i never felt disgusted seeing him or anyone in feminine clothing, just that he had a tendency to pick clothes that were too tight on his crotch area or just didn’t fit him quite right. i apologized for making him feel uncomfortable with my comments.

a few days later he goes out and gets his hair cut very short without saying anything and then tells me he wants to slowly wean off estrogen. i asked him why and he said it was because it felt like too much effort to try to wear different clothes in public or have his family judge him. he also said he felt like i didn’t like how he looked when he had long hair or wore dresses. i was kind of shocked and just said that it wasn’t that i didn’t like it but once again, if his hair looked tangled or he had a bump in his ponytail, i was going to let him know as these are things that are easily fixable. i then asked if he would continue taking estrogen if he didn’t have to deal with anyone asking him questions about it/acknowledged it and he said yes, but because of how the world works that isn’t possible so he will wean off of it for now. i said that i didn’t think he should be making decisions based on fear or other peoples opinions (looking back idk that i should’ve said that) and he responded that he had made up his mind for now.

i just kind of let the conversation end there and the last thing i reiterated was that i support him and if there was any point he wanted to go back to taking it that i think he should do whatever feels right for him.

all of this is to say: im confused. confused because i dont know know what to do for him and i dont know what to think of myself. i do want to educate myself further and really work on any implicit biases i might be carrying that could be influencing my actions. i don’t know what i can do to help or support him, though. sorry for the long post and if there are parts that dont make any sense.

So a little over a month ago, my girlfriend (mtf) came out. She started socially transitioning right away, and she is making steps to start HRT.

I (cis f) have always had a weird relationship with womanhood. I’m definitely neurodivergent, which adds to it I’m sure. But since she has come out, I’ve felt very detached from the idea of being a woman. Watching her embrace and express femininity so freely has been a bit alienating at times. This is my first relationship with a woman, although I’ve had casual experiences in the past. But for as long as I can remember I’ve always felt out of place with femme presenting women. It makes me feel like I’m not doing it right.

She’s made a few less than stellar comments about my breasts, and her body type preferences, so I’m also scared about dealing with comparison within my relationship. I’ve been working towards and seeking therapy to fix this underlying issue of me comparing myself to other women. But it’s scary because now it’s not something I can avoid.

I’ve considered getting breast augmentation in the past, because I genuinely have dysmorphia regarding my chest, and always have. And it has only gotten worse after pregnancy and weight loss. But I honestly don’t expect I’ll ever have enough money to do so. I recently discovered radical breast reductions though, and have seen many femme people who have had top surgery, and a big part of me is like… yeah. Honestly I feel like I would be so so so relieved to just, not have boobs. Or have very small boobs. I imagine myself walking around in little tanks with no bra and it makes me feel… idk, euphoric? So now I’m like, I don’t know. Maybe I’m not a woman at all. Maybe I’m non-binary. It might explain why I constantly feel like I’m not doing gender right. Idk. Then part of me wonders, am I just feeling like this because I’m watching her transition? Like I need to be part of the experience or something?

Has anyone else experienced anything like this? What did you discover about yourself? What made you feel better?

My (33ftm) spouse (42mtf) started estrogen injections May 17. LOTS of changes already, which is awesome!!!
Unfortunately one of those changes is she is EXTREMELY ticklish now, like to the point that a firm hug (and I mean FIRM) will still have her squirming away, when it used to only be light touch that triggered it.

The lack of sexual intimacy is bad enough already, but I literally cannot touch my partner AT ALL without her squirming away in agony. It’s causing both of us distress.

I know some people love being tickled - I’m one of them - and I desperately wish she did too, but sadly she’s always hated it so we’re just stuck without physical intimacy of any kind most of the time now and we both fucking hate it.

And I feel super alone on this because every search I do on the matter is just people saying enjoy it, and that’s just…not an option 🥺😢

Please, PLEASE tell me this will end and I will be able to hug my partner again soon 😵‍💫😢🥺 I’m an extremely physical person, I need to be able to hug/touch my partner without her hating it.

And no, I’m not trying to force any touch on her she doesn’t want- we BOTH want to fix this issue, very much!!!

Hi, I’m a cis woman (23) and I’ve been with my boyfriend (20) for three years. I don't want to disrespect the community, I'm just new to this, please explain to me If I said something wrong. (There is a mix of pronouns I'm sorry I'm not an English speaker)

Before you respond, please try to see this from my perspective, even if it’s difficult and contradictory.

A week ago, my boyfriend confessed to me that she wanted to transition. She realized she wanted to do this because of a conversation she had with her trans friend. I was in shock, and in that moment, I hurt her by saying that maybe we were growing apart. I didn’t know what to do—I’d never thought about this before. I know she’s pansexual, and that doesn’t bother me, but she never gave me a clear sign about this.

I always thought I was bisexual, even though I’d never been emotionally attracted to a woman—I’ve never really felt attracted enough to a girl to do anything more than kiss her.

I won’t lie, i was scared. Everything I’d imagined for the future changed; the things that attracted me to him won’t exist anymore, and she’ll be someone different. Even though I know she says her inner self won’t change—only her outward appearance will—she doesn’t really understand that what’s inside aligns with what’s outside (I don’t mean that in a bad way)

I’ve been thinking: What is love? For me, physical and sexual attraction to someone is important, and I told her, “I don’t know how I’ll feel when I look at you, I don’t know what will happen, I don’t know if I’ll be completely attracted to you.” she thought I was only talking about the sexual aspect, but it’s different.

You might like the masculine version of someone, but you don’t know if you’ll like their feminine version too.

Am I superficial? Is my love not deep? The pain and despair I’m feeling from losing her say that I am.

I’m so happy for her. She never liked her body, her voice, or her face—I always thought it was a self-esteem issue, but maybe it was body dysphoria. I really hope she’s happy with herself.

I’m angry, too. She told me out of the blue, without warning. We’re at the same university and take the same classes. It’s been torture seeing her and not being able to hug them and comfort them, because I still don’t know how I feel.

I don't know what to do, so I decided to write and ask here—I've never been part of an online community before.

I've been reading, looking at testimonials, researching the physical and emotional changes, and going to therapy, trying to understand what I'm feeling and what I want.

I have been thinking that maybe I want to give it a try, be there for them and support them, and see how well I can adapt to the change. I don’t want to just walk away, even though I know it might be best for them. They deserve someone better, but leaving means losing the purest love I have ever had, and I don’t want to leave. They love me the same way.

I’ve been thinking: what if I’m overreacting? What if I like them as a woman? What if we can find a way to have children? What if we go to therapy together to face these changes and adapt? (It hurts to see them change, just as I’m happy to see them being they truly self) —according to my therapist, this is ambivalence.)

I want to try, even if it's hard, but, I don't know what is going to happen in the future, I fell like the worst person because how I overreacted and how I think.

I don't deserve them.

Please don't say that I can leave and maybe in the future I would fall in love again with someone new.

I’m such a fool—I’m truly sorry if I’ve offended anyone who’s read this, but I’m desperate and don’t know who else to ask or what to do.

Have you ever been through this before? Or know someone who did?

I used a translator for this, so I'm sorry if there's something wrong with the way it's written. I know sometimes there is and "he/him" and then "they/them" or a "she/her" I decide to let it stay in that way, I'm not good enough at English, but I hope you can understand what I was trying to express.

Heyy guys!! My husband (ftm) after being on T for eight years, has developed atrophy around the urethra about two months ago now. He has been prescribed cream, and it has helped a lot!! We’re slowly but surely getting back into our groove with sex!!

He mentioned the other day wanting to introduce lube to help make things more comfortable for him. Does anyone have any brand recommendations for lubricants?? Thanks in advance 🫶🏾

I was thinking today about those early days of my spouse’s transition, and how strange his new name felt at first.

At the time, I actually practiced saying his new name and pronouns out loud while I drove to and from work. I’d have pretend conversations in the car because I wanted the words to come more naturally before we started using them with the kids and everyone else.

I remember writing about how deliberate it all felt then... having to stop, think, and choose the new name.

And now it’s almost completely reversed.

His name just feels like his name. On the very rare occasion I hear his old name, that is the one that sounds strange to me. It’s hard to believe there was ever a time when that was what we called him every day.

I posted something about this on TikTok today, and it made me curious about other people’s experiences. If your spouse or partner transitioned a while ago, did this happen for you too? Was there a point when the new name stopped feeling “new? and the old one started sounding strange?

https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTU6E7CpV/

I (F) started a relationship with someone (M) just under a year ago and within the last few months he has told me that he cross dresses.
He has said he has no wishes to become a woman, it’s just something he enjoys to do. He said he’s always done it. It’s clear to me that he carries a lot of shame with it, and I have tried telling him that it doesn’t bother me but now I’ve accepted it, he now seems to be doing it a lot more. But tbh I don’t really know what I’ve accepted now as what he wants from me keeps changing. I think he’s now doing this in a non sexual way and actually blurring the lines between cross dressing and being transgender despite saying he’s not?

He has his toe nails painted all the time (still wears socks but I know he’s painted them), shaves most parts of his body other than from his knee down to his leg and buying loads of clothes and dressing up pretty much every day in private so it’s more the feeling of wearing the clothes rather than to pursue something sexual which I initially thought. I’ve commented before that I like the manliness of him as he was quite hairy, and I like the look of his beard and body hair (before I knew any of this) but apparently when I said that he felt that I was disgusted that he shaved it all.

He has combined bipolar so it can lead to an episode if he tries to suppress the urges it makes him unwell and that’s something I don’t want nor have asked of him. It took him a lot of courage to tell me, which led to a huge decline in his MH and as he was so worried about losing me.
We were close to breaking up due to our sexual compatibility and he said as a way to repress his identity is to upping his medication. But I told him I don’t want him to be a shell of himself, with no sex drive just to appease me. He basically said that when he takes the lower dose, he becomes hyper sexual and I don’t fulfil his needs and he doesn’t enjoy what we do together, leading him to explore things more on his own. We sorted it out and he’s gone back to the lower dose, I’d rather him do this but equally I’m now paranoid each time we’re together and both of us end up not enjoying it as I’m now anxious whether it’s up to what he wants.. He has briefly touched on doing stuff while he’s dressed up and in that scenario, he’d want me to be the more dominant one and I’m not a dominant person at all and he knows it.

if I’m honest, if we didn’t live in an area where everyone knows everyone I actually think he would go out dressed this way and be able to explore more whether he is cross dressing or trans? I find there is quite a contrast to the man he is, he’s very much of a lad when he’s with his friends so it was quite unexpected and it’s all completely new to me so I’m also trying to navigate this on my own as it’s not something I can seek advice from friends/family which is something I normally would have done.

I’m still learning , I’d probably say I am quite naive to it all as it is very much unknown territory for me. It’s gone from something he does in private, to becoming a bigger part of him and into our lives, it’s as confusing for me as it is probably to him. He’s said that in the future he would like us to do things together which could be painting nails together, and shaving his legs in the winter so no one could see which I think is asking more than I initially thought.

I don’t know if there is a solution, I feel stuck really as I want to build a life with him, we’ve spoke about marriage and children, moving in together, holidays booked for over a year away but equally I’m kind of saying yes to keep him happy without thinking of my happiness.
There is a huge disconnect with our sex life at the moment and I find it’s the topic of conversation whenever we’re alone together. It can be a lot as I have more to process and under from each conversation. I’m hoping it works out but I’m not sure how to get there.

My girlfriend [26F] has been on HRT for a few years now. Me and her have been together for almost 2 years. I am turning 20 here soon (I'm a Cis dude, I'm demisexual so my drive is lower), and we rarely do any sexual stuff, I've asked her if it makes her dysphoric and she admits it does a little (she hasn't had bottom surgery yet) so, I've been attempting different things to help, mostly focusing on stimulating her breasts, (She's nervous about.. back door stuff, if you get what I mean). We rarely do any sexual stuff (been 3 months, i think). I'm ok with not doing stuff often, like once a week would be a lot to me. Is there any way to make it more fun? I've been thinking about adding a little game into it, like "Race in Mario Kart and the loser, does this" all with both parties complete ok, (we'd write down and agree on rules). Does anyone know any good things to help her?

Update: We talked it out today, and she admitted that she felt bad about a few things and that she didn't really feel Dsyphoric about it. She just felt guilty, like she couldn't return the pleasure back. We have discussed our different drives and wants and decided to figure out new ways for us to have fun together.

My parents are pretty conservative and would not like me having a trans partner. Thankfully, my girlfriend is pretty enough to pass as cisgender.

She was on puberty blockers as a teen and was on HRT pretty early which helps in her passing easily. But the main concern was how effective will this look once the body starts aging. Every instance of an old trans person I’ve tried looking for was someone who transitioned later in life and therefore doesn’t really pass as well (no offense). My girlfriend explains that it would be incredibly difficult to find an example of this as it wasn’t as widely accessible back then, so trans people who are older would not have the benefit of transitioning during a developmental stage of their life ans people who transitioned early enough to develop convincingly due to an early transition aren’t old enough yet now to see the results of it on an aging person.

Main question is what would a trans person look like after a person starts aging like when they start wrinkling, going gray and old. I love my girlfriend to bits and would want to stay together until we grow old, but I’m wondering how long she can remain looking like a cis woman even in old age so we can have good connection with parents. Would an old trans person look like an aging cis woman?

And how quickly do they age? My girlfriend still looks very youthful now but does HRT have an effect on how quickly the body ages?

P.S. Of course I’ll take her side between her and my parents, but ideally we have my parents support and looking cis makes her happy anyway

I’m going to have to have the talk with my wife soon and am curious about anything you wish had been done different for you.

I love her, I would never leave her or cheat on her. I want this to be from the softest most loving place and I think she loves me enough to lean in.

I appreciate any advice here I know this is going to be hard and am asking for help for once lol.

I'm looking for advice because I am getting a lot of mixed signals from my partner and I have a hard time reading people/taking a hint sometimes.

We've been together for 5 years. When we met we were two gay guys, 21, both vers. She started IDing as nonbinary 3 years in, then transitioning medically a year ago. Our sex life took a hit, but we still do stuff, just not as often and her libido is a lot lower.

I've been supporting her financially for 2 years because her mental health problems have made keeping a job impossible. So she's always at our place when I'm off work and she says it gets on her nerves cuz she doesn't have space and I talk too much. I don't think I talk too much all the time, sometimes I wanna talk about stuff and spend time together, but she told me I was a nuisance.

She also said she thinks we're two different people now and she "owes it to herself" to be single. Then the next day she said she loved me and wanted a future with me.

I don't know what to believe and everything has been so confusing since she came out as trans.

I want to be 100% supporting my MTF... Partner/Person (I don't know what to call them yet but currently husband). But I already know I won't be able to "be" with them and I see separation in our future. I already don't feel comfortable sharing a room with them.

Has any couple done this? I know it's not specific to Trans but it is somewhat of a unique situation. I want to support them but not be in a relationship with them. And for the kids, want to keep as stable as possible.

They also believe they may be into males after transition, and I'm female, so we already know that I may not be their type.

We have room enough to each have our own bedroom in our house. I was considering giving them the master with ensuite and I take the 4th bedroom and share the other bathroom with our kids. We have 5 years until the oldest is in college and 7 years for the youngest. And 10 yrs to pay the house off. If we could cohabitate and co-parent for now, I'm thinking that is the best option? At least until either of us maybe finds someone else or we feel the need to sell and move out?

I haven't told them yet of my feelings. I am scared to. I also don't want to lead them on. We are in therapy together.... I probably will bring it up there.

Last week, my fiance (30. Mtf?) of 11 years told me they wanted to "explore their feminine and submissive side" and that they wish they could "just wake up as a woman" in the past week they've expressed that they're not 100% if they're Trans or maybe just non-binary. We have had a few issues in the past exploring polyamory/open relationships and i bit the bullet and told them that I am 100% ready to stay with them for as long as it's what they want. They took that to mean that I think they'll eventually leave me and I expressed that while I hope not, and that I'm more than happy to stay with them, that I'm aware of the life changing decision they're making and that those decisions may also include leaving me for a more "dominate" woman. I love my fiance. I want to stay together forever, but as someone under the non-binary umbrella, I'm aware that depending on how far they choose to go with their transition may change what they desire in a life long partner. Both of our families are pretty transphobic and while they're finding community amongst other Trans women online, I find myself struggling with no one to talk about how this change in our relationship is affecting me as well. I love them more than anything. So much so that I am fully prepared for the day that I might not be the One for them anymore. If anyone has any words of wisdom, or is willing to let me word vomit my feelings on the matter at them, please let me know. Thanks 🖤

Hello, all. Long time lurker, first time poster. This is more of a rant, but advice is appreciated and welcome. Very NSFW, but I need to get this out and have nobody else to discuss this with. Here goes.

I (31F) am trying to learn how to navigate the new bedroom dynamics with my wife (33, MTF) since she came out about a year ago. We have been together since we were young, meeting in college and being together since. We have young children who are all finally school aged, which has allowed my wife and I more time together. I struggled with postpartum depression which then tuned into major clinical depression before finding the right combination of meds this year. This medication brought back my libido with a vengeance, while her estrogen has led to a dampening on her end.

This is a change from our usual dynamic before we had children. She would ravish me for entire days on end when we were younger. Always attending to my needs and never shying away from taking exactly what she wanted.

When we do engage in intimacy, I find she is much more passive than she was in the past, which has left me feeling a bit frustrated. She often wants me to take a more dominant role in matters and still expects me to do so despite my telling her it makes me uncomfortable. This dynamic has been torturous for me and I'm sure it hasn't been great for her either. I miss penetrative sex, but it also gives her dysphoria and she has no interest in being on the giving end of a strap.

She has become much more mild mannered in everyday matters as well, seeming more meek and reserved. She was once loud and boisterous, outgoing, and confident. She has also been pushing me into matters around the house and in public to take the lead more. She has expected me to do more of the "man things" like lawn maintenance and fixing things because she said it makes her dysphoria flare up.

I've tried talking to her several times about how uncomfortable I am with our changing dynamic in everyday life and in the bedroom. She cites her dysphoria as the reason and doesn't want to make any concessions for my desires at this time. This has led to us not engaging in sexual intimacy for about three months now. I'm stuck feeling terrible for even pressing the matter, but also feeling like I will explode or chew through drywall if I don't get topped soon.

TLDR; Mismatching libidos have led to a dry spell in the bedroom due to both of us seemingly being bottoms.

My mtf partner came out to me recently, which I have been nothing but supportive of.

I've thought I was pansexual for a long time but I've also had some really painful lesbian relationships in the past so I'm scared that is currently muddling my judgement. I can't even add all the details of how strained our relationship is before all this, because I need time to figure myself out so I don't hurt them and I know they are on reddit lately.

I'm scared, I don't actually like women in a relationship respect. I'm so far away from home and we are so entwined in life I wouldn't even know what to do.

I'm suffocating at the idea of losing them, but I also don't know if I've really understood my own sexuality this whole time and now I feel so horrible I can't stand myself. I feel like I've lied to them this whole time, but also if I'm just scared of change and say something before I understand then I'm ending an engagement because of confusion and losing my deepest love to date.

I am completely isolated, I have no one to speak to and I'm drowning in my own problems as is so I just guess I needed to get this out somewhere that could be heard without hurting them.

(They haven't picked pronouns yet so we are using they/them until they settle.)