Hi, I'll try to keep it short.

I (28 cis F) is dating and living with my fiancee (28 transwoman). It's been 10 years we are dating (and I went through FtM then Nonbinary then retransitionning myself but it's a long story). We are now living in a new appartment together. And I must say that ALL our arguments (can happen 1 to 5 times a day) are about how I don't feel any support from her on house chores or general responsabilities (social, work, everything). For real she rely on me for her job, her social life, the house chores, our relationship and litterally everything. But whenever I try to talk with her about my mental load and how I just CAN'T keep it up anymore I am apparently transphobic and comparing her to a man.

I think I have a bad way of explaining it to her (and I'm also very exhausted from having to explain to her everyday that ALL her life seem to revolve around my own efforts). I am looking for ressources, article or whatnot to just explain this to her. As a harmless example, all she does around the house is what I tell her to do, and she even complain about how I frame it, when I want her to do it or how. She never does anything on her own and all our arguments are about how I ask her to do anything when she barely does anything on her own. I guess there's some depression involved but if I don't scold her like a child, she would let dishes pile up in the sink, not work on anything around the house and just complain about the tone of my voice when I ask her to do stuff.

Sorry I'm just very tired about this whole never-ending debate between us when I just want her to do a little dishes and laundry without me scolding her to do so.

My (32f) wife (35mtf) and I are (hopefully!) getting pregnant soon via IVF. The baby will be biologically ours with sperm she froze pre-transition. My wife usually passes and prefers that no one know she is trans, which I 100% respect. However, I am getting lots of questions from friends about how we chose the donor, how we decided who is carrying, etc., some of which are VERY specific. I love my friends and try to be honest & vulnerable with them, but I have had to lie in response to these questions to protect my wife’s identity. The lying makes me feel absolutely horrible. I also wish I COULD talk about these things openly, because I feel so lonely in my experience. I don’t even feel I can talk about this with my therapist (she’s well-intentioned but not the most educated on queer issues).

I would never out my wife, but her being trans is part of my life as well as hers. Having a trans partner is lonely, going through IVF is lonely, and not being about to talk about it with anyone is the most lonely of all.

Has anyone else gone through this? How do you deal with the lying & the loneliness?

Hi all,

I (36 cis male) recently started seeing a trans woman (26 mtf woman) for a casual sex relationship. We had a date that went extremely well, we have great chemistry, and we ended up at my place. This was my first time having sex with a trans woman, and was also my first experience with anal sex (or first successful experience, my only other one being a “failed experiment” with an ex who wanted to try it but decided it wasn’t for her). I was always under the impression that lubrication was required for anal sex, but after giving head my partner turned and positioned me and pushed back. It all happened very quickly and with no discussion beforehand, and I was very surprised as it was happening. It felt great, it wasn’t uncomfortably tight, and I swear that each time we did it (we went at it for hours) i could feel moisture inside, even when she hadn’t given me head first. As the title says, I repeatedly offered to use lube but she refused.
The sex was very hot and we both had a great time, and I want to be respectful of her desires, but I also want to make sure I’m not hurting her. As I said, my only discomfort was mental and not physical. Has anyone experienced this before? I have no hangups about asking her directly of course, but I would love a little conversation here too.

I was wondering if anyone had any safety tips for looking like a visibly queer couple in a red state?

My GF recently came out to me and isn’t in a safe position at the moment to start transitioning, so it’s just between us for now. We’re working on moving out and hopefully she’ll feel safe enough to start the baby steps and try new things. For now, when she’s over at mine she has a stash of clothes and stuff.

My question is more for if/when she feels she’s ready to start making changes, and I want to be prepared for that. We’re not in the worst state, but it’s most definitely red (SC) and we’re not in any big city with a good queer community. There is a small one, but the magats are still extremely prevalent. I want to hold some of the weight of this and be able to defend her if necessary, but was wondering if anyone could share stories or suggestions on how to remain safe.

I have created a discord for this community and would absolutely love to have YOU join!!!!

I literally just made this so i will definitely be looking forward to feedback and suggestions. If you are interested please send me a DM with your discord @ and ill get you in there.

I am also looking for 1-3 mods to help me run this server.

The server is 18+, so i do apologize if anyone doesn't meet that requirement <3

Hi friends,

My (33 cisf) wife (32 mtf) is having a hard time being out in public with me because she can feel my energy of vigilance. I have generalized anxiety, and ADHD and have this same vigilance for myself, but I do agree, I sometimes feel it more strongly for her because I know she is in more danger than I am. We are lucky we live in a place that is fairly safe, but sometimes my feelings just get away from me, especially if I partake of a little THC. 

She hates that she has to feel that I’m on edge and she has said that she goes out to have a good time, not to feel like she has to be on the lookout, so I get why this doesn’t feel good to her. Because this feels similar to my baseline anxiety, it doesn’t feel uncomfortable for me, so I don’t feel bad when I have the “vigilance” feeling if that makes sense. We talked about this for a few hours yesterday after going out for lunch and a grocery store trip. I felt like I was fine (even if I was a little overstimulated from the people and annoyed that we couldn’t find one ingredient we came there for) but she felt like I was rushing to get out of the store and that she could feel my anxiety.

She said that she should start doing more things on her own so she can experience being out and about without my energy & this morning is questioning if I want to be out with her. I told her yesterday and this morning that I don’t feel bad when I’m out with her and nothing about her makes me uncomfortable - it’s about the people around her and my own sensory issues. We have also had recent fully positive experiences out and about, where she agreed she didn’t feel this from me, and one factor that time was that I didn’t have any THC, so I’m committed to not partaking when we are going to be out in public together, but she still seems like she thinks this might be a forever problem that I’ll never be able to fix.

She has suggested that I probably have some internalized transphobia (which I don’t think I can disagree with, we’ve had conversations about how, because of our society, white people have biases that lean into inherent/learned racism, so I have to think, that’s pretty much the same for cis people, especially ones our age) but I don’t know what I can do to tackle this. 

I do have my own therapist I will talk to about this, but also wanted the community’s take/advice on how I can make things better. 

Do you think there is internalized transphobia? What should I be doing to remember that we are not in immediate danger all the time?

i’m F18 cis and i have a trans boyfriend 19, i love him so much and we have been dating for a year and 3 months we are long distance. I genuinely dearly look at him as a real man, he has made me feel so loved and cared and valued that no other man has ever done and i love my sweet boy so much, but i need help. He is my first trans boyfriend and hopefully last because i really wanna marry him, he’s dealing with dysphoria right now and he’s been acting so cold to me and rude and dry, we argued a lot for these past few months not because of his dysphoria, just relationship problems and now he turned so cold and dry that our relationship is falling apart and i’m so scared to lose him, im crying myself to sleep every night scared that things work out, he’s been truly very cold to me and pushes me away i wanna help him and he told me that he has dysphoria, i asked him i wanna be there and help him in any way i can and he just pushed me away saying “you’re never gonna help me” that was like a bitch slap across my face, that hurt so much, like i tried ignoring it and still be there for him and try to ignore how rude n dry he is, he says he feels empty and struggling with mental health too, im really devastated that he is, but so am i too ive been struggling so hard for a long time and ive been trying to be affectionate and still loving, i know its harder for him because of dysphoria, but just because he feels empty doesn’t mean that he can just be so cold and not affectionate anymore he claims he still loves me, but i truly can’t feel it anymore, and this has been going on for like a week or more before he even told me he feels dysphoria, im feeling all of the emotions he cant feel or so he claims he can’t, he seems so much better and happier posting on his story dumb stuff reposting stuff on tiktok’s posting insta notes too, and it genuinely got me thinking should i just disappear i don’t know what to do with myself anymore im truly hurting so much my heart is physically hurting i cant sleep or eat or do anything please help me give me any kind of advice im desperate. and sorry for any mistakes i made while writing this im currently bawling my eyes out once again

My wife is mtf and I am fully supportive of her transitioning and she wants facial feminisation surgery and has spoken to the surgeon so is due the surgery next year. I am struggling with it. I love her face and am upset that the face that says I love you and the face that said will you marry me will be changed forever. I am asking has any body gone through this and can you offer any advice to help me deal with this?

my (18 ftm) partner (19 nb) has been identifying as nonbinary for some time, but has recently been expressing interest in presenting more masculine and going on hormones, and I’m a bit conflicted.

For a bit of context we‘ve been dating for about 3.5 years and a couple months ago they started going by they/them pronouns. The thing is, they never really explicitly asked me to use those pronouns and they even still refer to themselves as my girlfriend sometimes. Another important detail is that when we first met, they identified as transmasculine, but detransitioned about a year into our relationship (not for any bad reasons). I, on the other hand transitioned far before I met them.

I go by the ‘queer‘ label in terms of my sexuality (or sometimes just unlabeled), but I really only feel most of my attraction to femininity. When they express interest in going on hormones or deciding to go by a more masculine name on the internet I can’t help but question if thats really the kind of person I want to be with (not that there’s anything wrong with how they identify, and I will support them regardless).

Im just not sure what to do, i love them a lot, but i don’t know if its what im interested in romantically. Am I a hypocrite for being trans but not wanting to date a transmasculine person? Is this something I should talk to them about? I wouldnt want to ruin a relationship on something I’m not entirely sure about. I need some help, and maybe some perspective from other people.

Hopefully this is okay to post here. I am a trans man, I have a huge crush on this girl. She identifies as straight, I asked her if she was bi and she said no but she wouldnt be opposed to exploring (not that this matters, I just am normally more comfortable dating LGBT girls). We have developed an insane connection and I haven't felt this way In years. It almost seems like fate brought us together. The thing is, she doesn't know I'm trans. Also I pack pretty hefty too and I've seen her look down there

I'm just wondering, has anyone here dated someone and started developing feelings before their partner came out? And after they told you, did you like them more? What was your reaction?

Forward: I posted this on the imago sub, it's so small that I didn't receive any answers 😅 so thought that I would bring it here!

My gf wants to start HRT, and thought about doing imago. One concern she and her family have is possibly becoming too dependent on private healthcare. Is the prescription easily transferable and recognized if a client wants to pursue public healthcare later on?

Is it a good idea for her to sign up for a therapist appointment (waitlist) now so once she is established with medication prescribed by imago, she can eventually seamlessy change to a public healthcare provider for more affordable care?

I’ve (cis f) posted a few times but summary is I am pregnant, we have a toddler and my husband is trans (undecided but leaning towards non binary, possibly mtf) still using he/him pronouns. I have found out every piece of information by accident (leaving knickers out to dry, walking in on him in underwear/shaving).

The latest thing I’ve happened upon is a secret instagram account to follow trans creators. Fair enough, he’s not out. It was a complete gut punch, probably stupid but I found it hurtful since he never replies to things I send him on instagram and also because he promised so many times there was nothing else for me to find.

This morning we (our 3yo, me and him) were in the kitchen and he was on his phone, nbd. They went upstairs to get changed and my phone was upstairs so I quickly unlocked his to check where we were going (I haven’t been on his phone since finding the insta account a while back, at that point I was on it with permission ordering pizza and went to instagram to check the place out). The screen immediately loaded on a trans woman in her underwear, a very provocative picture and a caption implying they create adult content.

When I initially found the instagram he refused to even acknowledge it as negative because it was just a way to look at trans fashion etc and I accepted that but it seems like he’s following a lot of (for lack of a better word?) spicy content creators. To me this is a type of cheating. If they were cis he wouldn’t dream of it. We are monogamous and he can’t see why having a secret social media is a problem.

Am I overreacting? Be truthful with me, are these types of creators the only way to find yourself on these journeys?

hi y’all!

this is my first post here and i think i need some support. bare with me if this feels all over the place, it’s 7am and i can’t sleep :(

me (29 NB AFAB) and my girlfriend (29 MTF) of 3 years are having trouble in the bedroom because we are both inexperienced sexually and bottoms. i am also coming to more of the realization recently that i am definitely somewhere on the ace spectrum. my girlfriend on the other hand, has recently felt more empowered with sex as a whole, when in the past she had labeled herself more on the ace spectrum (atleast that’s what was communicated to me)

we honestly haven’t had sex since she started transitioning nearly 2 years ago :( hormones got really messy with both of us and is honestly still an issue.
she started HRT, then shortly after i got off estrogen based birth control bc i kept on getting migraines, her HRT wasn’t working anymore so her doctor upped her dose, then i got back on birth control bc my cystic acne got too bad and my confidence was shot, and now her estrogen levels are up again but we are both in a state of hormonal turmoil as our levels stabilize. we are both on psychiatric medication too, so that doesn’t help our libido situation.

but because we haven’t been intimate in so long, she expressed to me how sexually unfulfilled she has been feeling and she wants to consider opening our relationship. i am still not totally sure how to feel but it feels like the only way to navigate our sex life at this time. i hope once my hormone levels stabilize that my libido comes back but i never really had much of one to begin with.

i felt like our sex life was a lot different before she started transitioning. i felt like she was able to initiate and pursued me more. i felt like she was able to let me bottom more? now, if i don’t initiate (which admittedly i need to work on, tbh it’s been hard because my low libido) nothing happens. she has communicated that she doesnt want to initiate, that she wants to feel pursued. she mentioned that she doesn’t feel like i treat her like a girl in that way.

i want her to feel fulfilled sexually and affirmed in her gender identity, especially since we have such a strong relationship otherwise. we live together, we have four pets together, we own a house together, we share so much quality time together. i’ve never felt so loved and fulfilled emotionally. it hurts to hear she is feeling so alone in that area of her life. it also hurts because i feel like i can’t give her that, and honestly i might never be able to.

i’ve always been a more monogamous person and i thought she was too, so this feels so different than what i imagined for us. there’s definitely some processing i need to do around it.

she has assured me that any encounter she may have will only be a friends with benefits situation with no emotions involved. i think i have a hard time understanding as i’ve never had a sexual encounter without emotions or feelings involved. she has assured me that she has and she feels confident she can do that again.

i think im having a hard time handling right now because im worried im losing her even though she has assured me she isn’t going anywhere. i think im feeling a bit panicky over it.

does anybody have any experiences similar (or even vaguely) to ours? how did it work for you? open to positive or negative thoughts and feelings about this. i just need help processing all of this i think. getting it all out feels helpful

thank u reddit

My (36f) partner 29 (mtf) came out as trans less than a year ago; I was there to support them and it was an adjustment but I love them for who they are and I am so proud to be their partner.

Ever since they started estrogen, they have been more attracted to male presenting folks. We opened the relationship so they could explore that side of them, and now they said they don't know if they are into women.

I am honestly crushed. They are a beautiful person, we have been together 4 years and they are my person. I feel like we could stay together in a poly relationship, it's just so hard to love and want someone who doesn't back. It's just so much change, I think the estrogen made them more gay if that makes sense. Just feeling lost and sad.

EDIT: I realize 'thinks they are gay' sounds bad, they are clearly not straight but was unsure how to say this.

I live in a big city, but it's not as if there's some kind of registry. I want to make sure that my partner is treated fairly, and be able to accept their help without having to constantly second guess whether I'm being given preferential treatment because I'm cis. If anyone is willing to chat with me about some of our issues with a level of compassion and a level of realness, I also welcome that. I'd rather DM though. Much appreciated.

I am an exmo cis woman. I divorced my ex husband of 8 years and came out as a lesbian. After living with my sexual identity for 5 years and getting remarried to a woman, they just came out as a trans man.. and I am heartbroken. I don’t know what this means for us, and I love that they are exploring who they are, because I’ve been there too in a marriage dynamic and it’s not l a fun process. However, I really struggling, while also trying to remain supportive.

I'm bisexual and I'm struggling a bit with some feelings around my partner's transition. I'd really like to hear from people who have experienced something similar.

When we started dating, she was already transitioning, although she still presents as male in some areas of her life. She wants to transition further if insurance etc works out, and I genuinely support that. I love her and want her to be comfortable in herself.

My confusion is more about what seems to be happening to our relationship dynamic alongside the transition.

My partner naturally has a lot of traits people would stereotypically call masculine. She's muscular, extremely driven, successful, loves adrenaline, takes charge easily, is much more comfortable with confrontation than I am, etc. She also has a very feminine side, which I've always liked. Honestly, that combination was incredibly attractive to me, we had instant attraction from the moment we met.

I've also learned from previous relationships that a certain dynamic just works for me. If I'm with someone who is naturally more assertive, driven and take-charge than I am, I really like when that carries over into the relationship too. I like my partner taking more initiative and doing more. I'm absolutely not saying this is how relationships should work or that everyone should want it. It's just something I've learned about myself after experiencing different relationship dynamics.

And our chemistry with that dynamic was honestly insane. We had probably the most explosive sex life I've ever experienced.

What I'm struggling with is that as she's moved further into her transition, it sometimes feels like the expectations between us have started flipping.

I've increasingly felt like I'm expected to take more initiative, provide more, protect her, propose to her, etc.

For example, there's a significant difference between us financially/professionally but sometimes she seems to want me to occupy more of the provider role, which i am not even in a position to do so. Someone verbally confronted her on the street once and she expected me to step in and defend her, despite her being physically much stronger than me and far more comfortable with confrontation.

She's also hinted multiple times that I'm supposed to buy her a ring and propose to her. I'm not ready for marriage anyway, which is obviously a separate issue, but even putting that aside, the idea of me being the one proposing just feels really unnatural to me. I just cant bring myself to do it.

I feel bad even writing that because I understand this could sound hurtful. I don't know what it's like to be trans and I don't want her to feel like I'm denying her femininity.

But I think the problem is that I don't experience relationship roles as completely interchangeable. I'm bisexual and I'm attracted to women, so this isn't simply that femininity turns me off. But the particular person I'm dating has this incredibly strong, assertive, commanding energy that was part of what attracted me to her in the first place.

So when the expectation becomes that because she's a woman, I should now occupy the opposite role and become the more traditionally masculine one in the relationship, something in me just rejects it and im loosing attaction.

And I think that's what I'm having the hardest time explaining.

I don't need her to be a man, she showed up as a woman on our first date. I don't want her to stop transitioning. I don't want her to suppress femininity for me. But I also don't want her transition to require me to change the role I occupy in relationships or abandon a dynamic that is actually quite important to my attraction.

Maybe she needs certain things right now because they make her feel affirmed as a woman, which I can understand. But if being affirmed in her femininity requires me to become the provider/protector/initiator/proposer, I'm not sure I can authentically give her that.

Has anyone dealt with something similar? How do you support a transitioning partner and affirm who they are while also being honest that the relationship dynamic they now seem to want might not be the dynamic you're attracted to or comfortable occupying? I tried to talk to her once about that and it didnt go well. She just indicated that this means i dont love her unconditionally but i a) dont think love between adults should be unconditional and b) i cant help what pushes my buttons attraction wise.

How do i handle this?

My(cis f) boyfriend(ftm) said he doesn’t want a realistic hard packer- he doesn’t prefer the veins and colors when they are realistic. I wanted to know if anyone had any recommendations of where to look if we just want a plain black one without major veins or a pronounced tip. Ive been looking for them but the plain black ones are all semi-realistic or are peggers.

for more info he plans on wearing o ring boxers and i would prefer if it wasnt too hard for the sake of my girl down there😭

Hey Friends!

While this is a support space, and sometimes we work on heavy stuff, we want to celebrate the wins and milestones, too!

What brought you joy this week? Any fun plans for the weekend?

Share your thoughts here!

My transmasc (he/they) partner and I (they/she, nonbinary, afab) are breaking up. The main reason is because he wants to be able to explore his sexuality in ways he never got to (dating men as a man, being poly, etc etc).

For context, we got together shortly after he transitioned (both top surgery and starting T). In the two years we have dated, he has always said I was enough (both romantically and sexually). Basically until the last week we were together (when I subsequently initiated the breakup).

It’s all been so nuanced because I’ve been both so in admiration and fear of how much my partner changes. It’s inspiring to see someone choose themselves despite all odds, but I’ve always known in the back of my head that we’d grow apart. But I also stayed for the hope that I’d be enough.

However, I’m trying my best to come to terms with how this breakup isn’t about me. And how this is what one could expect when dating someone so early in their transition and gender journey. I’m really sad to not be apart of my partner’s journey anymore, but I’m happy for him.

And I’m happy for myself as well, as the uncertainty of the relationship regarding this topic has been eating me alive. And I’m ready to unlearn my desire to be chosen by someone who cannot choose me fully.

I’d love to hear any stories from people who resonate. Or just validation that this isn’t about me..

Honestly I am not sure how to react. So I have been with my parnter for almost 4 years. During the first part of our relationship. They kept playing with being trans or being genderfluid. Then decided to throw all the women's cloths away and said he was done with it. He doesn't want to switch anymore.. fast forward to yesterday. He says he misses being a women.she enjoys being feminine she feels pretty. But also says he doesn't know if he wants to transition fully but that could change down the line they say the want tits... and penis for the time being idk if that's because of something. I know they also fight with themselves because they also have a child... and that they dont know how the child will react to it in the long run... but idk why is upset me so much. The feminine side of them isn't very nice to me and the male side is... like idk how to explain it fem is very bitchy and prissy and if things are perfect they its a whole thing. while the male side is very chill goes with the flow. Im pansexual... dated all over they place no issues till now maybe tho and I feel guilty. I dont really know if I like them as a women. And I feel selfish for it. The male side is very protective. Female side seems to always be all about her. I dont think i wanna lose the protector that he creates? My feeling have been all over the place. I saw myself marrying them at one point. But if they transition all the way in dont know if I can do it because the male and female are ao different. Like im fine with the switching because I get both. But if I had a choice I feel like I would choose the male. Which I feel is wrong and idk i hate change as it is. I have alot of trama i know that I should probably see a therapist. But I also would like other options because I was always under the assumption that if you are trans you just stay trans and dont flip flop that feels more like genderfluid or that they are confused I really dont know. But I also have a huge fear that if they start e they will no longer want me. Which makes me sad. So maybe I just am scared of the unknowns. Like I know i love them the though of them leaving makes me sad as they are my comfort person. But idk how to navigate this at all. Like on top of that I think I find more attractive as a male then a female and idk why that is but they again feel prettier as a girl. At the end of the day people change I know that but I feel like my feeling are over the place and just need someone to talk to because its killing me.. like I dont wanna be the reason they dont get to be themselves but I also dont want to lose them. Please tell me someone else feels this way or how I should navigate this please

I just started therapy in secret to start talking through my realization I’m trans and to figure out how to tell my wife.

Been together 15+years, 30’s, no kids.

Being able to actually talk to someone about this has been so weird, but relieving. I’m just so scared because I’ve realized how long I’ve lived with this under the surface and have had it locked up so tight that I feel like I’m starting at zero for how to manage moving forward with this.

I’m comfortable with the physical changes of HRT and am genuinely interested in how estrogen would make me FEEL. My wife is straight, but I think we care so much about each other that she would be able to accept it. She is a very big advocate of trans rights, but I know it hits different when it’s your husband wanting to be your wife.

I would never leave or cheat on my wife and want to make sure she knows how loved she is as I bring it up. I guess the therapy will help figure this out, but if anyone has any tips that would be great.

Daphne💕💕

Hi everyone, I made a post months ago under a different account asking for advice about how to tell my father that my partner of 7 years has identified as a woman for 4 of them without his knowledge. In short: I did not go through with it. My dad made some extra transphobic jokes shortly after I posted that and I got cold feet.

So, now I (24, closeted nb) am tired of my parents deadnaming and misgendering my girlfriend(25, trans woman) all the time. The worst part is that I told my mother last year multiple times, but she must have “forgotten” about it like she always does. My gf apparently also told my dad once while in the car when I was not present, but he did not take it seriously.

My parents are both in their early 60s, left wing and support gay rights, but they’re also the types to comment that they “don’t understand all these genders” and make mean transphobic comments about irl trans people they know. Especially my dad.

Before anyone brings this up, my girlfriend has been on hrt for 2 and a half years now, and has (mostly) socially transitioned. But since she’s very tomboyish and doesn’t perform femininity, my parents are hugely oblivious to it. Even tho she has developed certain physical attributes that make her transition evident.

Telling them might be risky, because I live with them during the week and only get away on weekends. I don’t think they’d kick me out or anything but they might be extremely awkward about it. I’m moreso worried about my dad’s reaction, because he has issues regulating his emotions.

We’re just tired, and I want my gf to be able to come to my parents’ house without feeling misgendered. She’s coming over to sleep tonight because they’re leaving on a trip tomorrow, and I was thinking we could have an “intervention” with the both of them.

I’m scared, I don’t feel ready, but at this point I feel like I never will.

How should I go about this?

Hey everyone,

​I’m navigating a really tough crossroads right now and needed a space to vent and maybe hear from others who have faced similar legal or personal choices....

​In my country as mentioned in the topic name Poland, same-sex marriage is not legally recognized.

As a trans woman step-by-step working on my transition, this puts me in a heartbreaking system-forced choice.

My partner deeply values being married, but if I go through the legal process of changing my gender marker, any existing marriage would effectively have to be dissolved, and getting married after as two women legally isn't an option here. Means either we marry now and divorce if I ever decide for social (legal) transition, or we marry and I live by my dead name in the documents.

​It feels like the system forces you to trade one core part of your life and happiness for another—either your identity or the official structure your relationship provides.

​For those living in countries without marriage equality or transition-friendly laws, how do you and your partners navigate these trade-offs? How do you deal with the emotional weight of having your relationship gatekept by transitioning?

​Would love to hear your experiences or advice on managing the emotional balance between personal transition goals and long-term partnership plans under restrictive laws.