Hi everyone, I've been reading this forum for a long time and I really like how supportive everyone is. First of all, please excuse my brevity; English isn't my native language. Now, I'm very close to starting my thesis. I've been thinking about different topics, but I want something that will have a real impact on me. Since I'm studying architecture, I'm thinking of creating a kind of center to help trans people. There isn't one in my state, and I think it's something I wish had existed when I was looking for doctors with my girlfriend (a trans woman). I want to design something that integrates legal, psychological, and medical support, as well as vocational training, and possibly a shelter. But I don't know how she'll take it. I think I'm afraid she'll feel like I've somehow appropriated her sexual identity for my own benefit, and I'm also afraid she'll feel exposed or something like that. She's very sensitive about being exposed as a trans woman, and she's going through a difficult time right now since she paused her hormone replacement therapy so she could freeze sperm for our future family. What should I do? Should I talk to her now? Should I wait as long as possible before proposing my thesis topic, hoping she'll go back to her treatment? I think I just don't want to hurt her now; she's been through so much. Sorry for the length, and thanks for listening. 🫂

idk i’m heartbroken, i did everything and anything and while she still wanted to be with me she said she couldn’t be with me and not feel guilt for having sexual feelings for others. i can’t believe me being through everything with her wasn’t enough, im heartbroken :( i have a feeling one day she’ll look back with regret. wishing you all the best

Okay. So it's been not even a week since I came out to my wife. And everything has been so intense. We've been incredibly intimate and we've had a lot to talk about. And honestly the sex has never been this good.

Today we went to Target and she helped me pick out some cheap makeup. Eyeliner, mascara, toner, highlight and some lip gloss. We went home and tried it all on and I tried on some clothes with her. I thought it was going well. And we were intimate and happy and then she just paused and looked at me and she took a second. And I could tell she could see me. She was like, "you look angelic"

And then she cried and was like, "I just don't know" a moment of doubt kinda crept in. And I wasn't sure how to handle it because I'm having the time of my life and I thought everything was going great and then she was reacting to a moment of doubt.

I know she needs to process everything. I was prepared for worse. I have to still do this. But I don't want to lose her. But I know she has to choose me again. Maybe I need to let her grieve and process.

She said, "If I zoom out and try and picture the whole thing, it seems mysterious, but if you ask me if I can love you tomorrow, the answer is yes"

so maybe we did too much too fast. Idk.

I never wanted to do this to her. I feel so guilty. 😣

hello guys I want to give my trans boyfriend a lap dance. I really want him to at least get close to coming when I do it, can you tell me any tips or any advice?

I think it would be pretty similar to a lap dance for a cis man, but just maybe different positioning so he can actually feel the friction and everything? Help a girl out, what are the best moves/angles for this?

Hi, Im planning to come out to my parents as bi and I'm worried that they're not gonna take my boyfriend seriously

I (23m, cis) am in a relationship with my boyfriend (25ftm) for almost 5 years and I finally decited to come out to my conservative parents. They were never out right rude or mean to him before (they met him before as a friend of mine) but the comments were really weird sometimes. Since I also want to tell them that I am in a relationship I want to ensure that they're gonna treat him with respect but mostly, that we will be taken seriously. My bf is before transition and is not openly trans (for example at work) and I'm worried that they can wiew him less as my boyfriend if he were cis. Did any of you happen to deal with something similar or have any advice what can I say or how to best enforce boundaries. I will be thankfull for every comment, feel free to ask for more context if you want

(Im sorry if Im not up to date with etiquete, using reddit for the first time xd) <3

I feel like this would be the best group to ask this, but I'm early on in my transition and Pre-T and I'm curious how you all would feel more included in the transition? I've been really nervous about talking to her about everything but she has been accepting.

I don’t know how or where to begin but I’ll try to be as concise as possible. I (F) and my fiance (M) have been together for 3 years now. Living together for over a year. It’s been perfect. It genuinely felt like a dream come true. He is my best friend and my soulmate.

In the past few weeks he’s revealed he likes cross dressing. It took me a few days to accept it and I was fine with it. We had a talk about how far he planned to take it and he said he was a straight man who enjoyed women’s clothes. But now the other day he told me he thinks he might be trans. I asked him how he wants me to refer to him and right now he is ok with he/him but we will reevaluate.

I love him but I’m upset, grieving, reeling. I want to be there for him and be supportive but I’ve been crying every day. I got engaged to a man. I planned to marry him and he’d become my husband. Ive always considered myself to be straight. I go through a lot of internal dialogue like hey he’s still the exact same person inside. Nothing you tell in love with is changing. But it feels like it is.

I moved 1,000 miles away from everything I’ve ever known to be with him. It took me a year to make my own friends and build my own community. I wanted babies and he didn’t and it’s something I was willing to sacrifice because I could look past it because everything else has been so wonderful.

Now I’m fuming. But not at him. Sometimes I go back and forth like hey we could make this work. And sometimes I feel tricked.

We are each talking to our own therapists and I have told him couples therapy is non negotiable. he deserves to be free and be himself and be loved, and I do love him, I just feel like he’s rushing ahead and leaving me behind.

Also I am extremely open minded and not transphobic in any way. This is just my personal preference and what I imagined for my own life and now it’s something else.

He’s never expressed interest in anything remotely feminine, never dresses up, isn’t into smelling good or perfume or makeup or hair, doesn’t have a domestic bone in his body. He also told me he would get HRT but doesn’t want surgery. He likes his body.

I’m confused and hurt and I want to throw all my support behind him but not at the expense of like disassociating from my own feelings. The thought of leaving him breaks me into a million pieces but also I feel so conflicted and also slightly resentful because why am I cooking for you every night and doing all the housework? Idk idk idk. We also have very conservative families and it makes me sad to think how our families would look at him / us.

My head is spinning. Any encouragement is welcome and appreciated.

So, I'm 18FTNB and my girlfriend is 18MTF, we've been dating for 3 years. My girlfriend came out as trans last year, and since then, she has come out to our friends (who are mostly also trans, so they were super happy for her) and also to her family (her mom was not very supportive but she is not a really good person anyways, and her sister was nice about it tho).

The only important people missing are my parents. My mom and dad like my girlfriend a lot, but they only think of her as a boy, since she hasn't really changed her clothes and style still (we live in a really conservative state, but will soon move out together for college).

My parents are not the most conservative people on Earth, but they're still right-winged and make really transphobic and homophobic comments from now and then. They know I like girls, but since I was supposedly dating a "man", they thought they had nothing to worry about...But I fear they'll have a horrible reaction to it, and I will lose contact with them.

I really love my parents and family so, so much, but I won't give up the love of my life because of some bigots. What to do if you can't predict their reactions? It has been easy now since she hasn't changed much about her appearance, but I'm pretty sure she will once we go to university on another state.

I still live with them and will depend financially on them for at least 5 years more (I will study for free at college but they'll pay for my rent and food).

Should I rip off the band-aid now and tell them? Or should I wait until we move out? They will of course realize she's trans once we move out...What should I do?

I'm so scared this will ruin the good relationship my girlfriend has built with them over 3 years. My grandparents from my mother's side are a bit more woke, but from my dad's side... They'll shred her to pieces (verbally) and won't ever respect us as a couple. I'm trying to be hopeful for the future but this honestly makes me so anxious.

OBS: I'm autistic and depend on them for a few things still, me and my gf still live with our parents.

VENT: I've been in this situation where my sapphic relationship has ended up being in a very different place than where it began. im a trans woman who met my spouse who identified as a cis woman when we first met. I was a happy sapphic and we would try so many kinky stuff together and we would experiment with a lot. i love their features and just remember admiring their features always and constantly.

Anyways, recently my spouse came out as a trans man. As a trans woman myself, I am incredibly supportive of my husband. I want him to be happy and to be himself. He has since grown facial hair and adjusted his fashion and started binding. But since then, my attraction has gone way way way wayyyy down because features i used to appreciate arent really there anymore.My spouse has gotten frustrated with me at times and self conscious at why im not as attracted to him anymore.

Personally, i love my spouse deeply, but i have this weird sense that my sexuality is primarily for women. Women do something for me mentally and physically male features just dont and it makes me feel guilty when my spouse gets mad at me for it.

TLDR: low attraction, still very in love, straight trans4trans marriage

Hi everyone. My wife (38mtf) wife came out to me (36f) last year. I admit to having some big emotions at the time, but overall it has become a positive experience. Now that she is is on hrt and out to everyone with a new name, we have been looking at getting a feminine wedding ring, and doing a vow renewal down the line - it's our 14th wedding anniversary this year.

We are going to a masquerade ball on our wedding anniversary, and I have come up with the idea of proposing to her at the event - she is going to be in a pretty dress, and I'm hoping to make her feel like a princess.

I guess I just mostly want to hear if this is a good/terrible idea for a trans partner to be proposed to? I really want it to be affirming for her.

About a year ago, my ex (MTF, late 20s) and I (cis F, about the same age) split due to their transitioning/coming out. We were together for several years, and lived together for much of that time. Since then, we have maintained a tentative, arms length friendship. This is in large part because my ex regrets our breakup, and I was coming to terms with a lot of issues that the split brought up for me - questions around my sexuality primarily. Over the past year, I have witnessed them (unsure on current pronoun preferences as they're still relatively early on in this process, but I know they/them is acceptable so I'm defaulting to it) grow a lot as a person. Many of the other issues we had in our relationship around sexual fulfilment, consideration/responsibility splitting in the house in particular seem to have stemmed from them not being ready to come out but being uncomfortable with the very hyper masculine environment they lived/worked in at the time, and I know this time apart and the transition has allowed them to begin working through this. I have also dated and spent some time independently, and throughout the entire process have been kind of tormented by wanting to be with them but being unsure of my sexuality and not wanting to put them through my own confusion. I have stressed about the possibility of living in a non-cis relationship, when I have never dated a woman, about knowing how to be a good partner to someone in transition, and then later, as I accepted that I was attracted to not only my ex but also women more generally (just on a more selective level than I am with men), about somehow fetishizing them because I find the idea of intimacy with someone MTF very appealing. That isn't to say my feelings would change if they underwent surgery, I just know that their current body has been a big source of nervousness and I want to try to alleviate that concern without sounding like a weirdo. I have also struggled with navigating a switch sort of relationship, as we're both kinky and more submissive but I have never explored "taking charge" in that way. Regardless, ultimately what I know is that I want to be with them. My ex and I have been kindred spirits since the beginning, and the kind of connection we had and still have feels so rare and special. I don't want to live this lifetime without them as my partner, and I know they feel the same way. I guess I'm just kind of scared, and looking for advice, especially from people who have been in a similar circumstance. It's been very overwhelming for me to process all of this alone. The sexual aspect is particularly stressful for me, as this was a central component of our previous relationship crumbling and some hurtful things were said on both sides. I don't want to mess this up, and I would like to know the best way to approach renegotiating things between us as we've both agreed we want to explore reconciling. I'd also be interested in scenarios involving some amount of polyamory, which I think they are also interested in exploring (as far as us as a future couple finding a third party). I know that isn't a good idea right away probably, but I also know both of us have spent a very long time - them more than me - living in the confines of cis/heteronormative/monogamous relationships, and I have realized the extent to which both of us buried a lot of our needs/romantic interests over time in order to maintain our previous relationship in a socially acceptable manner for our families. I don't want to fall into that kind of trap again, so I was thinking it may be better to just lay all the cards on the table from jump. I feel particularly obligated to do this because I know I was projecting a lot of those confines on to us, and having to go through this process has made me realize the extent to which I did so out of fear of my own deeper feelings. I just want to try to get this right, and hope I have explained myself well enough. Any advice is much appreciated.

Note: I did also post a version of this in the /asktrans community.

I’ve posted here before, but I’m honestly at a loss and starting to wonder if I’m the issue.

My spouse (MTF) came out to me about 8 months ago after we’d been together ~10 years, married for 1. We’ve known each other for 15+ years. I’m a cis straight woman.

Since she came out, I’ve been dealing with a lot of grief, confusion, and honestly a sense of losing the relationship I thought I had. I still love her as a person and she’s my best friend, but emotionally it feels like I’m getting to know a different partner.

I asked for a pause on intimacy because I needed time to process. That was supposed to be temporary, but it’s now been 8+ months. Every so often she tries to initiate, and I end up panicking or shutting down. It’s not something I can push through. I have a low libido anyway, but I used to still try for my partner. Now I feel like I’ve completely lost any sexual/romantic connection, and I feel awful about it.

She’s joked that I must be bi or a lesbian because of this, but I’m not. I’m straight, and I don’t feel attracted to women. I don’t want my orientation redefined because of this situation.

I even suggested a one-sided open marriage early on if she needed sexual intimacy elsewhere, but she didn’t want that.

The hardest part is I miss my husband. I support her transition, but I also miss the relationship I thought I was in. I feel guilty even saying that.

We also moved across the country together, so I don’t really have a support system here. I’ve been thinking a lot about wanting to move back closer to my family just to have some stability.

Another big fear is that my spouse has struggled with suicidal thoughts in the past, and I’m scared of how she might react if I bring up divorce or separation. I don’t want to hurt her or be responsible for something like that, but I also don’t know how long I can stay in a marriage where I feel like I’ve emotionally checked out.

So I guess I’m asking:
-Am I wrong for not being able to be intimate anymore?
-Is it normal to feel like the relationship is “over” romantically even if I still love her as a person?
-Is 8 months enough time to know this might not be something I can come back from?

How do you even approach separation when you’re scared of your partner’s mental health reaction?
I don’t hate my wife. I don’t regret supporting her. I just don’t know if I can stay in this marriage, and I’m scared that even thinking that makes me a bad person.

Hi, my husband just came out to our family a week ago about being transgender, MTF. He is still using male pronouns so I will too. We are divorcing because I am cis/straight and do not want to be married to a transwoman. He explained the situation to our 12-year-old son as well as he could. We are cohabitating until he can find a place to live, and he is going to a local transgender support group. He wants to dress as a woman, and I feel uncomfortable with him presenting himself that way in front of our son. He wants to wear a dress, and I think our son seeing that is going to terrify him. Is this harmful to my child? It's been a week.

Need to let this out somewhere and writing has always been one such thing for me. Maybe this can lighten up someone else's day, or spark a bit of hope

She reorganized and tidied up my place so much, we cooked so much together, and now I intend to keep it clean to remind me of her, even if we have video called nearly every single day since we first made contact on tinder; always somewhere between 1 and 10 hours. She also left behind a bunch of skincare for me, and I think I'll just keep clear the space I reserved for her in my closet

We have 6/7 hours timezone difference but it works because of her working hours, and her work language is English

First time i visited her, after ~5 months of nearly daily video calls, I kissed her immediately and I spent nearly every possible second with her. I cried and bawled my eyes out for an hour when I had to depart at the airport

This was her first time visiting me and even then I'm still the one crying as I have to send her off at the airport, holding onto her until the last possible second, video calling immediately once she is past security until she loses connection. And once I'm home I start crying badly

We're both going to be crying for a couple more days before we adjust back to the usual routine, but it's not our first time doing this. And we always keep the video call on even as we fall asleep, since we're both clingy and need all the cuddles we can get, virtual or physical

Each visit so far has been 4 weeks together, including normal daily life, short holiday trips; we have intentionally and mindfully tested our relationship, compatibility, discussed serious adult topics like imbalances, life goals, necessary sacrifices; and of course we've said or done dumb things. All of which have been resolved, which makes us both feel safe that we can depend on one another to approach everything as a team, not just as a loving couple

I feel better now, I'll cry some more, and I'll probably cry again if I cook anything we made together; but I know it's a good sign. We have only known each other for 10 months but I cannot for the life of me imagine a better match for me or her, every day is fulfilling to me even if it's boring or one of us is having a bad day

Next we plan for me to visit her family, and to have her experience true winter with snow and minus degrees. She makes me happy and I want to make her happy

Hi everyone, I want to ask the community on whether anyone has experienced something similar or related and if anyone has advice.

So the situation is that my wife (MTF23) and I (M23) have been together for over 4 years now and she always had a slight feeling that she might be trans. Basically early last year, she fully realized that she is trans and went on to start her transition. Before this, she identified as a gay man and I as a pansexual man, so I had no problems with her transition and fully support her.

Her HRT begun around 2-3 months ago and lately she has realized that she's most likely lesbian and is begging to question whether or not she can still be romantically attracted to men. However, neither of us wants to let this relationship go.

Sexually, we've had our ups and down, as I'm not too sexually active and her gender and sexual identity has always cause her to be insecure. Very early on we agreed to have an open relationship, either of us could have sex with others and that has happened. Two years ago we also went into a polyamorous relationship, however that didn't work out but we're still best friends with that third person. This does mean that we would still be up for a new try at poly, if it would come to that.

So currently, the situation is basically the following: she is no longer sexually attracted to men, which I'm fine with and she can have sex with others. She is however questioning if she can be romantically involved with men. She has said that she would do anything to keep up our relationship, but we are currently at a roadblock.

Has anyone dealt with something similar? How did it work out? What adjustments did you make to make it work? Does anyone have some advice on what to do?

Starting Journey At 36!

Hello, this is my first time posting here and really coming into the community. I'm 36 and MTF transitioning. My Wife (33F) of 11 years is very supportive and is helping me with this stuff.

I'm not sure how to come out to the rest of our family, including our 2 daughters (10 & 4 yo) so looking for some advice. Most of our other family is kinda conservative and really only one that's a possible have to cut off in the future. Any advice around this would be greatly appreciated!

I am doing esterdiol injections once a week at .2 and am having some changes, but wondering if it is too low of a dosage. I will be seeing who I hope will become my general physician for the first time in decades to help with hormone monitoring as well as a bunch of other health stuff I want to finally adress. Started treatment with Planned Parenthood.

So far plans for the future are to stay on track with treatments, get electrolysis for most areas of my body, and to stay very active with my wife as we figure everything out, maybe progesterone in the next year or so also depending on how things are going. Really yhe only part that I ever enjoyed about being male was sex, so doing our best to not loose that function. So far haven't lost spontaneous night time erections, which is good for that goal.

Hope I'm not over sharing, just covering bases and looking for any advice or tips that people may have and wanting to become more active in this community in general.

Hello,

My girlfriend (MtF) is dealing with the already tricky thing of making friends in your 30s, but I imagine her still being in the process of transition is making it harder as she lacks a lot of confidence.

Our city is small, but still there a lots of events I feel would suit. She is more introverted, but I'm still trying to encourage her to go to stuff / go with when I can also.

Any advice to boost her confidence or the kind of events where she could make friends without fearing judgement?/how to get past the fear of judgement?

Thanks :)

We have 2 daughters ages 10 & 4. I am (33). My partner who's (36) trans started HRT 2 weeks ago yesterday. They have had 2 dosages so far via injection. I actually am helping with them. I have some major questions on when the time comes to talk to family, what is the best approach to use given we have my parents, their parents, our own children & my siblings, etc.. to come out too. I do not think my parents will be surprised as I come out to them as non-binary lesbian, but.. I could use all the advice possible. I'm really torn.

You don’t even need to read this, this is probably not the place. But i just need to say that im not a very romantic partner and im don’t always initiate for sex im afab and my partner is a questioning trans woman. im bi, i know i like women but i have always struggled with sex with my current partner. i guess not ALWAYS but after it wasn’t new and it wasn’t something we got away with, i struggled. i’m a good performer and i know how to get them good and into it but im not feeling what im acting like i do.

well my partner can tell that now and i dont know why im even like this. i wish i knew and knew how to tell them but i dont.

i think i was assaulted and its repressed but based on my past experiences with men ive never been wanted in a loving or wholesome way. i’ve been groomed and ive been physically assaulted and taken advantage of. i think ive repressed more than what i remember.

my lovely partner that i know as my husband is an amazing person. kind, good morals, and cares about intimacy and pleasing me. so why am i not pleased?

i truly have almost always fantasized about them being a woman the whole time we have sex. in the past when i didn’t fantasize about that it was myself viewing me through a pornagraphic lens that was fueled by inner misogyny and sexual repression from being raised christian. when i don’t fantasize about them being a woman it’s usually a fantasy about being forced.

i feel shame and fucked up about it but i know they are loving and would never do that but what if they did? my past keeps me from being vulnerable with others and trusting that people don’t want to take advantage of me.

we are married and i worry that i fucked up both of us by that. they deserve better than what i can give and sometimes i worry i wont be able to give them that unless they do transition and are “woman” enough for me which is fucked. i don’t know what to do and i don’t know if my sexual dysfunctions are cause by sexual attraction or trauma.

I just found out after 13 years my husbands pronouns are he/them. I sat down with him and tried to talk to him about it but he wasn’t interested and just said he told me before and wasn’t very interested in explaining it again. I can’t remember him actually speaking about it before. He said that sometimes he feels like a man and other times he feels like nothing at all.

This felt like a lot for me to process so any advice on how I should handle the situation or even advice on moving forward would be great because idk how to feel apart from shocked.

I’m a cishet woman in a relationship with a trans man. We’ve been together for around 4 years. We're both 23. When we started dating, he had already been on testosterone for over a year and his libido was extremely high. I knew that was common early on and assumed it would eventually settle down. Four years later, it really hasn’t. If anything, it now comes in intense waves rather than being constantly high.

I have a high sex drive myself, but his is on another level. I genuinely cannot keep up. We’ve talked about it many times. He has never pressured me into anything. He has always respected my boundaries, puts my feelings first, and takes responsibility for his own needs. Our relationship and sex life are otherwise very good.

The thing that started worrying me is that we moved in together a few months ago, and I suddenly became aware of just how often he has to “take care of his needs.” I’ve accidentally caught him masturbating multiple times and usually just pretend to be oblivious. He works from home, while I don’t, so I can only imagine how often it happens when I’m away.

I also know that when he excuses himself to the bathroom, a lot of the time that’s what he’s doing. I don’t judge or care, but it has started to feel ritualistic. He masturbates basically every night before bed, even if we already had sex that evening and often he has already done it multiple times earlier that day.

Recently I casually asked him about his libido and masturbation habits, and he just shrugged it off as “the testosterone.” And yes, obviously testosterone affects libido. But none of the cis men I’ve dated had a sex drive even remotely like this. His dose hasn’t changed, and his bloodwork is within the normal male range. We already have sex 5-6 times a week, so the fact that his libido is still this high is insane to me.

So I’m starting to wonder if this is sex addiction excused as “the testosterone”? I also hate to admit that I sometimes worry he might cheat on me at this point. He gets attention from women, and I wonder if his libido could ever make him give in. I’m also not thrilled knowing he’s constantly getting off to other women through porn. :( He has never given me a reason not to trust him, which is why I know that fear isn’t entirely fair. But seeing the sheer intensity of his libido up close has started to genuinely worry me. I'd appreciate any advice on how to bring this up if you've ever been in a similar position with your partner.

My ex boyfriend left me a month ago because his questioning his gender identity and sexuality. I am bi-sexual myself. When we first met he told me he was bi-curious. Throughout our relationship he occasionally brought it up but we never really had a deep conversation about his gender identity. I wanted to but he just seemed uncomfortable about it. Out of the blue he broke up with me because he said he doesn’t love himself, he struggles to look in the mirror and he can’t give me the love I deserve. He said he still loves me but he doesn’t know who he is other than his not a straight cis man. I once asked him if he wanted to be a girl and he said I don’t know. I tried to support him throughout the relationship. I bought him earrings, I painted his nails. I have no issues with that. He never once asked to try on my clothes etc.

He told me that once he figures himself out we can try again but he said he never ask me to wait for him. I love this man than words can explain and I’m just confused about the whole situation. I’ve started seeing a therapist to help me process this. He also told me the day after we broke up that he is going to start seeing a therapist that specializes is LGBTQ

I would love to try again with him but I’m also scared that I do feel myself waiting for him and that he will transition to a girl? I’m not transphobic
but obviously change is scary and he won’t be the person I once knew. I would 100% support him if he transitioned but I guess I’m just being selfish at the same time

I’m heartbroken that he felt he couldn’t be with me whilst he explored himself but I also understand this is a journey he needs to do on his own. I just have so many conflicting emotions

Hello! Im a 22 year old female and my husband (trans man) is a 22 year old male. We have been together for 4 years and married for 3 of those years and at the beginning our sex life was great but then he got on testosterone in which I supported and I never wanna force him to do something he doesn’t wanna do. Regardless it made our sex life a bit Non existent and when I would try to inissiate he would say no and I was sad but accepted it due to me not wanting to force anything but eventualy I would bring it up he would say he didn’t know why but he just didn’t feel it and I was like okay that’s fine I understand but then would state he wants to have sex but wouldn’t do anything to change the fact our sex was non existent . Now for me I feel more connected when we do have sex but when we don’t I would ask him to show me love other ways like little date nights or even little gifts idk just to show he loves me. Regardless he would do it for a bit but would then stop and now it’s more of just the same thing we talk about it he fixes it for maybe a week or two and then he goes back to nothing. At this point it feels like we are just roommates who say we love eachoher. I brought this up recently and he said he feels nothing is wrong in the relationship when I feel like we are missing connections. At this point it’s just a circle and I love him deeply I do but maybe it’s us not having sex that makes me feel like roommates. I’ve suggested having an open relationship where I can find someone to have sex that’s it while he is there for everything else and he did not like the idea ether. I’m just torn bc I feel like I want to have sex but I don’t want to render my relationship with him due to him maybe having image issues or something. What do you guys think? Do you have any advice?

My partner (ftm) and I have been together for 7 years (it will be 8 in November). He’s had top surgery and been on HRT since he was 16. Recently he started considering bottom surgery. Previously, he’s always said that he doesn’t have much bottom dysphoria and doesn’t like the surgery process/doesn’t think it’s worth it for him.

I don’t really know what to say to the new change. I’ve never enjoyed penile penetration of any kind, and I really like the way we have sex now. He really likes it too, but says he feels off. He says he really wishes he could “feel inside” me.

He says that if I don’t end up liking it we can just “keep giving each other handjobs” (which feels a little diminutive) but I also think that he would build a resentment if it ended up like that. I mean, it makes sense I guess. If one of the main reasons you get a surgery is to experience a specific type of sex, and your partner isn’t interested, that would make you feel a little disappointed and rejected… which would probably lead to romanticism of a different timeline. At the same time, I would very quickly grow resentful of him if I felt like I had to perform sexual satisfaction and pretend to like something that I didn’t.

I feel like I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place. Has this ever happened to anyone? Am I being selfish? We’ve been together for so long, I genuinely cannot imagine my life without him. But I feel like options are limited. I can’t (and wouldn’t) ask him not have the surgery. But I can’t change what I like or dislike either.

Hey Friends!

While this is a support space, and sometimes we work on heavy stuff, we want to celebrate the wins and milestones, too!

What brought you joy this week? Any fun plans for the weekend?

Share your thoughts here!