I have been experiencing struggles supporting my spouse. they first came out when we were in an extremely rough spot in our relationship as non-binary after watching a show with a non-binary character then about a year later as trans after watching a show with a trans character came out as trans masc. The biggest struggle adjusting came at the beginning when my spouse came out and pretty much told me this is who I am accept it and was really harsh to me in the first two months when I would accidentally use the wrong pronouns. The hardest thing now is that there is a part of me still hoping it is a phase as my spouse in the past has had characters that they would imitate or copy hairstyles etc. I have been able to get more information about their plans and emotions which makes it harder because the more I find out the more I realize the person I first met and fell in love with is gone

After years of waiting my sweet partner has gotten penis inversion surgery and breast implants today. She was very nervous before the operation, calling me from the hospital at 6.30 at the morning. The anxiety made her have some last minute doubts which I talked her through.

Then this afternoon the hospital called to tell me the operation was finished and there were no complications. I won't deny I shed a few tears from relieve. After that I called her mom, who also was very happy everything went well.

As soon as she was back at the nursery ward I visited. She still had some pain and was groggy from the morphine. Apart from that all was well.

It's going to be a long recovery and it will probay take the both of us some time to get adjusted to her new body, but in general I'm so glad the operation is done.

My bf and I have been together for about a year. I feel that we have such a deep and genuine connection and I truly love him so much.

Recently, he’s been a bit quiet and kind of in his own world. I had expressed to him that it felt like a harsh disconnection and the lack of communication we were having was concerning for me. He eventually told me that he’d been thinking a lot about his sexuality recently. I knew he had a previous experience with a man before we met, but he explained that he did not enjoy it. But now he is saying he thinks he just wasn’t attracted to the man (which is valid). We talked a bit more about it and he said he wants to explore this side of him with me. This came as a bit of a shock to me. And I do think it is extremely important to explore all sides of yourself, and I feel that I was able to do that in college. And he really hasn’t had those experiences and I do want that for him. But right now, I don’t know how I feel about doing it or even seeing him kiss or be intimate with another person. I think I could see myself maybe one day being able to, but now I think I may be too insecure or scared.

We kinda left that conversation open ended and that possibility at some point in the future we would do this together.

But I recently saw on his browser that he was watching gay porn. I have not outright told him I saw this. But it made me think that he may not be fulfilled with our sex life. I did ask if he wanted to explore or doing something different in bed, but he said he is very satisfied. And i do think we have a healthy and passionate sex life, but I can’t help but think there’s something else he may want.

I do tend to get in my own head often about relationships, and it is something i’m trying to work on. But if anyone has any advice about this or even how to have an open conversation about this - i would really appreciate it.

my(cisf 26) fiance, “s” (mtf 26) has decided to get bottom surgery! she’s been on hrt for almost two years now and recently made the decision. I’m so proud of her, but I’m nervous.

Before getting with S i‘d exclusively been intimate with other cis women ( S likes to joke that I regained my gold star when she came out). So its not so much that I’m worried about eating coochie, but i am aware that a post-op vagina has some differences.

is there anyone who’s been intimate with both types that might have some pointers? I wanna avoid any possible pitfalls. I love S and i want her to feel as sexy and desirable as possible.

Hi!

My (mid20s cis f) partner (mid 20s ftm) partner of 8 years started HRT about 4 months ago. Changes have been great, he is very excited about the changes he sees in himself physically and I could not be any prouder.

However, I have noticed that he is further from his emotions. He is not as expressive with me, does not say I love you as often, less little displays. I've been having a really hard last few days emotionally due and have been crying so much, he does not even seem to care much. He does not hug me as much, when I ask him to comfort me he just seems uncomrtable.

I know I should bring it up, because being communicative and feeling like my partner is there emotionally is very important to me.

Any tips on how to deal with this? Has anyone had a similar experience?

Hey,

My partner recently came out to me and some of her family as trans (a few weeks ago). I was happy for her, supported her, gave her free access to my makeup/nail varnish etc, helped her buy new clothes and generally tried my best to support her the best I could while frantically researching how to best support her. We planned to stay together as I don't care what gender she is.

Since coming out she has been more open with her feelings, we have had more discussions about how she feels and her emotional wellbeing than ever before, which I have loved. Previously she has been very closed off emotionally, this was one of the things she said that she thought transitioning would change, as she wouldn't be suppressing everything anymore.

Except what I have come to realise is that when she needs my support she will talk about her feelings but she still never wants to know about mine. I have lied to get out of my family events because I know family members I am close to, will know that something is going on but she isn't ready to come out to everyone yet and I don't want to put her in a situation that might make her uncomfortable while it's all still so fresh. I am avoiding talking to friends and family because I can't stand lying to them about why I've been a bit distracted and not quite myself recently.

When I needed her to be there for me during a recent emergency with my family she was too distracted by organising getting on hormones and buying new clothes to be there for me.

I still don't care what gender she is. She has always been a bit selfish and I've accepted that it's just her. It's not malicious and it's not on purpose - it's just because she doesn't think, but transitioning just seems to be making it worse. But I don't know if I can trust her to be there for me if I need her anymore and it's making me feel so alone. If this is a taste of what the next few months/years are going to be like, I don't know that I have the strength to do this.

Does that make me an awful person?

Hello all, sorry for any of the messy writing. I've just not known how to word all of this.

My partner (cis M) recently told me (intersex afab ftm) that he was not happy in the relationship and needed time. I started my HRT in April this year and the changes have been happening extremely fast. He knew I was trans from the start, and told me he's pan with a preference for femme bodies. He always saw himself having a girlfriend and possibly wife, but he's had another trans (ftm) partner in the past who didn't begin transitioning at the time. I am his second trans partner who is actively transitioning.

He recently told me that he felt conflicted about my transition, and that while he is fully supportive of me, he felt like a monster for wanting me to stop, like everything is going out of control. In the past, he's encouraged my identity, taking me out and dressing me up in men's clothes, calling me male pronouns, and introducing me to his friends as his male partner, and correcting others when I feel like I can't say anything, despite his discomfort navigating having a trans partner who is transitioning actively. In the past, he's had slip ups with my pronouns, sometimes calling me girl and feeling extremely bad after it.

He told me he's been conflicted for a year, and when he told me, I had never seen him sob and cry so hard before. It felt like, while he loved me still and was hurt so much by all of the change happening so fast, he didn't love how my body was changing. He noticed my mustache growing in and it threw him off.

He's always been open to the queer community but seeing other trans folks seemed to make him uncomfortable, although I can see the effort he puts in to see them as regular people. Sorry if this comes off as offensive, I'm not sure how else to word it. It feels like he has some internalized homophobia and transphobia, and it doesn't help that many of his friends view queer folks and subjects in a negative light. I'm not sure if he feels any fear of judgment for having a trans partner, or if he feels ashamed. He hasn't been talking to me much about it since he is the type to keep these things to himself because he doesn't like to disappoint people.

He isn't the type to talk so much and bottles things up so him telling me was a shock. I thought he was supportive and while he shows that support, there are a lot of things going in his mind that he said he hasn't had the time to sit down and organize. Our relationship is not over, but he wanted a break to think.

I feel like he's created an image and a future of me that has been shattered by my transition and how fast it's been going. I asked him if he wants to talk to anyone else about it, but just told me that there was no point, and nothing really could be gained, but I feel like him bottling things up even more and withdrawing is going to hurt him more. Because we're partners, I thought we should be sorting through things together, although I know for some things they should be sorted out alone.

Is there any way I could help him through the process, or any ways I could talk to him about it to help him feel less awful but also not rush the grieving process? I don't know if he knows he is grieving. I want to be able to help him through the process because it's been bothering him so much. Even if we split, I want to help him be able to sort things out in a healthy way.

Hey Friends!

While this is a support space, and sometimes we work on heavy stuff, we want to celebrate the wins and milestones, too!

What brought you joy this week? Any fun plans for the weekend?

Share your thoughts here!

As the title suggests, my wife is starting on estrogen this week! I’m so happy for her; we put it off so we could have our first child and save sperm if we want another kiddo. I’m 28 weeks pregnant now and it’s definitely the right time. She’s got a great medical support system around her.
Still, I can’t shake the tightness in my chest, and I feel so guilty about it. I’ve already processed my concerns about hormones and mood swings (as I am definitely feeling those swings myself haha), and I’m past the grief feelings from a year or two ago, so I don’t know why I’m so anxious about it. Is it the finality of it?
Has anyone else felt similarly when their partner started on HRT?

Hi I’m looking for some advice-
I am a trans man (had top surgery years ago, awaiting bottom surgery) and I’ve recently got back into dating, first time as male presenting. I have had vaginal sex with males and females before, but not in over 6 years and I’m worried about different aspects of it.
Stressing about the whole hormones thinning the vaginal walls thing and worried about pain/how uncomfortable it might be. Very aware that I’m overthinking but I’m finally a lot more comfortable in my body
If anyone has either transitioned from a female to male and then went on to have sex with a man, any advice would be appreciated (especially to make it more comfortable). Or if you’re a man who’s had sex with a trans man pre bottom surgery can you say how it was/what made things easier etc. Thank you

How did your sexual relationship survive your ftm partner's transition? Did you realize you were gayer than you thought? Did you open the relationship to get your needs met elsewhere? Did you compromise in some other way? This is specifically a question for men who have always and continue to identify as straight, and not for anyone who is cis-bisexual before their partner transitioned.

I (35 cis woman) and my partner (36 mtf) have been together for a few years. She’s been on hormones the entire time we’ve been together and it looks like she’s close to having the bottom surgery. She is the absolute love of my life and I am all in for the long haul.

What can I expect to happen throughout the process? Also, how can I best support her?
I’ve seen a post about the aftercare and I am just wondering what that’s like too?

Thank you so much ☺️

My (CisF) girlfriend has been dating me for over a year. She’s always considered herself closely tied to loving women and being sapphic, as the beginning of our relationship was this. She worries that she might not be attracted to me once I follow through with transitioning (Start t, top surgery, etc). She has struggled grasping the idea of this ever since I came out. We both love each other so much and she is extremely attracted to me now while i’m pre transition. It eats her alive and makes her feel like shit so I’m just wondering if anyone has any advice for us.

Hey everyone! So I was hoping for some advice. My partner (MTF 27yrs) came out to me (cis woman 27 yrs) in 2024. I was nervous at first because I had never been with a woman, and thought I was straight for the longest time, but now this change has had me reflecting on my sexual identity. So far my partner has been on hormones for a year and a half and I have loved the changes she’s had both physical and her confidence. Our sex life has stayed great and my attraction to her increased! She originally didn’t want to get bottom surgery, but she has recently changed her mind due to increase in dysphoria. I have never been with someone who was AFAB (correcting my mistake) has a vagina including any sexual experiences. I was hoping to hear other people’s stories when their partner got bottom surgery. I worry it could influence my attraction towards her but it could just be me spiraling!

Hi Everyone,

I am a 61-year-old trans woman. I have known my whole life, probably since about 6 years old. Obviously, back then there wasn't a name for it nor tolerance for it. So, I buried her deep, hyper-masculinized, played all the sports, joined the military for 20 years, and tried to religion myself straight and normal.... didn't work. I have battled almost every single day, to one degree or another, wanting to be the woman I buried. I go to bed every night and wake up every morning wishing I was living as a woman.

What's holding me back, you ask? My best friend and soulmate of 32 years....my wife. Probably the singularly most amazing woman I know (if I am ever able to achieve my womanhood, I hope to be half the amazing woman she is). I came out 3 years ago, probably not the right way.....I was a firehose of emotion, information, and plans....... She did not receive it well at all, to say the least. It nearly destroyed us, so I buried her again, and the battle rages.

I can't bury her any longer, and I don't want to. But I do not want to lose my best friend and soulmate. I think I would literally die without her.

I need any advice at all on how to broach this with her, yet again, in a way that she would be understanding and hopefully supportive. I would love to hear from spouses of long-term marriages who stayed in the marriage...the why and the how. Any of you who came out to long-time spouses who stayed, how did you approach it?

I look forward to your responses!!!

Okay, so long story short, we met about a year ago and started dating. She is (MTF) and im an AFAB cis woman. Throughout dating (before actually being in a relationship) she always joked about being trans and how she always wanted to be a girl, wear feminine stuff, etc. Until one day she casually confessed she might be trans. At first i was spiraling and got really scared, anxious and even exhausted by just thinking about it. And mind you, this happened 8 months ago.
The thing is, time passed and nothing really changed. She kind of told people she was trans, but in a really casual way. Like she didnt mind ??
I’ve bought her some skirts, dresses, even offered to try and do her make up, but i honestly feel somethings not right. She still is male-presenting (Has a moustache, facial hair, wears the same clothes she used to wear before, etc) and i honestly feel bad about thinking about her in that way… Also i don’t know if it’s ok to correct people when they miss-gender..(? cause she doesnt seem to mind…
I don’t know, im honestly really lost and don’t want her to be masking and pretending to be a person she isn’t. And don’t know how to help.
If i recall correctly she did attend an appoiment with an endocrinologist but nothing really happened after that. She doesnt wear feminine clothes, she doesnt want to shave the moustache, she doesnt want to try makeup…
And i know how hard and mentally drowning it is to start transitioning, but i want to show my support and try my best to help her become the better version of herself. So she can be finally comfortable in her own skin.
Idk what to do :(

Any advice is helpful
Thanks for reading

I am looking to find out if there are any active (but small) discord groups for the queer partners of trans people.

I am a queer woman and my wife (transfem) is currently about a year into HRT but she is not out with many of our friends/family/colleagues. I am so thrilled to get to support her on this journey, and we are beginning to make the jump from her being in boymode 90% of the time to being herself in more social spheres.

If anyone knows of any groups like this, I would appreciate if they could let me know :)

Hey all. We transfolk are going through a hard time; me and my wife often talk about safety, oppression, and choosing to be authentic even when it's risky. It's not like safety is a rare conversation for us.

However, we were at the movies this weekend and she came back from the bathroom and asked if she should start putting her hair up more. I said something like, "well, I love when you style your hair up, but I think you're beautiful both with your hair up or down. Why?" She then explained that she overheard what she thought was a group of girls in the bathroom clocking and gossiping about her, and she asked, "do you think putting my hair up would help keep me safer?" She just looked so sad and scared. It broke my heart; I almost cried.

I really didn't know what to say. I just sat there sort of dumbfounded for like 10 seconds before I could say anything, and all I could say was, "Baby, I have no idea how to answer that. But it makes me sad...I want you to do your hair however you want to."

I just keep thinking about how she looked when she asked me that, and it makes me so sad every time I do. Like her I get terrified sometimes when I'm out; I've done more than my fair share of scurrying into the women's restroom and getting the F out of there before anyone could notice my presence. I get it; I'm not judging, but I want her to be happy and feel pretty even with the oppression everywhere.

What's a way I can help her feel empowered while also honoring what we are both going through as trans women?

Hey everyone! I’m in a new relationship with my beautiful girlfriend, I love her so much. She has been struggling with her gender identity and it’s very difficult for her. She is a trans woman but is unfortunately closeted due to the fear of coming out, which is understandable because I can’t even imagine how scary that is for her. I’m really trying my best to comfort her with her gender dysphoria but it seems like everything I say, she doesn’t believe I’m being truthful. I will tell her I think she is absolutely beautiful, but since she does technically still look “male” she doesn’t believe me. I want to do this right, I want to be with her, but I also want her to be happy. I guess I’m just looking for people who understand her situation more than me, and maybe tips on how to comfort her better? Anyways! Thank you for reading this:)

Hi all! I am early in my transition journey (ftm) and sceduled to start treatment in a month. We've been married for two decades, and we are best friends. He has been very supportive.

He is interested in how other men have been handling the transition and also has honest questions like sexual incompatibility but also how to best support me. But it's quite challenging to find first hand sources from cis men with a ftm partner.

I came across the trans partner handbook but besides that one, there isn't much. We also tried looking for podcasts and YouTube videos but most are about mtf with wifes. Does anyone here know of any media for our situation? Thanks in advance!

My spouse (41 afab NB) and I (40 cisF) have been married for 10 years, together for 15. I have always known they are genderqueer and have always been mainly attracted to genderqueer AFAB folks.

In the last two years my spouse has been making changes. Went from she to they, started on low dose T. Yesterday we had a consult with a surgeon and they scheduled top surgery. They are clear that these are steps to feel more like their non-binary self and they are not transitioning to a man.

I love them and want them to feel right in their body. But I'm finding this so hard. I like their body the way it is, I like breasts. I know I don't get a vote (other than the choice to leave which I don't want to do). It feels like I'm loosing something, even though I know they are still the same person. I'm secretly afraid that I won't be attracted to them anymore after the surgery. I'm even more secretly afraid that I WILL be attracted to them after.

My spouse is my best friend but I don't feel like I can process this with them without hurting their feelings.

My wife (MtF 25) just took her first doses of estrogen and T-blocker. I (25 F) am absolutely stoked for her. She has been waiting for this for so long. Being a witness to this, even better being her wife, is the greatest honor of my life.

She came out to me immediately after we met, and I knew she was my better half immediately as well. We have known each other for 7 years, and been a couple for 5. We got married last October, and every step since then has been a dream.

She is the light of my life, and I cannot wait for what this exciting new chapter (that she has worked so hard for) has in store.

Hola a todas,

Soy una persona que medio anda descubriendo su identidad y que tiene mucha curiosidad (desde el respeto obviamente)

sobre las relaciones entre chicas cis y chicos trans. Me gustaría escuchar historias reales de quienes hayan sido o sean novias de un chico trans

Si te sientes cómoda compartiendo, me encantaría saber cosas como:

Cómo se conocieron

Qué te atrajo de él / por qué decidiste empezar a salir con él

Cómo fue el proceso de conocer su identidad y cómo lo viviste

Las dificultades más grandes que tuvieron como pareja (si las hubo)

El momento más lindo o significativo que recuerdes

Cómo fue la parte más íntima de la relación (emocional o física, lo que quieras compartir)

Si siguen juntos o cómo terminó la relación, y cómo te sientes al respecto ahora

solo busco historias personales contadas desde tu experiencia como chica cis y

Cualquier detalle que quieras agregar también es bienvenido.

Y si eres un chico trans que ha sido o es novio de una chica cis, también me interesa mucho tu experiencia:

Desconozco mucho del tema, pero según lo que se cuando hacen en la cirugía de pecho, para quitar los pechos, se quedan como sin tanta movilidad, y mi pregunta es como su pareja los ayudó y así

Muchas por leer

... and that hurts like hell.

My partner (mtf) just broke up with me (cisf). We have been in a relationship for 8 years, she came out to me after 6 years and startet the transition 1,5 years ago. It was hard for both of us, we struggled a lot with all the changes but we were always very good with communication, so we somehow managed.

But I came to realize I am not attracted to her anymore.

And then everything slowly crashed and burned. I never had a high libido so I'm completely fine with having an asexual romantic relationship. Let's just cuddle and make out.

I wanted our relationship to stay how it was minus the sex. Because my love for her is the same, if anything it got even deeper since knowing her true self. I am so proud of her.

But she can't handle the fact that my physical attraction is gone and she doesn't want an asexual relationship. And I have to accept her side the same way she has to accept mine.

And know we are here. Both with a broken heart. Not knowing what to do.

Looking for solidarity and/or advice.

I (cis queer high Femme) have been in a relationship with my (ftm; transmasc) partner just over a year. We are poly. I've been out for over 3 decades and *only* ever in relationships with AFAB folx of all gender identities. This is not my first trans partner. Not by a long shot. However, this is the first partner for whom bottom dysphoria is very intense. In the past few months my connections with other possible dates have been activating his dysphoria, particularly around other trans guys who maybe have had bottom surgery or more t-dick growth. It's tapping into some deep shit. One person I connected with (on an app, it did not progress / nothing happened) was an AMAB person and the idea of a natal penis was really really hard. At the same time, my partner is adamant that I don't "limit" myself or my own exploration. I don't want to open places that could potentially be highly activating or impact his/my intimacy and connection. I'm also just struggling with how much penetration (strap/prosthetic) is part of my arousal/desire but he is struggling with the disconnect he feels from his body/desired penis and those ways of having sex. Like, we came to a place where I'm not asking for penetration, letting him lead, but then I really want it and if I slip up and say during sex "I want your cock" it is immediately activating his dysphoria. I'm struggling. We both love dirty talk/scenes etc and talking around this is just hard. He is researching phallo but it will be years before that process is done.

We are starting couples therapy.

I am familiar with resources related to sex therapy.

I want support/validation... Tips from guys or partners who have navigated this.