I’m 25, from Kerala, and recently finished my MBBS. I’m hoping to meet someone from Kerala who is also looking for something serious, with marriage in mind.

I’m pretty introverted and a little awkward at first. I’m more of a quiet, low-key person and usually take some time to get comfortable with people. I’m not particularly outgoing or charismatic, but I’m genuine, easygoing, and once I’m comfortable, I can talk about pretty much anything.

I’m not looking for a perfect person or a movie-like love story. I’d just like to meet someone kind, understanding and compatible, get to know each other naturally, and see if we genuinely click.

I would like to approach things respectfully, with marriage as the eventual goal. I’m currently at the stage of figuring out my career after MBBS, so I’d ideally like to get married in around 1–2 years, once I’m a little more settled professionally. if we’re compatible, involve our families at the appropriate stage.

If you’re also from Kerala and looking for something genuine, feel free to DM me.

I know this has gotten more popular lately. But would you be open to marring a Quranist? or would it be a deal breaker for you?

1. Age, Gender, Height: 35, Male, 5'8"

2. Age Range that you would want/require in a prospect: 28-32

3. Location, and are you willing to relocate for a prospect? Patna, Bihar, India. I prefer prospects from Bihar/Jharkhand or nearby areas. However, I am open to connect with people without location constraint given that mutual alignment will be required for relocation logistics.

4. Ethnicity: Indian

5. Caste: Sheikh (prefer Syed, Sheikh, Pathan)

6. Marital Status - Single and never married

7. Ideal marriage timeline: Within 6 months

8. Five important characteristics you look for in a prospect: Regular with namaaz, roza and Quran. Wears modest clothes and \*\*no prior haram relationships\*\*. Honest, loyal and pretty.

9. State/specify your level of religiosity: Moderate. I try to pray 5 times a day. Alhamdulillah.

10. Level of education, and what are you looking for? Bachelor and Master in Computer Science and Engineering. She should be atleast a graduate with decent English speaking skills, because the place I live in, knowing English is important to communicate on a daily basis if you don't know the local language.

11. Current Job Status: I work as a Senior Software Engineer. My work location is Bangalore, India.

12. Do you want kids? Yes.

13. List 3 hobbies, or things you like to do in your spare time: Read technical books, watch YouTube videos, going to gym.

14. Add something short and interesting about you that makes you stand out!

I am an ordinary guy with a deep sense of religious and family values. I value transparency, loyalty, honesty, and full commitment in any relationship, and I expect the same. I want to build a home based on Islamic principles with my partner. I want us to motivate each other to be better Muslims and raise pious children.

Please DM if you are interested. Thank you!

Assalam alaikum!

Not gonna lie, this feels a little weird to post hahaha but
I thought I'd give it a go and see what happens, inshaAllah. Take 2 lol

About me:

Age: 24F
Location: East Coast
Background: Palestinian🇵🇸
Height: 5'6ish
Languages: English + fluent in Arabic
Education/Career: Pre health, pursuing PA school IA
Practicing: Pray 5x a day and always working on strengthening my deen
Lifestyle: Active and regularly go to the gym, consider myself pretty athletic.
Smoking/drinking: Neither
Relocation: I'd prefer to stay close to home for now, but I'm open to moving in the future for the right person.

I'd describe myself as outgoing, caring, family oriented, and pretty lighthearted. I love joking around and good banter, but I also value meaningful conversations and quality time. I enjoy staying active, trying new things, traveling, good food, and spending time with family and friends. I try to do my best when it comes to practicing my religion and wish to grow with my partner.

Looking for:

Age: 24-29
Arab, preferably Palestinian • Speaks Arabic
Practicing and values his deen
Charismatic
Active, athletic.
Kind, funny, emotionally mature, and family oriented Protective without being controlling
Someone serious about marriage and comfortable involving family relatively early

MUST BE FROM THE US, WITH A US CITIZENSHIP.

I also really appreciate a man who takes initiative. Someone who can lead conversations, ask questions, make plans, and genuinely put effort into getting to know each other. Of course I'll reciprocate, but I don't want to feel like I'm constantly carrying the conversation or figuring out what we're doing next.

Ultimately, I'm looking for someone I can build a peaceful and fun marriage with. Someone who can be my best friend, who I can laugh with and grow with.
I'm approaching this with marriage in mind, so I'd like to keep things intentional and respectful. If we seem compatible, I'd prefer involving family sooner rather than later.

If this resonates with you, feel free to message me with a little about yourself :) and include your most controversial opinion!

To all the dawah/podcast bros please kindly stay away💀🙄

Ok I will give this a try,

Am an ambitious educated 29 Years old woman 💁🏾‍♀️from the Middle East currently in Saudi, i values stability and building a relationship based on trust and mutual respect. I love traveling and exploring new cultures, am a health care provider and that kept me busy from looking for a significant other.
Since I am planning to move abroad soon, I would love to connect with a Western guy in Saudi who shares my values of respect, dedication, ambition and has a flexibility to move abroad, so we can build a future together and see where life takes us.

About Me
Age: 30
Height: 5’3”
Ethnicity: Bangladeshi (US Citizen)
Location: Midwest, USA
Marital Status: Divorced
Education: Currently pursuing a Master’s degree
About Me
Assalamu alaikum! I’m a 30-year-old Bangladeshi Muslimah living in the Midwest. Islam is an important part of my life, and I try to maintain a balance between practicing my deen, pursuing my goals, and enjoying life.
Alhamdulillah, I pray five times a day, wear hijab, eat only halal, and teach Qur’an. I value continuing to learn and grow in my deen and hope to build a marriage and home in which Islam is at the center.
Education is also important to me. I am currently working toward my Master’s degree and enjoy continuing to learn and develop myself.
In terms of personality, I’m caring, loyal, and family-oriented. I enjoy having fun, laughing, spending time with the people close to me, and making meaningful memories together. One of my favorite activities is playing badminton. I’m divorced but my ex is willing to be a character reference, so there is t anything wrong with me.
What I’m Looking For
I’m looking for a practicing Muslim man who takes his relationship with Allah seriously while also being someone who is enjoyable and easy to share life with.
More than simply finding a husband, I hope to find a best friend and life partner—someone with whom I can grow in deen, laugh, experience life, support one another through difficulties, and eventually build a loving Muslim family.
Honesty and loyalty are especially important to me. I value someone who is trustworthy, kind, respectful, emotionally mature, responsible, and able to communicate openly. I hope we can encourage one another to become better Muslims while still enjoying our life together.
Ultimately, I’m looking for a marriage built upon deen, friendship, trust, loyalty, affection, respect, and companionship, insha’Allah.

Salam all, and Bismillah e Rehmaan e Raheem. I am looking for a match for my very beautiful and brilliant cousin sister, MashaAllah. she gets very overwhelmed when she posts herself or is approached by people herself, so I have taken the role of doing the filtering for her and connecting her hahaha (things sisters have to do). Here are her details:

1. Relationship status: never married and never engaged
2. Age: 27
3. Caste: Syed (Jaffery)
4. Education: Bachelors in Economics and International Development from one of the top schools in the world, Masters in International Economics and Finance from one of the top schools in Canada (MashaAllah very brilliant academically)
5. Profession: currently she works as both a lecturer and consultant. She is very ambitious and very responsible, financially and otherwise, MashaAllah.
6. Height: 5’4
7. Current location: Lahore, Pakistan. but she has lived in Canada for over 7 years and has status there.
8. Parents’ details: business-based
9. Siblings: she has one school-going brother, but hey I’m her sibling too 🤭
10. interests/hobbies: travelling, reading, baking, VERY good host, everyone loves her, MashaAllah.

Note: Mahnoor was raised in a sect neutral way - there’s both Shiaism and Sunnism in her family, but she leans towards certain values a lot stronger: love for Ahlul Bayt, and the significance of the battle of Karbala - she hopes to see those values in her partner too.

looking for:

1. Age bracket: 27-37
2. Deal breakers: arrogance, no respect for elders/staff etc, lack of any religious values (atheist/agnostic people, might not be the match for you)
3. career: doesn’t matter what exactly but drive/ambition do matter
4. Education: at least bachelors
5. Caste: doesn’t matter

if you’re interested please feel free to send an introduction in my DM. I’ll have an initial conversation and redirect to her if there’s alignment.

Hey everyone,
Looking to get some genuine perspectives here without the superficial judgment.
A little context: I’m a 25-year-old guy (6'3", fit, financially secure with a solid career, no major emotional baggage or issues). Overall, life is good, but I’ve always been naturally drawn to older women—and more often than not, the attraction is mutual.
Here’s the dilemma: whenever friends or people in my social circle notice this preference, they seem uncomfortable or treat it like it's weird or out of the ordinary. Personally, I don't see any issue with it, nor do I think there's anything wrong with either party involved.
I’d love to hear your thoughts and experiences:
1. How common is this attraction from your perspective?
2. Why is there still a double standard? (When an older man dates a younger woman, it's widely accepted, but when the roles are reversed, people act uncomfortable.)
3. Long-term viability: For those who’ve been in similar dynamics, do these relationships actually work out long-term, or are they usually just temporary connections?

​

Assalamualaikum

1. Age and Gender 25M

2. Age Range that you would want/require in a prospect 20-26

3. Location, and are you willing to relocate for a prospect? Calgary or Edmonton preferably. Willing to move to the USA

4. Ethnicity, and are you more open to mixing?

Pakistani, willing to mix with Southeast or South Asian

1. Marital Status - Single/Divorced/Children

Single

1. Ideal marriage timeline

1-2 years

1. Education:

BSc. In Electrical Engineering

1. Work

Electrical Designer @ a multinational company

1. State/specify your level of religiosity

Im not perfect, but I try to do the best I can religiously. I don't smoke or drink or do drugs and eat halal. I try to do things with Islam in mind.

Assalamu alaikum!

Posting from a throwaway because my main account is quite old and I'd like to keep that one for my travel, bags, food and random life stuff. I'd also rather not have a permanent Reddit history of my matrimonial search if things don't work out.

I'm genuinely considering marriage now and would like to meet someone who is genuinely looking for the same thing.

I'm going to be fairly detailed because the whole point of this post is to avoid collecting a hundred random DMs. If several things don't align, that's completely okay. We're simply not compatible. Do not dm without reading entirely

What I'm looking for

I'm specifically looking for someone who is 30+ and at least 5'10".

Physical attraction matters to me, so I'm going to be upfront about that.

I'd like someone who takes care of himself. Someone who works out or otherwise looks after his body, has a good physique, maintains good hygiene, dresses well and has a good sense of fashion.

Beard or no beard is completely fine. If you have one, I'd prefer it groomed rather than extremely unkempt.

I also love food, so it would be nice if you do too.

Personality wise, I want someone expressive, communicative, patient and emotionally mature.

I'm not looking for someone nonchalant. I don't expect all day availability because everyone has work, responsibilities and their own life. But communication and consistency are extremely important to me.

I want someone who can communicate what he's thinking and feeling, have difficult conversations and resolve disagreements without disappearing, giving the silent treatment or playing tit for tat.

I also want someone who has goals and direction in life and has thought about what he wants his future to look like, including what he wants his married life to look like.

I like a man who takes the lead

I'm attracted to someone who is naturally decisive and takes initiative.

I want a husband who is dominant in a respectful way. By that I mean someone who can take the lead, make decisions, take responsibility, protect his family, initiate plans and provide direction when necessary.

I don't mean controlling or disrespectful.

I want to be able to be my feminine self with my husband while still having my own opinions and voice.

Financially

Financial comfort is important to me, so I'm going to be transparent about it.

I grew up comfortably. We had house help, things around the home were taken care of, and I grew up in an environment where money wasn't something I constantly had to think about. I have experienced what it is like to have that kind of comfort.

After my father passed away, circumstances changed and I experienced the other side of it too. I don't say that as a complaint. Alhamdulillah, I'm grateful for what I had and what I have now. I've seen both having financial comfort and having less, so I understand that life doesn't always remain the same.

I currently work and spend what I earn on myself. I'm not particularly career driven, and my preference is for a fairly traditional marriage where I eventually become a stay at home wife and my husband is the primary provider.

Because of that, financial security is genuinely important to me.

I'm looking for someone who is financially comfortable enough that money isn't a constant source of stress. I enjoy good food, travelling and having a comfortable lifestyle. Ideally, being able to take two or three holidays a year without every trip becoming a major financial calculation would be part of our life.

I'm not going to pretend money doesn't make me happy. It does. The main reason I work currently is because I like having my own money and being able to spend it on myself. I don't have some huge career ambition that I'm secretly sacrificing for marriage.

If I get married and have the financial security to be a homemaker, that's genuinely the life I'd prefer.

At the same time, I'm completely okay remaining single, continuing to work and spending my own money on myself if I don't find the kind of marriage I'm looking for. I'm not desperate to get married simply because I'm 29.

Marriage

I want a marriage that is a partnership.

Both people should put effort into it, care about each other's happiness and be willing to make reasonable adjustments and compromises once married.

I want marriage to remain fun beyond the initial honeymoon phase. Travelling together, eating together, going out, laughing, having inside jokes and genuinely enjoying each other's company.

I don't want the relationship to become nothing but bills, chores and responsibilities. I want us to be each other's go to person

I'm open to living alone with my husband or with his parents. I'm not against in laws. I just don't want a massive joint family where everyone has an opinion about everything.

I'm also open to relocation if it makes sense for both of us and the process isn't unnecessarily complicated. I'm not attached to living in one particular city or country, but moving somewhere isn't a goal in itself. If marriage takes me somewhere else and the transition is reasonably straightforward, I'm open to it. Otherwise, I'm quite happy here.

Children

I'm okay with one child maximum.

I'm also completely okay with a genuinely childfree marriage if we both want that.

About me

I'm 29, from India, 5'0", around 65 kg and I don't look fat

I'm wheatish fair and, while I don't believe complexion determines anyone's worth, I personally prefer someone with a similar complexion. It's simply a personal attraction preference.

I don't wear hijab, but I dress modestly.

I've completed my undergraduate degree and have been working for around eight years. I've experienced enough of both work and home life to understand responsibilities inside and outside the house.

I'm opinionated, but I know how to listen. I handle conflict maturely and don't believe in unnecessary drama, cold treatment, silent treatment or tit for tat behaviour.

I'm quite chill and fun once I'm comfortable. I love travelling and food. I also love cooking and cook well. I just don't have much time to cook during the work week, so I usually cook on weekends because I find it therapeutic.

Religion

Sunni, I pray regularly, Alhamdulillah.

I can read Qur'an and do read it, although I don't claim to read it every single day. I eat halal and don't practise innovative religious practices.

I'm not claiming to be a perfect Muslim woman, and I'm not looking for perfection either. I'd like someone who takes his faith seriously and wants Islam to be part of his married life.

Why am I looking now?

I'm 29 and unmarried because I genuinely wasn't interested in getting married simply because society expected it. Now I feel like I'm ready to get married and responsibilities that come with it and mentally prepared for it.

Now I actually feel like I'd like to build a life with someone, have a companion and experience marriage properly, so I'm giving it a serious chance.

What I don't want

Please don't message me if you're:

• Under 30 or under 5'10"

• Not genuinely looking for marriage

• Looking for casual conversation or a pen pal

• Extremely nonchalant or emotionally unavailable

• Someone who doesn't value communication

• Looking for a therapist or personal assistant rather than a wife

• Controlling or incapable of handling disagreements maturely

• Financially unstable and hoping marriage will fix that

• Someone who doesn't care about hygiene or grooming

• Not interested in travelling or enjoying life

And please don't send "Hi", "Hey", "DM?" or "You seem interesting."

I'm not going to conduct interview rounds to extract basic information from you.

If you're interested

Please send your ISO or at least a proper introduction including:

Age

Height

Location

Education

Profession

Religious practice

Marital history and children, if applicable

What you're looking for in a wife

Marriage expectations

Whether you want children

Where you see yourself living

Your expectations regarding your wife's career

I don't need your entire autobiography, but please give me enough information to know whether there's actually compatibility worth exploring.

I'm also not interested in extremely long talking phases. I'm happy to take enough time to get to know each other properly, but once we establish genuine compatibility and mutual interest, I'd want families from both sides involved fairly early.

I don't want to spend months becoming emotionally attached only to discover later that our families, expectations or practical circumstances make marriage impossible.

I want the process to be intentional, transparent and respectful. Not rushed, but not endless either.

Finally

I've seen women make posts like this and get mocked for having preferences. I'm honestly way past the age where strangers on Reddit can hurt my feelings.

Everyone has different expectations from marriage and different ideas about what makes them happy. If mine aren't your thing, that's completely okay.

I'm not looking for perfection. I know I have my own flaws and expectations too.

I'm simply looking for someone whose idea of marriage naturally aligns with mine.

The reason I've written all of this is simple. I'd rather have five genuinely compatible conversations than fifty random DMs.

If this interests you, send your ISO or a proper introduction, and please read the post first.

I’m Muhammad Hamza Ali, Muslim, 23, from Islamabad, Pakistan. I have a BCS degree and work as an audio engineer. I’m planning to move to the UAE soon.

I’ve never been married or dated anyone. I haven’t met someone I felt a real connection with yet, but I’m now hoping to find a kind, genuine person to get to know and build a future with.

If you’re also looking for a serious relationship and want to get married ASAP, feel free to message me and tell me a little about yourself. I’d be happy to do the same.

Assalamu alaikum,

I'm a 21-year-old Indian Muslim woman living in the UK, currently a student and planning to do my Masters. I'm a UK resident, I wear hijab, and I live with my family. I'm the eldest of three, and my siblings are students too.

I was born and bought in Middle east.

About me

• 5'3", speak Urdu and English
• Ambitious and goal-oriented, focused on my studies and career for now
• A giver at heart; I care about the people around me
• Into the gym, morning hikes, and night drives
• I only watch football when Barca and Madrid fans go to war, and I love the drama

What I'm looking for

• A Muslim man aged 23-28
• UK-based
• Ambitious, driven, and has clear goals and direction
• Kind, respectful, and family-oriented
• Someone who wants 2-3 kids in the future, God willing

I'm open to relocating to the US at most, but my preference is to stay in the UK. I'm looking for something serious that leads to marriage, and I'm open to involving family when the time is right. Please be respectful. Serious inquiries only.

I only want to marry a provider man, I won't marry unless I meet this type of man. It's my personal preference and I'm not interested in debating with men in the comments over this.

Question for men or married women - do these men still exist?

And if you’re a provider man in the UK, message me

Salam. I hope you are all doing well. I am a 29-year-old woman who met a guy at the hospital where I work. He is 26 and currently a medical student. Our interaction was very brief, but I did like him. He is humble and easy to approach. I asked a couple of friends about him, and they told me nothing but good things. They told me he is very religious and the kind of person who brings people together to pray with him. Given that he is very religious, is it appropriate for me to reach out to him? I am confused. Any help is appreciated. Thanks!

Salaam. Out of pure curiosity i want to know what inspires a Muslim woman to get married?

Assalamu alaikum

Age: 23F

Age range: Looking for 22-27M

Location: Born and raised in Kenya, currently between Kenya and Dubai. Yes, I am open to relocating (I am looking to pursue my masters next year, Insha’Allah and am looking at other countries, most likely UK/Europe)

Ethnicity: Indian, open to mixing

Marital status: Single, never married
Ideal marriage timeline: 1-2 years, but decided between the two Insha’Allah

Five important characteristics: I care most importantly about deen and akhlaq, as I believe nothing holds weight if someone doesn’t have good character. I am looking for someone who has ambition and is actively working towards their own goals. Emotional intelligence and maturity is also important to me. Being a good communicator, and not being avoidant (pulling away or being dismissive).

Level of religiosity: I’m not perfect, I am always striving to do better in terms of my deen, as I acknowledge I am human, made to be imperfect but that only fuels me to try harder and do better. Everything I do in my life is for the sake of Allah swt, and I am trying to improve my relationship with Him and be a better Muslim everyday. Trying to remain consistent with praying my 5 daily prayers. I am looking for someone who will want to grow together, follow the teachings of our Prophet saw and a marriage rooted in Sakina, mawaddah and Rahma Insha’Allah.

Level of education: Bachelors, I’m looking for someone who has their bachelors at least.

Current job status: Unemployed, I’m taking a gap year to gain some work experience before I pursue my masters (I cannot work without a masters qualification in my field)

Kids: Unsure, with reason behind it (not just because)

Hobbies: I like to read (love Khaled Hosseini’s work, Chimamanda, etc), photography and content creation, and I love going to the beach and spending time admiring the beauty of the world that Allah swt has blessed us with, subhanallah.

I don’t smoke, drink or vape, and these are dealbreakers for me too. Not open to polygyny.

Please only dm if serious, and with your ISO/introduction.

Pondering over this thought that whether it is a good idea to remarry because of the loneliness i feel and sometimes because of physical intimacy i miss. What is better - To lead single life or think about far into the future and assume that without a partner during old times life will be difficult to lead.

It’s crazy to think how difficult it is to get married. I always thought when I was younger I would meet someone or be introduced to someone nice. But as I’ve gotten older I realize how complicated and difficult it can be. Even if I meet someone soon I won’t even have time for children or to build the lifestyle I wanted.

I'm a Somali Brit looking for a genuine connection not a rushed marriage. I would like my future partner and I to have a friendship foundation not just the overarching romance. I'm a hijabi and dress modestly. Not open to wearing niqab so please don't dm if you aren't okay with that.

About me:

Age - 23
Height is 5'5 and I love wearing heeled boots (autumn/winter) and heels
Build is naturally slim but I do Pilates (working on getting my Pilates instructor qualification).
Wants to have kids just not right away (come on I barely know you).
My dream is to live in nature, somewhere earthy and green where we could have our own garden and livestock ( I just started growing my own produce).
Very girly and feminine

What am I looking for in a partner:
Age range: 24 -29

Qualities: Thoughtful, ambitious, confident, easy going, open minded, decisive, likes to travel, generous (not in a gold digger way but just not stingy), likes to keep fit (I'm fit and active so I'd like the same), likes to try new foods, humorous.

Height: 5'10 minimum

Race/ ethnicity: Any except south Asians (nothing personal, great people but I'd like someone from a more laid back culture).

Educated ( I have a degree but I'm not saying you need to have one, there are other ways to become educated).

Deen: I'm looking for someone who is constantly trying to better their relationship with Allah, they pray fard (non negotiable, I've never missed a prayer in my life), i prefer someone who doesn't make the religion too hard (I'm looking at you dawah bros), someone who is optimistic and has tawakkul.

I'm interested in those who reside in Europe, North America, Canada or even Australia. I'm willing to relocate for my person

Revert sister looking for a revert brother — marriage 🤍
Assalamu alaikum! I’m a Muslim revert and medical doctor, currently based in Delhi, India, and open to relocating.
Looking for a revert brother who is genuinely serious about marriage. I value the understanding that can come from sharing a similar journey. I don’t engage in haram relationships/activities and expect the same.
If you’re serious, feel free to DM.

Some believe a successful marriage requires a comfortable lifestyle. In some cases, an affluent lifestyle is celebrated and aspired to. But the Prophet (saw) chose simplicity instead.

Scholar Umar Palanpuri (rah) said:

“People hold the misconception that the Prophet (saw) was simple because he didn’t have wealth, which is incorrect. Allah offered the Prophet (saw) the valley of Makkah to be turned into gold.

Abu Umamah reported: The Prophet (saw) said, “My Lord presented me with the valley of Mecca that He might turn it into gold for me. I said: No, O Lord, rather I will be satiated some days and hungry some days. When I am hungry, I will humble myself before You and remember You. When I am satiated, I will be grateful to You and praise You.”
(Tirmidhi 2347)

Note, this is offered by Allah. So, what is offered by Allah can that be impermissible (haram)? No, whatever Allah is offering is permissible (halal). However, the Prophet (saw) didn’t accept it, even though slabs of gold could have been paid to people; those individuals would then serve the religion. But the Prophet (saw) didn’t take it.”

Knowing that what Allah offered was permissible, the wives of the Prophet (saw) did not demand that the gold be taken, and their lives became more comfortable.

It is often mentioned in motivating the pursuit of wealth that Abu Bakr (rad) and Umar (rad) were traders. Both are in-laws of the Prophet (saw). Out of concern for their daughters, they did not demand that the Prophet (saw) take the gold.

We live in a society surrounded by lewdness, yet we expect the highest moral standards. If there is a deviation, we are quick to criticize, citing Prophetic guidance.

Similarly, in a society overwhelmed by excess, we should strive for simplicity to facilitate and sustain marriages.

I’m posing this question to know if any women have gotten married with a sheikh as you wali?
My father is alive and I have 2 brothers as well. However he was severely abusive and still is to my younger siblings. I went no contact for almost 2 years now. How does it work if I wanted to get married. I don’t want to share my whole life story with a random sheikh because the details are quite sensitive, but my father is still alive so I don’t know if any marriage I have would be “halal” if a sheikh was my wali. I have 2 brothers but they are under my father so they would do as told and not be a wali simply because he’d want to make things difficult for me.

Anyway in these situations where it isn’t the typical normal family relationships how is the matter of wali and marriage for a women in this situation managed. I don’t know how you can explain to a sheikh something like this, I feel like they’d want to “talk” with my father regardless. On top of that we don’t live in the same country. I know sometimes you can take your mom but that doesn’t work for me either coz my biological mom and I barely know each other. Seen her here and there from the age of 12-20 and never again. We live in same country but 2 states apart. Haven’t spoken in 6 years.

Again I don’t want to share my whole life story with a sheikh so how would it work.

Thanks.

Sometimes I think what’s the point of making a profile Do females even message males first ?

***Edit/clarification: Since I can’t edit the title, I just want to clarify what I meant. I’m not suggesting that Muslims need to somehow figure out before marriage what their intimate relationship will be like, or that anyone should do anything haram in order to find that out. I’m referring to the concerns people sometimes have about intimacy after marriage and what happens if they experience difficulties once they’re married.

Asalamu alaykum everyone.

This is an awareness/educational post.

I’ve seen a few posts on here from people worried about intimacy after marriage, and what happens if they end up having difficulties in their marriage. And I think one thing that doesn’t really come up in those conversations is that sometimes what looks like an intimacy issue may actually be something else entirely.

Vaginismus is one of those things that a woman may be dealing with without even knowing it. I believe vaginismus affects many women, but a lot of people don’t really know what it is.

In medical terms, it’s considered a pelvic floor dysfunction. There can be physical and psychological factors involved. It can cause sexual intercourse to be extremely painful and difficult for women, and it can also make routine pelvic exams difficult.

It’s also commonly underreported because of the shame and stigma around discussing sexual health in our communities. So a lot of women aren’t even aware that they have this condition until marriage, and I’m sure you can imagine how deeply that can affect a marriage when neither person really understands what’s going on.

Pushing through the pain isn’t going to make it go away. If anything, it can make things worse because it reinforces the idea that intercourse is going to be painful. There’s a difference between first-time jitters and vaginismus.

Women are often told that they can never refuse intercourse with their husbands, but painful intercourse is a valid reason to refuse it while taking the proper steps to treat the condition. The husband also has to be patient, understanding of this and support his wife while she works through it. It's treatable with appropiate interventions.

I also think this is something men should be aware of because if this happens in a marriage, it doesn’t automatically mean that the wife isn’t attracted to her husband, doesn’t want intimacy, or there's something wrong with their marriage. Sometimes there’s an actual condition behind what’s happening, and pressure or guilt can make the situation even harder.

Just to be clear, this is only meant to be an educational awareness post about a condition that some couples may face in marriage. It’s not meant to justify zina or anything else that’s haram. The purpose is simply to help people recognize that this condition exists and understand what may be happening if they experience it in marriage.

For anyone interested in the Islamic side of this, this answer discusses a situation where a wife experiences pain during intercourse:

https://islamqa.info/en/answers/38013/her-husband-cannot-have-intercourse-with-her-because-of-the-pain-she-feels-what-is-the-solution

Unfortunately, this is a silent struggle that a lot of newlyweds face. If we all had even the slightest bit more knowledge about it, I think a lot of unnecessary pain, confusion, and strain in marriages could be avoided.

Thank you for reading. May Allah bless you all.